More than 30 men employed by the Cleveland Waterworks Company were at work in a tunnel about 250 feet below Lake Erie on July 15, 1916, when an explosion ripped through the area trapping the men in the tunnel and filling the air with deadly gases. Rescue workers arrived immediately, but the dense smoke prevented them from entering the tunnel. They didn't know from who to get help.
Inspiration came when someone remembered Garrett Morgan. Morgan had won a grand prize at a New York Safety and Sanitation Fair for a gas mask he invented.
Using Morgan's gas mask, the workers were freed from the tunnel.
News of the rescue traveled. Fire departments across America wanted Morgan's gas mask. Orders poured in until people found out that Morgan was black. Then business dropped off.
Christian Minister and Civil Rights Leader Martin Luther King, Jr., who was assassinated April 4th, 45 years ago, said in his I Have a Dream speech, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
Proverbios 18:16 Biblia Bilingue Version Reina-Valera 1960 dice, "La dadiva del hombre le ensancha el camino y le lleva delante de los grandes." Proverbs 18:16 Bilingual Bible New King James Version says, "A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men."
In 1917 America entered World War I. Thousands of American soldiers used Morgan's gas mask to protect themselves from the enemy's deadly chlorine gas.
People probably faced fear when the Cleveland tunnel explosion happened and no way appeared to rescue those trapped. Morgan probably faced fear when business for his gas mask dropped when people found out that he was black. Many people have faced fear in the midst of crises and other difficult situations.
A Chinese proverb says, "Use incidents from the past as lessons for the future." Crisis need not stop commitment to self and social development. With courage and creativity Morgan didn't stop when crisis came into his life, and neither do you have to. He kept on perfecting his gas mask, developed other inventions and founded the Cleveland Call newspaper to improve media coverage of African Americans.
Creyentes (believers) have the power of the Creator of the Universe living inside of us. Be confidant in crisis. God will accomplish all His will. Psalm 115:2-3 Amplified Bible says, "Why should the nations say, Where is now their God? But our God is in heaven; He does whatever He pleases." What is something that please God? -- that good overcome evil.
Showing posts with label Criticism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Criticism. Show all posts
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Touch Me Like This Knowing and Being Known
The Apostle Paul knew God and himself. He refused to allow fear, shame or something else to block him from being willing to be known expansively by God, Timothy and other friends and to know them. True friends know us and know us in triumphs, tragedies and life in between these extremes and still love us, and we do likewise if we are a true friend. The Apostle Paul writes in 2 Timothy 3:10-11 New Living Translation Bible, "But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured. You know all about how I was persecuted in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra--but the Lord rescued me from all of it."
Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."
The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along.
Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.
Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.
Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.
Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.
Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach,
"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up."
Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now."
Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."
Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities.
Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.
Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.
Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them.
I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.
God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ."
Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.
Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.
Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.
Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.
Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."
Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.
Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.
Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.
May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."
Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."
The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along.
Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.
Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.
Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.
Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.
Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach,
"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up."
Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now."
Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."
Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities.
Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.
Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.
Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them.
I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.
God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ."
Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.
Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.
Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.
Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.
Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."
Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.
Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.
Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.
May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Are Criticism and Contempt Causing A Relationship to Crumble?
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes," says Canadian/American comedian Jim Carey. Comedy seeks to find the funny in real-life problems.
John Gottman, Ph.D., a professor and researcher, and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, say in their audio book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage that regularly rolling eyes at a spouse speaking can be an example of contempt, and contempt is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that destroy marriages. They use the term "the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" to describe criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.
The Gottmans also say that their research and professional experience reveals that happily married couples behave like good friends. God desires for both married people and single people to have good friendships. God the Son Jesus Christ says about all believers in John 13:34-35 New Living Translation Bible, "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."
Yet sometimes we are in relationships with people for whom we express and/or are receiving a steady stream of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Here's a small sample of these behaviors in relationships: habitually interrupting people when they are speaking with us, often shooting down their ideas, rarely saying anything positive to them, refusing to acknowledge sin brought to our attention, rarely showing affection, frequently trying to punish people with silence, almost always saying or in some way communicating "no" to sex with your spouse, using conversation laced with sarcasm, subscribing to Playboy and other such media and telling a lot of jokes that offend our spouses, friends or associates.
All of these behaviors are out of line with Ephesians 4:31-32 Amplified Bible which says, "Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you." Mariam Wright Edelman, a Christian, African-American, wife and children's activist, says, "Service is what life is all about."
God the Holy Ghost is a teacher who brings things in us to our attention that need transformation. God often uses others to show us where we are operating in criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling and to help us cooperate with God to get these out of our lives. A Chinese proverb says, "If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people." Join Rafael's and Michele's relationship group Thursdays from 7:30-9:00 p.m. at 14336 Winewood Lane #11, Woodbridge, Virginia. (Number 11 is the one with multiple-colored flowers and a trellis covered in a plethora of purple morning glories that humming birds sometimes dip their beaks into.) God may have just what you and someone else needs for change. If you cannot join us, we still would love to hear from you via leaving an on-line comment, chatting with Michele Jackson ("Michelelove30") on Twitter and Google G+.
John Gottman, Ph.D., a professor and researcher, and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, say in their audio book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage that regularly rolling eyes at a spouse speaking can be an example of contempt, and contempt is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that destroy marriages. They use the term "the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" to describe criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.
The Gottmans also say that their research and professional experience reveals that happily married couples behave like good friends. God desires for both married people and single people to have good friendships. God the Son Jesus Christ says about all believers in John 13:34-35 New Living Translation Bible, "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."
Yet sometimes we are in relationships with people for whom we express and/or are receiving a steady stream of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Here's a small sample of these behaviors in relationships: habitually interrupting people when they are speaking with us, often shooting down their ideas, rarely saying anything positive to them, refusing to acknowledge sin brought to our attention, rarely showing affection, frequently trying to punish people with silence, almost always saying or in some way communicating "no" to sex with your spouse, using conversation laced with sarcasm, subscribing to Playboy and other such media and telling a lot of jokes that offend our spouses, friends or associates.
All of these behaviors are out of line with Ephesians 4:31-32 Amplified Bible which says, "Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you." Mariam Wright Edelman, a Christian, African-American, wife and children's activist, says, "Service is what life is all about."
God the Holy Ghost is a teacher who brings things in us to our attention that need transformation. God often uses others to show us where we are operating in criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling and to help us cooperate with God to get these out of our lives. A Chinese proverb says, "If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people." Join Rafael's and Michele's relationship group Thursdays from 7:30-9:00 p.m. at 14336 Winewood Lane #11, Woodbridge, Virginia. (Number 11 is the one with multiple-colored flowers and a trellis covered in a plethora of purple morning glories that humming birds sometimes dip their beaks into.) God may have just what you and someone else needs for change. If you cannot join us, we still would love to hear from you via leaving an on-line comment, chatting with Michele Jackson ("Michelelove30") on Twitter and Google G+.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)