Sometimes we can enjoy forbidden sex, unforgiveness or something else instead of enjoying an intimate relationship with God and the overflow of this relationship with God, things like sexuality within Biblical boundaries, peace of mind and other ways of God.
God fashioned the color of our skin. What God designed is good. Savor dark chocolate; gaze on the lightest brightness; or be memorized by a shade somewhere in the middle. God gave us eyes to enjoy much varied beauty.
As a girl in the early years of elementary school I wondered if the penises of black, Latino and white boys differed. So I conducted an experiment with naked boys.
A challenge exists to look but not to leap into partner-sex outside of marriage. Sadly, sometimes we leap. Gladly believers have God living on the inside giving us the power to find our way back to safe and enjoyable sexuality and spiritual wholeness. Watchman Nee writes in his book Sit Walk Stand The Process of Christian Maturity, "An engineer living in a large city in the West left his homeland for the Far East. He was away for two or three years, and during his absence his wife was unfaithful to him and went off with one of his best friends. On his return home he found he had lost his wife, his two children and his best friend. At the close of a meeting which I was addressing, this grief-stricken man unburdened himself to me. "Day and night for two solid years my heart has been full of hatred," he said. "I am a Christian, and I know I ought to forgive my wife and my friend, but though I try and try to forgive them, I simply cannot. Every day I resolve to love them, and every day I fail. What can I do about it?"
"Do nothing at all," I replied.
"What do you mean?" he asked, startled. "Am I to continue to hate them?"
So I explained, "The solution of your problem lies here, that when the Lord Jesus died on the cross, He not only bore your sins away, but He bore you away too. When He was crucified, your old man was crucified in Him, so that that unforgiving 'you,' who simply cannot love those who have wronged you, has been taken right out of the way in His death. God has dealt with the whole situation in the cross, and there is nothing left for you to deal with. Just say to Him, 'Lord, I cannot love, and I give up trying, but I count on Thy perfect love. I cannot forgive, but I trust Thee to forgive instead of me, and to do so henceforth in me."
What sins are you enjoying and/or suffering that need to turned over to God?
No temere. Don't be afraid to turn your sins over to God. Some sins are fun for a season, but all sin brings pain and destruction that becomes obvious sooner or later. Contrary to any deception you may believe, God ways are the most enjoyable way of living, and God has the power to live out His ways through you.
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
The Power to End Unequal Treatment
When the laws of people are in line with the law of God, these laws show us what sin is, how to properly treat people and what good is. Matthew 7:12 English Standard Version Bible says, "“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." Galatians 3:28-29 the Message Bible says, "In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, since you are Christ’s family, then you are Abraham’s famous “descendant,” heirs according to the covenant promises."
Rosa Parks, mother of the Civil Rights Movement, fought for the implementation in American society of the idea that all people are equal. When Parks refused to give up her seat in December 1955 in obedience to segregation law, she was arrested.
Parks had been branch secretary for the Montgomery, Alabama NAACP for several years. Along with Edgar Daniel Nixon, head of the Montgomery, Alabama NAACP, and other Civil Rights leaders, Parks agreed to use her case to pursue an end to segregation. The Civil Rights leaders also decided to boycott the Montgomery buses. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Leader Martin Luther King, Jr., said, "We're going to work with grim and firm determination to gain justice on the buses in this city. And...we are not wrong in what we are doing. If we are wrong, the Constitution of the United States is wrong...If we are wrong, justice is a lie. And we are determined here in Montgomery to work and fight until justice runs down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream..."
After a little more than one year of the boycott, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of Rosa Parks, declaring Alabama's bus segregation laws unconstitutional. It was the beginning of the end of segregation.
Parks said, "People always say that I [didn't give] up my seat because I was I was tired, but that isn't true. I was not tired physically...The only tired I was, was tired of giving in."
Segregation eventually became illegal in the United States of America, but not all unequal treatment as evidenced by issues such as abortion, immigration, disability, sexuality and employment. Why do we still struggle with unequal treatment?
Christian Minister Watchman Nee said in his book The Normal Christian Life, "When God's light first shines into my heart my one cry is for forgiveness, for I realize I have committed sins before him; but when once I have received forgiveness of sins I make a new discovery, namely, the discovery of sin, and I realize not only that I have committed sins before God but that there is something wrong within. I discover that I have the nature of a sinner. There is an inward inclination to sin, a power within that draws to sin. When that power breaks out I commit sins. I may seek and receive forgiveness, but then I sin once more. So life goes on in a vicious circle of sinning and being forgiven and then sinning again. I appreciate the blessed fact of God's forgiveness, but I want something more than that: I want deliverance. I need forgiveness for what I have done, but I need also deliverance from what I am."
We all need a daily dose of God the Holy Ghost to be delivered from who we are and to live in growing evidence of the love of God on the inside showing up on the outside. The more people living in the ways of God empowered by God, the less unequal treatment and the less other sin. God living on the inside is the power to fulfill love. Romans 13:10 Amplified Bible says, "Love does no wrong to one’s neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the fulfilling of the Law."
Follow me (michelelove30) on Twitter. Recommend this article on Google.
Rosa Parks, mother of the Civil Rights Movement, fought for the implementation in American society of the idea that all people are equal. When Parks refused to give up her seat in December 1955 in obedience to segregation law, she was arrested.
Parks had been branch secretary for the Montgomery, Alabama NAACP for several years. Along with Edgar Daniel Nixon, head of the Montgomery, Alabama NAACP, and other Civil Rights leaders, Parks agreed to use her case to pursue an end to segregation. The Civil Rights leaders also decided to boycott the Montgomery buses. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Leader Martin Luther King, Jr., said, "We're going to work with grim and firm determination to gain justice on the buses in this city. And...we are not wrong in what we are doing. If we are wrong, the Constitution of the United States is wrong...If we are wrong, justice is a lie. And we are determined here in Montgomery to work and fight until justice runs down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream..."
After a little more than one year of the boycott, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of Rosa Parks, declaring Alabama's bus segregation laws unconstitutional. It was the beginning of the end of segregation.
Parks said, "People always say that I [didn't give] up my seat because I was I was tired, but that isn't true. I was not tired physically...The only tired I was, was tired of giving in."
Segregation eventually became illegal in the United States of America, but not all unequal treatment as evidenced by issues such as abortion, immigration, disability, sexuality and employment. Why do we still struggle with unequal treatment?
Christian Minister Watchman Nee said in his book The Normal Christian Life, "When God's light first shines into my heart my one cry is for forgiveness, for I realize I have committed sins before him; but when once I have received forgiveness of sins I make a new discovery, namely, the discovery of sin, and I realize not only that I have committed sins before God but that there is something wrong within. I discover that I have the nature of a sinner. There is an inward inclination to sin, a power within that draws to sin. When that power breaks out I commit sins. I may seek and receive forgiveness, but then I sin once more. So life goes on in a vicious circle of sinning and being forgiven and then sinning again. I appreciate the blessed fact of God's forgiveness, but I want something more than that: I want deliverance. I need forgiveness for what I have done, but I need also deliverance from what I am."
We all need a daily dose of God the Holy Ghost to be delivered from who we are and to live in growing evidence of the love of God on the inside showing up on the outside. The more people living in the ways of God empowered by God, the less unequal treatment and the less other sin. God living on the inside is the power to fulfill love. Romans 13:10 Amplified Bible says, "Love does no wrong to one’s neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the fulfilling of the Law."
Follow me (michelelove30) on Twitter. Recommend this article on Google.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Financial Infidelity
Psalm 18:25 New Living Translation Bible says, "To the faithful you show yourself faithful; to those with integrity you show integrity." We often receive what we give. Many of us desire transparency, trust and true love, but live contrary to our beliefs. Financial infidelity is rampant in marriages because we are not faithful in our management of finances which enables our spouses to be unfaithful. Common transparency and trust sins are failing to discuss and unite around financial values and goals, creating and maintaining an atmosphere of unequal knowledge about all family finances, hiding credit card statements, demanding bank statements for your-eyes-only via email, hiding paychecks, secret spending sprees, failing to appreciate each others money management styles, failing to create and cooperate with a mutually-agreed-upon money management system, etc. Prayer and asking God and ones spouse for forgiveness are a start to fixing financial infidelity.
Next empathize to enable understanding of a spouse who may have a different money management style from our own. We are not all motivated by the same things. Some of us are motivated by authority or attention. Others are motivated by acceptance or accuracy. God made us different because He likes diversity. We can learn about God by studying diversity. Cherish the God in your spouse instead of habitual criticizing.
Both men and women need to be well informed about money and financial issues. Some wives sin in leaving all or most of the responsibility for household finances with their husbands. It's a dangerous way to live with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce and age 56 being the average age of widowhood.
Someone motivated by authority views money as power. They are highly productive, focused and hardworking. They always seem to have a vision. Having vision is godly. Proverbs 29:18 Amplified Bible says, "Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish; but he who keeps the law [of God, which includes that of man]--blessed (happy, fortunate, and enviable) is he." They have clear ideas to manage large budgets and large challenges and take large risks. They have to be careful to remember that personal relationships with people are just as important as the big vision. Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 English Standard Version, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
Someone motivated by attention views money as a way to connect with people and to create memories. They are very generous. Generosity is a way to expand the kingdom of God. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." They have to be careful not to overspend and to value savings and investments.
Someone motivated by acceptance desires to live in peace. They want simplicity and balance around money issues not living in the stress of spending more than a family makes. They value getting along with each other and cooperation. Romans 12:18 New Living Translation Bible says, "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." They need to make sure they confront money issues as needed and not pursue peace at any price.
Someone motivated by accuracy desires to follow a specific money management system. They are emotionally attached to a budget. If the budget is $100.00 a week for groceries; spending $110.00 will probably cause an argument. They are big on saving, loss prevention, planning, counting their money and assets and minimizing their liabilities. They like to be in the know, and don't like surprises. Proverbs 27:23 Amplified Bible says, "Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and look well to your herds." God is for savings and investments and having more than enough. Psalm 33:7 Amplified Bible says, "He gathers the waters of the sea as in a bottle; He puts the deeps in storage places." Those motivated by accuracy have to be careful as they accumulate more financial resources not to place their security in resources instead of God. They also have to guard against stinginess. While we want to have more than enough, they have to sometimes remember spending and giving are good; money and financial resources are tools to be used for the glory of God in all areas of living.
After understanding and empathizing with our spouse comes seeking ways to cooperate and collaborate. View differences positively. Lose attitudes of superiority. Mutual respect and participation in money management are vital. God made each one of us unique, so our way of coming together in money management will be unique. Coming together involves:
praying,
forgiving,
brainstorming,
talking,
studying,
researching,
committing to each other and agreements and
meditating on the agreements to live them out daily.
