Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Love Taller than the Rebuilt Twin Towers in New York, Wider than the Sahara Desert, Deeper than the Pacific Ocean

When we read 1 Corinthians 13, we may get discouraged by the enormity of what God, through the Apostle Paul, asks us to do to live out love. But fortunately, God has wired our brains for love.

Our brains have three regions to help us fall in love and stay in love:

(1) The ventral tegmental area near the base of our brains where dopamine is processed. Dopamine creates craving, motivation, goal-oriented behavior and ecstasy;

(2) The nucleus accumbens area located not as far back as the ventral tegmental area also processes dopamine in addition to serotonin and oxytocin which creates a sense of bonding;

(3) The caudate nuclei, a pair of shrimp-sized structures on both sides of the brain, helps us to remember and to commit.

The ventral tegmental gets us interested in people especially the opposite sex. The nucleus accumbens moves the feelings further along into loving behavior, and the caudate nuclei commits us to ongoing, loving behavior. God hardwired us to receive and give life-long, enthusiastic, expressive love!

A husband is suppose to love his wife like Christ loves the Church -- madly, passionately, crazy to the world but wise to God, obsessed, boundless. A wife is suppose to be a body wholly flooded with her husband who is wholly flooded with Christ. The love among Christ, a husband, and a wife is a love designed to be taller than the rebuilt twin towers in New York, wider than the Sahara Desert, deeper than the Pacific Ocean. Ephesians 3:17-19 Amplified Bible says, "May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make his permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God's devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breath and length and height and depth [of it]; [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!"

For all things that are blocking us from living in phenomenal love, romance and sexuality, pray to God to remove these blockages. Pray also to live in the power of Psalm 139:23-24 Amplified Bible which says, "Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." God's love and sexuality is everlasting ecstasy. Go for the best. Go for the God in you and others.

Here's three more tips from Dr. Laura Schlessinger to help us go for God's best:

"(1) Treat your spouse as if you loved them with your last breath--no matter how contrary to that you might feel at any one moment.

(2) Think hard every day about how you can make their life worth living.

(3) Be the kind of person you would want to love, hug, come home to, and sacrifice for."

Prioritize your marriage over other relationships like in-laws, stepparents, baby's mommas, baby's daddy, children from relationships inside and outside the marriage and former spouses; manage these relationships well. Lynn Toler writes in her book, Making Marriage Work New Rules For An Old Institution, "It is no fun picking at someone who doesn't get upset. When dealing with difficult in-laws, remain calm, resolute, and hard to rattle. Meet criticism with curiosity, calm, and the promise to consider. You don't have to do it; just say it and move one.

Example: "I don't know what you were thinking when you bought that couch," your mother-in-law says. "It is so uncomfortable and ugly."

"Really? I can see that point of view," you say with a smile. "Your couch is beautiful."

"Let me pick one out for you."

"What a kind offer, but as odd as it may seem, [insert spouse's name here] and I love what we have." Then compliment her on something else."

Proverbs 15:1 English Standard Version Bible says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 25:15 Amplified Bible says, "By long forbearance and calmness of spirit a judge or ruler is persuaded, and soft speech breaks down the most bonelike resistance." Please leave an on-line comment sharing stories of managing difficult people.

Please also leave on-line comments sharing ways you are giving and receiving a love taller than the rebuilt twin towers in New York, wider than the Sahara Desert, deeper than the Pacific Ocean.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Marian Anderson

We do not pull our own selves up by our own boot strings. Instead God and God working through us and many other people are our path to success.

I come from a long legacy of bold, bright, beautiful, black, Christian women -- Linda, my mother, Mildred, my grandmother, Pearl, my great-grandmother and many others including Singer and Civil Rights Activist Marian Anderson.

In eternity past God choose specific talents to give each and every one of us. God choose the singing gift for Marian. Marian has a strong, contralto voice able to climb more than 24 notes.

When she was six years old she joined her church choir. Marian's gift was so obvious that church members set up a trust fund to help pay for her musical training.

Marian worked her blessing. Marian realized her potential and discovered her unique individuality. She became a professional singer, singing all over the world and recording records that sold to millions.

Finding work and being prosperous were very hard. Many would not hire Marian because she is black. In 1939 the Daughters of the American Revolution refused to let Marian perform at Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C., because Marian is black, and they had a white-performers-only policy. Eleanor Roosevelt, President Franklin D. Roosevelt's wife, a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution and a human rights activist, resigned from the group in protest. Eleanor then arranged for Marian to sing in a bigger venue -- on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., for an Easter morning concert. More than 75,000 came out for the concert that made Civil Rights history.

What Marian and Eleanor did is Christlike -- black and white working together for good. Romans 12:21 Amplified Bible says, "Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good."

Marian with the help of others overcame other obstacles of discrimination. Marian sang in eight languages. She was the first black person to sing a leading role at the Metropolitan Opera in New York.

Some people are in sin and do not want to embrace black people and other people of color in the mainstream of American life. With God on our side nothing is impossible. We shall overcome in all areas of life surrounding ourselves with God and Christians who live by 1 Peter 4:8 Amplified Bible which says, "Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others]."

Please share on-line stories of people of color overcoming in Christ.

Financial Infidelity

Psalm 18:25 New Living Translation Bible says, "To the faithful you show yourself faithful; to those with integrity you show integrity." We often receive what we give. Many of us desire transparency, trust and true love, but live contrary to our beliefs. Financial infidelity is rampant in marriages because we are not faithful in our management of finances which enables our spouses to be unfaithful. Common transparency and trust sins are failing to discuss and unite around financial values and goals, creating and maintaining an atmosphere of unequal knowledge about all family finances, hiding credit card statements, demanding bank statements for your-eyes-only via email, hiding paychecks, secret spending sprees, failing to appreciate each others money management styles, failing to create and cooperate with a mutually-agreed-upon money management system, etc. Prayer and asking God and ones spouse for forgiveness are a start to fixing financial infidelity.
  
Next empathize to enable understanding of a spouse who may have a different money management style from our own. We are not all motivated by the same things. Some of us are motivated by authority or attention. Others are motivated by acceptance or accuracy. God made us different because He likes diversity. We can learn about God by studying diversity. Cherish the God in your spouse instead of habitual criticizing.

Both men and women need to be well informed about money and financial issues. Some wives sin in leaving all or most of the responsibility for household finances with their husbands. It's a dangerous way to live with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce and age 56 being the average age of widowhood. 

Someone motivated by authority views money as power. They are highly productive, focused and hardworking. They always seem to have a vision. Having vision is godly. Proverbs 29:18 Amplified Bible says, "Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish; but he who keeps the law [of God, which includes that of man]--blessed (happy, fortunate, and enviable) is he." They have clear ideas to manage large budgets and large challenges and take large risks. They have to be careful to remember that personal relationships with people are just as important as the big vision. Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 English Standard Version, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Someone motivated by attention views money as a way to connect with people and to create memories. They are very generous. Generosity is a way to expand the kingdom of God. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." They have to be careful not to overspend and to value savings and investments.

Someone motivated by acceptance desires to live in peace. They want simplicity and balance around money issues not living in the stress of spending more than a family makes. They value getting along with each other and cooperation. Romans 12:18 New Living Translation Bible says, "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." They need to make sure they confront money issues as needed and not pursue peace at any price.

Someone motivated by accuracy desires to follow a specific money management system. They are emotionally attached to a budget. If the budget is $100.00 a week for groceries; spending $110.00 will probably cause an argument. They are big on saving, loss prevention, planning, counting their money and assets and minimizing their liabilities. They like to be in the know, and don't like surprises. Proverbs 27:23 Amplified Bible says, "Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and look well to your herds." God is for savings and investments and having more than enough. Psalm 33:7 Amplified Bible says, "He gathers the waters of the sea as in a bottle; He puts the deeps in storage places." Those motivated by accuracy have to be careful as they accumulate more financial resources not to place their security in resources instead of God. They also have to guard against stinginess. While we want to have more than enough, they have to sometimes remember spending and giving are good; money and financial resources are tools to be used for the glory of God in all areas of living. 

