Sunday, September 30, 2012

Monday, September 24, 2012

Goodness

Sometimes it is difficult to discern what is good because of many trials and tribulations. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 Amplified Bible says, "But test and prove all things [until you can recognize] what is good; [to that] hold fast."

Good is not always clear in relationships. When clarity does not exist pray and regularly read and study the Bible. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Interconnection

Some have a disconnect from who they are on the outside with who they are on the inside. 1 Samuel 16 records that when the prophet and judge Samuel visited Jesse's house in Bethlehem, Israel, he met Jesse's firstborn son, Eliab.

Samuel thought he had met a king. God created kings to be noble speaking and behaving in the noble qualities of Galatians 5:23 New Living Translation Bible: "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" 

Samuel was fooled by the external presentation of Eliab. Sometimes people fool others with their external presentation, but the truth always comes out.

People like Eliab often seek to mask the nobility lacking on the inside by attacking the truly noble. Eliab had a brother, David, who was a king inside and out. David spoke and acted like God would overcome the Philistines, who were enemies of God and His people, David was a part of God's plan to overcome the enemies, and God would provide David with benefits for his belief in God. Eliab did not. When David inquired into the benefits 1 Samuel 17:28 the Message Bible says, "Eliab, his older brother, heard David fraternizing with the men and lost his temper: "What are you doing here! Why aren't you minding your own business, tending that scrawny flock of sheep? I know what you're up to. You've come down here to see the sights, hoping for a ringside seat at a bloody battle!"

If you see yourself in Eliab, seek God's forgiveness and transformation. Married, single, Africans, Europeans, Asians, Hispanics, females, males, typical people, different people, all the multiple mixtures of these characteristics and other human characteristics, God is for whosoever will receive Him and His ways.

What ways have you noticed that a lack of interconnection between the inside and outside impacts relationships with God, self and others?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Hello, In What Way Can I Serve You?

I was thinking back to the concert An Evening of Elegance with Gospel singers Ernest Pugh, DeWayne Woods, Anita Wilson and Carolyn Traylor that Rafael and I enjoyed earlier this month. I was impressed that the more well known singers went out of their way to help promote the other singers by not selling their CDs at the concert while the others sold their CDs during an intermission in the concert.

How many relationships would be improved if we regularly went out of our way to help the other person? Whether we are in conflict or not, Philippians 4:4-5 New Living Translation Bible provides excellent advice in saying, "Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon."

Ways of serving each other don't have to always be large. In addition to music Rafael and I love to laugh. Good humor can relive tension and make us feel closer to each other.

Let's share some laughter and discover other things that improve our relationships. Join Rafael's and Michele's relationship group Thursdays from 7:30-9:00 p.m. at 14336 Winewood Lane #11, Woodbridge, Virginia.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Embracing New Ideas

No es posible. Sometimes we shoot down the ideas and ways of doing things of a spouse, family member, friend or associate because these challenge our beliefs and/or make us uncomfortable. For example some believers think that victory in Jesus Christ means that we will not have long-term problems, and that God cannot use us during the time we have long-term problems.

How challenging it must have been for some when Jesus Christ in His earthly ministry in Israel was healing people, driving out demons, teaching and preaching, yet He allowed John the Baptist, a man who had baptized Jesus and promoted His ministry, to be beheaded in prison. How challenging it must have been for some that 2 Corinthians 12 records that the apostle Paul prayed three times for a thorn (some type of problem maybe even a disability) to be removed from his life, yet God said no to removing the thorn and yes to continuing to use Paul in an apostolic ministry of healing other people, teaching and preaching.

Here are some current-day examples of times when our thoughts may be challenged. Our spouse may want to move to another state even though the family is well established in the current state of residence. Our spouse may want to try a new sexual experience. A friend wants to spend more time with us. Someone of a different political persuasion says they are a Christian. Planners comparing their personality and way of doing things to spontaneous people and vice versa. Some may have tried to stop the marriage of a person without arms and legs because how could he even have sex or take care of himself? 

God is sovereign. God created us the way we are on purpose with a plan for our life. God's purpose and plan are good, very good even if it may not be what we or others expect. When people aren't doing what we expect, when their ways are challenging to us, stop efforts to immediately shoot down their ideas and ways of doing things. Instead believe the best of their intentions, pray and observe. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 Amplified Bible says, "But test and prove all things [until you can recognize] what is good; [to that] hold fast." It is possible that we are wrong and have been wrong for a long time. African-American Jazz singer Diane Reeves sings in "Mista" from the CD In The Moment Live In Concert, "It ain't too late. No. It ain't too late. Never too late to change your mind because every day is a miracle. Yes. A chance to make it." Changing our mind (a part of repentance) is something that God gives us the responsibility to seek regularly. Humility and repentance work together. Humility is the ability to let go of the wrong, embrace new godly ideas even from unexpected sources without embracing a bad view of self or needing to always be number one.

Even if our spouse, friend, family member or associate has a new idea that cannot be embraced, seek a win-win solution to maintain respect, kindness and strengthen the relationship. Christian, American and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar says, "Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side." Not only married people but all friends are supposed to understand that they are on the same side. God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost seek to develop individuals and relationships to be on His side. So do we! Join Rafael's and Michele's relationship group Thursdays from 7:30-9:00 p.m. at 14336 Winewood Lane #11, Woodbridge, Virginia.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Are Criticism and Contempt Causing A Relationship to Crumble?

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes," says Canadian/American comedian Jim Carey. Comedy seeks to find the funny in real-life problems.

John Gottman, Ph.D., a professor and researcher, and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, say in their audio book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage that regularly rolling eyes at a spouse speaking can be an example of contempt, and contempt is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that destroy marriages. They use the term "the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" to describe criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.

