Sexual Dissatisfaction

Broken couples come in many varieties. A few varieties are divorce, a one-night stand, stayover, Living Apart Together (LAT), Living Together Apart (LTA,) friends with benefits, homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, sexless marriage etc. Stayover relationships are a monogamous relationship in which the couple sleeps together three or more nights weekly but does not live together. Living Apart Together (LAT) relationships are couples who live in separate residences, spend a few more nights together than stayover couples. Living Together Apart (LTA) relationships are couples who have children together, live together, but the love and sex is gone. Friends with benefits may or may not be in a monogamous sexual relationship. Some are in sexual relationships with people of the same sex. Some married couples have had zero to ten lovemaking sessions annually. Sexual sin through divorce, a one-night stand, stayover, LAT, friends with benefits, LTA, homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, sexless marriage or some other way is still sin. Romans 6:23 Amplified Bible says, "For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord."

God is for sex. He designed it. God set apart sublime partner-sex for marriage. Genesis 2:24-25 English Standard Version Bible says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." If one has partner-sex outside of marriage, then shame comes with it. If one refuses to have sex inside of marriage, then shame comes with it.
　
Whether we are married or not, sex bonds us to another person. Contrary to what we see in some entertainment and other aspects of American culture, no one changes sexual partners with the ease of changing our clothes. When a sexual relationship ends, it is the ripping apart of one person from another person spiritually, mentally and physically. Some are ripped apart internally and don't even know it. For example, many suffer from low self-esteem and insecurity rooted in sexual sin, but are unaware that sexual sin is the root of their problem. In the movie, The Ideal Husband, a single beautician, who is proud that she is dating a married man because the relationship has no strings and no commitment unlike her mother who was married four times and begged the husbands to stay, one day cuts the hair of a woman married 22 years. Over the course of the conversation she realizes she is chasing a man that is not that into her; she has little peace and is not loving herself. She ends up agreeing with the married woman that in romantic relationships some deal breakers are if someone knocks you upside your head or is married.

One way to define love is good choices, commitment and constructive action. Please leave an on-line comment giving your definition of love.

On another day a different single beautician in The Ideal Husband has her boyfriend come to her place of work and announce that he has received a job offer in Tampa, Florida, with twice the pay and better benefits. He asks her to move to Tampa and shack with him. To which she responds, "If we love each other, then there should be no other option than marriage." He says he wants to try living together before marriage. She says, "Roger, you been knowing me for five years now." He says no to marriage. She says, "Roger, I love you, but I love me first. I don't just want to be your temporary fix." They go their separate ways. She is secure in her relationship with Jesus Christ, but many are not.

Please leave an on-line comment about the plethora of discussion in multiple media about sexual insecurities.

When we have been sexually active, and then seek to live Biblical, we will probably experience a detox that is every bit as intense as what a detoxing drug addict experiences.
　
Sex is never just a physical act no matter how brief or long-term the sexual relationship. The Bible reveals that casual sex doesn't exist. Even in a one-night stand, sex is oneness or cohabiting. By studying different translations of the Bible, we may receive a fuller flavor of God's message to us. Genesis 38:26 Amplified Bible describes the one-night stand sex between Judah and Tamar, " . . . And he did not cohabit with her again."
　
Sexuality is a central part of the real us. The real us is God's home/sanctuary. God designed sexuality to be a sanctuary, a place of security, shelter and celebration to worship God. Biblical sexuality counsels singles to celebrate their sexuality without engaging in sexual relationships with others. Biblical sexuality counsels married couples to celebrate lovemaking as the sharing of each other with intense joy and participation in God's presence and each others presence.
　
The celebration of sexuality is missing in much of Christianity largely because many spend a lot of energy trying to cover up sex. God talks about sex and sexuality in the Bible openly, clearly, directly, truthfully and lovingly. Some Christians are not experiencing God's best in this area due to sexual sin. When God makes us whole, as He is healing us, God exposes us to the Light. Darkness, trying to cover up sex, is from the devil. Biblical sexual purity does not include a lifestyle of promoting ignorance and/or shame. God counsels us to get much clear knowledge, understanding and wisdom, and then give it to others through love.