After understanding and empathizing with our spouse comes seeking ways to cooperate and collaborate. View differences positively. Lose attitudes of superiority. Mutual respect and participation in money management are vital. God made each one of us unique, so our way of coming together in money management will be unique. Coming together involves:

    praying, 
    forgiving, 
    brainstorming, 
    talking, 
    studying, 
    researching, 
    committing to each other and agreements and 
    meditating on the agreements to live them out daily. 

Sometimes a spouse struggles to forgive a bankruptcy, large gambling debt, huge investment failure, a housing foreclosure, a job or business loss, a lack of job promotion or business growth or some other financial failure. Joyce Meyer writes in her book, Love Out Loud 365 Devotions for Loving God, Loving Yourself, and Loving Others, "Do you hold unforgiveness toward anyone for any reason? If so, it needs to be eliminated from your heart and mind right away because it's keeping you in bondage. You may be thinking, Well, Joyce, that's easy for you to say. You haven't been hurt like I have. That is true, but I have been hurt in life to a very deep degree. I was abused, abandoned, rejected, blamed, lied about, misunderstood, and betrayed by family and friends, and I allowed the enemy to fill my heart with hatred for those who hurt me. But when I began to learn about love, I moved from hatred to bitterness to mild resentment and finally to freedom, which only comes through forgiveness. The Lord graciously brought restitution into my life. God promises to bring justice into our lives and to give us a double reward for our former shame, pain, and unfair treatment (See Isa. 61:7). When we try to bring justice ourselves through vengeful acts, we only prevent God from working on our behalf."

Money challenges are not always the result of negative life experiences. When a spouse retires before age 50, starts a business, inherits a large sum of money and/or property or some other significant, positive, financial experience, the other spouse may experience feelings of jealousy, envy, resentment and/or other negative emotions and attitudes. All emotions and attitudes impact the atmosphere in a marriage. Proverbs 14:30 Amplified Bible says, "A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones." Proverbs 27:4 Amplified Bible says, "Wrath is cruel and anger is an overwhelming flood, but who is able to stand before jealousy?"

Money and other financial issues can be very difficult to discuss. Be sure to rely on the Holy-Spirit-given fruit of self-control and the wisdom of our Christ mind to manage our emotions. Ravi Zacharias counsels in his sermon, "Divided Heart, Divided Home," "But if good advice is to be effective. It should be timed rightly." Converse at times that are convenient for both members of the couple. Lynn Toler says in her book, Making Marriage Work New Rules For An Old Institution, "If you think of communication as the Superman of relationships, Right Now is Kryptonite. Right Now is when the issue first arises. Right Now is when you are mad. Right Now is when the hurt you feel about what he or she has done is felt for the first time. Right Now is good for arguments, catharses, and contention. Right Now is almost never amenable to a conversation."

It also doesn't hurt to create a calming environment for conversation. Perhaps putting on Lonnie Plaxico's Melange jazz album, or one of your favorite albums, or whatever it is that you both enjoy and find edifying for conversation. The little things that show you took the time and effort to know what pleases a person can really communicate love. Dr. Derek Grier writes in his book, 60 Minutes of Wisdom Insight In An Instant, "John Maxwell, an expert on gaining personal influence, states, "People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care." In other words, before you attempt to direct, you must connect."

If financial infidelity has visited our home, living according to Biblical principles will encourage financial infidelity to leave as an unwelcome guest.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Artificial Death

Sometimes things are not as they seem, but we make assumptions about certain appearances and behave according to our false beliefs. When Chen Qingwang went to check on her neighbor, 95-year-old Li Xiufeng, in her home in Beiliu, Guangxi Province, China, Xiufeng seemed to be dead in her bed, motionless, not breathing or responding to her name and efforts to get her out of bed.

So Quingwang and her son made funeral arrangements for Xiufeng who lived alone. Two weeks earlier Xiufeng had tripped and suffered a head injury. Everyone thought Xiufeng was dead. She looked dead. She acted dead, so she must be dead? According to Chinese tradition, Qingwang had Xiufeng placed in a coffin in Xiufeng's home that was unsealed, so that family and friends could pay their respects.

Six days after Qingwang found Xiufeng "dead" in her bed, Qingwang came back one day before Xiufeng's funeral to find no body in her coffin!

Xiufeng was found cooking in her kitchen. Xiufeng said she woke up so hungry that she forced herself out of her coffin and went to the kitchen to cook. Medics say Xiufeng experienced an "artificial death," which is when people have no breath, but their body is warm.

We don't know much about "artificial death," but God knows everything. God has many surprises about the human bodies He has designed and created. "God delights in concealing things; scientists delight in discovering things," says Proverbs 25:2 the Message Bible.

Some things that scientists do that we may imitate to help us handle situations that are artificially dead in a way that shows our appreciation, affirmation and adoration of our infinitely capable God:
  • Scientists conquer their doubts and unbelief.
  • Scientists don't assume things.
  • Scientists investigate things.
  • Scientists consult and collaborate with those full of wisdom, truth and ever-expanding knowledge.
  • Scientists try to continuously learn as much as they possibly can.  
  • Scientists believe the unexpected and even the impossible are possible.
  • Scientists thoroughly test things.
  • Scientists share and publish the results of their experiments.
  • Scientists change their life based on the results of their experiments.  
Please share an on-line comment regarding some surprises from God.

Is She Depressed?

Why do women often fail to see the symptoms of depression until they are serious (persistent sad or anxious mood, loss of interest in usual activities, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, difficulty in making decisions, sleep/appetite changes, decreased energy, loss of sex drive (yes, this is serious to our marriages,) thoughts of self-injury, even suicide, or any combination of these symptoms)? Women tend to attribute our symptoms to other things, such as fatigue from work or family care.

Depression may be the result of the following six typical scenarios:

1) family history of depression. Some depressions may be an inherited imbalance in brain chemicals.
2) puberty, adolescence, pregnancy, postpartum, menstrual cycles and menopause. Basically female developmental and hormonal changes often accompany depression.
3) life events, such as childhood trauma, violence or abuse in current relationships, poor health, a serous personal loss or emotional wound like divorce, bankruptcy, job loss, death of a loved one, business failure, housing foreclosure or eviction, multiple negative experiences coming one after the other or some other life event.
4) on-going life stress, such as single parenting, caring for elderly or disabled family member(s), lower pay in the employment market, discrimination based on gender, race, ethnicity, religion, disability, employment culture that fails to appreciate, advocate and advance our abilities and talents, stubborn, selfish supervisor or something else.
5) ways of thinking that can enable depression, such as difficulty with assertiveness, passivity, reluctance to rock the boat in relationships or shyness in seeking our own needs in a loving way.
6) difficulty setting boundaries with others.

Women may try to cope with depression in harmful ways, such as substance abuse, overeating, excessive spending, isolation, taking on too much responsibility or conversely not taking on enough responsibility, not financially managing our lives or some other way.

While twice as many women as men have depression any one can have depression, even the strong. Israelite King and Warrior David had times of depression.

