We can hear messages teaching us to forgive people year after year and still refuse to forgive. Why? We are unwilling and/or unable to stop making excuses. Many excuses exist. Let's look at six excuses. Then let's look at the truth and receive the truth to break free of the excuses sabotaging our lifestyle of forgiveness.
1) EXCUSE: "If they would treat me nice, then I would forgive them." TRUTH: No matter what someone does, we can forgive them. Jesus Christ did; He forgave those who were killing Him! Luke 23:33-34 Amplified Bible says, "And when they came to the place which is called The Skull [Latin: Calvary; Hebrew: Golgotha], there they crucified Him, and [along with] the criminals, one on the right and one on the left. And Jesus prayed, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. And they divided His garments and distributed them by casting lots for them."
Forgiveness helps many people including ourselves. Forgiveness gives the offending person over to God the Father and frees our mind from grudges and other negativity toward the person, toward ourselves and toward God. If we have grudges, then our mind is filled with hate instead of love.
We cannot give what we have not received. If we have a grudge instead of love in our mind, then we will give out the grudge instead of love further damaging our relationships with God, self and other people.
Every day someone will probably do something that we will need to forgive. We may respond like the Yiddish saying, "I complain, and I keep going." We may also respond by training ourselves to think thoughts like: "I keep chatting with God instead of spewing poisonous complaining;" "I keep chatting with God. He will teach me how to think, talk and act." Then chat away with God about our specific thoughts and relationships.
Sharing a lot about everything, every day with God helps us to get comfortable with God. God wants us to seek a relationship with Him that includes our true selves. Phoniness is painful and blocks openness, loving truth and intimacy. Matthew 6:7-13 the Message Bible says, "The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what's best— as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes."
2) EXCUSE: "They cut out my heart; I can't let go of what they did and are still doing." TRUTH: Love lets go of harmful thoughts, speech and behaviors. God says to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39). Love includes spiritual and mental health. Sick people saturate their mind with passive, pessimistic, putrid unforgiving thoughts. A ministry friend of mine says, ". . . forgiveness is fertilizer for a crop of love." Proverbs 23:7 Amplified Bible says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." If we think unforgiving thoughts, then we will act in the hostility of unforgiving behaviors. Hostility is not the hallmark of believers; love is. God the Son Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 the Message Bible, "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."
People will hurt us frequently. God is able to heal the hurt each time, so that we keep on loving people. Healing can begin by talking to God about it. We can cooperate with God to cleanse our minds of wrong thinking. The past dynamics of a relationship do not stop us from doing good in the present. Learn from the past; don't live in it. Every day is new; we have a new opportunity to forgive. When we are not thinking, talking and acting in love, we are not like God, we are not being His agents of love in the earth realm. Love is central and essential to everyone and to everything at all times.
We like Jesus Christ may talk to God the Father and say, "Father, I place my life in your hands" (Luke 23:46 Message Bible). Our life is not our own. Hold back nothing. Release all control of our life into our loving and capable God. We don't know it all; God does. We can't do it all; God can. Cooperate with God to kill our unforgiving thoughts and behaviors, so that the love of God in us can arise and overflow onto others.
3) EXCUSE: Saying "We need to talk," or "Let's talk" while meaning "You did me wrong. I'm totally innocent. Now I'm going to straighten you out." TRUTH: Discussion grows with diversity of conversational topics shared delightfully while continuously doing the work with God and self to operate in forgiveness. Come out of the roles of stiff bore, bum, bitch, etc. Acknowledge, accept and admit our bad behavior while engaging in frequent conversation that contains more than correction. Examine ourselves against the Word of God: Are we irresistible or repulsive? Allow others to examine us to obtain the most objective truth. Receive the truth.
Many of the people crucifying Jesus Christ had no idea that He is God. While many hurt us intentionally, there are also many who hurt us and have no idea that they are hurting us. Everyone does not think alike. Everyone does not have the same understanding and approach to life.
Sometimes we want people to talk to us in a way that they are not currently capable of doing. To facilitate understanding we may try to operate like Krishna Menon who delivered a nine hour, non-stop speech at the United Nations.
Speak less. Listen and try to understand more. We may think we know the motivation behind a person's speech and behavior, but what we think we know may be false, and if not, then listening and trying to understand people shows we care about them and are loving. Proverbs 18:13 Amplified Bible says, "He who answers a matter before he hears the facts--it is folly and shame to him."
