Showing posts with label Sex Outside Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex Outside Marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Coming Out
In the movie la mujer de mi hermano Ignacio is married to the drop-dead gorgeous, smart and kind, Zoe. Ignacio is highly successful in his work. Ignacio and Zoe live in a stunning house. One would think this would be the kind of couple that has sublime sex sometimes multiple times daily.
But Ignacio limits sex to Saturdays only.
While Ignacio has multiple issues, he doesn't present as an intentionally mean person. He goes to church and has a friendly relationship with the priest and his mother. In one scene Ignacio is concerned that a sexy, sleeveless black dress that Zoe wants to wear to church is not appropriate.
However, it's not her dress that is the problem, but Ignacio's failure to sexually satisfy his wife, Zoe. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3 New Living Translation Bible, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs."
The Apostle Paul also writes in Ephesians 5:25 Contemporary English Version Bible, "A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it." Whenever we receive a now and eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost (1 X 1 X 1 = 1), we are giving up control of our life and turning the control over to God. God is anti-self-centeredness. God is love and works through us to not only love God but also love ourselves and other people. 1 John 4:7-11 English Standard Version Bible says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
Because Zoe and Ignacio cannot have a child biologically and Ignacio refuses to have sex with Zoe except on Saturdays, Zoe decides to have sex with Ignacio's brother, Gonzalo. Sex with Gonzalo feels divine with all the licking, sucking, touching and kissing that should be inside her marriage. But sinful sex outside marriage also causes Zoe to cry and to renew her efforts to have more sex with her husband, Ignacio, who she really wants but they don't know how to have a marriage relationship.
Zoe is sad. Jill Scott writes in her poem "Blue" from her book The Moments, the Minutes,the Hours The poetry of Jill Scott:
"I put food coloring in my bath yesterday
Sat in a pretty blue
Let the drops fall from my finger tips
Onto my breast and my stomach
I just wanted to look how I feel
Without you."
Turns out that Ignacio likes men sexually. Ignacio sometimes uses his business trips to have sex with men.
God wants us to receive Him, talk to Him about His Bible and to really learn how to overcome homosexuality, other forms of sex outside of marriage and other sins and to live in enjoyable, beautiful, good relationships. Yes, homosexuality and other forms of adultery can be given up without settling for an unsatisfying life.
Christopher Yuan was in dental school and had a time where he had anonymous sexual encounters with men daily. He was also an illegal drug user and dealer. But God, a mom who prayed and fasted for seven years for Yuan's deliverance, a prison sentence and a HIV diagnosis caused Yuan to go from prisoner to professor. Today Yuan teaches at Moody Bible Institute and has a speaking ministry (christopheryuan.com). Some ex-gays are single like Yuan. Others are married with children like Pastor Mike Goeke, who is married to Stephanie Goeke. The Goeke children are Margaret, Frances and Peter.
While we are all born with a sin nature, we don't have to stay naked without God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Spirit (like water has three states: liquid, ice, gas/steam) living on the inside of believers. Every day is a good day to receive God and grow in relationship with Him and people.
Please share stories about coming out of sexual sin into sexual victory.
But Ignacio limits sex to Saturdays only.
While Ignacio has multiple issues, he doesn't present as an intentionally mean person. He goes to church and has a friendly relationship with the priest and his mother. In one scene Ignacio is concerned that a sexy, sleeveless black dress that Zoe wants to wear to church is not appropriate.
However, it's not her dress that is the problem, but Ignacio's failure to sexually satisfy his wife, Zoe. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3 New Living Translation Bible, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs."
The Apostle Paul also writes in Ephesians 5:25 Contemporary English Version Bible, "A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it." Whenever we receive a now and eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost (1 X 1 X 1 = 1), we are giving up control of our life and turning the control over to God. God is anti-self-centeredness. God is love and works through us to not only love God but also love ourselves and other people. 1 John 4:7-11 English Standard Version Bible says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
Because Zoe and Ignacio cannot have a child biologically and Ignacio refuses to have sex with Zoe except on Saturdays, Zoe decides to have sex with Ignacio's brother, Gonzalo. Sex with Gonzalo feels divine with all the licking, sucking, touching and kissing that should be inside her marriage. But sinful sex outside marriage also causes Zoe to cry and to renew her efforts to have more sex with her husband, Ignacio, who she really wants but they don't know how to have a marriage relationship.
