Fearless Sex

God designed spousal lovemaking to be un-self-conscious, unintimidated, fun and an essential part of forming a strong marital bond. Yet fearful sex is a big problem today among Christians and non-Christians despite the counsel of 2 Timothy 1:7 Amplified Bible: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."

In Song of Solomon neither Solomon nor his Shulammite wife express a fear of marital lovemaking. They do not express a fear of dry vaginas, limp penises, premature ejaculation, the possibility of a bad or disappointing sexual experience, body inadequacy, looking bad, comparisons to other sexual experiences or new sexual experiences. Solomon's and his wife's conversation about fruit and gardens is abrir la puerta (opening the door) to the idea that marital lovemaking is making delicious. They have stripped off all of the reproach of Egypt (slavery to sin) an upbringing that taught sex is nasty and shameful.

Fear focuses us in on our self and our limits instead of focusing on giving a joyful experience to our lover. Believers are givers.

Fear focuses in on a negative and irrational mindset. Being naked and close with someone is a very vulnerable position easily squashed by a lover who points out areas of our body where we need to lose weight or describes them in unflattering ways. Confidence is encouraged by a lover who expresses craving instead of cringing to taste, touch, look, smell and hear a favorable response to making delicious. Instead of worrying about the size of your behind for downward rear entry why not think my husband is getting a glorious view of curves as he enters your vaginal portal to paradise? Many men prefer buttocks over breasts, and many women are not concerned with the size of their lover's penis. God made our bodies fearfully and wonderfully. Think of sex sweat as the dew of love and arousal scents as the aroma of love. Neither Solomon nor his wife criticize their own body or their spouse's body. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:7 New Living Translation Bible, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way."  The wife says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 1:16 New Living Translation Bible, "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! . . ." What words could you use to specifically describe your spouse's spectacular body?

Fast sex can be hot, but sometimes it's fear and a lack of self-control. Slowing down and savoring the experience is often better particularly for wives. No sense of rushing exists in Song of Solomon. These lovers seem to have all the time in the world to please each other.

Spouses, enjoy the whole experience of lovemaking in its many varieties of expression. No matter how much friction an orgasm doesn't always result from marital making delicious, and this can be wonderful too. Sex is more than an orgasm. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. . ." His wife says in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit."

If you are having partner sex and not married, being afraid is logical because you are sharing the most intimate part of you with someone who isn't committed to you. Singles, celebrate your body with God your Ishi (Husband).

What other fears threaten holy lovemaking?