"When Joe, 64, a computer professional in Massachusetts, married for the first time, he was 31 and very in love.
"She was attracted to me because I had structure; I was attracted to her because she was a lot of fun," said Joe.
He had noticed some financial red flags while they were dating: She always carried a credit card balance and liked buying expensive gifts for people. Still, he said, he wasn't fazed: "I never thought about it, because it wasn't my problem."
After they married, though, his new wife's spending habits became Joe's problem.
"She could drain a checking account in no time," he recalled. Joe describes himself as an avid saver, and his and his wife's financial differences became the cause of bad fights. "I couldn't stand being broke all the time and really struggling to pay the bills, and she didn't like the restriction of me saying we can't afford this," he said. 'We kind of drove each other into corners. She became more irresponsible and I became more rigid." Joe and his wife divorced after three years, largely because of financial differences," writes Stacey Vanek Smith in the March 26, 2013 The New York Times article "Money Talk Before Marriage A Tip You Can't Disparage."
Judas Iscariot divorced Jesus Christ in about three years also, and money seems to have played a major role. Judas, one of Jesus' original 12 apostles, didn't approve of Jesus' money management methods. In the Bible book of Matthew chapter 26 after a woman pours an alabaster flask of very expensive perfume on Jesus' head, Judas divorces Jesus.
"An archaic and infrequently used name for the Wednesday before Easter is "Spy Wednesday", named for Judas' becoming a spy for the Sanhedrin," writes Joe Carter, editor for The Gospel Coalition, in his March 25, 2013, article "9 Things You Should Know About Holy Week." For 30 pieces of silver Judas tells the Sanhedrin where to capture Jesus. Once Jesus is captured, later in the week on Friday Jesus is crucified. On Sunday, Jesus rose from the dead, having paid the sin debt for each person who will receive Him into their life for eternity.
The Chinese invented paper money which they originally called "flying money" because it was so light and easily flew out of people's hand. The generosity of Jesus frustrated and disappointed Judas. Money seemed to fly out of Jesus' hand. Judas wanted enough on hand for his desires, including theft.
An African proverb says, "Work is good, provided you do not forget to live." Jesus sees money as a tool to live well and to do good. Jesus says in Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)."
The more money possessed, the more responsibility to do good. The Complete Jewish Bible says in 1 Timothy 6:17-19, "As for those who do have riches in this present world, charge them not to be proud and not to let their hopes rest on the uncertainties of riches but to rest their hopes on God, who richly provides us with all things for our enjoyment. Charge them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, to be generous and ready to share. In this way they will treasure up for themselves a good foundation for the future, so that they may lay hold of the real life."
Conflict over differences in the management of money and sex are among the top reasons husbands and wives do not have un matrimonio de pasión y sorpresa and some end up seeking un divorcio. Instead of allowing differences to divide, why not ask God to help you find a way to diversity in unity? God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Father are different and unified. Jesus Christ prayed for believers in John 17:21 English Standard Version Bible, "That they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me."
What are some ways Jesus Christ has brought diversity in unity to your marriage or your singleness?
Showing posts with label Singles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Singles. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
No Ordinary Love
Christopher ("Christ-bearer") Yuan writes in his book, Out Of A Far Country, co-authored with his mother, Angela Yuan, "As I continued to read the Bible, I came across Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 (NASB)--passages normally used to condemn gays and lesbians to a fiery fate. "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination." But I realized that God didn't call lesbians and gay men abominations He called it an abomination. What God condemned was the act, not the person. For so long, I had gotten the message from the Christian protestors at gay-pride parades that the God of the Bible hated people like me, because we were abominations. But after reading these passages, I saw that God didn't hate me; nor was he condemning me to an inescapable destiny of torment. But rather, it was the sex he condemned, and yet he still wanted an intimate relationship with me."
Not only does God want an intimate relationship with lesbians and gay men, He wants an intimate relationship with everyone who will receive God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost (1 X 1 X 1 = 1). God wants Colossians 1:4 Amplified Bible to be true of all believers (saints): "For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus [the leaning of your entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness] and of the love which you [have and show] for all the saints (God’s consecrated ones)."