Zoe is sad. Jill Scott writes in her poem "Blue" from her book The Moments, the Minutes,the Hours The poetry of Jill Scott:
"I put food coloring in my bath yesterday
Sat in a pretty blue
Let the drops fall from my finger tips
Onto my breast and my stomach
I just wanted to look how I feel
Without you."
Turns out that Ignacio likes men sexually. Ignacio sometimes uses his business trips to have sex with men.
God wants us to receive Him, talk to Him about His Bible and to really learn how to overcome homosexuality, other forms of sex outside of marriage and other sins and to live in enjoyable, beautiful, good relationships. Yes, homosexuality and other forms of adultery can be given up without settling for an unsatisfying life.
Christopher Yuan was in dental school and had a time where he had anonymous sexual encounters with men daily. He was also an illegal drug user and dealer. But God, a mom who prayed and fasted for seven years for Yuan's deliverance, a prison sentence and a HIV diagnosis caused Yuan to go from prisoner to professor. Today Yuan teaches at Moody Bible Institute and has a speaking ministry (christopheryuan.com). Some ex-gays are single like Yuan. Others are married with children like Pastor Mike Goeke, who is married to Stephanie Goeke. The Goeke children are Margaret, Frances and Peter.
While we are all born with a sin nature, we don't have to stay naked without God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Spirit (like water has three states: liquid, ice, gas/steam) living on the inside of believers. Every day is a good day to receive God and grow in relationship with Him and people.
Please share stories about coming out of sexual sin into sexual victory.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Robbing God and Our Family
"So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a bottle of water and gave them to Hagar, putting them on her shoulders, and he sent her and the youth away. And she wandered on [aimlessly] and lost her way in the wilderness of Beersheba." -- Genesis 21:14 Amplified Bible
While God desired for Ishmael and Hagar to move away from Isaac, Sarah and Abraham, and Isaac to receive Abraham's inheritance, God didn't say that Abraham had to send Ishmael and Hagar away in poverty. Abraham was financially rich but not rich in sharing in some of his relationships with women and children.
Ishmael is bone of Abraham's bone, flesh of his flesh, and Abraham was in a long-term, sexual relationship with Hagar, yet all Abraham gives them to live off is some bread and a bottle of water! If he told them he loved them, his actions contradicted his words.
The love of God can be shown through the use of money. Luke 16:9 New Living Translation Bible says, "Here's the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your earthly possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home."
What Martin Luther King, Jr., said in his sermon entitled "Paul's Letter to American Christians" could be said to Abraham and to many fathers and mothers today. He said, "I am afraid that many among you are more concerned about making a living than making a life. . . . God never intended for one group of people to live in superfluous inordinate wealth, while others live in abject deadening poverty. God intends for all of his children to have the basic necessities of life, and he has left in this universe "enough and to spare" for that purpose. So I call upon you to bridge the gulf between abject poverty and superfluous wealth."
The Bible supports what Martin Luther King, Jr., said. 1 Timothy 6:17-19 Amplified Bible says, "As for the rich in this world, charge them not to be proud and arrogant and contemptuous of others, nor to set their hopes on uncertain riches, but on God, Who richly and ceaselessly provides us with everything for [our] enjoyment. [Charge them] to do good, to be rich in good works, to be liberal and generous of heart, ready to share [with others], In this way laying up for themselves [the riches that endure forever as] a good foundation for the future, so that they may grasp that which is life indeed."
Some men became financially rich because they delegated extensive parental responsibilities to the mother(s) of their children. Don't be fooled time and money are connected. It takes time to earn money. It takes time to parent. More of Abraham's time was spent earning money while more of Sarah's and Hagar's time was spent parenting and maintaining a home. Abraham worked animals for money while Sarah and Hagar worked to parent and to maintain their home being financially supported by Abraham. Abraham was involved in the parenting of Isaac, but when Abraham sent Hagar and Ishmael away with only bread and a bottle of water Abraham failed to provide for Ishmael and Hagar. Perhaps he falsely believed that he was right to pass off his responsibility to God, government and/or others. Abraham's failure has an immediate and life-long impact on Ishmael and Hagar. Hagar wandered around, lost her way and both her and Ishmael experienced starvation.