Sometimes a spouse struggles to forgive a bankruptcy, large gambling debt, huge investment failure, a housing foreclosure, a job or business loss, a lack of job promotion or business growth or some other financial failure. Joyce Meyer writes in her book, Love Out Loud 365 Devotions for Loving God, Loving Yourself, and Loving Others, "Do you hold unforgiveness toward anyone for any reason? If so, it needs to be eliminated from your heart and mind right away because it's keeping you in bondage. You may be thinking, Well, Joyce, that's easy for you to say. You haven't been hurt like I have. That is true, but I have been hurt in life to a very deep degree. I was abused, abandoned, rejected, blamed, lied about, misunderstood, and betrayed by family and friends, and I allowed the enemy to fill my heart with hatred for those who hurt me. But when I began to learn about love, I moved from hatred to bitterness to mild resentment and finally to freedom, which only comes through forgiveness. The Lord graciously brought restitution into my life. God promises to bring justice into our lives and to give us a double reward for our former shame, pain, and unfair treatment (See Isa. 61:7). When we try to bring justice ourselves through vengeful acts, we only prevent God from working on our behalf."
Money challenges are not always the result of negative life experiences. When a spouse retires before age 50, starts a business, inherits a large sum of money and/or property or some other significant, positive, financial experience, the other spouse may experience feelings of jealousy, envy, resentment and/or other negative emotions and attitudes. All emotions and attitudes impact the atmosphere in a marriage. Proverbs 14:30 Amplified Bible says, "A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones." Proverbs 27:4 Amplified Bible says, "Wrath is cruel and anger is an overwhelming flood, but who is able to stand before jealousy?"
Money and other financial issues can be very difficult to discuss. Be sure to rely on the Holy-Spirit-given fruit of self-control and the wisdom of our Christ mind to manage our emotions. Ravi Zacharias counsels in his sermon, "Divided Heart, Divided Home," "But if good advice is to be effective. It should be timed rightly." Converse at times that are convenient for both members of the couple. Lynn Toler says in her book, Making Marriage Work New Rules For An Old Institution, "If you think of communication as the Superman of relationships, Right Now is Kryptonite. Right Now is when the issue first arises. Right Now is when you are mad. Right Now is when the hurt you feel about what he or she has done is felt for the first time. Right Now is good for arguments, catharses, and contention. Right Now is almost never amenable to a conversation."
It also doesn't hurt to create a calming environment for conversation. Perhaps putting on Lonnie Plaxico's Melange jazz album, or one of your favorite albums, or whatever it is that you both enjoy and find edifying for conversation. The little things that show you took the time and effort to know what pleases a person can really communicate love. Dr. Derek Grier writes in his book, 60 Minutes of Wisdom Insight In An Instant, "John Maxwell, an expert on gaining personal influence, states, "People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care." In other words, before you attempt to direct, you must connect."
If financial infidelity has visited our home, living according to Biblical principles will encourage financial infidelity to leave as an unwelcome guest.
Next empathize to enable understanding of a spouse who may have a different money management style from our own. We are not all motivated by the same things. Some of us are motivated by authority or attention. Others are motivated by acceptance or accuracy. God made us different because He likes diversity. We can learn about God by studying diversity. Cherish the God in your spouse instead of habitual criticizing.
Both men and women need to be well informed about money and financial issues. Some wives sin in leaving all or most of the responsibility for household finances with their husbands. It's a dangerous way to live with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce and age 56 being the average age of widowhood.
Someone motivated by authority views money as power. They are highly productive, focused and hardworking. They always seem to have a vision. Having vision is godly. Proverbs 29:18 Amplified Bible says, "Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish; but he who keeps the law [of God, which includes that of man]--blessed (happy, fortunate, and enviable) is he." They have clear ideas to manage large budgets and large challenges and take large risks. They have to be careful to remember that personal relationships with people are just as important as the big vision. Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 English Standard Version, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
Someone motivated by attention views money as a way to connect with people and to create memories. They are very generous. Generosity is a way to expand the kingdom of God. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." They have to be careful not to overspend and to value savings and investments.
Someone motivated by acceptance desires to live in peace. They want simplicity and balance around money issues not living in the stress of spending more than a family makes. They value getting along with each other and cooperation. Romans 12:18 New Living Translation Bible says, "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." They need to make sure they confront money issues as needed and not pursue peace at any price.
Someone motivated by accuracy desires to follow a specific money management system. They are emotionally attached to a budget. If the budget is $100.00 a week for groceries; spending $110.00 will probably cause an argument. They are big on saving, loss prevention, planning, counting their money and assets and minimizing their liabilities. They like to be in the know, and don't like surprises. Proverbs 27:23 Amplified Bible says, "Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and look well to your herds." God is for savings and investments and having more than enough. Psalm 33:7 Amplified Bible says, "He gathers the waters of the sea as in a bottle; He puts the deeps in storage places." Those motivated by accuracy have to be careful as they accumulate more financial resources not to place their security in resources instead of God. They also have to guard against stinginess. While we want to have more than enough, they have to sometimes remember spending and giving are good; money and financial resources are tools to be used for the glory of God in all areas of living.
After understanding and empathizing with our spouse comes seeking ways to cooperate and collaborate. View differences positively. Lose attitudes of superiority. Mutual respect and participation in money management are vital. God made each one of us unique, so our way of coming together in money management will be unique. Coming together involves:
praying,
forgiving,
brainstorming,
talking,
studying,
researching,
committing to each other and agreements and
meditating on the agreements to live them out daily.
Sometimes a spouse struggles to forgive a bankruptcy, large gambling debt, huge investment failure, a housing foreclosure, a job or business loss, a lack of job promotion or business growth or some other financial failure. Joyce Meyer writes in her book, Love Out Loud 365 Devotions for Loving God, Loving Yourself, and Loving Others, "Do you hold unforgiveness toward anyone for any reason? If so, it needs to be eliminated from your heart and mind right away because it's keeping you in bondage. You may be thinking, Well, Joyce, that's easy for you to say. You haven't been hurt like I have. That is true, but I have been hurt in life to a very deep degree. I was abused, abandoned, rejected, blamed, lied about, misunderstood, and betrayed by family and friends, and I allowed the enemy to fill my heart with hatred for those who hurt me. But when I began to learn about love, I moved from hatred to bitterness to mild resentment and finally to freedom, which only comes through forgiveness. The Lord graciously brought restitution into my life. God promises to bring justice into our lives and to give us a double reward for our former shame, pain, and unfair treatment (See Isa. 61:7). When we try to bring justice ourselves through vengeful acts, we only prevent God from working on our behalf."
Money challenges are not always the result of negative life experiences. When a spouse retires before age 50, starts a business, inherits a large sum of money and/or property or some other significant, positive, financial experience, the other spouse may experience feelings of jealousy, envy, resentment and/or other negative emotions and attitudes. All emotions and attitudes impact the atmosphere in a marriage. Proverbs 14:30 Amplified Bible says, "A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones." Proverbs 27:4 Amplified Bible says, "Wrath is cruel and anger is an overwhelming flood, but who is able to stand before jealousy?"
Money and other financial issues can be very difficult to discuss. Be sure to rely on the Holy-Spirit-given fruit of self-control and the wisdom of our Christ mind to manage our emotions. Ravi Zacharias counsels in his sermon, "Divided Heart, Divided Home," "But if good advice is to be effective. It should be timed rightly." Converse at times that are convenient for both members of the couple. Lynn Toler says in her book, Making Marriage Work New Rules For An Old Institution, "If you think of communication as the Superman of relationships, Right Now is Kryptonite. Right Now is when the issue first arises. Right Now is when you are mad. Right Now is when the hurt you feel about what he or she has done is felt for the first time. Right Now is good for arguments, catharses, and contention. Right Now is almost never amenable to a conversation."
It also doesn't hurt to create a calming environment for conversation. Perhaps putting on Lonnie Plaxico's Melange jazz album, or one of your favorite albums, or whatever it is that you both enjoy and find edifying for conversation. The little things that show you took the time and effort to know what pleases a person can really communicate love. Dr. Derek Grier writes in his book, 60 Minutes of Wisdom Insight In An Instant, "John Maxwell, an expert on gaining personal influence, states, "People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care." In other words, before you attempt to direct, you must connect."
If financial infidelity has visited our home, living according to Biblical principles will encourage financial infidelity to leave as an unwelcome guest.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Novel Sex
Trying new things can be good. Solomon's Shulammite wife strove to try new types of lovemaking with Solomon. Together they enjoyed the old ways of mating while embracing the new. Novelty can be exciting, edifying and exquisite.
Our God is the Creator. He created sex and sexuality. We are made in God's image. We are also creators.
Some novelty is destructive; more than one million Americans went to a swingers club in 2011. Instead of swapping sex partners creative marital monogamy involves consistently growing in ways to make a spouse's life better. Figuring out new ways to bring sexual pleasure and other pleasure to a spouse is a ministry, a responsibility and a loving, beautiful joy.
Solomon's wife enjoyed getting naked in nature with Solomon. She says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 7:11-12 New Living Translation Bible, "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover."
God built our beautiful bodies for love. Spouses, have fun customizing the missionary and downward rear entry. Strip off the No es posible attitude and the bad body image. Rear-entry vaginal sex is not immoral. Experiment with many of the hundreds of sexual positions and sensual sensations.
Some in our parents generation were taught and communicated to us that oral sex is depraved, but nothing in the Bible prohibits oral sex. Actually, the Bible encourages it. Sometimes we have taboos that God does not possess. Solomon's Shulammite wife says about Solomon in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit." Of course, oral sex is not just for a wife to give to her husband. A husband and wife can give each other oral sex even at the same time! They may even have simultaneous orgasms by licking, kissing, sucking, touching each others penis and vagina lying side by side.
Orgasms outside of sexual intercourse can be had in a variety of ways. Some say they can think themselves into orgasms. If you need touch, try creating a love tunnel for your husband's penis with your breasts, hands and/or thighs.
The Bible doesn't seem to say anything for or against anal sex. Anal sex seems to fall in the category of using the wise mind of Christ. Anal play seems fine, but anal penetration is it really safe and sanitary? Please leave an on-line comment about anal sex from a Biblical perspective.
With over 500 ways to have vaginal intercourse a marital couple might never get around to the anal-sex issue. Also many will not even come close to trying 500 sexual positions, and that's okay. A great marital sex life is not based on using multiple sexual positions.
Spouses, learn each other. Some people need more privacy than others for marital lovemaking. Some need less privacy. In the movie Dances With Wolves the wife of the Sioux holy man is on top making delicious while family and friends are sleeping in the same room!
Play games like "Hide and Go Freak," Manos Arriba (Hands Up) or invent your own game.
Men may think more about sex than women generally, but women have the potential to have more orgasms in a lovemaking session than men generally. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior reports that the more sexual positions a woman engages in with a man during a lovemaking session the greater the potential for orgasms. Many women love to shop and possess a wide variety of clothes, shoes, accessories and other items. Like we like variety in our shopping, we like variety in our sexual relationship. A husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband at various angles creates different sensations. Please leave an on-line comment about your favorite sexual positions.
