All Night Long

Thinking of pulling an all nighter or two or more to pass those tests, prepare a presentation for work or church or indulge in marital lovemaking. Think again.

After 18 hours of wakefulness our reaction time begins to slow, our memory decreases, our bodies and minds slow down to preserve energy, and we make bad food choices. We start to experience bouts of microsleep--moments when we zone out for anywhere from two to 20 seconds. Studies show if we keep trying to stay awake our reaction time will eventually be about the same as someone who is legally drunk.

If you have a relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost, the three that are one (1 X 1 X 1 = 1 or like water which can be liquid, ice or steam), God knows that you need to pass those tests, perform superbly for work or church, sexually satisfy our spouse. God's got His own covered; we will succeed and still be able to sleep properly allowing His life to flow through us accomplishing whatever needs to be done. Psalm 127:2 Amplified Bible says, "It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of [anxious] toil--for He gives [blessings] to His beloved in sleep."

So relax and learn to rest, sleeping nightly between six-to-eight hours as research says the body needs this range of nightly rest for good health and beauty. God's people, His Bride, won't miss a thing. God's got everything under control; He's perfectly willing and able to manage our lives superbly. God never sleeps, so we can. Then rise ready to give an outstanding presentation for work or church or engage in marital lovemaking. Nothing is wrong with marital sex at night or in the afternoon, but bright and early has special benefits. Energy and ecstasy go together. A well rested spouse is ready for real good rock n roll.

I'm still waiting to get comments on a Biblical view of anal sex. I have not found anything specifically prohibiting a husband and wife from having anal sex, and I know that poop can be a sign of life and has its purposes. Archaeologists working at Paisley Caves in Oregon in 2002 found human poop that they determined to be 14,300 years old--the oldest traces of human life ever found in North America. Also human bowel movements can be used for fertilizer.

Anal play is fine. My concern about anal intercourse is that it may not be safe or sanitary. Yet some say that a wife can mount her husband and while his penis is in her vagina he can also place his hand or a sexual toy in her anus, and both spouses will answer the question, "Was it good for you?" by saying, Estoy bien (I am good) and/or Je vois la lumière. (I see the light.) Please leave an on-line comment with your thoughts about anal sex from a Biblical perspective.

God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost designed sex. What God creates is good, very good, when practiced according to the author's design. "Baby, baby . . . come on wake up," she says to Tyrese Gibson as an introduction to the song, "I Gotta Chick," on Tyrese's album, Open Invitation. R&B singer and rapper Tyrese responds, "I'm sleep." He later asks, "Why are you always horny at 5:00 in the morning?"

While the morning is a great time to have sex, save partner sex for marriage. Praise God that Tyrese is a Christian and also has a positive view of sex; Tyrese doesn't view sex as the necessary nasty, essentially sinful or only talks about sex from a perspective of sin. So many Americans come from homes where parents did not say anything to them about sex, and for those parents who did communicate about sex many communicated verbally and non-verbally that sex is negative. A lot of America's sexual problems come from our history. Carter G. Woodson said, "The conditions of today have been determined by what has taken place in the past."

Sex education comes from our parents, schools, media and other sources. One of the comical things I was suppose to learn is that it is okay for a husband to kiss, lick, suck and touch with his hands his wife's breasts because she uses her breasts to breastfeed, but it is not okay for a husband to kiss, lick, suck and touch with his hands his wife's vagina because her vagina does not have a feeding function like her breasts. This week I saw a commercial advertising a car in which a child asks his parents where babies come from. The dad responds by creating this elaborate story of how babies are on another planet and at nine-month intervals they are sent to earth. The child responds that this is not the story his friend told him. At which point the parents turn on his favorite song to distract him from the subject, and they all start moving to the beat. Please leave an on-line comment with comical and/or tragic sex education.

The February 2013 Ebony magazine article, "7 Secrets of Lasting Love Best Friends and Passionate Lovers After 20, 40, Even 80-Plus Years? Couples With Serious Staying Power Share How They Do It," by Niema Jordan says, "I talk to people, and they are like, 'No, girl; I don't do that,' or 'If he did that, I'd be offended.' But sex is about expression, and if you can't feel free, I don't see how you can enjoy that moment." During the discussion, the couple unabashedly discussed oral sex, a topic that rocked the boat for some audience members. "A lot of Black men feel their women don't meet their needs. There is a big issue with Black women and oral sex. The perception is that White girls give it, and this is a reason Black men sometimes [date outside the race]."

Of course a husband who likes to receive oral sex should be willing to give his wife oral sex or whatever considerate, safe and adventurous sex she desires and requests. Some women believe men can read their minds. Some times they can't. So if you want something, ask and listen clearly, directly and lovingly. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott write in their book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts Seven Questions To Ask Before-And After-You Marry, "Women use conversation primarily to form and solidify connections with other people. Men, on the other hand, tend to use words to navigate their way within the hierarchy by communicating their knowledge and skill and imparting information."

The average American married couple spends four minutes together. This lack of time together contributes to an inability to talk about sex, give sexual satisfaction and receive sexual satisfaction. Please leave an on-line comment about times in your marriage where you didn't spend much time together as a couple and the impact of little togetherness. 

Do you think many married people dislike each other?