Hagar had repeatedly for a long time opened her body to Abraham. I wonder if the experience with Abraham left such high levels of bitterness, fear, unforgiveness, anger, pain, humiliation and resentment in Hagar that she never married. Sexual relationships outside of marriage are part of our model and training for marriage. Abraham through one of his servants chooses a wife for Isaac, but Hagar chooses a wife for Ishmael. The Bible makes no mention of a husband for Hagar.
Many single parents today have gone through child support enforcement because a parent failed to provide financially. In spite of these failures, most singles will marry. Nine out of ten people get married. Half of all American marriages end in divorce. Many divorces are in part caused because one former spouse was the primary breadwinner while the other primarily raised their children; the breadwinner felt that the childcare person should earn more money while the childcare person felt that the breadwinner should parent more; and they both began to engage in selfish behaviors aimed at punishing each other for not doing what he or she wanted instead of trying to learn about and appreciate each other and each other's work. When we don't feed off of each others goodness, we are opening the door to feeding off each others badness. For example, say a husband is the primary breadwinner and the wife is the primary parent, and the husband decides to withhold finances from his wife who in turn withholds sex from her husband. A husband is not to treat a wife as a child to be held to a "budget" with reporting of receipts for all expenditures to him while he is exempt from the budget and receipt reporting and has attempted to implement these practices that are not mutally agreed to. A wife is not to withhold sex from her husband without mutual consent for sex is a fundamental part of a marriage. God designed sublime sex to be about giving to and receiving from each spouse without strings attached. When we are mistreated, we tend to respond with mistreatment.
When sex becomes a bargaining piece to gain proper money or something else, instead of the sublime sex God designed for marriage, prostitution is introduced into a marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:15 New Living Translation Bible says, "Don't you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!" A man who withholds finances from his wife enables her to become a prostitute (sex for money deal) and has introduced adultery into his marriage. Eventually, through a divorce she could take a large sum of his money and all the while cause his carnal nature to squench the Holy Spirit on his inside. Proverbs 6:26 Amplified Bible says, "For on account of a harlot a man is brought to a piece of bread, and the adulteress stalks and snares [as with a hook] the precious life [of a man]."
Perhaps spouses are having difficulty understanding the Bible because that which is understood is not being fully lived blocking further growth. We grow in our relationship and understanding of God by living in His ways. We cannot be intimate and evil. By allowing and agressively causing love to shrivel up, our hearts are exposed and unprotected. Proverbs 4:23 Amplified Bible says, "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."
A husband is supposed to be like Jesus Christ. A husband has to live the Word of God in order to have authority. Jesus Christ lived the Word, and consequently had authority. Mark 1:22 Amplified Bible says, "And they were completely astonished at His teaching, for He was teaching as One Who possessed authority, and not as the scribes."
Adultery isn't just sexual; it's also spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical and financial. For example, maybe your heart belongs to your job or your business or your education instead of your spouse? Or maybe your heart belongs to raising your children and is closed off to your spouse? Some spouses try to keep their spouse ignorant of the true financial condition of the family and/or keep them short of finances as a way to control them. The nervous system controls our body. Each thought, emotion and action result from nervous system direction. Some spouses try to replace God as the nervous system of the marriage resulting often in multiple bad behaviors some of which are financial abuse, intimidation and behaviors designed to instill fear, shame and/or lust in someone else. Being physically present in a house but emotionally unavailable brings fear, anxiety and worry to family because Biblical love is shown through good behavior. Meanwhile some spouses seize their children like property that can only be managed by him or her. Some parents treat the other parent not as an equal parent but as help. Adultery is pervasive inside many marriages sucking the life out of these marriages. Bad behavior is not birthed or nurtured in isolation. Proverbs 6:32 Amplified Bible says, "But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks heart and understanding (moral principle and prudence); he who does it is destroying his own life."
Bad behavior no matter how small or large always impacts more than one person negatively for a long time. Maybe if Abraham had sent Ishmael and Hagar away with a superabundance of goods and goodwill and continued to offer these throughout their lives, not only would Ishmael, Hagar, Abraham, Sarah and Isaac be blessed, but probably the conflicts we are having in the Middle East today would be substancially fewer because we often repeat generation after generation the behavior of our parents.
When we help those who are less fortunate than ourselves, we also help ourselves. God chastised Sodom and Gomorrah for overcompution of food while others were eating inadequately and even starving. Ezekiel 16:49 Amplified Bible says, "Behold, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: pride, overabundance of food, prosperous ease, and idleness were hers and her daughters'; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."
