Is She Depressed?

Why do women often fail to see the symptoms of depression until they are serious (persistent sad or anxious mood, loss of interest in usual activities, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, difficulty in making decisions, sleep/appetite changes, decreased energy, loss of sex drive (yes, this is serious to our marriages,) thoughts of self-injury, even suicide, or any combination of these symptoms)? Women tend to attribute our symptoms to other things, such as fatigue from work or family care.

Depression may be the result of the following six typical scenarios:

1) family history of depression. Some depressions may be an inherited imbalance in brain chemicals.
2) puberty, adolescence, pregnancy, postpartum, menstrual cycles and menopause. Basically female developmental and hormonal changes often accompany depression.
3) life events, such as childhood trauma, violence or abuse in current relationships, poor health, a serous personal loss or emotional wound like divorce, bankruptcy, job loss, death of a loved one, business failure, housing foreclosure or eviction, multiple negative experiences coming one after the other or some other life event.
4) on-going life stress, such as single parenting, caring for elderly or disabled family member(s), lower pay in the employment market, discrimination based on gender, race, ethnicity, religion, disability, employment culture that fails to appreciate, advocate and advance our abilities and talents, stubborn, selfish supervisor or something else.
5) ways of thinking that can enable depression, such as difficulty with assertiveness, passivity, reluctance to rock the boat in relationships or shyness in seeking our own needs in a loving way.
6) difficulty setting boundaries with others.

Women may try to cope with depression in harmful ways, such as substance abuse, overeating, excessive spending, isolation, taking on too much responsibility or conversely not taking on enough responsibility, not financially managing our lives or some other way.

While twice as many women as men have depression any one can have depression, even the strong. Israelite King and Warrior David had times of depression.

However the depression comes, seven steps are helpful to coming out of depression:

1) Receive and passionately nurture a relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost.
2) Engage in on-going studying and meditating on God's Word for the remedy to correct thought patterns and actions that lead to depression and maintain depression.
3) Surround ourselves with spiritually mature Christian family and friends. Sometimes family and/or friends help us to see depression that God has been trying to reveal to us through His Word and prayer for a long time, but we didn't receive the message and need others to help us receive the message.
4) Seek professional, spiritually mature, skillful Christian counsel. Therapy and counseling are not value neutral. Our health can be compromised by someone with beliefs and behavior contrary to the Bible. Healing has its source in God. Luke 6:19 Amplified Bible says, "And all the multitude were seeking to touch Him, for healing power was all the while going forth from Him and curing them all [saving them from severe illnesses or calamities]." Contact me at my email address michelefrancesjackson@hotmail.com or ask our spiritually mature Christian family members and friends for referrals to Christian professionals.  
5) Eat and exercise with proper nutrition, amount, frequency and balance. 3 John 1:2 New Living Translation Bible says, "Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit."
6) Partake in regular activities that we enjoy like dancing, foreign language classes or something else. Not only will we meet new people we will also be compelled to release and replace negative thought patterns with positive ones. We have a right to enjoy our lives. Jesus Christ says in John 10:10 Amplified Bible, "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."  
7) Continuously think we are a priceless treasures. Life is full of discomfort, distress, disappointment and bad decisions, but God still values and loves us. We do not have to work to earn the love of God; He freely gives His love. Failing does not mean we are frauds. Psalm 127:2 Amplified Bible says, "It is vain for you to rise up early, to take rest late, to eat the bread of [anxious] toil--for He gives [blessings] to His beloved in sleep."

Please share stories of coming out of depression.

Like A Virgin

God counsels us to practice no sex before or outside of marriage and to practice frequent, fun, fantastic, fulfilling sex inside of marriage.

If we have had sex outside of marriage, we are no longer virgins. Duh! But we cannot be like virgins ever again; we've been changed forever. Like a virgin is a lie. It's either a person is a virgin or a person is not a virgin.

Also, once one has sex, one never forgets. Even if it's uneventful, it's still unforgettable. Sex is something special.

If we've had sex outside of marriage and ask God for forgiveness, He's already granted it to us and was just waiting for us to ask. Now we need to receive the forgiveness. Receiving includes when flashbacks to sex come to the mind, sending them back to the sea of forgetfulness. God gave us minds that have to be managed. We may not be able to stop the thoughts that enter our minds, but we can choose to either continue to think on them or to think on something else. The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:8 Amplified Bible, "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]."

When God has forgiven us of sex outside of marriage, and we have forgiven ourselves, we should be able to enjoy uninhibited marital sex if marriage is God's plan for our life. We should be able to enjoy marital sex free of the negativity of guilt or unflattering comparison. Really why not ask God to give you a husband or wife that is a better lover than all your previous lovers?

If your husband or wife has committed adultery and repented, at some point you are going to have to choose not to nurse the wound in order to have a vibrant marriage post-adultery. If you are still talking about how much the adultery hurt 15 years after the fact, then you are just as big a sinner as your husband. God commands us to forgive and move forward. Stop allowing your feelings to control your obedience to the Word of God.

Why not give your spouse such wonderful sex that she/he is not willing to have sex with people who would share their body with someone willing to suck out their life for free in sex outside of marriage? God purchased us at the highest price. Why would you sell yourself to Satan for free?

If you want to taste it, are you willing to put a ring on it?