However the depression comes, seven steps are helpful to coming out of depression:

1) Receive and passionately nurture a relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost.
2) Engage in on-going studying and meditating on God's Word for the remedy to correct thought patterns and actions that lead to depression and maintain depression.
3) Surround ourselves with spiritually mature Christian family and friends. Sometimes family and/or friends help us to see depression that God has been trying to reveal to us through His Word and prayer for a long time, but we didn't receive the message and need others to help us receive the message.
4) Seek professional, spiritually mature, skillful Christian counsel. Therapy and counseling are not value neutral. Our health can be compromised by someone with beliefs and behavior contrary to the Bible. Healing has its source in God. Luke 6:19 Amplified Bible says, "And all the multitude were seeking to touch Him, for healing power was all the while going forth from Him and curing them all [saving them from severe illnesses or calamities]." Contact me at my email address michelefrancesjackson@hotmail.com or ask our spiritually mature Christian family members and friends for referrals to Christian professionals.  
5) Eat and exercise with proper nutrition, amount, frequency and balance. 3 John 1:2 New Living Translation Bible says, "Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit."
6) Partake in regular activities that we enjoy like dancing, foreign language classes or something else. Not only will we meet new people we will also be compelled to release and replace negative thought patterns with positive ones. We have a right to enjoy our lives. Jesus Christ says in John 10:10 Amplified Bible, "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."  
7) Continuously think we are a priceless treasures. Life is full of discomfort, distress, disappointment and bad decisions, but God still values and loves us. We do not have to work to earn the love of God; He freely gives His love. Failing does not mean we are frauds. Psalm 127:2 Amplified Bible says, "It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of [anxious] toil--for He gives [blessings] to His beloved in sleep."


Please share stories of coming out of depression.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Youth Uprising

Sometimes when we are young we dismiss ourselves and others dismiss the possibility of us making significant contributions to society. When God called Jeremiah to be a prophet to the nations, Jeremiah responded in the book of Jeremiah 1:6 Amplified Bible, "Then said I, Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am only a youth."

But Jeremiah did not speak the truth. God gave Jeremiah the ability to speak well before the foundation of the world. Just like God gave Jared Sawyer, Jr., the ability to speak and to sing well before the foundation of the world. Sawyer is a 15-year-old, African American who is a minister, singer, musician and author who has had opportunities to share his gifts internationally. Sawyer says on his website jaredsawyerjr.com, "Truthfully, it is so easy for us to recognize the nugatory aspects of our life. It is effortless for us to acknowledge the bad things that are going on in our life, whether it is sickness or pain, storms and rain, foreclosure, unemployment, and the list continues. But, it is of great, internal comfort to focus less on the problems of life that have the tendency to bring us down, and focus more on the greatness of our God. Psalm 145, verse 3, states “Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.”"

Samantha Marquez is a 16-year-old scientist, entrepreneur, innovator and activist. Marquez developed a hollow structure of cells that she named Celloidosomes. Celloidosomes can be used for liver reconstruction. They also have application in Tissue Engineering, Bioengineering, Environmental Science, Genetic Engineering and cell/drug delivery as well as many other fields of science. Since discovering Celloidosomes, Marquez has published several peer-reviewed papers and presented her research work around the United States, China, Spain, Mexico, Costa Rica and Russia, where she won first place in the International Space Olympics. 

Marquez, who is now working on her 8th patent, is also an advocate for the Latino community, encouraging Latino youth and women to develop a passion for science and community activism.

Rachel Chan is a 16-year-old who performs Contemporary Christian music. Chan sings and co-writes the songs on her debut album, Go, released January 10, 2012.

Some may have tried to hinder Sawyer, Marquez and Chan because of their youthful age thinking they are too young to know and to do much. Sometimes our view of people is too small. We serve the God of more than enough. He does many things big and extravagantly. God does not practice age discrimination. God is no respecter of persons. He will do great things through whomsoever is willing to cooperate with Him.

Ask God to improve our vision, so that we can see people as they truly are and what they truly can be. Stop thinking in terms of limits and negativity. Our God is good, and He dreams and does great things. Ask God to give us hearts and minds willing and able to help people be all that they can be no matter the age of the person.

African American, Latino American and Asian American youth in the public eye was something that did not happen fifty years ago. But today Martin Luther King's dream has come true. Minister and Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King, Jr., said, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Please share on-line stories about young people doing good things in public.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Lust

If we see someone abusing drugs, and we have an unrenewed mind, we may lust to abuse drugs. If we have a renewed mind, we may have compassion for the person abusing drugs, pray for the person to be released from sin and secured in a relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. God may even give us a revelation regarding how to intervene in the drug abuser's life to point him or her toward God's exuberant, enjoyable, eternal life and relationship.

Lust is a wrong way of thinking. It is self-absorption. It manifests an unwillingness to care for a person in a particular area. Lust can manifest itself in different ways in multiple people because different people have different thoughts and feelings in response to the same situation.

Lust may be sexual. As Rafael, my son, and I were walking several Sundays ago we saw a young adult wearing a T-shirt saying, "I just want to f-ck you" without the edit. I guess knowing a person's name or any other details is beyond his requirements to engage in sexual acts.

Sexual standards are low in our culture with many choosing to engage in sex after a first date or soon after. God promises that we will reap what we sow. Consequently, many of these relationships are doomed to die. Bradley Gerstman, Esquire, Christpher Pizzo, CPA, and Rich Seldes, MD, say in their book, What Men Want, "We do not recommend inviting a man into your house after the first date, nor do we recommend going to his house. . . . No man wants to think the woman of his dreams is promiscuous. . . . A good-night kiss on the lips, well given and well received, is the perfect end to the first date."

Lust is not just sexual. We can have an intense, inappropriate desire for anything.

God requires us to pay attention to our thought life. Our thoughts are who we are. We will act out many of our thoughts. Proverbs 23:7 Amplified Bible says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he . . ."

In America we live in a free society and will be exposed to many sights and other sensory stimuli that are not in agreement with Biblical principles. Many times we will not be able to avoid the stimuli, but believers have been given the mind of Christ and the Holy Spirit fruit of self-control to train our thinking to operate in alignment with God's thinking.

Some thoughts and stimuli are worth keeping. Others need to be pitched out. Romans 12:1-2 New Living Translation Bible says, "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

While one can lust for sex, marital sex is not sinful. God celebrates sex. God encourages married couples to do it over and over again counseling them to copulate in way that is fruitful and multiplies. Also marital sex need not be the missionary every single time. Please read my article, "Novel Sex."

Some in sexless marriages need to simply shake off sin, choose to have sex often, then do it. The doing may create the desiring. L'Appétit vient en mangeant. (The more you get the more you want). Ed and Lisa Young wrote the New York Times best-selling book, Sexperiment, recommending that married couples try an experiment of seven consecutive days of sex to spice up and solidify their marriage relationship.

Please share ways to choose love instead of lust.

Sexual Dissatisfaction

Broken couples come in many varieties. A few varieties are divorce, a one-night stand, stayover, Living Apart Together (LAT), Living Together Apart (LTA,) friends with benefits, homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, sexless marriage etc. Stayover relationships are a monogamous relationship in which the couple sleeps together three or more nights weekly but does not live together. Living Apart Together (LAT) relationships are couples who live in separate residences, spend a few more nights together than stayover couples. Living Together Apart (LTA) relationships are couples who have children together, live together, but the love and sex is gone. Friends with benefits may or may not be in a monogamous sexual relationship. Some are in sexual relationships with people of the same sex. Some married couples have had zero to ten lovemaking sessions annually. Sexual sin through divorce, a one-night stand, stayover, LAT, friends with benefits, LTA, homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, sexless marriage or some other way is still sin. Romans 6:23 Amplified Bible says, "For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord."

God is for sex. He designed it. God set apart sublime partner-sex for marriage. Genesis 2:24-25 English Standard Version Bible says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." If one has partner-sex outside of marriage, then shame comes with it. If one refuses to have sex inside of marriage, then shame comes with it.
 