Sexual fantasies about our spouse can be used to enhance a couple's sexual life. Talk to God to stop fantasies about people other than our spouse.
Tender and talented marital lovemaking includes more than oral sex or a husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband. Solomon and his wife enjoyed each others full body. Intimacy is:
Intentional,
Nurturing,
Talking,
Integration,
Mating,
Adoration,
Compassion,
Yearning.
'"Women, this might surprise you, but even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleasured. It might seem like it's all about him, but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he'll end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unloved. Most of us men want to be our wives' heroes," says Dr. Kevin Leman in his book, Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
Bible-living, Christian spouses shouldn't have a bad sex life. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in his "Letter from Birmingham Jail," "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." God commands us to figure out how to love people. Galatians 5:14 New Living Translation Bible says, "For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”" Please leave a comment if your spouse likes to be loved in a way that is different from the way you like to be loved.
For the most part, believers are suppose to give, receive and feel love like Donna Summer sang in her song, "I Feel Love." If your relationships aren't so good, and you are not feeling love, then sin is present and needs to brought before God to be forgiven and stopped.
While God designed partner sex for married couples only, God designed both spouses and singles to celebrate their sexuality. Inner beauty is holy, and so is looking good on the outside. Sex and sexuality are a celebration of life. God is Life. Solomon says to his loved one in Song of Solomon 1:10 New Living Translation Bible, "How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels."
Please leave an on-line comment sharing novel, Biblical, beautiful ways to express sex and sexuality.
Our God is the Creator. He created sex and sexuality. We are made in God's image. We are also creators.
Some novelty is destructive; more than one million Americans went to a swingers club in 2011. Instead of swapping sex partners creative marital monogamy involves consistently growing in ways to make a spouse's life better. Figuring out new ways to bring sexual pleasure and other pleasure to a spouse is a ministry, a responsibility and a loving, beautiful joy.
Solomon's wife enjoyed getting naked in nature with Solomon. She says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 7:11-12 New Living Translation Bible, "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover."
God built our beautiful bodies for love. Spouses, have fun customizing the missionary and downward rear entry. Strip off the No es posible attitude and the bad body image. Rear-entry vaginal sex is not immoral. Experiment with many of the hundreds of sexual positions and sensual sensations.
Some in our parents generation were taught and communicated to us that oral sex is depraved, but nothing in the Bible prohibits oral sex. Actually, the Bible encourages it. Sometimes we have taboos that God does not possess. Solomon's Shulammite wife says about Solomon in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit." Of course, oral sex is not just for a wife to give to her husband. A husband and wife can give each other oral sex even at the same time! They may even have simultaneous orgasms by licking, kissing, sucking, touching each others penis and vagina lying side by side.
Orgasms outside of sexual intercourse can be had in a variety of ways. Some say they can think themselves into orgasms. If you need touch, try creating a love tunnel for your husband's penis with your breasts, hands and/or thighs.
The Bible doesn't seem to say anything for or against anal sex. Anal sex seems to fall in the category of using the wise mind of Christ. Anal play seems fine, but anal penetration is it really safe and sanitary? Please leave an on-line comment about anal sex from a Biblical perspective.
With over 500 ways to have vaginal intercourse a marital couple might never get around to the anal-sex issue. Also many will not even come close to trying 500 sexual positions, and that's okay. A great marital sex life is not based on using multiple sexual positions.
Spouses, learn each other. Some people need more privacy than others for marital lovemaking. Some need less privacy. In the movie Dances With Wolves the wife of the Sioux holy man is on top making delicious while family and friends are sleeping in the same room!
Play games like "Hide and Go Freak," Manos Arriba (Hands Up) or invent your own game.
Men may think more about sex than women generally, but women have the potential to have more orgasms in a lovemaking session than men generally. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior reports that the more sexual positions a woman engages in with a man during a lovemaking session the greater the potential for orgasms. Many women love to shop and possess a wide variety of clothes, shoes, accessories and other items. Like we like variety in our shopping, we like variety in our sexual relationship. A husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband at various angles creates different sensations. Please leave an on-line comment about your favorite sexual positions.
Sexual fantasies about our spouse can be used to enhance a couple's sexual life. Talk to God to stop fantasies about people other than our spouse.
Tender and talented marital lovemaking includes more than oral sex or a husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband. Solomon and his wife enjoyed each others full body. Intimacy is:
Intentional,
Nurturing,
Talking,
Integration,
Mating,
Adoration,
Compassion,
Yearning.
'"Women, this might surprise you, but even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleasured. It might seem like it's all about him, but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he'll end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unloved. Most of us men want to be our wives' heroes," says Dr. Kevin Leman in his book, Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
Bible-living, Christian spouses shouldn't have a bad sex life. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in his "Letter from Birmingham Jail," "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." God commands us to figure out how to love people. Galatians 5:14 New Living Translation Bible says, "For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”" Please leave a comment if your spouse likes to be loved in a way that is different from the way you like to be loved.
For the most part, believers are suppose to give, receive and feel love like Donna Summer sang in her song, "I Feel Love." If your relationships aren't so good, and you are not feeling love, then sin is present and needs to brought before God to be forgiven and stopped.
While God designed partner sex for married couples only, God designed both spouses and singles to celebrate their sexuality. Inner beauty is holy, and so is looking good on the outside. Sex and sexuality are a celebration of life. God is Life. Solomon says to his loved one in Song of Solomon 1:10 New Living Translation Bible, "How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels."
Please leave an on-line comment sharing novel, Biblical, beautiful ways to express sex and sexuality.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Second-Class Christian Citizens?
Are non-virgins second-class
Christian citizens compared to virgins? No! Someone who has had one or
more sexual partners is not a second-class Christian or a second-best
marriage partner.
While a virgin has not sinned in having sexual relations with another human being, a virgin has sinned in some ways. Virgins and non-virgins have sinned in multiple ways. Romans 3:10 Amplified Bible says, "As it is written, None is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one." The solution to a lack of righteousness is offered to virgins and non-virgins in Romans 6:23 Amplified Bible which says, "For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord."
When considering someone to marry we don't want to disqualify a person based on being a virgin or non-virgin. What is much more important is marrying a person who has received an eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. While many are concerned about the chronological age of a spouse, what is more important is to be and to marry someone spiritually mature; someone whose relationship with God is deep like the earth's deepest lakes of Lake Tanganyika in Africa and Lake Baikal in Siberia, Russia; someone who constantly chases God, and is consequently constantly improving.
A person can be a virgin or non-virgin and still be spiritually immature. A good marriage is the fellowship of two spiritually mature Christians who are continuously cooperating with God to change into His likeness.
Many people receive Christ, but refuse to grow in their relationship with Christ, themselves and other people. The Bible gives us the blueprint for living. Joshua 1:8 Amplified Bible says, "This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success." Some people want to succeed, but they are not willing to do what it takes to succeed. Brian Tracy writes in his book, No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline 21 Ways to Achieve Lasting Happiness and Success, "One of the most important requirements for success, once you have decided what it is that you want, is the quality of willingness. Successful people are willing to pay the price, whatever it is and for as long as it takes, until they achieve the results they desire. Everyone wants to be successful . . . . But most people are not willing to pay the price. Occasionally, they may be wiling to pay part of the price, but they are not willing to pay the whole price. They always hold back. They always have some excuse or rationalization for not disciplining themselves to do everything that they need to do to achieve their goals."
Being a virgin before marriage may indicate that a person has some love of God. John 14:15 Amplified Bible says, "If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands." Virgins have been obedient to one aspect of Exodus 20:14 the Message Bible which requires us to practice, "No adultery."
A non-virgin may also love God irregardless of having sex outside of marriage once or thousands of times. Some non-virgins have sinned sexually, received the forgiveness, transformation and love of God and have been walking in beautiful, Biblical, sexual balance for a while.
God does not consider virgins more spiritual or worthy or better people than non-virgins. God offers His love to everyone. God inspired the Apostle Paul to say in Galatians 3:28 New Living Translation Bible, "There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus."
In some parts of the globe a woman can be killed if she is not a virgin before marriage. Hymenoplasty surgery to attempt to restore a broken hymen is routinely performed in parts of the world, such as Muslim countries and other places. In Japan hymenoplasty is called "virginity rebirth." Jesus Christ does not require hymenoplasty and other mutilation of our bodies to be holy.
If you are a non-virgin who has sought the forgiveness, transformation and love of God to empower you to celebrate single sexuality and to celebrate sexual relations inside of marriage, but find yourself struggling with your self-worth, shame, fear, guilt or something else, keep on asking God to help you to fully receive His love. God views us as individual, priceless treasures. He wants us to have the same view of ourselves as He has of us.
If you are a virgin who looks down on non-virgins, repent of being judgmental, condemning, haughty and self-righteous like many of the religious leaders during the time of Jesus Christ's earthly ministry. Jesus Christ tells a story in Luke 18:10-14 Amplified Bible which says, "Two men went up into the temple [enclosure] to pray, the one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee took his stand ostentatiously and began to pray thus before and with himself: God, I thank You that I am not like the rest of men--extortioners (robbers), swindlers [unrighteous in heart and life], adulterers--or even like this tax collector here. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I gain. But the tax collector, [merely] standing at a distance, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but kept striking his breast, saying, O God, be favorable (be gracious, be merciful) to me, the especially wicked sinner that I am! I tell you, this man went down to his home justified (forgiven and made upright and in right standing with God), rather than the other man; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."
When we have received
a lot of the love of God, we are able to give out a lot of the love of
God. Having received the love of God, non-virgins will not feel bad
about themselves and/or envy virgins; also virgins will not feel
superior to non-virgins or envy non-virgins. God takes all of our sins
and works them out for His glory and our good. International practical
Bible teacher Joyce Meyer was repeatedly raped by her father as a child and as an
adolescent. As a young adult she went through a divorce. Later she
married Dave Meyer, and later still together they have a Christian
ministry potentially impacting 4.5 billion. Luci Swindoll is a single who
has an international Christian ministry and writes in her book, I Married Adventure,
"It's daring to be curious about the unknown, to dream big dreams, to
live outside prescribed boxes, to take risks, and above all, daring to
investigate the way we live until we discover the deepest treasured
purpose of why we are here."
Whether we are a non-virgin or virgin, if we have received God and are continuously seeking to mature in our relationship with God and people, then celebrate who we are just as we are.
While a virgin has not sinned in having sexual relations with another human being, a virgin has sinned in some ways. Virgins and non-virgins have sinned in multiple ways. Romans 3:10 Amplified Bible says, "As it is written, None is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one." The solution to a lack of righteousness is offered to virgins and non-virgins in Romans 6:23 Amplified Bible which says, "For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord."