A black husband who would leave his black wife to have sex with white women may have a view of all women as sexually inferior to men. Monica Wilson was a South African anthropologist, professor of social anthropology at the University of Cape Town who wrote Good Company: a study of Nyakyusa age-villages. Wilson wrote that the Nyakusa people are attached to ukwangela, the 'enjoyment of good company', the 'mutual aid and sympathy which spring from personal friendship' and imply 'urbane manners and a friendliness which expresses itself in eating and drinking together; not only merry conversation, but also discussion between equals, which the Nyakyusa regard as the principal form of education.'

A lot of America's sexual problems also come from practicing sex outside of Biblical boundaries. Pray for Tyrese and others like him to grow spiritually and accept that partner sex is only to be practiced inside of marriage.

For singles, God is your Ishi (Husband). If your faith allows you to masturbate as a single person, be sure to avoid the sins of gluttony, lust, pornography and self-mutilation while masturbating. Please leave an on-line comment with your Biblical perspective on masturbation. Is masturbation just for singles? Do married people masturbate by themselves and/or in front of each other?

When I have a question about sex, sexuality or something else for God, I find that He is open instead of obscure. Please leave an on-line comment about your relationship with God.

Whether we are masturbating or having marital sex, we are in a ménage à trois. A ménage à trois is multiple-people having sex. When we have sex, we are having sex with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. Christians say God is good and worthy to be praised, so why wouldn't everyone be for good sex?

Sex is Good, Very Good

God created the heavens and the earth in six days, and said all of creation is good, very good. So I know that sleep is good, and science is saying that adults need six to eight hours of sleep nightly.

But I have to confess I wish someone would invent a pill that would replace the need for sleep. I can relate to Virginia Woolf when she says, "Sleep, that deplorable curtailment of the joy of life."

I don't like to miss anything; I want to maximize everything. My mother says I was always like this from birth. I had to see everything; to avoid crying don't lay Michele down; prop her up in a way that she's able to access a panoramic view.

Side story here -- don't just let your baby cry on and on; she's trying to tell you to fix a problem

As a child my mom says she had the worst time getting me to go to sleep.

Ugly isn't Holy
Now as an adult I'm currently trying to lose some body fat from my 5 feet 6 inch small-boned 8 frame. I'm smaller than Marilyn Monroe who was a size 12 or 16 depending on the source. I can imagine some of you now thinking something like, "Seek inner beauty." That I possess and am becoming more inwardly beautiful daily because God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost live on the inside and is showing up on the outside in increasing measure. I live by Ephesians 5:10 New Living Translation Bible which says, "Carefully determine what pleases the Lord."

Did you also know cultivating outer beauty is a Christian virtue? Ugly isn't holy! A man says to his woman in Song of Songs 7:1-7 New Living Translation Bible, "How beautiful are your sandaled feet, o queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman. Your navel is perfectly formed like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle. Your neck is as beautiful as an ivory tower. Your eyes are like the sparkling pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is as fine as the tower of Lebanon overlooking Damascus. Your head is as majestic as Mount Carmel, and the sheen of your hair radiates royalty. The king is held captive by its tresses. Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights! You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit."

Sleep has many benefits one of which is it can help me to be "slender like a palm tree." In June 2011 the New England Journal of Medicine published an article which reported that researchers at Harvard University completed a 20-year study conducted in four-year intervals of measuring the weight of 120,877 men and women who were not obese and did not have chronic diseases. These researchers discovered that adults who slept nightly in the six-to-eight-hours-of-nightly-sleep range gained fewer pounds than those whose sleep patterns varied outside the six-to-eight hours of nightly sleep.

Sexual Frustration
"It's always too early to quit." -- Norman Vincent Peale

My mom says as a child I asked a lot of questions. I wasn't always satisfied with the answers adults gave especially on subjects that made them uncomfortable. As a three-year-old I was frustrated that my maternal grandmother wouldn't answer my questions about "butts." Yes, three years old is not too young to talk to our children about sex. We are created by God as sexual beings. Jenny Walsh of La Trobe University and author of a sex guide published through the Australian Research Center on Sex, Health and Society, encourages parents to talk to our children ages two through 17 often about sex; it doesn't encourage them to engage in sex, but ensures a good education. A good sexual education includes and is not limited to labeling body parts with accurate, respectful terminology, such as "penis" and "vagina" when engaging in every-day-life activities, such as, toilet training. Also always celebrate the physical body created by God as opposed to creating a sense of sin and shame about the physical body.

Later on as a third or fourth grader I still had questions about sex. I talked with my mom. She would only tell me about female menstrual cycles and reproduction. What I really wanted know was how to have sex, but mom wouldn't go there saying I was too young for this information and needed to wait until marriage time.

Tina, who is my younger sister, I and other girlfriends enjoyed playing with the dolls Ken and Barbie. I had thoughts like, "Surely Ken and Barbie are suppose to do more than just kiss?" So I came up with a solution.

Conspiring with Tina, one night we hid under our parents' bed. Fortunately, for my parents, they caught my sister and I before any action transpired!

In the police-like interrogation of the two "criminals" my mother didn't even grill my sister for hatching this plan, she zeroed in on the visionary.

If I didn't know then that sleep was good, very good, at least I knew sex was.