Numbers 23:19 Amplified Bible says, "God is not a man, that He should tell or act a lie, neither the son of man, that He should feel repentance or compunction [for what He has promised]. Has He said and shall He not do it? Or has He spoken and shall He not make it good?" What God says is good. God says in Exodus 20:14 New Living Translation Bible, "You must not commit adultery." So God says celibacy is good for singles, and sex is only for one husband and one wife.

I am 45 and have been exercising since I was a teenager. I don't enjoy it. I do it because it is good for my health.

Although some women enjoy exercise for a surprising reason. Human sexuality researchers at Indiana University discovered that about a quarter of the 530 women they interviewed had climaxed while working on their abdominal muscles, riding a bike or lifting weights. This has never happened to me. Please leave an on-line comment if it has happened to you or someone you know.

Celibacy is good for the health of singles. Some people enjoy celibacy. I don't. I look forward to marital sex. I can relate to Jill Scott's song "Celibacy Blues," but I cannot relate to the solution of sex outside of marriage. I am single, and practice celibacy day in and day out, year after year because God says so.

I sometimes sing Hezekiah Walker & LFC's song "Grateful" from the album 20/85 The Experience when I think of all the mess God delivered me from when I was living the lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. When I look back no matter how good the orgasms the overall relationships sucked or at best were unsatisfying. When we defy God, disappointment is often the result. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could be a sexual predator stringing men along with the false hope of marriage when all I really want is his sex. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could have been sleeping in my grave a victim of AIDS. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin.

God created us unique. What is good for one person may not be good for another person.

When celibacy is not mutual and confined to brief periods of prayer for married couples, celibacy is harmful for married couples. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 New Living Translation Bible, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Many married couples are not being sexually obedient to the Word of God. The March 22, 2011, issue of The New York Times newspaper reported that the March 2011 issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy said that researchers surveyed 3,240 men and 3,304 women who were married, living with a partner or in a relationship, asking them about their satisfaction with their sex lives. A majority of men (54 percent) and nearly as many women (42 percent) said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex. For most men, the complaint was that they weren’t having sex often enough. Among women who were unhappy about the frequency of their sex lives, two-thirds said they weren’t having enough sex. Among the respondents, 73 percent were married, and 60 percent had been with their spouse or partner for 10 years or more. Men ages 35 to 44 who had been with a woman for six years or longer were the most likely to be unhappy with how often they had sex.

Maybe married couples are not having more sex because they are not taking the time to empathize with their spouse. ". . . men tend to compartmentalise, feeling that stressful aspects of life can be parked mentally and separated from sexual activity. Women need good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her lover treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, rude tones, hurtful words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, feel enthusiastic and be passionate during sex," says Dr Rajan B Bhonsle in the January 18, 2013, article "7 Must-know sex secrets" in The Times of India newspaper.

Lucy Sanna and Kathy Miller-Vejtasa write in their book, How to Romance the Woman You Love - The Way She Wants You To!, that women responded to a survey asking, "If he were more romantic, I would be more inclined to . . .", "
1. "Be excited to be with him"
2."Keep myself looking attractive"
3. "Find out what he wants; try to help him fulfill his needs"
4. "Stay with him rather than find a new partner"
5. "Be in a good mood around him"
6. "Attend to his sexual needs."

Dr. Douglas Rosenau writes in his book, A Celebration of Sex:
"1. Budget in and spend a certain amount of money each month on your sex life, such as lingerie, new sheets, and nights or weekends away together.
2. Every now and then wear a sexy piece of lingerie all day and allow its unusual feel to remind you of sex constantly.
3. Don't wear any underwear to a social gathering, and tell your husband on the way out the door. You will drive him crazy while you keep aroused.
4. Plan a sexual surprise at least once a month in which you try to blindside your husband in an arousing sexual way.
5. Keep a mental note, and regardless of fatigue or low interest, initiate sex at least once a week.
6. Have fun with your husband's visual arousal, and flaunt your nude body at unusual times just to enjoy his reactions.
7. Take a bubble bath and indulge in other sensual delights at the end of a tiring day--it's a great aphrodisiac and tunes you in to your body.
8. Create romantic sexual fantasies about your love life while driving in the car, and share them with your mate at the end of your day.
9. Use a special perfume that you have associated in your mind with making love, and wear it on the evening or the day you anticipate sexual activity.
10. Practice Kegel exercises."

Conversely, maybe many singles are having sex because they are not allowing the Holy Spirit to lead their lives. The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:16 Amplified Bible, "But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God)."

It doesn't matter how extremely evil we have been in the past, singles in the present can be successfully celibate. While attending dental school, Christopher Yuan began living as a homosexual engaging in multiple, daily, anonymous sexual encounters and doing illegal drugs. After being expelled from dental school, Yuan was imprisoned for drug dealing and discovered that he was HIV positive. But God had other plans for Yuan's life. Yuan graduated from Moody Bible Institute in 2005, in 2007 he graduated from Wheaton College Graduate School with a Master of Arts in Biblical Exegesis. Yuan is currently pursuing a doctorate of ministry at Bethel Seminary, teaching at Moody Bible Institute and speaking about homosexuality and the ex-gay lifestyle across four continents around the world.

Instead of like a virgin be spiritually mature like Jesus Christ.