When considering someone to marry we don't want to disqualify a person based on being a virgin or non-virgin. What is much more important is marrying a person who has received an eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. While many are concerned about the chronological age of a spouse, what is more important is to be and to marry someone spiritually mature; someone whose relationship with God is deep like the earth's deepest lakes of Lake Tanganyika in Africa and Lake Baikal in Siberia, Russia; someone who constantly chases God, and is consequently constantly improving.
A person can be a virgin or non-virgin and still be spiritually immature. A good marriage is the fellowship of two spiritually mature Christians who are continuously cooperating with God to change into His likeness.
Many people receive Christ, but refuse to grow in their relationship with Christ, themselves and other people. The Bible gives us the blueprint for living. Joshua 1:8 Amplified Bible says, "This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success." Some people want to succeed, but they are not willing to do what it takes to succeed. Brian Tracy writes in his book, No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline 21 Ways to Achieve Lasting Happiness and Success, "One of the most important requirements for success, once you have decided what it is that you want, is the quality of willingness. Successful people are willing to pay the price, whatever it is and for as long as it takes, until they achieve the results they desire. Everyone wants to be successful . . . . But most people are not willing to pay the price. Occasionally, they may be wiling to pay part of the price, but they are not willing to pay the whole price. They always hold back. They always have some excuse or rationalization for not disciplining themselves to do everything that they need to do to achieve their goals."
Being a virgin before marriage may indicate that a person has some love of God. John 14:15 Amplified Bible says, "If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands." Virgins have been obedient to one aspect of Exodus 20:14 the Message Bible which requires us to practice, "No adultery."
A non-virgin may also love God irregardless of having sex outside of marriage once or thousands of times. Some non-virgins have sinned sexually, received the forgiveness, transformation and love of God and have been walking in beautiful, Biblical, sexual balance for a while.
God does not consider virgins more spiritual or worthy or better people than non-virgins. God offers His love to everyone. God inspired the Apostle Paul to say in Galatians 3:28 New Living Translation Bible, "There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus."
In some parts of the globe a woman can be killed if she is not a virgin before marriage. Hymenoplasty surgery to attempt to restore a broken hymen is routinely performed in parts of the world, such as Muslim countries and other places. In Japan hymenoplasty is called "virginity rebirth." Jesus Christ does not require hymenoplasty and other mutilation of our bodies to be holy.
If you are a non-virgin who has sought the forgiveness, transformation and love of God to empower you to celebrate single sexuality and to celebrate sexual relations inside of marriage, but find yourself struggling with your self-worth, shame, fear, guilt or something else, keep on asking God to help you to fully receive His love. God views us as individual, priceless treasures. He wants us to have the same view of ourselves as He has of us.
If you are a virgin who looks down on non-virgins, repent of being judgmental, condemning, haughty and self-righteous like many of the religious leaders during the time of Jesus Christ's earthly ministry. Jesus Christ tells a story in Luke 18:10-14 Amplified Bible which says, "Two men went up into the temple [enclosure] to pray, the one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee took his stand ostentatiously and began to pray thus before and with himself: God, I thank You that I am not like the rest of men--extortioners (robbers), swindlers [unrighteous in heart and life], adulterers--or even like this tax collector here. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I gain. But the tax collector, [merely] standing at a distance, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but kept striking his breast, saying, O God, be favorable (be gracious, be merciful) to me, the especially wicked sinner that I am! I tell you, this man went down to his home justified (forgiven and made upright and in right standing with God), rather than the other man; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."
If
you are a virgin envying a non-virgin, repent. Never envy sinful
behavior. Sin hurts multiple people in multiple ways whether we see the
pain or not.
Most people are not virgins when the marry. However, 73 percent of non-virgins say sex inside of marriage is better than sex outside of marriage.
Most people are not virgins when the marry. However, 73 percent of non-virgins say sex inside of marriage is better than sex outside of marriage.
Whether we are a non-virgin or virgin, if we have received God and are continuously seeking to mature in our relationship with God and people, then celebrate who we are just as we are.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Like A Virgin
God counsels us to practice no sex before or outside of marriage and to practice frequent, fun, fantastic, fulfilling sex inside of marriage.
If we have had sex outside of marriage, we are no longer virgins. Duh! But we cannot be like virgins ever again; we've been changed forever. Like a virgin is a lie. It's either a person is a virgin or a person is not a virgin.
Also, once one has sex, one never forgets. Even if it's uneventful, it's still unforgettable. Sex is something special.
If we've had sex outside of marriage and ask God for forgiveness, He's already granted it to us and was just waiting for us to ask. Now we need to receive the forgiveness. Receiving includes when flashbacks to sex come to the mind, sending them back to the sea of forgetfulness. God gave us minds that have to be managed. We may not be able to stop the thoughts that enter our minds, but we can choose to either continue to think on them or to think on something else. The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:8 Amplified Bible, "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]."
When God has forgiven us of sex outside of marriage, and we have forgiven ourselves, we should be able to enjoy uninhibited marital sex if marriage is God's plan for our life. We should be able to enjoy marital sex free of the negativity of guilt or unflattering comparison. Really why not ask God to give you a husband or wife that is a better lover than all your previous lovers?
If your husband or wife has committed adultery and repented, at some point you are going to have to choose not to nurse the wound in order to have a vibrant marriage post-adultery. If you are still talking about how much the adultery hurt 15 years after the fact, then you are just as big a sinner as your husband. God commands us to forgive and move forward. Stop allowing your feelings to control your obedience to the Word of God.
Why not give your spouse such wonderful sex that she/he is not willing to have sex with people who would share their body with someone willing to suck out their life for free in sex outside of marriage? God purchased us at the highest price. Why would you sell yourself to Satan for free?
If you want to taste it, are you willing to put a ring on it?
Numbers 23:19 Amplified Bible says, "God is not a man, that He should tell or act a lie, neither the son of man, that He should feel repentance or compunction [for what He has promised]. Has He said and shall He not do it? Or has He spoken and shall He not make it good?" What God says is good. God says in Exodus 20:14 New Living Translation Bible, "You must not commit adultery." So God says celibacy is good for singles, and sex is only for one husband and one wife.
I am 45 and have been exercising since I was a teenager. I don't enjoy it. I do it because it is good for my health.
Although some women enjoy exercise for a surprising reason. Human sexuality researchers at Indiana University discovered that about a quarter of the 530 women they interviewed had climaxed while working on their abdominal muscles, riding a bike or lifting weights. This has never happened to me. Please leave an on-line comment if it has happened to you or someone you know.
Celibacy is good for the health of singles. Some people enjoy celibacy. I don't. I look forward to marital sex. I can relate to Jill Scott's song "Celibacy Blues," but I cannot relate to the solution of sex outside of marriage. I am single, and practice celibacy day in and day out, year after year because God says so.
I sometimes sing Hezekiah Walker & LFC's song "Grateful" from the album 20/85 The Experience when I think of all the mess God delivered me from when I was living the lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. When I look back no matter how good the orgasms the overall relationships sucked or at best were unsatisfying. When we defy God, disappointment is often the result. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could be a sexual predator stringing men along with the false hope of marriage when all I really want is his sex. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could have been sleeping in my grave a victim of AIDS. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin.
God created us unique. What is good for one person may not be good for another person.
When celibacy is not mutual and confined to brief periods of prayer for married couples, celibacy is harmful for married couples. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 New Living Translation Bible, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Many married couples are not being sexually obedient to the Word of God. The March 22, 2011, issue of The New York Times newspaper reported that the March 2011 issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy said that researchers surveyed 3,240 men and 3,304 women who were married, living with a partner or in a relationship, asking them about their satisfaction with their sex lives. A majority of men (54 percent) and nearly as many women (42 percent) said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex. For most men, the complaint was that they weren’t having sex often enough. Among women who were unhappy about the frequency of their sex lives, two-thirds said they weren’t having enough sex. Among the respondents, 73 percent were married, and 60 percent had been with their spouse or partner for 10 years or more. Men ages 35 to 44 who had been with a woman for six years or longer were the most likely to be unhappy with how often they had sex.
Maybe married couples are not having more sex because they are not taking the time to empathize with their spouse. ". . . men tend to compartmentalise, feeling that stressful aspects of life can be parked mentally and separated from sexual activity. Women need good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her lover treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, rude tones, hurtful words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, feel enthusiastic and be passionate during sex," says Dr Rajan B Bhonsle in the January 18, 2013, article "7 Must-know sex secrets" in The Times of India newspaper.
Lucy Sanna and Kathy Miller-Vejtasa write in their book, How to Romance the Woman You Love - The Way She Wants You To!, that women responded to a survey asking, "If he were more romantic, I would be more inclined to . . .", "
1. "Be excited to be with him"
2."Keep myself looking attractive"
3. "Find out what he wants; try to help him fulfill his needs"
4. "Stay with him rather than find a new partner"
5. "Be in a good mood around him"
6. "Attend to his sexual needs."
Dr. Douglas Rosenau writes in his book, A Celebration of Sex:
"1. Budget in and spend a certain amount of money each month on your sex life, such as lingerie, new sheets, and nights or weekends away together.
2. Every now and then wear a sexy piece of lingerie all day and allow its unusual feel to remind you of sex constantly.
3. Don't wear any underwear to a social gathering, and tell your husband on the way out the door. You will drive him crazy while you keep aroused.
4. Plan a sexual surprise at least once a month in which you try to blindside your husband in an arousing sexual way.
5. Keep a mental note, and regardless of fatigue or low interest, initiate sex at least once a week.
6. Have fun with your husband's visual arousal, and flaunt your nude body at unusual times just to enjoy his reactions.
7. Take a bubble bath and indulge in other sensual delights at the end of a tiring day--it's a great aphrodisiac and tunes you in to your body.
8. Create romantic sexual fantasies about your love life while driving in the car, and share them with your mate at the end of your day.
9. Use a special perfume that you have associated in your mind with making love, and wear it on the evening or the day you anticipate sexual activity.
10. Practice Kegel exercises."
Conversely, maybe many singles are having sex because they are not allowing the Holy Spirit to lead their lives. The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:16 Amplified Bible, "But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God)."
It doesn't matter how extremely evil we have been in the past, singles in the present can be successfully celibate. While attending dental school, Christopher Yuan began living as a homosexual engaging in multiple, daily, anonymous sexual encounters and doing illegal drugs. After being expelled from dental school, Yuan was imprisoned for drug dealing and discovered that he was HIV positive. But God had other plans for Yuan's life. Yuan graduated from Moody Bible Institute in 2005, in 2007 he graduated from Wheaton College Graduate School with a Master of Arts in Biblical Exegesis. Yuan is currently pursuing a doctorate of ministry at Bethel Seminary, teaching at Moody Bible Institute and speaking about homosexuality and the ex-gay lifestyle across four continents around the world.
Instead of like a virgin be spiritually mature like Jesus Christ.