We are not always right. Presume competence in people. Empathy is essential to good relationships. Everyone has feelings even those who seem incapable of tenderness. Genghis Khan said about his divorce from Queen Ibaka completed for political reasons, "You have entered into my heart and limbs."
4) EXCUSE: "I can be and do good all by myself. I am strong enough. I don't need God to regularly forgive people." TRUTH: Anyone and anything has the potential to wear us out causing us to stop practicing forgiveness. Good relationships require continuous cooperation with God to implement continuous change. Sadly some people will only change a little because they are only willing to do a little work with God and others will not change at all because they refuse to cooperate with God, but we don't have to be one of them! Roman Empress Theodora I, wife of Emperor Justinian I, did not start out life as royalty. She spent time selling her sexual skills, became a Christian, and instead of sinking in remorse over sexual sin went on with her husband to grant extensive rights for women and to bring the Gospel to Africa. Theodora, which is Greek for "God's gift," had laws passed that prohibited forced prostitution and closed brothels. She created a convent where former prostitutes could support themselves and expanded the rights of women in divorce and property ownership, instituted the death penalty for rape, forbade exposure of unwanted infants and the killing of wives who committed adultery and gave mothers some guardianship rights over their children. Theodora and Justinian sent missionaries to sixth century Nubia which became a Christian African kingdom.
1) EXCUSE: "If they would treat me nice, then I would forgive them." TRUTH: No matter what someone does, we can forgive them. Jesus Christ did; He forgave those who were killing Him! Luke 23:33-34 Amplified Bible says, "And when they came to the place which is called The Skull [Latin: Calvary; Hebrew: Golgotha], there they crucified Him, and [along with] the criminals, one on the right and one on the left. And Jesus prayed, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. And they divided His garments and distributed them by casting lots for them."
Forgiveness helps many people including ourselves. Forgiveness gives the offending person over to God the Father and frees our mind from grudges and other negativity toward the person, toward ourselves and toward God. If we have grudges, then our mind is filled with hate instead of love.
We cannot give what we have not received. If we have a grudge instead of love in our mind, then we will give out the grudge instead of love further damaging our relationships with God, self and other people.
Every day someone will probably do something that we will need to forgive. We may respond like the Yiddish saying, "I complain, and I keep going." We may also respond by training ourselves to think thoughts like: "I keep chatting with God instead of spewing poisonous complaining;" "I keep chatting with God. He will teach me how to think, talk and act." Then chat away with God about our specific thoughts and relationships.
Sharing a lot about everything, every day with God helps us to get comfortable with God. God wants us to seek a relationship with Him that includes our true selves. Phoniness is painful and blocks openness, loving truth and intimacy. Matthew 6:7-13 the Message Bible says, "The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what's best— as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes."
2) EXCUSE: "They cut out my heart; I can't let go of what they did and are still doing." TRUTH: Love lets go of harmful thoughts, speech and behaviors. God says to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39). Love includes spiritual and mental health. Sick people saturate their mind with passive, pessimistic, putrid unforgiving thoughts. A ministry friend of mine says, ". . . forgiveness is fertilizer for a crop of love." Proverbs 23:7 Amplified Bible says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." If we think unforgiving thoughts, then we will act in the hostility of unforgiving behaviors. Hostility is not the hallmark of believers; love is. God the Son Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 the Message Bible, "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."
People will hurt us frequently. God is able to heal the hurt each time, so that we keep on loving people. Healing can begin by talking to God about it. We can cooperate with God to cleanse our minds of wrong thinking. The past dynamics of a relationship do not stop us from doing good in the present. Learn from the past; don't live in it. Every day is new; we have a new opportunity to forgive. When we are not thinking, talking and acting in love, we are not like God, we are not being His agents of love in the earth realm. Love is central and essential to everyone and to everything at all times.
We like Jesus Christ may talk to God the Father and say, "Father, I place my life in your hands" (Luke 23:46 Message Bible). Our life is not our own. Hold back nothing. Release all control of our life into our loving and capable God. We don't know it all; God does. We can't do it all; God can. Cooperate with God to kill our unforgiving thoughts and behaviors, so that the love of God in us can arise and overflow onto others.
3) EXCUSE: Saying "We need to talk," or "Let's talk" while meaning "You did me wrong. I'm totally innocent. Now I'm going to straighten you out." TRUTH: Discussion grows with diversity of conversational topics shared delightfully while continuously doing the work with God and self to operate in forgiveness. Come out of the roles of stiff bore, bum, bitch, etc. Acknowledge, accept and admit our bad behavior while engaging in frequent conversation that contains more than correction. Examine ourselves against the Word of God: Are we irresistible or repulsive? Allow others to examine us to obtain the most objective truth. Receive the truth.