God enabled some to become wealthy for their necessities and enjoyments and the necessities and enjoyment of others. When we don't share, we are being selfish, and we are stealing. Stealing is short-sighted. Selfishness is short-sighted. We cannot sin with impunity. We are to pursue love, truth and justice for all. God's people are kings and queens. Abraham is a king. A mother counsels her son, Lemuel, who is a king in Proverbs 31 about how kings are to behave. Proverbs 31:7-8 New Living Translation Bible says, "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice."
When we rob God and our family we are robbing our earthly and eternal legacy. Long after our careers and money are gone the way we treated our family will be passed on generation after generation.
Stop generational selfishness and stealing today, and nurture generational abundance. Proverbs 1:23 Amplified Bible says, "If you will turn (repent) and give heed to my reproof, behold, I [Wisdom] will pour out my spirit upon you, I will make my words known to you."
While God desired for Ishmael and Hagar to move away from Isaac, Sarah and Abraham, and Isaac to receive Abraham's inheritance, God didn't say that Abraham had to send Ishmael and Hagar away in poverty. Abraham was financially rich but not rich in sharing in some of his relationships with women and children.
Ishmael is bone of Abraham's bone, flesh of his flesh, and Abraham was in a long-term, sexual relationship with Hagar, yet all Abraham gives them to live off is some bread and a bottle of water! If he told them he loved them, his actions contradicted his words.
The love of God can be shown through the use of money. Luke 16:9 New Living Translation Bible says, "Here's the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your earthly possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home."
What Martin Luther King, Jr., said in his sermon entitled "Paul's Letter to American Christians" could be said to Abraham and to many fathers and mothers today. He said, "I am afraid that many among you are more concerned about making a living than making a life. . . . God never intended for one group of people to live in superfluous inordinate wealth, while others live in abject deadening poverty. God intends for all of his children to have the basic necessities of life, and he has left in this universe "enough and to spare" for that purpose. So I call upon you to bridge the gulf between abject poverty and superfluous wealth."
The Bible supports what Martin Luther King, Jr., said. 1 Timothy 6:17-19 Amplified Bible says, "As for the rich in this world, charge them not to be proud and arrogant and contemptuous of others, nor to set their hopes on uncertain riches, but on God, Who richly and ceaselessly provides us with everything for [our] enjoyment. [Charge them] to do good, to be rich in good works, to be liberal and generous of heart, ready to share [with others], In this way laying up for themselves [the riches that endure forever as] a good foundation for the future, so that they may grasp that which is life indeed."
Some men became financially rich because they delegated extensive parental responsibilities to the mother(s) of their children. Don't be fooled time and money are connected. It takes time to earn money. It takes time to parent. More of Abraham's time was spent earning money while more of Sarah's and Hagar's time was spent parenting and maintaining a home. Abraham worked animals for money while Sarah and Hagar worked to parent and to maintain their home being financially supported by Abraham. Abraham was involved in the parenting of Isaac, but when Abraham sent Hagar and Ishmael away with only bread and a bottle of water Abraham failed to provide for Ishmael and Hagar. Perhaps he falsely believed that he was right to pass off his responsibility to God, government and/or others. Abraham's failure has an immediate and life-long impact on Ishmael and Hagar. Hagar wandered around, lost her way and both her and Ishmael experienced starvation.
Hagar had repeatedly for a long time opened her body to Abraham. I wonder if the experience with Abraham left such high levels of bitterness, fear, unforgiveness, anger, pain, humiliation and resentment in Hagar that she never married. Sexual relationships outside of marriage are part of our model and training for marriage. Abraham through one of his servants chooses a wife for Isaac, but Hagar chooses a wife for Ishmael. The Bible makes no mention of a husband for Hagar.
Many single parents today have gone through child support enforcement because a parent failed to provide financially. In spite of these failures, most singles will marry. Nine out of ten people get married. Half of all American marriages end in divorce. Many divorces are in part caused because one former spouse was the primary breadwinner while the other primarily raised their children; the breadwinner felt that the childcare person should earn more money while the childcare person felt that the breadwinner should parent more; and they both began to engage in selfish behaviors aimed at punishing each other for not doing what he or she wanted instead of trying to learn about and appreciate each other and each other's work. When we don't feed off of each others goodness, we are opening the door to feeding off each others badness. For example, say a husband is the primary breadwinner and the wife is the primary parent, and the husband decides to withhold finances from his wife who in turn withholds sex from her husband. A husband is not to treat a wife as a child to be held to a "budget" with reporting of receipts for all expenditures to him while he is exempt from the budget and receipt reporting and has attempted to implement these practices that are not mutally agreed to. A wife is not to withhold sex from her husband without mutual consent for sex is a fundamental part of a marriage. God designed sublime sex to be about giving to and receiving from each spouse without strings attached. When we are mistreated, we tend to respond with mistreatment.