If we have had sex outside of marriage, we are no longer virgins. Duh! But we cannot be like virgins ever again; we've been changed forever. Like a virgin is a lie. It's either a person is a virgin or a person is not a virgin.
Also, once one has sex, one never forgets. Even if it's uneventful, it's still unforgettable. Sex is something special.
If we've had sex outside of marriage and ask God for forgiveness, He's already granted it to us and was just waiting for us to ask. Now we need to receive the forgiveness. Receiving includes when flashbacks to sex come to the mind, sending them back to the sea of forgetfulness. God gave us minds that have to be managed. We may not be able to stop the thoughts that enter our minds, but we can choose to either continue to think on them or to think on something else. The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:8 Amplified Bible, "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]."
When God has forgiven us of sex outside of marriage, and we have forgiven ourselves, we should be able to enjoy uninhibited marital sex if marriage is God's plan for our life. We should be able to enjoy marital sex free of the negativity of guilt or unflattering comparison. Really why not ask God to give you a husband or wife that is a better lover than all your previous lovers?
If your husband or wife has committed adultery and repented, at some point you are going to have to choose not to nurse the wound in order to have a vibrant marriage post-adultery. If you are still talking about how much the adultery hurt 15 years after the fact, then you are just as big a sinner as your husband. God commands us to forgive and move forward. Stop allowing your feelings to control your obedience to the Word of God.
Why not give your spouse such wonderful sex that she/he is not willing to have sex with people who would share their body with someone willing to suck out their life for free in sex outside of marriage? God purchased us at the highest price. Why would you sell yourself to Satan for free?
If you want to taste it, are you willing to put a ring on it?
Numbers 23:19 Amplified Bible says, "God is not a man, that He should tell or act a lie, neither the son of man, that He should feel repentance or compunction [for what He has promised]. Has He said and shall He not do it? Or has He spoken and shall He not make it good?" What God says is good. God says in Exodus 20:14 New Living Translation Bible, "You must not commit adultery." So God says celibacy is good for singles, and sex is only for one husband and one wife.
I am 45 and have been exercising since I was a teenager. I don't enjoy it. I do it because it is good for my health.
Although some women enjoy exercise for a surprising reason. Human sexuality researchers at Indiana University discovered that about a quarter of the 530 women they interviewed had climaxed while working on their abdominal muscles, riding a bike or lifting weights. This has never happened to me. Please leave an on-line comment if it has happened to you or someone you know.
Celibacy is good for the health of singles. Some people enjoy celibacy. I don't. I look forward to marital sex. I can relate to Jill Scott's song "Celibacy Blues," but I cannot relate to the solution of sex outside of marriage. I am single, and practice celibacy day in and day out, year after year because God says so.
I sometimes sing Hezekiah Walker & LFC's song "Grateful" from the album 20/85 The Experience when I think of all the mess God delivered me from when I was living the lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. When I look back no matter how good the orgasms the overall relationships sucked or at best were unsatisfying. When we defy God, disappointment is often the result. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could be a sexual predator stringing men along with the false hope of marriage when all I really want is his sex. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could have been sleeping in my grave a victim of AIDS. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin.
God created us unique. What is good for one person may not be good for another person.
When celibacy is not mutual and confined to brief periods of prayer for married couples, celibacy is harmful for married couples. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 New Living Translation Bible, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Many married couples are not being sexually obedient to the Word of God. The March 22, 2011, issue of The New York Times newspaper reported that the March 2011 issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy said that researchers surveyed 3,240 men and 3,304 women who were married, living with a partner or in a relationship, asking them about their satisfaction with their sex lives. A majority of men (54 percent) and nearly as many women (42 percent) said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex. For most men, the complaint was that they weren’t having sex often enough. Among women who were unhappy about the frequency of their sex lives, two-thirds said they weren’t having enough sex. Among the respondents, 73 percent were married, and 60 percent had been with their spouse or partner for 10 years or more. Men ages 35 to 44 who had been with a woman for six years or longer were the most likely to be unhappy with how often they had sex.
Maybe married couples are not having more sex because they are not taking the time to empathize with their spouse. ". . . men tend to compartmentalise, feeling that stressful aspects of life can be parked mentally and separated from sexual activity. Women need good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her lover treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, rude tones, hurtful words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, feel enthusiastic and be passionate during sex," says Dr Rajan B Bhonsle in the January 18, 2013, article "7 Must-know sex secrets" in The Times of India newspaper.
Lucy Sanna and Kathy Miller-Vejtasa write in their book, How to Romance the Woman You Love - The Way She Wants You To!, that women responded to a survey asking, "If he were more romantic, I would be more inclined to . . .", "
1. "Be excited to be with him"
2."Keep myself looking attractive"
3. "Find out what he wants; try to help him fulfill his needs"
4. "Stay with him rather than find a new partner"
5. "Be in a good mood around him"
6. "Attend to his sexual needs."
Dr. Douglas Rosenau writes in his book, A Celebration of Sex:
"1. Budget in and spend a certain amount of money each month on your sex life, such as lingerie, new sheets, and nights or weekends away together.
2. Every now and then wear a sexy piece of lingerie all day and allow its unusual feel to remind you of sex constantly.
3. Don't wear any underwear to a social gathering, and tell your husband on the way out the door. You will drive him crazy while you keep aroused.
4. Plan a sexual surprise at least once a month in which you try to blindside your husband in an arousing sexual way.
5. Keep a mental note, and regardless of fatigue or low interest, initiate sex at least once a week.
6. Have fun with your husband's visual arousal, and flaunt your nude body at unusual times just to enjoy his reactions.
7. Take a bubble bath and indulge in other sensual delights at the end of a tiring day--it's a great aphrodisiac and tunes you in to your body.
8. Create romantic sexual fantasies about your love life while driving in the car, and share them with your mate at the end of your day.
9. Use a special perfume that you have associated in your mind with making love, and wear it on the evening or the day you anticipate sexual activity.
10. Practice Kegel exercises."
Conversely, maybe many singles are having sex because they are not allowing the Holy Spirit to lead their lives. The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:16 Amplified Bible, "But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God)."
It doesn't matter how extremely evil we have been in the past, singles in the present can be successfully celibate. While attending dental school, Christopher Yuan began living as a homosexual engaging in multiple, daily, anonymous sexual encounters and doing illegal drugs. After being expelled from dental school, Yuan was imprisoned for drug dealing and discovered that he was HIV positive. But God had other plans for Yuan's life. Yuan graduated from Moody Bible Institute in 2005, in 2007 he graduated from Wheaton College Graduate School with a Master of Arts in Biblical Exegesis. Yuan is currently pursuing a doctorate of ministry at Bethel Seminary, teaching at Moody Bible Institute and speaking about homosexuality and the ex-gay lifestyle across four continents around the world.
Instead of like a virgin be spiritually mature like Jesus Christ.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
How to Catch and Keep Friends
As raindrops were pouring from a pale, grey sky earlier this week, I was
pouring over the book of Romans chapter 12 for tips to catch and keep
friends. My readings got me to thinking and praying broadly about the
subject.
Welcoming and living in a wide variety of relationships are not optional for believers. Chantal Sicile-Kira categorizes relationships in her article, "The Transition To Adulthood: Planning Ahead," for the magazine, Autism File, that is applicable to all people. She describes four circles of relationships:
1) The Circle of Intimacy includes those with whom we share our secrets, dreams and values. These are our best friends and are usually family members, but can and should also include others. We know and share a lot about what is going on in each others lives, our thoughts and feelings.We feel safe enough in these relationships to support each other spiritually and emotionally. Jesus encouraged intimate relationships beyond biology. Mark 3:33-35 New Living Translation Bible says, "Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he looked at those around him and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”
2) The Circle of Friendship includes friends or relatives whom we see for occasional social activities, such as for a movie or to eat a meal, but who are not our closest friends. The Bible records that Epaphras and Paul shared some time in jail and time spreading the Gospel, but not with the intensity and intimacy of the relationship between Timothy and Paul.
3) The Circle of Participation includes people who we participate with in our life, such as on the job, business or ministry, our place of worship, schools, sports teams, social clubs and other organizations. This circle contains people who may eventually be in the Circle of Friendship or even the Circle of Intimacy. We can socialize with members of our church, other churches and other groups. Luke 9:49-50 New Living Translation Bible says, "John said to Jesus, “Master, we saw someone using your name to cast out demons, but we told him to stop because he isn’t in our group.” But Jesus said, “Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you.”"
4) The Circle of Exchange includes people who are paid to be in our lives, such as medical professionals, teachers, counselors, governmental officials, sales associates, auto mechanics, etc. These people can also be cultivated to move into the Circle of Participation, Circle of Friendship and even the Circle of Intimacy. Everyone is a potential friend/disciple. Matthew 28:18-20 the Message Bible says, "Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.""
Welcoming and living in a wide variety of relationships are not optional for believers. Chantal Sicile-Kira categorizes relationships in her article, "The Transition To Adulthood: Planning Ahead," for the magazine, Autism File, that is applicable to all people. She describes four circles of relationships:
1) The Circle of Intimacy includes those with whom we share our secrets, dreams and values. These are our best friends and are usually family members, but can and should also include others. We know and share a lot about what is going on in each others lives, our thoughts and feelings.We feel safe enough in these relationships to support each other spiritually and emotionally. Jesus encouraged intimate relationships beyond biology. Mark 3:33-35 New Living Translation Bible says, "Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he looked at those around him and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”
2) The Circle of Friendship includes friends or relatives whom we see for occasional social activities, such as for a movie or to eat a meal, but who are not our closest friends. The Bible records that Epaphras and Paul shared some time in jail and time spreading the Gospel, but not with the intensity and intimacy of the relationship between Timothy and Paul.
3) The Circle of Participation includes people who we participate with in our life, such as on the job, business or ministry, our place of worship, schools, sports teams, social clubs and other organizations. This circle contains people who may eventually be in the Circle of Friendship or even the Circle of Intimacy. We can socialize with members of our church, other churches and other groups. Luke 9:49-50 New Living Translation Bible says, "John said to Jesus, “Master, we saw someone using your name to cast out demons, but we told him to stop because he isn’t in our group.” But Jesus said, “Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you.”"
4) The Circle of Exchange includes people who are paid to be in our lives, such as medical professionals, teachers, counselors, governmental officials, sales associates, auto mechanics, etc. These people can also be cultivated to move into the Circle of Participation, Circle of Friendship and even the Circle of Intimacy. Everyone is a potential friend/disciple. Matthew 28:18-20 the Message Bible says, "Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.""
The circles of exchange and participation are casual relationships. The circle of friendship are comfortable relationships with people who are not involved in the intimate details of our lives. The circle of intimacy contains our confidants.
We can have more than one confidant. While David had Jonathan, Jesus had Peter, James and John.
