Second-Class Christian Citizens?

Are non-virgins second-class Christian citizens compared to virgins? No! Someone who has had one or more sexual partners is not a second-class Christian or a second-best marriage partner.

While a virgin has not sinned in having sexual relations with another human being, a virgin has sinned in some ways. Virgins and non-virgins have sinned in multiple ways. Romans 3:10 Amplified Bible says, "As it is written, None is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one." The solution to a lack of righteousness is offered to virgins and non-virgins in Romans 6:23 Amplified Bible which says, "For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord."

When considering someone to marry we don't want to disqualify a person based on being a virgin or non-virgin. What is much more important is marrying a person who has received an eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. While many are concerned about the chronological age of a spouse, what is more important is to be and to marry someone spiritually mature; someone whose relationship with God is deep like the earth's deepest lakes of Lake Tanganyika in Africa and Lake Baikal in Siberia, Russia; someone who constantly chases God, and is consequently constantly improving.

A person can be a virgin or non-virgin and still be spiritually immature. A good marriage is the fellowship of two spiritually mature Christians who are continuously cooperating with God to change into His likeness.

Many people receive Christ, but refuse to grow in their relationship with Christ, themselves and other people. The Bible gives us the blueprint for living. Joshua 1:8 Amplified Bible says, "This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success." Some people want to succeed, but they are not willing to do what it takes to succeed. Brian Tracy writes in his book, No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline 21 Ways to Achieve Lasting Happiness and Success, "One of the most important requirements for success, once you have decided what it is that you want, is the quality of willingness. Successful people are willing to pay the price, whatever it is and for as long as it takes, until they achieve the results they desire. Everyone wants to be successful . . . . But most people are not willing to pay the price. Occasionally, they may be wiling to pay part of the price, but they are not willing to pay the whole price. They always hold back. They always have some excuse or rationalization for not disciplining themselves to do everything that they need to do to achieve their goals."

Being a virgin before marriage may indicate that a person has some love of God. John 14:15 Amplified Bible says, "If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands." Virgins have been obedient to one aspect of Exodus 20:14 the Message Bible which requires us to practice, "No adultery."

A non-virgin may also love God irregardless of having sex outside of marriage once or thousands of times. Some non-virgins have sinned sexually, received the forgiveness, transformation and love of God and have been walking in beautiful, Biblical, sexual balance for a while.

God does not consider virgins more spiritual or worthy or better people than non-virgins. God offers His love to everyone. God inspired the Apostle Paul to say in Galatians 3:28 New Living Translation Bible, "There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus."

In some parts of the globe a woman can be killed if she is not a virgin before marriage. Hymenoplasty surgery to attempt to restore a broken hymen is routinely performed in parts of the world, such as Muslim countries and other places. In Japan hymenoplasty is called "virginity rebirth." Jesus Christ does not require hymenoplasty and other mutilation of our bodies to be holy.

If you are a non-virgin who has sought the forgiveness, transformation and love of God to empower you to celebrate single sexuality and to celebrate sexual relations inside of marriage, but find yourself struggling with your self-worth, shame, fear, guilt or something else, keep on asking God to help you to fully receive His love. God views us as individual, priceless treasures. He wants us to have the same view of ourselves as He has of us.

If you are a virgin who looks down on non-virgins, repent of being judgmental, condemning, haughty and self-righteous like many of the religious leaders during the time of Jesus Christ's earthly ministry. Jesus Christ tells a story in Luke 18:10-14 Amplified Bible which says, "Two men went up into the temple [enclosure] to pray, the one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee took his stand ostentatiously and began to pray thus before and with himself: God, I thank You that I am not like the rest of men--extortioners (robbers), swindlers [unrighteous in heart and life], adulterers--or even like this tax collector here. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I gain. But the tax collector, [merely] standing at a distance, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but kept striking his breast, saying, O God, be favorable (be gracious, be merciful) to me, the especially wicked sinner that I am! I tell you, this man went down to his home justified (forgiven and made upright and in right standing with God), rather than the other man; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."