Whether we are married or not, sex bonds us to another person. Contrary to what we see in some entertainment and other aspects of American culture, no one changes sexual partners with the ease of changing our clothes. When a sexual relationship ends, it is the ripping apart of one person from another person spiritually, mentally and physically. Some are ripped apart internally and don't even know it. For example, many suffer from low self-esteem and insecurity rooted in sexual sin, but are unaware that sexual sin is the root of their problem. In the movie, The Ideal Husband, a single beautician, who is proud that she is dating a married man because the relationship has no strings and no commitment unlike her mother who was married four times and begged the husbands to stay, one day cuts the hair of a woman married 22 years. Over the course of the conversation she realizes she is chasing a man that is not that into her; she has little peace and is not loving herself. She ends up agreeing with the married woman that in romantic relationships some deal breakers are if someone knocks you upside your head or is married.

One way to define love is good choices, commitment and constructive action. Please leave an on-line comment giving your definition of love.

On another day a different single beautician in The Ideal Husband has her boyfriend come to her place of work and announce that he has received a job offer in Tampa, Florida, with twice the pay and better benefits. He asks her to move to Tampa and shack with him. To which she responds, "If we love each other, then there should be no other option than marriage." He says he wants to try living together before marriage. She says, "Roger, you been knowing me for five years now." He says no to marriage. She says, "Roger, I love you, but I love me first. I don't just want to be your temporary fix." They go their separate ways. She is secure in her relationship with Jesus Christ, but many are not.

Please leave an on-line comment about the plethora of discussion in multiple media about sexual insecurities.

When we have been sexually active, and then seek to live Biblical, we will probably experience a detox that is every bit as intense as what a detoxing drug addict experiences.
 
Sex is never just a physical act no matter how brief or long-term the sexual relationship. The Bible reveals that casual sex doesn't exist. Even in a one-night stand, sex is oneness or cohabiting. By studying different translations of the Bible, we may receive a fuller flavor of God's message to us. Genesis 38:26 Amplified Bible describes the one-night stand sex between Judah and Tamar, " . . . And he did not cohabit with her again."
 
Sexuality is a central part of the real us. The real us is God's home/sanctuary. God designed sexuality to be a sanctuary, a place of security, shelter and celebration to worship God. Biblical sexuality counsels singles to celebrate their sexuality without engaging in sexual relationships with others. Biblical sexuality counsels married couples to celebrate lovemaking as the sharing of each other with intense joy and participation in God's presence and each others presence.
 
The celebration of sexuality is missing in much of Christianity largely because many spend a lot of energy trying to cover up sex. God talks about sex and sexuality in the Bible openly, clearly, directly, truthfully and lovingly. Some Christians are not experiencing God's best in this area due to sexual sin. When God makes us whole, as He is healing us, God exposes us to the Light. Darkness, trying to cover up sex, is from the devil. Biblical sexual purity does not include a lifestyle of promoting ignorance and/or shame. God counsels us to get much clear knowledge, understanding and wisdom, and then give it to others through love.

Judah was not married to Tamar, yet the Bible says in Genesis 38:16-18 Amplified Bible, "He turned to her by the road and said, Come, let me have intercourse with you; for he did not know that she was his daughter-in-law. And she said, What will you give me that you may have intercourse with me? He answered, I will send you a kid from the flock. And she said, Will you give me a pledge (deposit) until you send it? And he said, What pledge shall I give you? She said, Your signet [seal], your [signet] cord, and your staff that is in your hand. And he gave them to her and came in to her, and she became pregnant by him." God uses language like "intercourse" and "came in to her" to describe sexual intercourse. Yet some in Christianity confuse this type of language with lust or sexual impurity.

Instead of celebrating sexuality in a beautiful, Biblical, balanced way, some promote marital sex as mechanical, sex-for-money schemes and other bargaining, to be avoided as much as possible, to be tolerated rather than celebrated, never forgive sex outside of marriage that has been repented off, clinging to a self-conscious-body image and other negative ways that make marriage appear unattractive.

Studies indicate that 15 to 20 percent of American marriages are sexless, i.e. the couple has sex zero to 10 times annually. Please leave an on-line comment sharing any studies of sexless marriages finding the problem rooted in pornography, adultery or pre-martial sex. While Christopher Yuan is not married, he is an ex-gay who says seeing pornography as a child awakened homosexuality.

Sex is more than skin-on-skin. Sex is a relationship. Many marital problems are rooted in a lack of wisdom in choosing a spouse. Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D. writes in the January 31, 2013, Huffington Post newspaper article, " 'Opposites Attract' Or 'Birds Of A Feather' -- What's Best For A Long Marriage?", "I've asked over 500 people married 40, 50 and more years what is most important for a long and happy marriage. To my surprise, their advice was nearly unanimous: Opposites may attract, but they don't usually make for great and lasting marriages. Based on their long experiences both in and out of romantic relationships, the fundamental lesson is this: You are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar. And if you're very different, the elders warn although that marriage can work, is likely to be much more difficult. I can hear some of you saying: But it would be boring if two mates were exactly alike in interests and personality! Although it may sound paradoxical, long-married elders agree that some differences can spice up a relationship. But not all aspects are equally important. There are many ways partners can be similar, but the elders say that one dimension is absolutely necessary: Similarity in core values." Pillemer also says research supports spouses sharing the same core values as key to long-term marriage and, "The research findings are quite clear: marriages that are homogamous in terms of economic background, religion and closeness in age are the most stable and tend to be happier."
 
God doesn't want His believers to get stuck on their sins or choosing the "wrong" spouse. God doesn't have a sour or shame-based view of sex and sexuality. God celebrates all the goodness of life. God is Life. God got over Judah's and Tamar's sexual sin and honored them by including them and one of their children, Perez, in the bloodline of Jospeh, step-dad to Jesus Christ, the Son of Man and the Son of God (Matthew 1:3)! If we've engaged in sexual sin, God can work with us to get over it and live celebrating God and the good, enjoyable life He has given us.

"When you married, God called you into a mysterious and unique relationship--a relationship in which you complete each other, in which two people become one through the physical and emotional intimacy of sex. As a husband and wife, you are called to serve each other, and that includes the privilege and responsibility of satisfying each other's sex needs. That is a need only you can fully meet for the other, and that need is part of God's will for you and your marriage. Satisfying each other's sex needs may feel more like a duty for you right now, but it is a duty God is calling you to respect. Monica, for your husband, the physical act of intercourse is an important and fundamental part of sex. You may not like that, but that's the way it is. That is the way God created your husband. So it is part of your responsibility to fulfill that. If you don't, something or someone else will. And the tears may flow, but you will bear part of that responsibility. If the physical is not part of it, then you don't have a sexual relationship. And in God's view, you really don't have a marriage. That's not what God intended. Hank, for your wife, the physical part is not going to work if the emotional and relational parts of your marriage aren't working. You may not like that, but that's the way it is. That is the way God created your wife. So it is part of your responsibility to fulfill that. If you don't, something or someone else will. And the tears may flow, but you will bear part of that responsibility. If the emotional and relational are not part of it, then you don't have a sexual relationship. And in God's view, you really don't have a marriage. That's not what God intended. Sex is part of a larger picture. A healthy sexual relationship grows out of your emotional and spiritual relationship with your wife," says Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg in their book, The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women Discover the Secrets to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage.

Marital sex is good for your health. Having sex three times weekly reduces the chance for having a heart attack or stroke. Sex even reduces your chance of catching a cold or the flu and improves the quality of your hair, skin and nails. Sex boosts your immune system. Sexless marriage is sickening.

Please share on-line comments about the ways you or someone you know got over sexual sin and celebrated God, sexuality, sex and life.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Rejection

In the pursuit of finding a spouse, many people will not be selected. Some may remain friends, others will not. Some people have problems processing rejection properly.

God calls believers to give and receive rejection with elegance and esteem. Romans 12:18 New Living Translation Bible says, "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone."

It's a lesson Majid Movahedi needs to learn. In 2008 the Iranian Supreme Court convicted Movahedi of throwing a bucket of acid on the face of Ameneh Bahrami. The court sentenced him to jail, to be blinded and to economic compensation to Bahrami.