We can also have multiple same-sex and opposite-sex relationships in the circles of exchange, participation, friendship and intimacy. Many don't have a problem with same-sex friends, but some stumble over the idea of opposite-sex friends especially for married couples. God made the human race female and male. Living in the Holy-Ghost fruit of self-control we can have casual, close and appropriate relationships with both the opposite sex and the same sex. The Apostle Paul had many friendships with women such as Priscilla, Lydia, and Phoebe to name a few. He also had friendships with men.
Having only same-sex friends cripples us. God made us male and female not just for marriage. We learn and are made better people gaining balance and appreciation of difference being raised by a mother and a father. Then we branch out from the family into non-familial relationships where we are designed to continue to grow in balance and appreciation of difference. The Prophetess and Judge Deborah was instrumental to developing the courage, confidence and combat skill of Barak.
Of course some opposite-sex friends are great for dating. First-date conversation should be about God and each other. Yet many people talk too much about former relationships while trying to start a new relationship. "When a woman dwells too long on the topic of her ex-boyfriend, a man feels discouraged. If it was a recent breakup, a man can understand that an ex-boyfriend is on her mind. He will also know that she is not ready for a relationship with him. He will worry that she will always compare him to the ex-boyfriend. He will think, There is no possible way I can compete with this guy. He probably shared some great times with her. When a man feels too discouraged, he loses interest. If she boasts about how handsome or rich or smart her ex is, her date will feel annoyed. She's boasting, she's insecure, he'll think. Don't think that being the object of some other guy's desire will make you more valuable in this man's eyes. He may just see that you are trying desperately to impress him. He'll see your insecurity. When women catalogue their ex-boyfriend's faults, inevitably men think about her shortcomings, not the ex-boyfriend's. When she says, "He cheated on me; I don't know why I stayed with him," he thinks, She's a pushover. When she says, "I didn't really care about him, but I stayed with him out of pity," he thinks, She's a martyr. When a woman picks on her ex-boyfriend, a man will take it as a warning: If I stick around, she'll do that to me someday," says Bradley Gerstman, Esquire, Christopher Pizzo, CPA and Rich Seldes, MD, in their book What Men Want.
Here's some tips plucked primarily from Romans chapter 12 on catching and keeping friends.
1) Accept people without arrogance. Pride refuses to mature and to forgive saying, "I'm perfect." Humility embraces our unique God-given design along with personal growth and repentance. We all make multiple mistakes throughout life.
African American R&B singer Anita Baker sings in her song "I Apologize," "Lord you should have heard the way he shouted and the way that I screamed . . . I apologize . . . Because I know I was wrong."
Admitting our wrongs is a sober judgment of ourselves and is loving ourselves and others. When we do someone wrong trying to gloss over it doesn't clean up the mess but often causes it to spread.
In admitting our wrongs we are not rejecting who we are. We are trying to improve. Self-improvement is relationship improvement. God accepts us and works to change us into the fullest likeness of His good self. God gives us His strength to consistently admit our wrongs without losing a positive view of ourselves. Even though believers do some awful things, God thinks we are awesome. God never loses hope in the victory of good over evil. The Apostle Paul wrote most of the New Testament even though before he became an apostle he was a serial killer going around seeking Christians to put in jail and to have sentenced to death.
2) Extensively, enthusiastically, excellently use the special gifts God has given us to build relationships. I had a friend who said his gift was encouragement. However, I ended the relationship because his encouragement was not authentic. We were communicating by email often twice daily, but he never was willing to talk by telephone or meet in person. What was he hiding that was inhibiting him from drawing closer to me? What type of spirit was behind his behavior? His emails seemed to embrace me in warmth, but they never led to the intimacy of spontaneous conversation and in-person engagement. John 6:63 Amplified Bible says, "It is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life-giver]; the flesh conveys no benefit whatever [there is no profit in it]. The words (truths) that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life."
3) Cultivate a diverse number of friends of the same sex, opposite sex, same gifts, different gifts, multiple races and relationships in all four circles. The Apostle Paul participated in all types of relationships. Timothy, Titus, Priscilla, Aquila and Barnabas are some members in Paul's Circle of Intimacy. The Apostles Peter and James and Lydia are some members in Paul's Circle of Friendship. Governor Sergius Paulus, Publius, the head of the island of Malta, and his father are some members in Paul's Circle of Participation. Acts 28:8 Amplified Bible says, "And it happened that the father of Publius was sick in bed with recurring attacks of fever and dysentery; and Paul went to see him, and after praying and laying his hands on him, he healed him." Governor Felix, Drusilla, the wife of Governor Felix, King Agrippa, Bernice, the wife of King Agrippa, and Governor Gallio of Achaia province are some members in Paul's Circle of Exchange.
Paul had relationships with men and women, Jews, Greeks and people of other races, believers and nonbelievers. Paul was not a snob, sexist or racist. Paul welcomed everyone while reserving his circle of intimacy for believers which is not discrimination but the wisdom of being closest with people of the same faith and purpose in life. If we try to have intimacy with enemies, then we risk destroying people. Jesus Christ says in Mark 3:25 Amplified Bible, "And if a house is divided (split into factions and rebelling) against itself, that house will not be able to last." Bishop Derek Grier of Grace Church in Dumfries, Virginia, said in the mid-morning 1/13/2013 sermon, "The devil comes in the form of division;" "He comes with strife to destroy unity." Dr. Grier said the devil wants to destroy unity because unity removes limitations; we can do so much more together than by ourselves. He also said that unity amplifies and multiplies.
We like Paul are called to nurture and expand the four circles of relationships, to have relationships with the same sex, the opposite sex, different races and to have a diversity of relationships with people of all types. The Apostle Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians 11:1 New Living Translation Bible, "And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ."
4) Love people authentically. Love is friendly, intentional, consistent and Holy-Ghost empowered to commit through thick and thin times. Romans 12:10 Amplified Bible says, "Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another." Friendliness helps form, maintain and grow relationships. Neither Christ nor Paul displayed a "Do not disturb me" attitude toward people. Nor did they confuse Jewish culture with Biblical revelation. Christ and Paul tried to connect with the widest possible range of people. 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 the Message Bible says, "Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists; the defeated, the demoralized--whoever, I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ--but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!"
Sometimes we are not honoring people in our relationships because we are jealous and/or envious of them. People will admit to some sins, but jealousy and envy are not the usual ones. Yet they are common ones among siblings, friends, colleagues and other relationships. Cherish and celebrate our gifts and the gifts of others without comparison or covetousness. We are all essential. Romans 12:4-6 the Message Bible says, "In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't."
African Americans Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King are long-time best friends. Both are in communications, but Oprah is single, never married, mother of a deceased child while Gayle is divorced with two, healthy children. Oprah was raised in poverty. Gayle spent her elementary school years in Ankara, Turkey, with vacations in Paris, Rome and Greece and maid service.
Oprah, the first African-American female billionaire, says she and Gayle, who is a co-anchor of CBS This Morning and an editor-at-large for O, The Oprah Magazine, have overcome jealousy and envy in their more than 30-year friendship by being continually supportive of each other and spending copious amounts of time and attention on their friendship. Oprah bought a full-time nanny for Gayle to help her with her children, Kirby and Will, who are less than one year apart in age. Oprah sees money as a tool that can help others, but if that is all someone wants and expects from the relationships, then they are not really a friend. Money is a relationship-building tool. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." Gayle says she views Oprah's and the success of those around her as something that also makes her better. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 New Living Translation Bible says, "So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." We grow together or tear each other apart together.
Some have a false sense of loyalty avoiding participation in other Christian ministries or other relationships. While we should give more time and attention to our marriage and other relationships in our circle of intimacy than our relationship with our dentist and other relationships in our circle of exchange, that doesn't excuse us to focus on our marriage to the exclusion of all other relationships. Showing authentic love comes with spending time and attention on a variety of relationships. Jesus was confidants with Peter, James and John. He also socialized with casual acquaintances like the Samaritan woman who had five-husbands, a current live-in lover and probably a blended household of no-telling how many children..
5) Serve God through serving people. Friends help friends in a wide variety of ways. A story talks about a man taken out of the earth realm and into a trip of hell and heaven. The angels showed him a room in hell with a group of hungry people trying to eat dinner. They never did eat because the spoons they were using were longer than their arms and no one helped them to overcome the obstacle. Then the angels showed him a room in heaven. The man was shocked to see a similar scene of hungry people trying to eat dinner with spoons longer than their arms. Yet they had happy faces and were enjoying their meal because they helped each other overcome the obstacle.
It's natural to serve self. It's spiritual to serve self and others. Routinely examine our behavior asking, "Who does this serve?"
6) Pursue hospitality. Welcome strangers and friends. Seek to make strangers friends and friends closer friends. Creativity can cultivate relationships. In the early 1400s the ruler of the East African port city Malinda sent a personal envoy with a giraffe as a present to the Ming dynasty emperor in China. The giraffe was a big hit. Maybe you can't make a splash by bringing a giraffe, but you can put together a backyard barbeque with a special theme for the families of your children's friends and others, or you can do something else with simple flair.
God meant for believers to do the spectacular in our individual way. Jesus Christ says in John 14:12 Amplified Bible, "I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father."
People who are one-dimensional and/or refuse to try novel ways make it difficult for people to stay in relationship with them and to attract new relationships in the circles of friendship and intimacy.
Some spouses drain the life out of their marriage and other relationships by allowing themselves to become dull. Meanwhile plenty of singles and married people excel at exceeding people's expectations. The immoral ones are waiting to suck in spouses in dull marriages and dull singles looking for excitement. Proverbs 5:3 Amplified Bible says, "For the lips of a loose woman drip honey as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil."
Pleasure is not sinful nor is using honey to catch and keep friends. Motives make a difference in determining the difference between good and evil. Christian, African American Jazz singer Carla Cook sings in "It's All About Love," "You can catch more flies with honey." God is pleasure. Yes, your eyes are not tricking you; you read that right. God is pleasure. David writes in Psalm 16:11 Amplified Bible, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore."
Some are bubbly with great ideas about how to attract people, but they rarely follow through. “The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs,” says Vance Havner. God is more than a dreamer; He's a doer and likes doers. If you want to catch and keep relationships, chase people. Hebrews 11:6 Amplified Bible says, "But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out]."
Sometimes we bomb in our efforts to catch and keep people. Don't worry. Cooperate with God to learn and to correct the error of our ways. Proverbs 24:16 Amplified Bible says, "For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked are overthrown by calamity."
7) Be sensitive to and live in the emotions and actions needed for the situation. Romans 12:15 New Living Translation Bible says, "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."
My son, Rafael, has lots of energy and is full of joy. He likes to bounce on his bed and in the chair he sits on amidst our balcony garden. Rafael recently got a new mattress because his old one had a crater in it due to his bouncing on his bed. I would like to preserve his enthusiasm and our finances, so I put a chair like the one in our garden in his bedroom and explained that he can bounce on that instead of his bed.
8) Turn enemies into friends. Abraham Lincoln said, "I do not like that man. I must get to know him better."