Avoid segregating the sexes. The more each us knows the truth about sexuality, the more we know about God, who is the Truth. God on purpose made people male and female to show qualities God possesses. Genesis 1:27 Nueva Traducción Viviente dice, "Así que Dios creó a los seres humanos a su propia imagen. A imagen de Dios los creó; hombre y mujer los creó." Genesis 1:27 English Standard Version says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
Instead of hiding sexuality, celebrate it in holiness. Colossians 1:10-11 Amplified Bible is a prayer to God for both singles and married people: "That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God [with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition]. [We pray] that you may be invigorated and strengthened with all power according to the might of His glory, [to exercise] every kind of endurance and patience (perseverance and forbearance) with joy."
Some singles do not persevere in singleness. A proverb from Ethiopia and Kenya says, "Hasty marriages bring hasty divorces." Enjoy lots of relationships with both men and women. Spending lots of time together is a good way to learn to love people in the way they really liked to be loved. Single or married God uses relationships to remove selfishness from us.
Bishop T.D. Jakes says in his sermon, "Love Story," "Marriage does not work until a man dies. There's a wild nature in him that has to die, and every now and then it kicks up. And you got to kill it again. And if you don't kill it, it will destroy what you got." Jakes goes on to say in "Love Story," "Christ gave Himself. Let the men say, 'Give it up.'"
Wives too have to give it up in order to love their husbands the way their husbands want to be loved. More men than women enjoy strippers. Instead of sexual immorality, why not put together a strip tease for your husband only with props particular to his tastes and perhaps ben wa, or Oriental love balls, into your vagina to stimulate you for what's coming?
What are some out-of-the-ordinary things you have done for love?
Not only does God want an intimate relationship with lesbians and gay men, He wants an intimate relationship with everyone who will receive God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost (1 X 1 X 1 = 1). God wants Colossians 1:4 Amplified Bible to be true of all believers (saints): "For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus [the leaning of your entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness] and of the love which you [have and show] for all the saints (God’s consecrated ones)."
Avoid segregating the sexes. The more each us knows the truth about sexuality, the more we know about God, who is the Truth. God on purpose made people male and female to show qualities God possesses. Genesis 1:27 Nueva Traducción Viviente dice, "Así que Dios creó a los seres humanos a su propia imagen. A imagen de Dios los creó; hombre y mujer los creó." Genesis 1:27 English Standard Version says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
Instead of hiding sexuality, celebrate it in holiness. Colossians 1:10-11 Amplified Bible is a prayer to God for both singles and married people: "That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God [with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition]. [We pray] that you may be invigorated and strengthened with all power according to the might of His glory, [to exercise] every kind of endurance and patience (perseverance and forbearance) with joy."
Some singles do not persevere in singleness. A proverb from Ethiopia and Kenya says, "Hasty marriages bring hasty divorces." Enjoy lots of relationships with both men and women. Spending lots of time together is a good way to learn to love people in the way they really liked to be loved. Single or married God uses relationships to remove selfishness from us.
Bishop T.D. Jakes says in his sermon, "Love Story," "Marriage does not work until a man dies. There's a wild nature in him that has to die, and every now and then it kicks up. And you got to kill it again. And if you don't kill it, it will destroy what you got." Jakes goes on to say in "Love Story," "Christ gave Himself. Let the men say, 'Give it up.'"
Wives too have to give it up in order to love their husbands the way their husbands want to be loved. More men than women enjoy strippers. Instead of sexual immorality, why not put together a strip tease for your husband only with props particular to his tastes and perhaps ben wa, or Oriental love balls, into your vagina to stimulate you for what's coming?
What are some out-of-the-ordinary things you have done for love?
Monday, January 14, 2013
Fearless Sex
God designed spousal lovemaking to be un-self-conscious, unintimidated, fun and an essential part of forming a strong marital bond. Yet fearful sex is a big problem today among Christians and non-Christians despite the counsel of 2 Timothy 1:7 Amplified Bible: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."
In Song of Solomon neither Solomon nor his Shulammite wife express a fear of marital lovemaking. They do not express a fear of dry vaginas, limp penises, premature ejaculation, the possibility of a bad or disappointing sexual experience, body inadequacy, looking bad, comparisons to other sexual experiences or new sexual experiences. Solomon's and his wife's conversation about fruit and gardens is abrir la puerta (opening the door) to the idea that marital lovemaking is making delicious. They have stripped off all of the reproach of Egypt (slavery to sin) an upbringing that taught sex is nasty and shameful.