Bahrami rejected Movahedi's romantic advances for two years. Movahedi just couldn't accept "no." So Movahedi blinded Bahrami and disfigured her face with the acid.

Sometimes we have to accept a "no" to love ourselves and to love someone else. True love learns to manage negative emotions and to tap into the self-control of the God the Holy Ghost to manage emotions effectively. The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:14 English Standard Version Bible, "For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

View rejection as God redirecting and preparing you to possess something better. With more than seven billion people living on planet earth, a good possibility exists that another person is available to say "yes" to our romantic pursuits. Comedian Carl Reiner says in the Huffington Post newspaper article, "Carl Reiner -- The Art Of Being Funny," on February 1, 2013, about his wife of 64 years, Estelle, who had one of the most famous movie lines when she said, "I'll have what she's having," in response to the simulated-deli-orgasm scene with Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal directed by Carl's and Estelle's son, Rob Reiner, in the movie, When Harry Met Sally, "My wife . . . said, "Marry someone who can stand you." And that's absolutely true! There are many, many reasons to break up but if you can stand the worst of what they do, why break up? (Laughs) You're only going to get someone who will annoy you in another way so whatever little annoyances there are, you can stand that. We were able to stand each other very, very well."

While Bahrami does not know Jesus Christ, she has accepted that forgiveness is better than an eye for an eye. She asked that Movahedi's blinding be stopped and that only economic compensation be pursued for the more than one dozen surgeries she has undergone.

Acid attacks like Movahedi's of Bahrami happen mostly to women in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Cambodia, Nepal, Uganda, Liberia, Afghanistan, Iran, the United Kingdom, Columbia and the United States. IoL News reported on January 23, 2013, that Bogota Columbia Councilwoman Olga Victoria Rubio says that acid attacks happen because men want to punish women for their beauty; they use the acid attack to fulfill their desire to isolate women. Rubio says that so far 55 cases of acid attacks have been uncovered in Bogota, Columbia, but she thinks this is just scratching the surface of the problem.

Acid attacks are not always well known, but romantic rejection is. Romantic rejection happens almost everywhere.

Yet one person will never reject us. He will help us to properly process rejection. David writes about God in Psalm 27:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close."

God holds believers close and never lets them go. John 17:3 Amplified Bible says, "And this is eternal life [it means] to know (to perceive, recognize, become acquainted with, and understand) You, the only true and real God, and [likewise] to know Him, Jesus [as the] Christ (the Anointed one, the Messiah), Whom You have sent."

Hold God close. He will be our forever friend and lead us to other friends. He will also led us to a spouse if that is His will for us. Psalm 73:24 New Living Translation Bible says, "You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny."

Please leave an on-line comment sharing stories of rejection turned into finding true love.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Warrior Women

The US Defense Department is expected to announce the elimination of the 1994 Direct Ground Combat Definition and Assignment Rule excluding women from combat, opening more than 230,000 direct-combat jobs to servicewomen, reported the American Forces Press Service, Pentagon's information wing, on January 23, 2013.

The move will expand the Pentagon's action last February to partially lift the ban, which opened up to women about 14,500 Army jobs, such as tank mechanic and field artillery radar operator.

Women comprise 14 percent of the 1.4 million active military personnel in the United States.

A Gallup poll conducted January 24, 2013, found that 74 percent would vote in favor of a law supporting women in combat job while 20 percent said they would vote against allowing women in combat roles.

Women have waged war for centuries. The Jewish prophet and judge Deborah along with Barak led her people to expel Canaanite invaders. Kentake Shanakdakheto, a black African queen of Kush, dressed in armor and wielding a spear in battle. She did not rule as queen regent or queen mother but as a fully independent ruler. Her husband was her consort. In Celtic culture women were warriors. Boudicca was the queen of the Iceni of the East of England. She headed a rebellion against the occupying Romans in Britain in A.D. 60 that was eventually crushed. Mongolian Queen Manduhai the Wise of the 1400s united the Mongols. Manduhai was pregnant and delivered twin boys while engaged in war against the Oirats who were eventually defeated. Queen Elizabeth I of England changed the course of history defeating the Spanish and establishing her nation as a leading world power. Queen Isabella I co-ruled Spain with her husband, Ferdinand II. Some of the highlights of their rule were that they united Spain and financed Christopher Columbus' 1492 voyage to the New World extending Spanish rule to the New World. This list of warrior women is not exhaustive. However, it points to the truth that woman may succeed today in multiple missions within the military and all other areas of life.

Warrior women have some practices that are useful for all of us to cultivate in order to succeed in multiple areas of life:

* They focus on solutions, not problems. Philippians 2:13-14 New Living Translation Bible says, "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing."
 * They choose courage over fear. God said to Joshua words that apply to all of us in the book of Joshua 1:6-9 Amplified Bible saying, "Be strong (confident) and of good courage, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. Only you be strong and very courageous, that you may do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you. Turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success. Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 
* They choose relationships wisely. Proverbs 22:24-25 New Living Translation Bible says about those who continuously refuse godly change, "Don't befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul."
 * They nurture these carefully-selected relationships. Forgiveness is fundamental to friendship. Proverbs 17:9 New Living Translation Bible says, "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends."
* They actively seek feedback, and use it to grow. Proverbs 20:18 the Message Bible says, "Form your purpose by asking for counsel, then carry it out using all the help you can get."  

God is for us. He wants us to habitually win against the kingdom of darkness and our human nature that rebels against His goodness. Romans 8:31-32 English Standard Version says, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"

God gives us multiple principles to help us live well. Tenaciously pursuing God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost and His ways is a tactic that will translate into winning whatever war we are battling.  

Monday, January 21, 2013

Novel Sex

Trying new things can be good. Solomon's Shulammite wife strove to try new types of lovemaking with Solomon. Together they enjoyed the old ways of mating while embracing the new. Novelty can be exciting, edifying and exquisite.

Our God is the Creator. He created sex and sexuality. We are made in God's image. We are also creators.

Some novelty is destructive; more than one million Americans went to a swingers club in 2011. Instead of swapping sex partners creative marital monogamy involves consistently growing in ways to make a spouse's life better. Figuring out new ways to bring sexual pleasure and other pleasure to a spouse is a ministry, a responsibility and a loving, beautiful joy.

Solomon's wife enjoyed getting naked in nature with Solomon. She says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 7:11-12 New Living Translation Bible, "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover."

God built our beautiful bodies for love. Spouses, have fun customizing the missionary and downward rear entry. Strip off the No es posible attitude and the bad body image. Rear-entry vaginal sex is not immoral. Experiment with many of the hundreds of sexual positions and sensual sensations.

Some in our parents generation were taught and communicated to us that oral sex is depraved, but nothing in the Bible prohibits oral sex. Actually, the Bible encourages it. Sometimes we have taboos that God does not possess. Solomon's Shulammite wife says about Solomon in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit." Of course, oral sex is not just for a wife to give to her husband. A husband and wife can give each other oral sex even at the same time! They may even have simultaneous orgasms by licking, kissing, sucking, touching each others penis and vagina lying side by side.

Orgasms outside of sexual intercourse can be had in a variety of ways. Some say they can think themselves into orgasms. If you need touch, try creating a love tunnel for your husband's penis with your breasts, hands and/or thighs.

The Bible doesn't seem to say anything for or against anal sex. Anal sex seems to fall in the category of using the wise mind of Christ. Anal play seems fine, but anal penetration is it really safe and sanitary? Please leave an on-line comment about anal sex from a Biblical perspective.

With over 500 ways to have vaginal intercourse a marital couple might never get around to the anal-sex issue. Also many will not even come close to trying 500 sexual positions, and that's okay. A great marital sex life is not based on using multiple sexual positions.