Watch out that self doesn't become our enemy. One of the top strategies of Satan is to manipulate people to get us to turn on our self. Joseph Cotten tells Ingrid Bergman in the movie Gaslight, "You're not going out of your mind. You're slowly and systematically being driven out of your mind."
Insanity is ineffective thinking. One way Satan tries to manipulate people is through anger. Feeling anger is not a sin for it can be a signal of being mistreated. Holding onto anger is where sin enters. Holding onto anger accompanies losing control of our thoughts and emotions. When God's goodness doesn't control us, then the evil of sin does. Sin is a slave master. Peace is power. As believers we have the mind of God the Son Jesus Christ and can use it to slay Satan by refusing to stay upset.
Peace is not passive. In the 1900s Mahatma Gandhi was mad that the British were denying independence to the people of India and monopolizing many Indian industries. Gandhi developed satyagraha which is civil disobedience through peaceful pushing for truth. Gandhi's methods were used by Martin Luther King Jr. to peacefully push civil rights for Africans Americans and others in the United States. Many who were enemies to the ideas of Gandhi and King initially were won over by their peaceful protest.
Please share your experiences catching and keeping friends by leaving an on-line comment, tweeting with me via my Twitter.com name "Michelelove30" and Google's G+. Abraham Lincoln says, "The better part of one's life consists of his friendships."
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Touch Me Like This Knowing and Being Known
The Apostle Paul knew God and himself. He refused to allow fear, shame or something else to block him from being willing to be known expansively by God, Timothy and other friends and to know them. True friends know us and know us in triumphs, tragedies and life in between these extremes and still love us, and we do likewise if we are a true friend. The Apostle Paul writes in 2 Timothy 3:10-11 New Living Translation Bible, "But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured. You know all about how I was persecuted in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra--but the Lord rescued me from all of it."
Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."
The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along.
Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.
Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.
Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.
Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.
Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach,
"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up."
Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now."
Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."
Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities.
Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.
Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.
Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them.
I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.
God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ."
Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.
Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.
Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.
Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.
Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."
Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.
Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.
Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.
May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."
Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."
The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along.
Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.
Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.
Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.
Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.
Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach,
"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up."
Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now."
Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."
Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities.
Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.
Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.
Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them.
I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.
God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ."
Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.
Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.
Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.
Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.
Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."
Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.
Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.
Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.
May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."
Friday, January 11, 2013
Some Haters Make the Best Lovers
Sometimes those haters of God who are forgiven much, love much. A woman who committed many sins, hating God and people, later washed Jesus Christ's feet with her tears and hair. Jesus says about her in Luke 7:47 New Living Translation Bible, "I tell you, her sins--and they are many--have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love."
Killing people, or any other sin, does not disqualify one from receiving the forgiveness of God, an eternal relationship with Him and being changed to love much. Before he was the Apostle Paul in love with God traveling the world to share God, Paul was Saul the serial murderer threatening to track down as many Christians as he could to take them to jail and to have them sentenced to death. Likewise before he was a mediator and interpreter named Paulo de Santa Fe for missionary Francis Xavier sharing God with the Japanese, Japanese Anjiro murdered a person and fled Japan. After God changed him and began the love affair between Himself and Anjiro turned Paulo de Santa Fe, Paulo de Santa Fe and Francis Xavier in the middle 1500s entered Japan and were among the first Christian missionaries to the Japanese.
A bad beginning does not have to lead to a bad ending. No matter what we have done, the love of God can reach us and change us. Instead of eternal hate and death; we may live in eternal, overflowing, lavish love and life.
Keep on praying to God to reveal His love and person to people who are slaves to sin. Talking to God is not in vain. God may take a long time to answer believers' requests from our perspective, but He is not deaf, dumb or disabled to affirmatively answer at the right time. 1 John 5:14-15 Amplified Bible says, "And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. And if (since) we [positively] know that He listens to us in whatever we ask, we also know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted us as our present possessions] the requests made of Him."
God does not always call the "good" people to be His messengers. That hater on the wrong path today, one tomorrow may be God's appointed messenger of love to many like the Apostle Paul, Paulo de Santa Fe, the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with her tears and hair or one of Jesus' other lovers who started out as haters. It's even possible for the gang rapists of 23-year-old, physiotherapy student, Nirbhaya, in south Delhi, India, on December 16, 2012, who caused her death on December 30, 2012, to repent of their sins and to receive an eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. May India, which has 1.2 billion people, undergo a godly transformation of is view and treatment of women. Cada veinte minutos se comete una violación en la India. Every twenty minutes a violation/rape has occurred in India, according to the census of crimes of the ministry of the interior of New Delhi, India.
Yes, former rapists and murderers will be married to God in heaven for all eternity. "And every human being is precious," says Desmond Mpilo Tutu, South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop who came to public prominence in the 1980s as an anti-apartheid advocate. The Apostle Paul says in 1 Timothy 2:4 Amplified Bible that God, ". . . wishes all men to be saved and [increasingly] to perceive and recognize and discern and know precisely and correctly the [divine] Truth."
Please share testimonies of haters turned into lovers. SEND ME A MESSAGE.
Killing people, or any other sin, does not disqualify one from receiving the forgiveness of God, an eternal relationship with Him and being changed to love much. Before he was the Apostle Paul in love with God traveling the world to share God, Paul was Saul the serial murderer threatening to track down as many Christians as he could to take them to jail and to have them sentenced to death. Likewise before he was a mediator and interpreter named Paulo de Santa Fe for missionary Francis Xavier sharing God with the Japanese, Japanese Anjiro murdered a person and fled Japan. After God changed him and began the love affair between Himself and Anjiro turned Paulo de Santa Fe, Paulo de Santa Fe and Francis Xavier in the middle 1500s entered Japan and were among the first Christian missionaries to the Japanese.
A bad beginning does not have to lead to a bad ending. No matter what we have done, the love of God can reach us and change us. Instead of eternal hate and death; we may live in eternal, overflowing, lavish love and life.
Keep on praying to God to reveal His love and person to people who are slaves to sin. Talking to God is not in vain. God may take a long time to answer believers' requests from our perspective, but He is not deaf, dumb or disabled to affirmatively answer at the right time. 1 John 5:14-15 Amplified Bible says, "And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. And if (since) we [positively] know that He listens to us in whatever we ask, we also know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted us as our present possessions] the requests made of Him."
God does not always call the "good" people to be His messengers. That hater on the wrong path today, one tomorrow may be God's appointed messenger of love to many like the Apostle Paul, Paulo de Santa Fe, the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with her tears and hair or one of Jesus' other lovers who started out as haters. It's even possible for the gang rapists of 23-year-old, physiotherapy student, Nirbhaya, in south Delhi, India, on December 16, 2012, who caused her death on December 30, 2012, to repent of their sins and to receive an eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. May India, which has 1.2 billion people, undergo a godly transformation of is view and treatment of women. Cada veinte minutos se comete una violación en la India. Every twenty minutes a violation/rape has occurred in India, according to the census of crimes of the ministry of the interior of New Delhi, India.
Yes, former rapists and murderers will be married to God in heaven for all eternity. "And every human being is precious," says Desmond Mpilo Tutu, South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop who came to public prominence in the 1980s as an anti-apartheid advocate. The Apostle Paul says in 1 Timothy 2:4 Amplified Bible that God, ". . . wishes all men to be saved and [increasingly] to perceive and recognize and discern and know precisely and correctly the [divine] Truth."
Please share testimonies of haters turned into lovers. SEND ME A MESSAGE.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Got a Past?
Husband and wife Isaac and Rebekah moved to Gerar in Genesis 26. Isaac lied to the men of Gerar by saying that Rebekah was his sister. Isaac lied because he was afraid that Rebekah's beauty would inspire them to kill her husband, so that they could have sexual relations with her.
Everyone has done many things wrong. Lying is wrong, but God forgives and is willing to change us and bless us. Genesis 26 also records that Isaac went on to sow seed and harvest 100 times as much as he planted. Isaac became so rich that people envied him. God is our friend. He's a good friend. God is for believers every day. Stay in communication and connection with Him to get up from bad behavior/situations and move forward.
Don't let your past hold you back from present and future change and blessings. A Japanese proverb says, "Fall down seven times, get up eight times."
Everyone has done many things wrong. Lying is wrong, but God forgives and is willing to change us and bless us. Genesis 26 also records that Isaac went on to sow seed and harvest 100 times as much as he planted. Isaac became so rich that people envied him. God is our friend. He's a good friend. God is for believers every day. Stay in communication and connection with Him to get up from bad behavior/situations and move forward.
Don't let your past hold you back from present and future change and blessings. A Japanese proverb says, "Fall down seven times, get up eight times."
Thursday, April 26, 2012
6 Ways to Forgive for Real
We can hear messages teaching us to forgive people year after year and still refuse to forgive. Why? We are unwilling and/or unable to stop making excuses. Many excuses exist. Let's look at six excuses. Then let's look at the truth and receive the truth to break free of the excuses sabotaging our lifestyle of forgiveness.
1) EXCUSE: "If they would treat me nice, then I would forgive them." TRUTH: No matter what someone does, we can forgive them. Jesus Christ did; He forgave those who were killing Him! Luke 23:33-34 Amplified Bible says, "And when they came to the place which is called The Skull [Latin: Calvary; Hebrew: Golgotha], there they crucified Him, and [along with] the criminals, one on the right and one on the left. And Jesus prayed, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. And they divided His garments and distributed them by casting lots for them."
Forgiveness helps many people including ourselves. Forgiveness gives the offending person over to God the Father and frees our mind from grudges and other negativity toward the person, toward ourselves and toward God. If we have grudges, then our mind is filled with hate instead of love.
We cannot give what we have not received. If we have a grudge instead of love in our mind, then we will give out the grudge instead of love further damaging our relationships with God, self and other people.
Every day someone will probably do something that we will need to forgive. We may respond like the Yiddish saying, "I complain, and I keep going." We may also respond by training ourselves to think thoughts like: "I keep chatting with God instead of spewing poisonous complaining;" "I keep chatting with God. He will teach me how to think, talk and act." Then chat away with God about our specific thoughts and relationships.
Sharing a lot about everything, every day with God helps us to get comfortable with God. God wants us to seek a relationship with Him that includes our true selves. Phoniness is painful and blocks openness, loving truth and intimacy. Matthew 6:7-13 the Message Bible says, "The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what's best— as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes."
2) EXCUSE: "They cut out my heart; I can't let go of what they did and are still doing." TRUTH: Love lets go of harmful thoughts, speech and behaviors. God says to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39). Love includes spiritual and mental health. Sick people saturate their mind with passive, pessimistic, putrid unforgiving thoughts. A ministry friend of mine says, ". . . forgiveness is fertilizer for a crop of love." Proverbs 23:7 Amplified Bible says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." If we think unforgiving thoughts, then we will act in the hostility of unforgiving behaviors. Hostility is not the hallmark of believers; love is. God the Son Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 the Message Bible, "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."