If you are a virgin envying a non-virgin, repent. Never envy sinful behavior. Sin hurts multiple people in multiple ways whether we see the pain or not.

Most people are not virgins when the marry. However, 73 percent of non-virgins say sex inside of marriage is better than sex outside of marriage. 

When we have received a lot of the love of God, we are able to give out a lot of the love of God. Having received the love of God, non-virgins will not feel bad about themselves and/or envy virgins; also virgins will not feel superior to non-virgins or envy non-virgins. God takes all of our sins and works them out for His glory and our good. International practical Bible teacher Joyce Meyer was repeatedly raped by her father as a child and as an adolescent. As a young adult she went through a divorce. Later she married Dave Meyer, and later still together they have a Christian ministry potentially impacting 4.5 billion. Luci Swindoll is a single who has an international Christian ministry and writes in her book, I Married Adventure, "It's daring to be curious about the unknown, to dream big dreams, to live outside prescribed boxes, to take risks, and above all, daring to investigate the way we live until we discover the deepest treasured purpose of why we are here."

Whether we are a non-virgin or virgin, if we have received God and are continuously seeking to mature in our relationship with God and people, then celebrate who we are just as we are.

Like A Virgin

God counsels us to practice no sex before or outside of marriage and to practice frequent, fun, fantastic, fulfilling sex inside of marriage.

If we have had sex outside of marriage, we are no longer virgins. Duh! But we cannot be like virgins ever again; we've been changed forever. Like a virgin is a lie. It's either a person is a virgin or a person is not a virgin.

Also, once one has sex, one never forgets. Even if it's uneventful, it's still unforgettable. Sex is something special.

If we've had sex outside of marriage and ask God for forgiveness, He's already granted it to us and was just waiting for us to ask. Now we need to receive the forgiveness. Receiving includes when flashbacks to sex come to the mind, sending them back to the sea of forgetfulness. God gave us minds that have to be managed. We may not be able to stop the thoughts that enter our minds, but we can choose to either continue to think on them or to think on something else. The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:8 Amplified Bible, "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]."

When God has forgiven us of sex outside of marriage, and we have forgiven ourselves, we should be able to enjoy uninhibited marital sex if marriage is God's plan for our life. We should be able to enjoy marital sex free of the negativity of guilt or unflattering comparison. Really why not ask God to give you a husband or wife that is a better lover than all your previous lovers?

If your husband or wife has committed adultery and repented, at some point you are going to have to choose not to nurse the wound in order to have a vibrant marriage post-adultery. If you are still talking about how much the adultery hurt 15 years after the fact, then you are just as big a sinner as your husband. God commands us to forgive and move forward. Stop allowing your feelings to control your obedience to the Word of God.

Why not give your spouse such wonderful sex that she/he is not willing to have sex with people who would share their body with someone willing to suck out their life for free in sex outside of marriage? God purchased us at the highest price. Why would you sell yourself to Satan for free?

If you want to taste it, are you willing to put a ring on it?

Numbers 23:19 Amplified Bible says, "God is not a man, that He should tell or act a lie, neither the son of man, that He should feel repentance or compunction [for what He has promised]. Has He said and shall He not do it? Or has He spoken and shall He not make it good?" What God says is good. God says in Exodus 20:14 New Living Translation Bible, "You must not commit adultery." So God says celibacy is good for singles, and sex is only for one husband and one wife.

I am 45 and have been exercising since I was a teenager. I don't enjoy it. I do it because it is good for my health.

Although some women enjoy exercise for a surprising reason. Human sexuality researchers at Indiana University discovered that about a quarter of the 530 women they interviewed had climaxed while working on their abdominal muscles, riding a bike or lifting weights. This has never happened to me. Please leave an on-line comment if it has happened to you or someone you know.

Celibacy is good for the health of singles. Some people enjoy celibacy. I don't. I look forward to marital sex. I can relate to Jill Scott's song "Celibacy Blues," but I cannot relate to the solution of sex outside of marriage. I am single, and practice celibacy day in and day out, year after year because God says so.