Spouses, learn each other. Some people need more privacy than others for marital lovemaking. Some need less privacy. In the movie Dances With Wolves the wife of the Sioux holy man is on top making delicious while family and friends are sleeping in the same room!

Play games like "Hide and Go Freak," Manos Arriba (Hands Up) or invent your own game.

Men may think more about sex than women generally, but women have the potential to have more orgasms in a lovemaking session than men generally. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior reports that the more sexual positions a woman engages in with a man during a lovemaking session the greater the potential for orgasms. Many women love to shop and possess a wide variety of clothes, shoes, accessories and other items. Like we like variety in our shopping, we like variety in our sexual relationship. A husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband at various angles creates different sensations. Please leave an on-line comment about your favorite sexual positions.

Sexual fantasies about our spouse can be used to enhance a couple's sexual life. Talk to God to stop fantasies about people other than our spouse.

Tender and talented marital lovemaking includes more than oral sex or a husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband. Solomon and his wife enjoyed each others full body. Intimacy is:
Intentional,
Nurturing,
Talking,
Integration,
Mating,
Adoration,
Compassion,
Yearning.

'"Women, this might surprise you, but even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleasured. It might seem like it's all about him, but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he'll end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unloved. Most of us men want to be our wives' heroes," says Dr. Kevin Leman in his book, Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.

Bible-living, Christian spouses shouldn't have a bad sex life. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in his "Letter from Birmingham Jail," "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." God commands us to figure out how to love people. Galatians 5:14 New Living Translation Bible says, "For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”" Please leave a comment if your spouse likes to be loved in a way that is different from the way you like to be loved.

For the most part, believers are suppose to give, receive and feel love like Donna Summer sang in her song, "I Feel Love." If your relationships aren't so good, and you are not feeling love, then sin is present and needs to brought before God to be forgiven and stopped.

While God designed partner sex for married couples only, God designed both spouses and singles to celebrate their sexuality. Inner beauty is holy, and so is looking good on the outside. Sex and sexuality are a celebration of life. God is Life. Solomon says to his loved one in Song of Solomon 1:10 New Living Translation Bible, "How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels."

Please leave an on-line comment sharing novel, Biblical, beautiful ways to express sex and sexuality.

Something Horrible Happened?

Psychologists say we are born with two instinctive fears: the fear of loud noises and the fear of being dropped. God is so good that even if our fear of hearing loud noises and of being dropped comes true we can still have an awesome life.

Mephibosheth was dropped as a five-year-old and became crippled in both feet as a result (2 Samuel 4). He was also crippled in his mind holding a "dead dog" self-image (2 Samuel 9).

But God arranged for Mephibosheth to eat at the king's table, live on royal land being served by Ziba, Ziba's 15 sons and 20 servants from adulthood to death.

If something horrible happens to you like being crippled in both feet or in your mind or something else, press through the fear, shock, disappointment, anger, unforgiveness, depression and other negative emotions and go frequently and boldly to God asking Him for way more than you deserve or seems reasonable to live an awesome life in spite of misfortunes, challenges and differences.

Believers don't serve a miserly God who metes out cold justice. Our God loves extravagantly.

Sometimes in American culture we forget about loving people extravagantly and go to war over our misfortunes, challenges and differences. One example is the mommy wars. Whether we are mothers whose full-time work is to raise children like Pauletta Washington (wife of actor Denzel Washington) or mothers who are also employees, business owners, non-profit employees and non-profit owners like Naomi Zacharias of Wellspring International, Joyce Meyer of Joyce Meyer Ministries or Cookie Lee of Cookie Lee Jewelry, we all have God-given purpose and roles in life. And this is also true for women who are complete and successful as singles without children like the first African-American female U.S. secretary of state, Condolezza Rice, who is currently a CBS News contributor.

Many seem to have fear that if someone lives differently it is a threat to their lifestyle. Yet God created each one of us as unique. Even twins do not have the same fingerprint.

God didn't create us to be isolated and hostile but integrated and friendly. Mothers who raise their children full-time and mothers who are also employees, business owners, non-profit employees and non-profit owners all need help raising their children. Sometimes we need the participation of more than fathers and other family members. Sheila Lirio Marcelo gave birth to her first son while in college. A few years later her parents emigrated to the United States from the Philippines and were helping with childcare when her father had a heart attack, suddenly switching from a childcare provider to one who needed care. Marcelo did not allow the fear, shock, pain and difficulty of the situation to keep her down indefinitely. She turned evil into good. Out of this horrible experience Marcelo created Care.com which provides services to find caregivers for typical and different children, seniors and pets. Care.com also helps with selecting tutors and housekeepers among other things.

Vive mas (live more). What ridiculous request have you asked of God in the face of fear and other negativity and found the path to awesome living?

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Do Fathers Have a Say in Abortion and Frozen Embryos?

Scientifically human life begins when sperm and egg unite. Yet the 1991 Pennsylvania abortion case, Planned Parenthood v. Casey, left the decision of whether to have an abortion entirely up to the woman. In cases involving frozen embryos, judges have given equal weight to the father's point of view. Consequently, when a pregnant woman wants an abortion at any stage in the nine-months of pregnancy the father has no say in the decision to have or not to have an abortion. However, if a woman wants to become pregnant with frozen embryos and her ex-husband opposes the decision, he almost always has a say in the decision.

Even though the law denies fathers legal rights in the abortion-decision-making process, fathers are obviously involved in the creation of new human life. Vincent M. Rue, Ph.D., writes in his article, ""The Hollow Men": Male Grief & Trauma Following Abortion," "Men’s responses to abortion are varied, like men themselves. How abortion impacts men is complicated by the decision-making that precedes the abortion. Prior to a woman aborting her child, there are at least seven scenarios of male involvement: (1) he does not know she is pregnant and she aborts without his knowledge; (2) he opposes the abortion and says so openly; (3) he knows about the pregnancy but hides his true feelings or beliefs against abortion from the woman, out of his attempt to “love” her and affirm her rights over her body; (4) he is ambivalent about abortion and simply goes along with his partner’s decision to abort; (5) he supports and encourages her decision to abort; (6) he pressures her to abort, even threatening to leave her if she doesn’t; or (7) he abandons her physically and emotionally and refuses any responsibility for her or her choices."

Rock star Steven Tyler of the band Aerosmith writes in his autobiography, Walk This Way, about his abortion experience, “It was a big crisis. It’s a major thing when you’re growing something with a woman, but they convinced us that it would never work out and would ruin our lives. … You go to the doctor and they put the needle in her belly and they squeeze the stuff in and you watch. And it comes out dead. I was pretty devastated. In my mind, I’m going, Jesus, what have I done?”



Tamrat Gebere, an Ethiopian immigrant to Canada, admitted in a 911 call to killing Aster Kassa in July of 2010. Gebrere allegedly stabbed Kassa 53 times. The couple had a long history of domestic violence which peaked when Kassa told Gebere she was pregnant in 2009. In court testimony Gebere is said to have pressured Kassa to have an abortion, but she refused. On Valentine’s Day of 2009 Kassa gave birth to a girl. Please leave an on-line comment sharing studies linking abortion and domestic violence.


Dr. Theresa Burke, psychologist, author, and founder of the Rachel’s Vineyard Ministries for post-abortive women and men, told Life News in the January 28, 2011, article, "Women Who Had Abortions: Latest Mental Health Study Bogus", “I’ve spent the last 25 years counseling women whose hearts and minds have been fractured by abortion.” Burke said, “For many women, the traumatic nature of their abortion is not fully released until some subsequent event triggers a fuller understanding of everything that has happened."

Norma McCorvey, the former Jane Roe of Roe vs. Wade, the U.S. Supreme Court decision which ushered in legal abortion for all three trimesters of pregnancy, was 21-years-old, carrying an unplanned pregnancy, already had one child and was trying to get a divorce. She and her lawyer, Sarah Weddington, lied by saying that she was raped. While she never did have the abortion, Texas' pro-life abortion law was  invalidated along with the laws in America prohibiting abortion.