When sex becomes a bargaining piece to gain proper money or something else, instead of the sublime sex God designed for marriage, prostitution is introduced into a marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:15 New Living Translation Bible says, "Don't you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!" A man who withholds finances from his wife enables her to become a prostitute (sex for money deal) and has introduced adultery into his marriage. Eventually, through a divorce she could take a large sum of his money and all the while cause his carnal nature to squench the Holy Spirit on his inside. Proverbs 6:26 Amplified Bible says, "For on account of a harlot a man is brought to a piece of bread, and the adulteress stalks and snares [as with a hook] the precious life [of a man]."
Perhaps spouses are having difficulty understanding the Bible because that which is understood is not being fully lived blocking further growth. We grow in our relationship and understanding of God by living in His ways. We cannot be intimate and evil. By allowing and agressively causing love to shrivel up, our hearts are exposed and unprotected. Proverbs 4:23 Amplified Bible says, "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."
A husband is supposed to be like Jesus Christ. A husband has to live the Word of God in order to have authority. Jesus Christ lived the Word, and consequently had authority. Mark 1:22 Amplified Bible says, "And they were completely astonished at His teaching, for He was teaching as One Who possessed authority, and not as the scribes."
Adultery isn't just sexual; it's also spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical and financial. For example, maybe your heart belongs to your job or your business or your education instead of your spouse? Or maybe your heart belongs to raising your children and is closed off to your spouse? Some spouses try to keep their spouse ignorant of the true financial condition of the family and/or keep them short of finances as a way to control them. The nervous system controls our body. Each thought, emotion and action result from nervous system direction. Some spouses try to replace God as the nervous system of the marriage resulting often in multiple bad behaviors some of which are financial abuse, intimidation and behaviors designed to instill fear, shame and/or lust in someone else. Being physically present in a house but emotionally unavailable brings fear, anxiety and worry to family because Biblical love is shown through good behavior. Meanwhile some spouses seize their children like property that can only be managed by him or her. Some parents treat the other parent not as an equal parent but as help. Adultery is pervasive inside many marriages sucking the life out of these marriages. Bad behavior is not birthed or nurtured in isolation. Proverbs 6:32 Amplified Bible says, "But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks heart and understanding (moral principle and prudence); he who does it is destroying his own life."
Bad behavior no matter how small or large always impacts more than one person negatively for a long time. Maybe if Abraham had sent Ishmael and Hagar away with a superabundance of goods and goodwill and continued to offer these throughout their lives, not only would Ishmael, Hagar, Abraham, Sarah and Isaac be blessed, but probably the conflicts we are having in the Middle East today would be substancially fewer because we often repeat generation after generation the behavior of our parents.
When we help those who are less fortunate than ourselves, we also help ourselves. God chastised Sodom and Gomorrah for overcompution of food while others were eating inadequately and even starving. Ezekiel 16:49 Amplified Bible says, "Behold, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: pride, overabundance of food, prosperous ease, and idleness were hers and her daughters'; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."
God enabled some to become wealthy for their necessities and enjoyments and the necessities and enjoyment of others. When we don't share, we are being selfish, and we are stealing. Stealing is short-sighted. Selfishness is short-sighted. We cannot sin with impunity. We are to pursue love, truth and justice for all. God's people are kings and queens. Abraham is a king. A mother counsels her son, Lemuel, who is a king in Proverbs 31 about how kings are to behave. Proverbs 31:7-8 New Living Translation Bible says, "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice."
When we rob God and our family we are robbing our earthly and eternal legacy. Long after our careers and money are gone the way we treated our family will be passed on generation after generation.
Stop generational selfishness and stealing today, and nurture generational abundance. Proverbs 1:23 Amplified Bible says, "If you will turn (repent) and give heed to my reproof, behold, I [Wisdom] will pour out my spirit upon you, I will make my words known to you."
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