The Apostle Paul knew God and himself. He refused to allow fear, shame or something else to block him from being willing to be known expansively by God, Timothy and other friends and to know them. True friends know us and know us in triumphs, tragedies and life in between these extremes and still love us, and we do likewise if we are a true friend. The Apostle Paul writes in 2 Timothy 3:10-11 New Living Translation Bible, "But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured. You know all about how I was persecuted in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra--but the Lord rescued me from all of it."
Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."
The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along.
Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.
Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.
Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.
Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.
Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach,
"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up."
Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now."
Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."
Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities.
Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.
Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.
Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them.
I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.
God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ."
Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.
Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.
Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.
Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.
Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."
Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.
Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.
Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.
May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."
No comments:
Post a Comment