Martial sex is holy and righteous. Dr. Ken Leman writes in his book Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, "If he's imagining what another woman (besides his wife) looks like naked, or how good she'd be in bed, then yes, he's polluting his mind. But if he's imagining how good it would feel to rub massage oil all over his wife later that night while on his way to giving her a body-to-body massage, he's being as pure as an inner-city mission worker serving a bowl of soup to the homeless. Who is the giver of all good gifts? God. Sex is a gift from God and a commandment from God. When God tells us to be "fruitful and multiply," he's not talking about apples and cloning. He's talking about having sexual intercourse and giving birth to babies."
Fear focuses us in on our self and our limits instead of focusing on giving a joyful experience to our lover. Believers are givers. Instead of habitually saying and doing, "No, no, no" to new, adventurous, imaginative marital sex, why not habitually say and do, "Oui, oui, oui?"
Fear focuses in on a negative and irrational mindset. Being naked and close with someone is a very vulnerable position easily squashed by a lover who points out areas of our body where we need to lose weight or describes them in unflattering ways. Confidence is encouraged by a lover who expresses craving instead of cringing to taste, touch, look, smell and hear a favorable response to making delicious. Instead of worrying about the size of your behind for downward rear entry why not think my husband is getting a glorious view of curves as he enters your vaginal portal to paradise? Many men prefer buttocks over breasts, and many women are not concerned with the size of their lover's penis. God made our bodies fearfully and wonderfully. Think of sex sweat as the dew of love and arousal scents as the aroma of love. Neither Solomon nor his wife criticize their own body or their spouse's body. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:7 New Living Translation Bible, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way." The wife says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 1:16 New Living Translation Bible, "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! . . ." What words could you use to specifically describe your spouse's spectacular body?
Fast sex can be hot, but sometimes it's fear and a lack of self-control. Slowing down and savoring the experience is often better particularly for wives. No sense of rushing exists in Song of Solomon. These lovers seem to have all the time in the world to please each other.
Spouses, enjoy the whole experience of lovemaking in its many varieties of expression. No matter how much friction an orgasm doesn't always result from marital making delicious, and this can be wonderful too. Sex is more than an orgasm. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. . ." His wife says in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit."
If you are having partner sex and not married, being afraid is logical because you are sharing the most intimate part of you with someone who isn't committed to you. Singles, celebrate your body with God your Ishi (Husband). Gospel group Trinitee sings in their song "My Body," about sex outside of marriage, "I want to please my God . . . My body is the Lord's temple . . . What part of no don't you understand?"
Please share an on-line comment about making marital delicious and/or celebrating single sexuality.
In Song of Solomon neither Solomon nor his Shulammite wife express a fear of marital lovemaking. They do not express a fear of dry vaginas, limp penises, premature ejaculation, the possibility of a bad or disappointing sexual experience, body inadequacy, looking bad, comparisons to other sexual experiences or new sexual experiences. Solomon's and his wife's conversation about fruit and gardens is abrir la puerta (opening the door) to the idea that marital lovemaking is making delicious. They have stripped off all of the reproach of Egypt (slavery to sin) an upbringing that taught sex is nasty and shameful.
Martial sex is holy and righteous. Dr. Ken Leman writes in his book Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, "If he's imagining what another woman (besides his wife) looks like naked, or how good she'd be in bed, then yes, he's polluting his mind. But if he's imagining how good it would feel to rub massage oil all over his wife later that night while on his way to giving her a body-to-body massage, he's being as pure as an inner-city mission worker serving a bowl of soup to the homeless. Who is the giver of all good gifts? God. Sex is a gift from God and a commandment from God. When God tells us to be "fruitful and multiply," he's not talking about apples and cloning. He's talking about having sexual intercourse and giving birth to babies."
Fear focuses us in on our self and our limits instead of focusing on giving a joyful experience to our lover. Believers are givers. Instead of habitually saying and doing, "No, no, no" to new, adventurous, imaginative marital sex, why not habitually say and do, "Oui, oui, oui?"