McCorvey's and Weddington's lie has made the most dangerous place for the unborn in his or her's mother's womb! In the January 2011 document, “Abortion Statistics: United States Data and Trends,” National Right to Life Committee Education Director Dr. Randall K. O’Bannon estimates that there have been 54,559,615 abortions since the January 22, 1973, Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion based on data from both the Centers for Disease Control and the Guttmacher Institute, a former Planned Parenthood research arm. The analysis also found that the best estimate for the current number of annual abortions in the United States — involving both the surgical abortion procedure as well as the abortion drug RU 486 — is 1.2 million. Adding another year of 1.2 million abortions to the 2011 total National Right to Life estimated based on Guttmacher and CDC figures, America has seen 55,772.015 abortions since Roe v. Wade.

Another way to look at the statistics is to say that in America every 30 seconds a baby loses his or her life through abortion. Frances Kissling, a long-time pro-choice advocate and former president of Catholics for Choice, told Time Magazine in the January 14, 2013, article "What Choice? Abortion-rights activists won an epic victory in Roe v. Wade. They've been losing ever since," "When people hear us say abortion is just another medical procedure, they react with shock . . . Abortion is not like having your tooth pulled or having your appendix out. It involves the termination of an early form of human life. That deserves some gravitas."

God says in Exodus 20:13 King James Version Bible, "Thou shalt not kill." God doesn't qualify His commandment based on age.

Alveda King, pastoral associate and director of the African-American outreach for Priests for Life and niece of civil rights activist Martin Luther King, Jr., said during her talk, "How Can the Dream Survive?" for Notre Dame High School students in September 2011 that making life choices that don't include abortion is crucial to carrying out the dream of Martin Luther King, Jr. The Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision of January 1973 made it possible for women to choose to abort their babies and violate their babies' civil rights. Alveda said, "A woman has the right to choose what she does with her body, but the baby is not her body;" "Where's the lawyer for the baby? How can the dream survive if we murder the children?"

On Christmas of 1967, Martin Luther King, Jr. preached the following words: "Now let me say that the next thing we must be concerned about if we are to have peace on earth and good will toward men is the nonviolent affirmation of the sacredness of all human life. Every man is somebody because he is a child of God…Man is more than a tiny vagary of whirling electrons or a wisp of smoke from a limitless smoldering. Man is a child of God, made in His image, and therefore must be respected as such….And when we truly believe in the sacredness of human personality, we won't exploit people, we won't trample over people with the iron feet of oppression, we won't kill anybody."

Please leave an on-line comment regarding American law as it relates to abortion and frozen embryos. Please also leave comments regarding abortion-decision making.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Disability Cannot Stop Us from Overcoming

Blanche Rudolph rubbed her daughter's, Wilma's, legs at home for two years and took her to twice-weekly appointments 50-miles-away-from-home to teach Wilma how to walk at the Meharry Hospital, the black medical college of Fisk University in Nashville, Tennessee. Blanche and her husband, Ed, could barely afford the medical treatment. They were very poor. Ed was a railroad worker. Blanche provided domestic help to wealthy, white women. Wilma was the 20th of their 22 children, and she was a sickly child who had contracted polio at the age of four paralyzing her legs and requiring leg braces on her left leg and foot and an orthopaedic shoe for support of her foot. Wilma also had other illnesses, such as measles, mumps, scarlet fever, chicken pox and double pneumonia.

Blanche, Ed, Wilma and other members of the Rudolph family kept the faith that inspired them to make the sacrifices to overcome Wilma's illness. Hebrews 11:1 Amplified Bible says, "Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]."

God honored the Rudolph's faith. Wilma came out of braces at age 11 and joined the basketball team. It wasn't long before her talent for sports manifested. In high school Ed Temple, the coach for the famous Tigerbells, the women's track team at Tennessee State University, recognized and developed Wilma's track and field talent.

Having an illness and/or disability does not have to always prevent one from participating in sports. In the 1960s Wilma became the fastest runner in the world! In the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome, Italy, Rudolph became the first American woman to win three gold medals in track and field during a single Olympic Games. Wilma elevated women's track to a major presence in the United States. As member of the black community, she is also regarded as a civil rights and women's rights pioneer. The Italians nicknamed her, La Gazzella Negra, (The Black Gazelle). The French nicknamed her, La Perle Noire, (The Black Pearl.) In 1977 a made-for-TV docudrama aired titled Wilma.

God can do miracles like He did for the Rudolph's completely removing polio from Wilma. God can also do miracles leaving illness and/or disability in a person's life, yet still giving them a good and enjoyable life. In the mid-2000s discus thrower Carl Brown had a sponsorship from Nike and was training for the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Then one morning he woke up and couldn't walk. A friend drove Carl to the hospital where doctors performed tests and found that Carl had rheumatoid arthritis which robs about one percent of the world's population of flexibility in their joints.

Carl experienced fear, worry and depression regarding how he was going to support his six daughters financially. Carl went through a divorce, food stamps and disability before today building a personal-training business, Xtreem Training, in Georgia. Turning his life around was not overnight. Pasos cortos, vista larga, (Short steps, long view.)

Polio and rheumatoid arthritis threatened to ruin the lives of Wilma and Carl, but God. God says in Jeremiah 29:11 Amplified Bible, "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome."

Please share a comment of plans for welfare and peace that God has manifested in your life, your family's life and/or a friend's life.

7 Ingredients for Intimate Relationships

Intimacy is hindered absent certain ingredients. Let's look at seven ingredients from Ephesians 5 for fun, fulfilling marriages, families and friendships.

Ingredient #1: Acceptance. Regardless of our imperfections the best marriages, families and friendships contain people who accept each other while encouraging each other to grow. Ephesians 5:1 Amplified Bible says, "Therefore be imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father]."

Sometimes we fail to accept people the way they are. A mother told a daughter with stubby fingers and little sense of rhythm, "I have such lovely, long fingers and play the piano like a virtuoso. Why don't you practice the piano more?"

Lynn Toler, author of Making Marriage Work New Rules For An Old Institution, writes, "Pretend you have two dogs, one named Displeasure and the other Joy. They both live in your house, and you and your spouse are in charge of feeding them. Displeasure, bitch that she is, barks a lot. She is easily annoyed, and she snarls and growls and carries on the moment something does not go her way. If her food is late, she starts up. If she doesn't get to go outside when she wants, the yapping begins. You have to throw her a bone to get her to stop. Displeasure gets fed a lot. Joy, on the other hand, is a quiet and content canine. Loves to be petted, but doesn't cause you any trouble if you don't. She will sit quietly in the corner and await the attention she deserves, but she does not howl when it doesn't come her way. She often gets ignored. Here's the thing: you have to make a conscious effort to feed the quiet dog. Acknowledge all kindnesses. Thank your spouse for the everyday things that could easily go ignored. Whoever is paying the bills should feel like the other respects the effort involved. Whoever is cooking and cleaning deserves to know their daily grind is valued. If you appreciated something your spouse said or did, let her know. If he did something that anyone on the street would be impressed with, don't let the fact that you have seen him do it before keep you from mentioning it again."

Ingredient #2: Security. While some friendships may need to be pruned off our life because they are sucking nutrients out of us and/or our family, secure people are committed to relationships even through problems.

God doesn't give up on us because we have problems. He gives us enthusiastic, extravagant, enlightened love. Since He is our model, as believers the more we do likewise the better our relationships will be with God, self and others.

Ingredient #3: Choice. We don't have to be married, parents or friends. We choose these relationships. These are not one-time choices. In good relationships we are choosing our spouse, children and friends over and over again. We hunger to be desired continuously. If we aren't enjoying our spouse, family or friends, then it sucks out some of their enjoyment.