I sometimes sing Hezekiah Walker & LFC's song "Grateful" from the album 20/85 The Experience when I think of all the mess God delivered me from when I was living the lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. When I look back no matter how good the orgasms the overall relationships sucked or at best were unsatisfying. When we defy God, disappointment is often the result. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could be a sexual predator stringing men along with the false hope of marriage when all I really want is his sex. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could have been sleeping in my grave a victim of AIDS. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin.

God created us unique. What is good for one person may not be good for another person.

When celibacy is not mutual and confined to brief periods of prayer for married couples, celibacy is harmful for married couples. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 New Living Translation Bible, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Many married couples are not being sexually obedient to the Word of God. The March 22, 2011, issue of The New York Times newspaper reported that the March 2011 issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy said that researchers surveyed 3,240 men and 3,304 women who were married, living with a partner or in a relationship, asking them about their satisfaction with their sex lives. A majority of men (54 percent) and nearly as many women (42 percent) said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex. For most men, the complaint was that they weren’t having sex often enough. Among women who were unhappy about the frequency of their sex lives, two-thirds said they weren’t having enough sex. Among the respondents, 73 percent were married, and 60 percent had been with their spouse or partner for 10 years or more. Men ages 35 to 44 who had been with a woman for six years or longer were the most likely to be unhappy with how often they had sex.

Maybe married couples are not having more sex because they are not taking the time to empathize with their spouse. ". . . men tend to compartmentalise, feeling that stressful aspects of life can be parked mentally and separated from sexual activity. Women need good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her lover treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, rude tones, hurtful words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, feel enthusiastic and be passionate during sex," says Dr Rajan B Bhonsle in the January 18, 2013, article "7 Must-know sex secrets" in The Times of India newspaper.

Lucy Sanna and Kathy Miller-Vejtasa write in their book, How to Romance the Woman You Love - The Way She Wants You To!, that women responded to a survey asking, "If he were more romantic, I would be more inclined to . . .", "
1. "Be excited to be with him"
2."Keep myself looking attractive"
3. "Find out what he wants; try to help him fulfill his needs"
4. "Stay with him rather than find a new partner"
5. "Be in a good mood around him"
6. "Attend to his sexual needs."

Dr. Douglas Rosenau writes in his book, A Celebration of Sex:
"1. Budget in and spend a certain amount of money each month on your sex life, such as lingerie, new sheets, and nights or weekends away together.
2. Every now and then wear a sexy piece of lingerie all day and allow its unusual feel to remind you of sex constantly.
3. Don't wear any underwear to a social gathering, and tell your husband on the way out the door. You will drive him crazy while you keep aroused.
4. Plan a sexual surprise at least once a month in which you try to blindside your husband in an arousing sexual way.
5. Keep a mental note, and regardless of fatigue or low interest, initiate sex at least once a week.
6. Have fun with your husband's visual arousal, and flaunt your nude body at unusual times just to enjoy his reactions.
7. Take a bubble bath and indulge in other sensual delights at the end of a tiring day--it's a great aphrodisiac and tunes you in to your body.
8. Create romantic sexual fantasies about your love life while driving in the car, and share them with your mate at the end of your day.
9. Use a special perfume that you have associated in your mind with making love, and wear it on the evening or the day you anticipate sexual activity.
10. Practice Kegel exercises."

Conversely, maybe many singles are having sex because they are not allowing the Holy Spirit to lead their lives. The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:16 Amplified Bible, "But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God)."

It doesn't matter how extremely evil we have been in the past, singles in the present can be successfully celibate. While attending dental school, Christopher Yuan began living as a homosexual engaging in multiple, daily, anonymous sexual encounters and doing illegal drugs. After being expelled from dental school, Yuan was imprisoned for drug dealing and discovered that he was HIV positive. But God had other plans for Yuan's life. Yuan graduated from Moody Bible Institute in 2005, in 2007 he graduated from Wheaton College Graduate School with a Master of Arts in Biblical Exegesis. Yuan is currently pursuing a doctorate of ministry at Bethel Seminary, teaching at Moody Bible Institute and speaking about homosexuality and the ex-gay lifestyle across four continents around the world.

Instead of like a virgin be spiritually mature like Jesus Christ.