Fear focuses in on a negative and irrational mindset. Being naked and close with someone is a very vulnerable position easily squashed by a lover who points out areas of our body where we need to lose weight or describes them in unflattering ways. Confidence is encouraged by a lover who expresses craving instead of cringing to taste, touch, look, smell and hear a favorable response to making delicious. Instead of worrying about the size of your behind for downward rear entry why not think my husband is getting a glorious view of curves as he enters your vaginal portal to paradise? Many men prefer buttocks over breasts, and many women are not concerned with the size of their lover's penis. God made our bodies fearfully and wonderfully. Think of sex sweat as the dew of love and arousal scents as the aroma of love. Neither Solomon nor his wife criticize their own body or their spouse's body. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:7 New Living Translation Bible, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way." The wife says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 1:16 New Living Translation Bible, "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! . . ." What words could you use to specifically describe your spouse's spectacular body?
Fast sex can be hot, but sometimes it's fear and a lack of self-control. Slowing down and savoring the experience is often better particularly for wives. No sense of rushing exists in Song of Solomon. These lovers seem to have all the time in the world to please each other.
Spouses, enjoy the whole experience of lovemaking in its many varieties of expression. No matter how much friction an orgasm doesn't always result from marital making delicious, and this can be wonderful too. Sex is more than an orgasm. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. . ." His wife says in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit."
If you are having partner sex and not married, being afraid is logical because you are sharing the most intimate part of you with someone who isn't committed to you. Singles, celebrate your body with God your Ishi (Husband). Gospel group Trinitee sings in their song "My Body," about sex outside of marriage, "I want to please my God . . . My body is the Lord's temple . . . What part of no don't you understand?"
Please share an on-line comment about making marital delicious and/or celebrating single sexuality.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Touch Me Like This Knowing and Being Known
The Apostle Paul knew God and himself. He refused to allow fear, shame or something else to block him from being willing to be known expansively by God, Timothy and other friends and to know them. True friends know us and know us in triumphs, tragedies and life in between these extremes and still love us, and we do likewise if we are a true friend. The Apostle Paul writes in 2 Timothy 3:10-11 New Living Translation Bible, "But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured. You know all about how I was persecuted in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra--but the Lord rescued me from all of it."
Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."
The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along.
Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.
Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.
Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.
Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.
Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach,
"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up."
Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now."
Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."
Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities.
Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.
Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.
Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them.
I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.
God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ."
Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.
Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.
Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.
Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.
Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."
Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.
Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.
Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.
May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."
Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."
The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along.
Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.
Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.
Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.
Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.
Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach,
"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up."
Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now."
Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."
Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities.
Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.
Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.
Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them.
I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.
God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ."
Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.
Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.
Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.
Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.
Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."
Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.
Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.
Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.
May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Got Problems? No Worries Mate.
Sunday I was looking at a photo in the August 2012 edition of Enjoying Everyday Life, the magazine of Joyce Meyer Ministries. Joyce is reading a leather-bound Bible while sitting on a wooden chair on a wooden deck without guard rails above tranquil waters with a forest in the distance. Yellow/white sunlight hovers over the waters and everything else reminding me of Genesis 1:1-3 Amplified Bible: "In the beginning God (prepared, formed, fashioned, and) created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and an empty waste, and darkness was upon the face of the very great deep. The Spirit of God was moving (hovering, brooding) over the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light; and there was light."
Light reveals things. God describes Himself as light. John 1:4 Amplified Bible says, "In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men."
One of the things God wants to reveal is that God's best plan for us is loving, eternal, family relationships with God and people. John 1:12-13 Amplified Bible says, "But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the authority (power, privilege, right) to become the children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name—Who owe their birth neither to bloods nor to the will of the flesh [that of physical impulse] nor to the will of man [that of a natural father], but to God. [They are born of God!]"
There was never a time when God didn't choose to be in relationship with each believer. Imagine the goodness if we always choose a relationship with God and each believer God connects us to.
God put Rafael and me together. Rafael is a believer who has autism. I am a believer who does not have autism. Rafael and I love each other. In loving each other we are celebrating God, people with autism and other different minds and abilities and people of multiple other characteristics.
God made Rafael with autism on purpose. Proverbs 16:33 Amplified Bible says, "The lot is cast into the lap, but the decision is wholly of the Lord [even the events that seem accidental are really ordered by Him]."
God made Nick Vujicic and Daniel Martinez without arms and legs. Nick and Daniel are not biologically related, but they are part of the family of believers; and God created them and had them meet for a purpose.
One day Nick was set to give a speech at Knott Avenue Christian Church in Anaheim, California. Up until the time Nick was a young adult he had not met a person like himself without arms and legs. Meeting Daniel was inspirational confirming for Nick that there are others like him and giving him the privilege to guide someone younger, Daniel was a toddler at the time they met, over the obstacles of not having arms and legs through a faith that with God there are no limits.