Everyone is an individual. Learn each others likes and dislikes. We want to be liked for who we really are. Ephesians 5:10 New Living Translation Bible says, "Carefully determine what pleases the Lord."

God is for people. He wants us to experience pleasure in His presence and the presence of His people.

One of the key ways we receive pleasure is through edifying conversation. Learn to say things that bring out the best in people. For married people a saying goes, "99 percent of sex happens between the ears." What goes into the ears connects to the mind. Latina-American actress Raquel Welch says, "The mind can also be an erogenous zone." Woo him or her with the most effective, encompassing words rooted in the Word. John 1:1-3 Amplified Bible says, "In the beginning [before all time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and come into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being. In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men."

God is the Creator of sexuality and sex. Learn more and more about God, and you will learn more and more about how to be a sexy single or sexy married person. God knows all the sexual positions, and many that you don't know about! God invented all the sexual positions. God thinks marital sex and Biblical single sexuality are sublime, not shameful and sinful.

Ingredient #4: Support. Friends and family members are individuals; we are not the same people. We have some interests in common and some that are different, but good people support each other's individuality. They also protect their life and relationships by on purpose preparing lots of time to listen and to understand those we share a relationship with and to maintain and foster unity.

The Bible is a book of balance. Individuality and unity go together. If they are working against each other, sin is present. Talk to God, and cooperate with Him to transform whatever is not like God.

Ingredient #5: Thankfulness. Thankfulness is expressed in attitudes and actions that communicate, "I'm not perfect. You are not perfect, but I am thankful we are together. I am thankful for the memories, the present and the future."

Big-picture thinking doesn't dismiss the petty arguments and small inconveniences, but also does not become absorbed in them. Big-picture thinking focuses on the overall benefits in good relationships.

We can have seasons were Satan seeks to wear us out with discouraging circumstances and/or relationships. God is using these same circumstances and/or relationships to allow His fruit of the Spirit on the inside to be plucked for food on the outside.

"When it comes to food for thought, some of us are on a hunger strike," says activist Dick Gregory. We are thinking, talking and acting out negative attitudes and actions like, "I'm tired. You're getting on my nerves. I'm going to put you out of the house," for situations and circumstances God isn't finished with. God can enter a relationship with anyone, no matter how bad they seem to be; the Apostle Paul started out as Saul going around throwing Christians in jail and trying to have them sentenced to death. But then God showed up in Saul's life and showed him what true living really is.

We may be reading our Bibles, put not practically applying the Word in some areas. Our physical body is part of the temple of God. It too has to be nourished. Some of us do inadequate or no physical exercise and/or improper eating depriving us of sources of stamina that support our spiritual and mental health. Jesus not only prayed and cultivated His Christ mind, He also walked, ate and slept. Why do some think it's okay to abuse they physical body?

Much of life is interconnected. We have to also pay attention and nurture our relationship with God, self and others on many levels. Satan is looking to slip into our life where we are sluggish and slay someone and/or something. 1 Peter 5:8-9 Amplified Bible says, "Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour. Withstand him; be firm in faith [against his onset—rooted, established, strong, immovable, and determined], knowing that the same (identical) sufferings are appointed to your brotherhood (the whole body of Christians) throughout the world."

Ingredient #6: Wisdom. Good decisions come from a good heart. Daniel Hale Williams was the first African-American cardiologist, and the first to perform successful open-heart surgery in the United States. We will need to leave our hearts open for God to perform surgery on them slicing out our numerous sins.

Sin isn't sexy. Sin acts as a spoiler in our relationships.

Not many of us would want others to be able to see all of our thoughts! However, God can, and He sees how these thoughts help and hurt people. We are responsible to be wise enough to continually seek spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical growth through cooperating with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost to develop more of the God inside. The more God controls the inside, the more our outward behavior will bring out the best in people.

Perhaps you had a child in your 40s or 50s that wasn't exactly planned and have not cooperated with God to have the disappointment, resentment, anger, jealousy and other hostility in your heart removed, so now it seeps out on your child and others. Many have lived in relationships filled with the agony of indifference or hatred.

Ingredient #7: Clarity and Compatibility. By reserving our most close relationships for those who have the same faith and purpose in life, we are building ourselves up instead of working against each other. Ideas have consequences. Christians believe in hope, life and the multifaceted goodness of our God that is primarily expressed through His people. Not everyone believes the same. Chandragupta Maurya, the first emperor of India, with a kingdom stretching from Punjab to Karnataka, more than 300 years after Alexander the Great had died, chose his own death as a devout Jain who starved himself to death on a hilltop at Sravanabelgola.

Being equally yoked with spouses, family and friends is not simply sharing the same Christian faith. "Yoked" is a farming reference. When a farmer would plow a field, he or she would use a yoke to join two animals. The farmer paired two animals of equal strength to work together to produce a straight line in the field.

Before marriage a wise couple talks about the nature of our relationship with God, self, family and friends, the desired frequency of sex, the acceptable behaviors with opposite-sex friends and same-sex friends, the purpose and use of money, the number of children, the lifestyle and as many things as possible. The more agreement and equal strength before marriage the less potential relationship conflict after marriage. While we all change, we all also have a certain character and personality that may remain remarkably consistent throughout adulthood. A couple where the wife desires sex seven days a week, but the husband desires sex once a month probably should have never said, "I do."

Sex is a central part of the oneness in marriage. Genesis 2:24-25 New Living Translation Bible says, "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame."

Sexual incompatibility is a serious issue. A wife who keeps asking her husband for sex and habitually receives, "I'm not in the mood," or some other rejection will likely begin to receive messages of shame and low self-worth while the husband may feel personally attacked, unappreciated and even exploited.

Sexual abuse is also something we should share with our partner by the time we are engaged. Bollywood actress Sofia Hayat was sexually abused by her uncle when she was 10 years old. Minister Noel Jones was molested by a man in a Christian church bathroom when he was in elementary school. Rape, date rape, molestation, incest and various types of sexual abuse are experienced by people of all ages, races, genders and religions and often have a profound impact on our behavior and may require Christian pastoral and/or psychological counseling to overcome. Don't be surprised if you were abused sexually as a child and/or adolescent that the abuse has a negative impact on your marriage. International Bible teacher Joyce Meyer was raped by her father repeatedly throughout her childhood and adolescence. She says the experience played a role in her low-self esteem and choosing a first marriage partner who abused her in various ways, and even when she married her current husband, Dave Meyer, of more than 45 years, a time existed where she had problems with sexual relations. She says for he longest time she could not have sex with Dave with the lights on.

Twenty-five percent of all females will be sexually abused by the time they reach adulthood. These women may or may not have a conscious aversion to sex that needs to be overcome for the success of their marriage.

Also some women who are sexually active before marriage discover that they have physical problems having sex. The American Psychiatric Association divides female sexual problems into four categories:

(1) Sexual Desire Disorder,

(2) Sexual Arousal Disorder,

(3) Orgasmic Disorder and

(4) Sexual Pain Disorder.

Sexual Desire Disorder is when a person habitually loses all interest in sex and may even develop an aversion to sex. Sexual Arousal Disorder is when a woman mentally desires sex, but her physical body fails to maintain a state of arousal. She becomes dry and/or unresponsive to sexual stimulation. Most women do not have an orgasm every time they have sex, but Orgasmic Disorder is when a woman desires an orgasm, but habitually she cannot reach sexual climax. Sexual Pain Disorder is when a woman experiences chronic vaginal pain during intercourse.

Reading the seven ingredients you may have noticed some things you are doing that don't bring out the best in people. Now is a good time to talk to God and to begin the process of incorporating the seven above ingredients of intimacy from Ephesians 5 into your life. Please leave an on-line comment sharing how God has helped you to learn to be intimate and have intimacy.