The Gottmans also say that their research and professional experience reveals that happily married couples behave like good friends. God desires for both married people and single people to have good friendships. God the Son Jesus Christ says about all believers in John 13:34-35 New Living Translation Bible, "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

Yet sometimes we are in relationships with people for whom we express and/or are receiving a steady stream of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Here's a small sample of these behaviors in relationships: habitually interrupting people when they are speaking with us, often shooting down their ideas, rarely saying anything positive to them, refusing to acknowledge sin brought to our attention, rarely showing affection, frequently trying to punish people with silence, almost always saying or in some way communicating "no" to sex with your spouse, using conversation laced with sarcasm, subscribing to Playboy and other such media and telling a lot of jokes that offend our spouses, friends or associates.

All of these behaviors are out of line with Ephesians 4:31-32 Amplified Bible which says, "Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you." Mariam Wright Edelman, a Christian, African-American, wife and children's activist, says, "Service is what life is all about."

God the Holy Ghost is a teacher who brings things in us to our attention that need transformation. God often uses others to show us where we are operating in criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling and to help us cooperate with God to get these out of our lives. A Chinese proverb says, "If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people." Join Rafael's and Michele's relationship group Thursdays from 7:30-9:00 p.m. at 14336 Winewood Lane #11, Woodbridge, Virginia. (Number 11 is the one with multiple-colored flowers and a trellis covered in a plethora of purple morning glories that humming birds sometimes dip their beaks into.) God may have just what you and someone else needs for change. If you cannot join us, we still would love to hear from you via leaving an on-line comment, chatting with Michele Jackson ("Michelelove30") on Twitter and Google G+.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Sex and Disability are Not an Oxymoron

Saturday Rafael and I enjoyed An Evening of Elegance listening to Gospel singers Ernest Pugh, DeWayne Woods, Anita Wilson and Carolyn Traylor. Rafael has autism. While he is verbal, he does not engage in conversations. He does engage in expressive emotions. Rafael jumped, walked and raised his hands praising God along with the singers and audience. Another man who appeared to be typical ran around the church community center where the event was held a couple of times in praise to God. Others stomped their feet, waved their hands, danced and sang.

I was thankful that Rafael had a chance to participate in a Christian event and would love to see more persons with autism and other different minds and abilities at Christian events and in diverse parts of society. It's time for everyone to come out and contribute their gifts and fruit widely.

Maybe some who are different don't come out much into public because of a false belief that God designed everyone to be typical, and something is wrong if you are not typical. Yet God made people typical and different on purpose. Exodus 4:11 New Living Translation Bible says, "Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord?"

While I would like for Rafael to converse, I am convinced that not all of autism is a disability. Rafael communicates extensively non-verbally and prefers intimate relationships to strangers. These are qualities that should be celebrated as God's creative, good design. 

Sunday when we were walking in a shopping mall Rafael and I saw a young, African-American man wearing a T-shirt saying, "I am awesome." Hallelujah! God is awesome. His people are awesome. They are royalty, joint-heirs with God the Son Jesus Christ.

Rafael and I hold a kingly view of not only incorporating persons who are different into everyday life, but incorporating them at the highest and best levels. The Bible book of 2 Samuel chapter 9 records that Mephibosheth was lame in his feet and his mind because he thought and spoke of himself as "a dead dog." Nevertheless, King David had him eating at the table of the highest level of government all his life, living in kingly housing and being served by the servant Ziba who was a servant of a former king and had 15 sons and 20 servants to help Mephibosheth. People who are different should be welcome in fine restaurants not just fast food restaurants, single family homes not just group homes. They should have well-paid numerous servants not just lowly-paid, without benefits servants to assist them in fulfilling God's plan for their life. Typical and different we all need other people to help us fulfill God's plan for our life.

Believers may not always have the best, but we can pursue the best and ask God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost to strengthen us during all of the journey of life. The Apostle Paul writes in Filipenses 4:12-13 la Biblia Dios Habla Hoy, "Sé lo que es vivir en la pobreza, y también lo que es vivir en la abundancia. He aprendido a hacer frente a cualquier situación, lo mismo a estar satisfecho que a tener hambre, a tener de sobra que a no tener nada. A todo puedo hacerle frente, gracias a Cristo que me fortalece."

From birth until his current age of 20 I have mostly tried to include Rafael in the best parts of life because the God we serve is not miserly but way more than enough. I am believing God for more friends for Rafael and a Christian wife. Mephibosheth was married and had at least one child who was named Micha. Today Nick Vujicic is married to Kanae Miyahara, has no arms and legs, is a Christian evangelist, is a motivational speaker, is director of the nonprofit group Life Without Limbs and is a Serbian who has lived in Australia and America. Nick also has caregivers. He is humble and responsible enough to ask for the help he needs to fulfill God's plan for his life. I don't know if Nick has children, but he wrote in his book Life Without Limbs that he is able and desiring to have children.

God approves of persons who are typical and different having marital sex. While God does not call singles to have sex with other people, God created everyone as a sexual person. Married people and singles are sexy. Typical and different we are all created with an interest in sex. My mom says as a three-year-old I was frustrated that my maternal grandmother wouldn't answer my questions about "butts." Rafael as a young person had a habit of touching the breasts of beautiful women. Sexual desire is not evil. It's a good thing, a God-created thing, to be managed with mercy, merriment and magnificence. Celebrate your sexuality within Biblical boundaries.

You are also welcomed to join Rafael, me and others Thursdays 7:30-9:00 p.m. for our relationship group located at 14336 Winewood Lane #11, Woodbridge, Virginia. Friendship, marriage and other good things are for all people, so all people single, married, typical, different and all other characteristics are welcome to join us to improve relationships and to form new ones.