Some say I am unrealistic in seeking marriage for Rafael because he has autism. Growing up Nick wondered how he was going to have a job that would pay enough to financially support a family. Nick wondered how he was going to have girlfriends and eventually a wife without arms to hug them.
So many mysteries that can become worries. Do you have autism, no arms or legs or some other challenges? "I ain't goin' worry about things I can't control . . . . Hold up. Why? God's got it," sings African-American Gospel singer James Moss on his CD V 4 ...The Other Side track "God's Got It." For believers God is able and willing to work out our lives for good even when we can't see how.
Growing up Nick couldn't see that he would be a motivational speaker, run a nonprofit group called Life Without Limbs and marry, but God not only knew it all along, God also had a plan for Nick to get there. God's got a plan for all of us. Chase God, and He'll reveal the plan.
Clues to God's plan are everywhere. Rafael is very spiritual. He enjoys music, meditation and intimate relationships. Women love spirituality and intimate relationships. Ninety-four percent of women in a 2002 Gallup poll reported that a spouse should be a soul mate first and foremost.
Soul mates start out as friends. The Bible talks about sex as a husband and wife knowing each other. While God did not design for singles to engage in sex, God did design for both singles and married couples to have same-sex and opposite sex friendships. Begin and improve your friendships by joining Rafael's and my relationship group. To join contact us at email address michefrancesjackson@gmail.com.
Light reveals things. God describes Himself as light. John 1:4 Amplified Bible says, "In Him was Life, and the Life was the Light of men."
One of the things God wants to reveal is that God's best plan for us is loving, eternal, family relationships with God and people. John 1:12-13 Amplified Bible says, "But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the authority (power, privilege, right) to become the children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name—Who owe their birth neither to bloods nor to the will of the flesh [that of physical impulse] nor to the will of man [that of a natural father], but to God. [They are born of God!]"
There was never a time when God didn't choose to be in relationship with each believer. Imagine the goodness if we always choose a relationship with God and each believer God connects us to.
God put Rafael and me together. Rafael is a believer who has autism. I am a believer who does not have autism. Rafael and I love each other. In loving each other we are celebrating God, people with autism and other different minds and abilities and people of multiple other characteristics.
God made Rafael with autism on purpose. Proverbs 16:33 Amplified Bible says, "The lot is cast into the lap, but the decision is wholly of the Lord [even the events that seem accidental are really ordered by Him]."
God made Nick Vujicic and Daniel Martinez without arms and legs. Nick and Daniel are not biologically related, but they are part of the family of believers; and God created them and had them meet for a purpose.
One day Nick was set to give a speech at Knott Avenue Christian Church in Anaheim, California. Up until the time Nick was a young adult he had not met a person like himself without arms and legs. Meeting Daniel was inspirational confirming for Nick that there are others like him and giving him the privilege to guide someone younger, Daniel was a toddler at the time they met, over the obstacles of not having arms and legs through a faith that with God there are no limits.
Some say I am unrealistic in seeking marriage for Rafael because he has autism. Growing up Nick wondered how he was going to have a job that would pay enough to financially support a family. Nick wondered how he was going to have girlfriends and eventually a wife without arms to hug them.
So many mysteries that can become worries. Do you have autism, no arms or legs or some other challenges? "I ain't goin' worry about things I can't control . . . . Hold up. Why? God's got it," sings African-American Gospel singer James Moss on his CD V 4 ...The Other Side track "God's Got It." For believers God is able and willing to work out our lives for good even when we can't see how.
Growing up Nick couldn't see that he would be a motivational speaker, run a nonprofit group called Life Without Limbs and marry, but God not only knew it all along, God also had a plan for Nick to get there. God's got a plan for all of us. Chase God, and He'll reveal the plan.
Clues to God's plan are everywhere. Rafael is very spiritual. He enjoys music, meditation and intimate relationships. Women love spirituality and intimate relationships. Ninety-four percent of women in a 2002 Gallup poll reported that a spouse should be a soul mate first and foremost.
Soul mates start out as friends. The Bible talks about sex as a husband and wife knowing each other. While God did not design for singles to engage in sex, God did design for both singles and married couples to have same-sex and opposite sex friendships. Begin and improve your friendships by joining Rafael's and my relationship group. To join contact us at email address michefrancesjackson@gmail.com.
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