Many of the people crucifying Jesus Christ had no idea that He is God. While many hurt us intentionally, there are also many who hurt us and have no idea that they are hurting us. Everyone does not think alike. Everyone does not have the same understanding and approach to life.
Sometimes we want people to talk to us in a way that they are not currently capable of doing. To facilitate understanding we may try to operate like Krishna Menon who delivered a nine hour, non-stop speech at the United Nations.
Speak less. Listen and try to understand more. We may think we know the motivation behind a person's speech and behavior, but what we think we know may be false, and if not, then listening and trying to understand people shows we care about them and are loving. Proverbs 18:13 Amplified Bible says, "He who answers a matter before he hears the facts--it is folly and shame to him."
We are not always right. Presume competence in people. Empathy is essential to good relationships. Everyone has feelings even those who seem incapable of tenderness. Genghis Khan said about his divorce from Queen Ibaka completed for political reasons, "You have entered into my heart and limbs."
4) EXCUSE: "I can be and do good all by myself. I am strong enough. I don't need God to regularly forgive people." TRUTH: Anyone and anything has the potential to wear us out causing us to stop practicing forgiveness. Good relationships require continuous cooperation with God to implement continuous change. Sadly some people will only change a little because they are only willing to do a little work with God and others will not change at all because they refuse to cooperate with God, but we don't have to be one of them! Roman Empress Theodora I, wife of Emperor Justinian I, did not start out life as royalty. She spent time selling her sexual skills, became a Christian, and instead of sinking in remorse over sexual sin went on with her husband to grant extensive rights for women and to bring the Gospel to Africa. Theodora, which is Greek for "God's gift," had laws passed that prohibited forced prostitution and closed brothels. She created a convent where former prostitutes could support themselves and expanded the rights of women in divorce and property ownership, instituted the death penalty for rape, forbade exposure of unwanted infants and the killing of wives who committed adultery and gave mothers some guardianship rights over their children. Theodora and Justinian sent missionaries to sixth century Nubia which became a Christian African kingdom.
Theodora I helped women without hating men. Better than the love affair and marriage between celebrities Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher which ended in divorce is the love affair and marriage of Christians Justinian and Theodora, who is 20 years his senior, that ended in her death and his profuse weeping.
5) EXCUSE: "I am smart. I am informed. I know to forgive." TRUTH: Knowing and doing are separate. I haven't admitted to God and myself that I know to forgive, but I don't do it. Forgiveness is a lifestyle not an intellectual pursuit or a practice to be used selectively. Matthew 18:21-22 the Message Bible says, "At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?" Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven."
We even need to forgive those we do not like. Why let their behavior occupy our mind? South African political prisoner against apartheid who became the first democratically-elected South African president Nelson Mandela says, "It always seems impossible, until it is done."
6) EXCUSE: "I know to forgive, but this situation is too hard for me." TRUTH: While some things are too difficult for us by ourselves, we can receive God and His power to do the difficult. Receive and nurture a relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. A relationship with God comes with the benefit of having the ability/power to forgive anyone and anything. Acts 1:6-8 the Message Bible says, "When they were together for the last time they asked, "Master, are you going to restore the kingdom to Israel now? Is this the time?" He told them, "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses in Jerusalem, all over Judea and Samaria, even to the ends of the world." Forgiveness is part of a Christian's witness. If we have God, we have the ability and power to forgive. God in us has to be cultivated. Don't be like Solomon who had Wisdom, but didn't always use it in his relationships with women.
Like God is Love, God is Forgiveness. God is who and what He is with everyone and everything. How good or how bad people are does not control God's person and behavior. It doesn't have to control ours either. Romans 5:7-11 New Living Translation Bible says, "Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God."
They cut my heart out or any other excuse to not forgive someone can be replaced by the Truth. God is able to give us a new heart filled with love for the lovable and unlovable. We have no excuses. Let go of a static, sinful view of our relationship with God and others. Clinging to excuses exposes a hard heart. Changing hearts is not a one-time event but a continuous relationship with God that overflows to people and every thing. Ezekiel 11:19 Amplified Bible says, "And I will give them one heart [a new heart] and I will put a new spirit within them; and I will take the stony [unnaturally hardened] heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh [sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God]."
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