Judah was not married to Tamar, yet the Bible says in Genesis 38:16-18 Amplified Bible, "He turned to her by the road and said, Come, let me have intercourse with you; for he did not know that she was his daughter-in-law. And she said, What will you give me that you may have intercourse with me? He answered, I will send you a kid from the flock. And she said, Will you give me a pledge (deposit) until you send it? And he said, What pledge shall I give you? She said, Your signet [seal], your [signet] cord, and your staff that is in your hand. And he gave them to her and came in to her, and she became pregnant by him." God uses language like "intercourse" and "came in to her" to describe sexual intercourse. Yet some in Christianity confuse this type of language with lust or sexual impurity.

Instead of celebrating sexuality in a beautiful, Biblical, balanced way, some promote marital sex as mechanical, sex-for-money schemes and other bargaining, to be avoided as much as possible, to be tolerated rather than celebrated, never forgive sex outside of marriage that has been repented off, clinging to a self-conscious-body image and other negative ways that make marriage appear unattractive.

Studies indicate that 15 to 20 percent of American marriages are sexless, i.e. the couple has sex zero to 10 times annually. Please leave an on-line comment sharing any studies of sexless marriages finding the problem rooted in pornography, adultery or pre-martial sex. While Christopher Yuan is not married, he is an ex-gay who says seeing pornography as a child awakened homosexuality.

Sex is more than skin-on-skin. Sex is a relationship. Many marital problems are rooted in a lack of wisdom in choosing a spouse. Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D. writes in the January 31, 2013, Huffington Post newspaper article, " 'Opposites Attract' Or 'Birds Of A Feather' -- What's Best For A Long Marriage?", "I've asked over 500 people married 40, 50 and more years what is most important for a long and happy marriage. To my surprise, their advice was nearly unanimous: Opposites may attract, but they don't usually make for great and lasting marriages. Based on their long experiences both in and out of romantic relationships, the fundamental lesson is this: You are much more likely to have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when you and your mate are fundamentally similar. And if you're very different, the elders warn although that marriage can work, is likely to be much more difficult. I can hear some of you saying: But it would be boring if two mates were exactly alike in interests and personality! Although it may sound paradoxical, long-married elders agree that some differences can spice up a relationship. But not all aspects are equally important. There are many ways partners can be similar, but the elders say that one dimension is absolutely necessary: Similarity in core values." Pillemer also says research supports spouses sharing the same core values as key to long-term marriage and, "The research findings are quite clear: marriages that are homogamous in terms of economic background, religion and closeness in age are the most stable and tend to be happier."
　
God doesn't want His believers to get stuck on their sins or choosing the "wrong" spouse. God doesn't have a sour or shame-based view of sex and sexuality. God celebrates all the goodness of life. God is Life. God got over Judah's and Tamar's sexual sin and honored them by including them and one of their children, Perez, in the bloodline of Jospeh, step-dad to Jesus Christ, the Son of Man and the Son of God (Matthew 1:3)! If we've engaged in sexual sin, God can work with us to get over it and live celebrating God and the good, enjoyable life He has given us.

"When you married, God called you into a mysterious and unique relationship--a relationship in which you complete each other, in which two people become one through the physical and emotional intimacy of sex. As a husband and wife, you are called to serve each other, and that includes the privilege and responsibility of satisfying each other's sex needs. That is a need only you can fully meet for the other, and that need is part of God's will for you and your marriage. Satisfying each other's sex needs may feel more like a duty for you right now, but it is a duty God is calling you to respect. Monica, for your husband, the physical act of intercourse is an important and fundamental part of sex. You may not like that, but that's the way it is. That is the way God created your husband. So it is part of your responsibility to fulfill that. If you don't, something or someone else will. And the tears may flow, but you will bear part of that responsibility. If the physical is not part of it, then you don't have a sexual relationship. And in God's view, you really don't have a marriage. That's not what God intended. Hank, for your wife, the physical part is not going to work if the emotional and relational parts of your marriage aren't working. You may not like that, but that's the way it is. That is the way God created your wife. So it is part of your responsibility to fulfill that. If you don't, something or someone else will. And the tears may flow, but you will bear part of that responsibility. If the emotional and relational are not part of it, then you don't have a sexual relationship. And in God's view, you really don't have a marriage. That's not what God intended. Sex is part of a larger picture. A healthy sexual relationship grows out of your emotional and spiritual relationship with your wife," says Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg in their book, The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women Discover the Secrets to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage.

Marital sex is good for your health. Having sex three times weekly reduces the chance for having a heart attack or stroke. Sex even reduces your chance of catching a cold or the flu and improves the quality of your hair, skin and nails. Sex boosts your immune system. Sexless marriage is sickening.

Please share on-line comments about the ways you or someone you know got over sexual sin and celebrated God, sexuality, sex and life.