People will hurt us frequently. God is able to heal the hurt each time, so that we keep on loving people. Healing can begin by talking to God about it. We can cooperate with God to cleanse our minds of wrong thinking. The past dynamics of a relationship do not stop us from doing good in the present. Learn from the past; don't live in it. Every day is new; we have a new opportunity to forgive. When we are not thinking, talking and acting in love, we are not like God, we are not being His agents of love in the earth realm. Love is central and essential to everyone and to everything at all times.
We like Jesus Christ may talk to God the Father and say, "Father, I place my life in your hands" (Luke 23:46 Message Bible). Our life is not our own. Hold back nothing. Release all control of our life into our loving and capable God. We don't know it all; God does. We can't do it all; God can. Cooperate with God to kill our unforgiving thoughts and behaviors, so that the love of God in us can arise and overflow onto others.
3) EXCUSE: Saying "We need to talk," or "Let's talk" while meaning "You did me wrong. I'm totally innocent. Now I'm going to straighten you out." TRUTH: Discussion grows with diversity of conversational topics shared delightfully while continuously doing the work with God and self to operate in forgiveness. Come out of the roles of stiff bore, bum, bitch, etc. Acknowledge, accept and admit our bad behavior while engaging in frequent conversation that contains more than correction. Examine ourselves against the Word of God: Are we irresistible or repulsive? Allow others to examine us to obtain the most objective truth. Receive the truth.
Many of the people crucifying Jesus Christ had no idea that He is God. While many hurt us intentionally, there are also many who hurt us and have no idea that they are hurting us. Everyone does not think alike. Everyone does not have the same understanding and approach to life.
Sometimes we want people to talk to us in a way that they are not currently capable of doing. To facilitate understanding we may try to operate like Krishna Menon who delivered a nine hour, non-stop speech at the United Nations.
Speak less. Listen and try to understand more. We may think we know the motivation behind a person's speech and behavior, but what we think we know may be false, and if not, then listening and trying to understand people shows we care about them and are loving. Proverbs 18:13 Amplified Bible says, "He who answers a matter before he hears the facts--it is folly and shame to him."
We are not always right. Presume competence in people. Empathy is essential to good relationships. Everyone has feelings even those who seem incapable of tenderness. Genghis Khan said about his divorce from Queen Ibaka completed for political reasons, "You have entered into my heart and limbs."
4) EXCUSE: "I can be and do good all by myself. I am strong enough. I don't need God to regularly forgive people." TRUTH: Anyone and anything has the potential to wear us out causing us to stop practicing forgiveness. Good relationships require continuous cooperation with God to implement continuous change. Sadly some people will only change a little because they are only willing to do a little work with God and others will not change at all because they refuse to cooperate with God, but we don't have to be one of them! Roman Empress Theodora I, wife of Emperor Justinian I, did not start out life as royalty. She spent time selling her sexual skills, became a Christian, and instead of sinking in remorse over sexual sin went on with her husband to grant extensive rights for women and to bring the Gospel to Africa. Theodora, which is Greek for "God's gift," had laws passed that prohibited forced prostitution and closed brothels. She created a convent where former prostitutes could support themselves and expanded the rights of women in divorce and property ownership, instituted the death penalty for rape, forbade exposure of unwanted infants and the killing of wives who committed adultery and gave mothers some guardianship rights over their children. Theodora and Justinian sent missionaries to sixth century Nubia which became a Christian African kingdom.
1) EXCUSE: "If they would treat me nice, then I would forgive them." TRUTH: No matter what someone does, we can forgive them. Jesus Christ did; He forgave those who were killing Him! Luke 23:33-34 Amplified Bible says, "And when they came to the place which is called The Skull [Latin: Calvary; Hebrew: Golgotha], there they crucified Him, and [along with] the criminals, one on the right and one on the left. And Jesus prayed, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. And they divided His garments and distributed them by casting lots for them."
Forgiveness helps many people including ourselves. Forgiveness gives the offending person over to God the Father and frees our mind from grudges and other negativity toward the person, toward ourselves and toward God. If we have grudges, then our mind is filled with hate instead of love.
We cannot give what we have not received. If we have a grudge instead of love in our mind, then we will give out the grudge instead of love further damaging our relationships with God, self and other people.
Every day someone will probably do something that we will need to forgive. We may respond like the Yiddish saying, "I complain, and I keep going." We may also respond by training ourselves to think thoughts like: "I keep chatting with God instead of spewing poisonous complaining;" "I keep chatting with God. He will teach me how to think, talk and act." Then chat away with God about our specific thoughts and relationships.
Sharing a lot about everything, every day with God helps us to get comfortable with God. God wants us to seek a relationship with Him that includes our true selves. Phoniness is painful and blocks openness, loving truth and intimacy. Matthew 6:7-13 the Message Bible says, "The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what's best— as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes."
2) EXCUSE: "They cut out my heart; I can't let go of what they did and are still doing." TRUTH: Love lets go of harmful thoughts, speech and behaviors. God says to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39). Love includes spiritual and mental health. Sick people saturate their mind with passive, pessimistic, putrid unforgiving thoughts. A ministry friend of mine says, ". . . forgiveness is fertilizer for a crop of love." Proverbs 23:7 Amplified Bible says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." If we think unforgiving thoughts, then we will act in the hostility of unforgiving behaviors. Hostility is not the hallmark of believers; love is. God the Son Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 the Message Bible, "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."
People will hurt us frequently. God is able to heal the hurt each time, so that we keep on loving people. Healing can begin by talking to God about it. We can cooperate with God to cleanse our minds of wrong thinking. The past dynamics of a relationship do not stop us from doing good in the present. Learn from the past; don't live in it. Every day is new; we have a new opportunity to forgive. When we are not thinking, talking and acting in love, we are not like God, we are not being His agents of love in the earth realm. Love is central and essential to everyone and to everything at all times.
We like Jesus Christ may talk to God the Father and say, "Father, I place my life in your hands" (Luke 23:46 Message Bible). Our life is not our own. Hold back nothing. Release all control of our life into our loving and capable God. We don't know it all; God does. We can't do it all; God can. Cooperate with God to kill our unforgiving thoughts and behaviors, so that the love of God in us can arise and overflow onto others.
3) EXCUSE: Saying "We need to talk," or "Let's talk" while meaning "You did me wrong. I'm totally innocent. Now I'm going to straighten you out." TRUTH: Discussion grows with diversity of conversational topics shared delightfully while continuously doing the work with God and self to operate in forgiveness. Come out of the roles of stiff bore, bum, bitch, etc. Acknowledge, accept and admit our bad behavior while engaging in frequent conversation that contains more than correction. Examine ourselves against the Word of God: Are we irresistible or repulsive? Allow others to examine us to obtain the most objective truth. Receive the truth.
Many of the people crucifying Jesus Christ had no idea that He is God. While many hurt us intentionally, there are also many who hurt us and have no idea that they are hurting us. Everyone does not think alike. Everyone does not have the same understanding and approach to life.
Sometimes we want people to talk to us in a way that they are not currently capable of doing. To facilitate understanding we may try to operate like Krishna Menon who delivered a nine hour, non-stop speech at the United Nations.
Speak less. Listen and try to understand more. We may think we know the motivation behind a person's speech and behavior, but what we think we know may be false, and if not, then listening and trying to understand people shows we care about them and are loving. Proverbs 18:13 Amplified Bible says, "He who answers a matter before he hears the facts--it is folly and shame to him."
We are not always right. Presume competence in people. Empathy is essential to good relationships. Everyone has feelings even those who seem incapable of tenderness. Genghis Khan said about his divorce from Queen Ibaka completed for political reasons, "You have entered into my heart and limbs."
4) EXCUSE: "I can be and do good all by myself. I am strong enough. I don't need God to regularly forgive people." TRUTH: Anyone and anything has the potential to wear us out causing us to stop practicing forgiveness. Good relationships require continuous cooperation with God to implement continuous change. Sadly some people will only change a little because they are only willing to do a little work with God and others will not change at all because they refuse to cooperate with God, but we don't have to be one of them! Roman Empress Theodora I, wife of Emperor Justinian I, did not start out life as royalty. She spent time selling her sexual skills, became a Christian, and instead of sinking in remorse over sexual sin went on with her husband to grant extensive rights for women and to bring the Gospel to Africa. Theodora, which is Greek for "God's gift," had laws passed that prohibited forced prostitution and closed brothels. She created a convent where former prostitutes could support themselves and expanded the rights of women in divorce and property ownership, instituted the death penalty for rape, forbade exposure of unwanted infants and the killing of wives who committed adultery and gave mothers some guardianship rights over their children. Theodora and Justinian sent missionaries to sixth century Nubia which became a Christian African kingdom.
Theodora I helped women without hating men. Better than the love affair and marriage between celebrities Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher which ended in divorce is the love affair and marriage of Christians Justinian and Theodora, who is 20 years his senior, that ended in her death and his profuse weeping.
5) EXCUSE: "I am smart. I am informed. I know to forgive." TRUTH: Knowing and doing are separate. I haven't admitted to God and myself that I know to forgive, but I don't do it. Forgiveness is a lifestyle not an intellectual pursuit or a practice to be used selectively. Matthew 18:21-22 the Message Bible says, "At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?" Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven."
We even need to forgive those we do not like. Why let their behavior occupy our mind? South African political prisoner against apartheid who became the first democratically-elected South African president Nelson Mandela says, "It always seems impossible, until it is done."
6) EXCUSE: "I know to forgive, but this situation is too hard for me." TRUTH: While some things are too difficult for us by ourselves, we can receive God and His power to do the difficult. Receive and nurture a relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. A relationship with God comes with the benefit of having the ability/power to forgive anyone and anything. Acts 1:6-8 the Message Bible says, "When they were together for the last time they asked, "Master, are you going to restore the kingdom to Israel now? Is this the time?" He told them, "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses in Jerusalem, all over Judea and Samaria, even to the ends of the world." Forgiveness is part of a Christian's witness. If we have God, we have the ability and power to forgive. God in us has to be cultivated. Don't be like Solomon who had Wisdom, but didn't always use it in his relationships with women.
Like God is Love, God is Forgiveness. God is who and what He is with everyone and everything. How good or how bad people are does not control God's person and behavior. It doesn't have to control ours either. Romans 5:7-11 New Living Translation Bible says, "Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation. For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of his Son while we were still his enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of his Son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God."
They cut my heart out or any other excuse to not forgive someone can be replaced by the Truth. God is able to give us a new heart filled with love for the lovable and unlovable. We have no excuses. Let go of a static, sinful view of our relationship with God and others. Clinging to excuses exposes a hard heart. Changing hearts is not a one-time event but a continuous relationship with God that overflows to people and every thing. Ezekiel 11:19 Amplified Bible says, "And I will give them one heart [a new heart] and I will put a new spirit within them; and I will take the stony [unnaturally hardened] heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh [sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God]."
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