An Appetizer, the Main Dish or Among A Smorgasbord of Love Play

"Greet one another with a holy kiss," says 2 Corinthians 13:12 Complete Jewish Bible. Be kind to singles and married people; brush your teeth and tongue at least once a day. The Chinese invented the toothbrush, which is a good tool to use daily to help remove bad breath.

With fresh breath, a spouse may be inspired to say, "Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine" (Song of Solomon 1:2 New Living Translation;) "Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. Your clothes are scented like the cedars of Lebanon" (Song of Solomon 4:11 New Living Translation;) "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend" (Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation.)

If you make the soft grass and field of flowers your lovemaking bed like Solomon and his Shulammite wife, be sure to bathe or shower frequently. Cleanliness helps cunnilingus and fellatio to be delicioso. Here's a fellatio idea:
1) The husband lies on his back. The wife crawls between his legs.
2) The wife holds her husband's penis and gazes at it adoringly. Perhaps his penis has a name?
3) Slowly with broad licks the wife ministers to her husband's penis while massaging his balls.
4) The wife swirls, licks, sucks his penis as much as possible.
5) The wife picks up the pace of ministering according to the husband's excitement level.

Fellatio can be an appetizer, the main dish or among of smorgasbord of love play as is cunnilingus. Solomon admired and tasted his wife's vagina. Song of Solomon 4:12-16 New Living Translation Bible says:
"You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride,
    a secluded spring, a hidden fountain.
Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates
    with rare spices—
henna with nard,
nard and saffron,
    fragrant calamus and cinnamon,
with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh, and aloes,
    and every other lovely spice.
You are a garden fountain,
    a well of fresh water
    streaming down from Lebanon’s mountains.
Young Woman

Awake, north wind!
    Rise up, south wind!
Blow on my garden
    and spread its fragrance all around.
Come into your garden, my love;
    taste its finest fruits."

Here's two cunnilingus ideas:
1) The wife can lie on her back while her husband crawls between her legs to suck her clitoris.
2) Or her husband can kneel at his wife's hip and provide oral delights from a right angle.

Cunnilingus and fellatio can be performed in a variety of ways. A good question for husbands and wives to ask is, "How can I please you?" The best lovers are good friends. Good friends are inquisitive. Friends want to ask questions to learn as much as possible about each other to increase all the good qualities of their relationship, qualities like their unity. King David writes in Psalm 133 English Standard Version Bible:
"Behold, how good and pleasant it is
    when brothers dwell in unity!
It is like the precious oil on the head,
    running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
    running down on the collar of his robes!
It is like the dew of Hermon,
    which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the Lord has commanded the blessing,
    life forevermore."

An East African proverb says, "When minds are the same, that which is far off will come." All obstacles to orgasms, spiritual fulfillment, emotional intimacy can be overcome by talking to God and allowing Him to empower you with the ability to be unified as a married couple full of friendliness and loving mutual ecstasy.

Getting In The Mood

"Leaders have to keep learning. It's the learning that keeps us fresh," says Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur John Maxwell in his A Minute With Maxwell daily email entitled "Fresh." The same can be said for spouses who want to keep their marriages fresh. Learning excites the brain. Excitement can spark sexual desire.

Proverbs 18:15 Amplified Bible says, "The mind of the prudent is ever getting knowledge, and the ear of the wise is ever seeking (inquiring for and craving) knowledge."

We are all born with certain physical characteristics that can be changed a little. The amount of knowledge we acquire can be changed dramatically. Acquiring and applying useful sexual knowledge can have an adhesive quality. King Edward gave up the English throne for an American divorcee who was not attractive but who was said to be skillful sexually.

Sex matters. Sex doesn't have to be sinful. God celebrates sex. Génesis 2:24-25 Nueva Biblia Latinoamericana de Hoy dice, "Por tanto el hombre dejará a su padre y a su madre y se unirá a su mujer, y serán una sola carne. Ambos estaban desnudos, el hombre y su mujer, pero no se avergonzaban." Genesis 2:24-25 English Standard Version Bible says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

Good sex inspires poetry. An ancient Egyptian man wrote to his loved one:
"When I embrace her,
And her arms open wide,
I feel like a man in Spiceland,
Who is overwhelmed with perfume.

Then I kiss her;
And she opens her lips.
Without a taste of beer,
I am intoxicated."

Some spouses have trouble opening their mouths much less other parts of their bodies to sexual relations. Sexless marriage is a sin. To stop sinning, we need to ask God to cause us to overcome ourselves. Watchman Nee writes in his book Sit Walk Stand The Process of Christian Maturity, "God never asks us to do anything we can do. He asks us to live a life which we can never live and to do a work which we can never do. Yet, by His grace, we are living it and doing it. The life we live is the life of Christ lived in the power of God, and the work we do is the work of Christ carried on through us by His Spirit whom we obey. Self is the only obstruction to that life and to that work. May we each one pray from our hearts, "O Lord, deal with me!"

When God empowers us, instead of being irritated, disappointed, hurt, etc., by our spouses, we can find a way to like and to love them, and even to enjoy pleasuring their G-Spot and other places sensitive to touch.

What are some places sensitive to sexual touch?

Even if you have been married 40 years or more, you don't know everything about your spouse. What sexual questions haven't you asked? Ask them!

Novel Sex

Trying new things can be good. Solomon's Shulammite wife strove to try new types of lovemaking with Solomon. Together they enjoyed the old ways of mating while embracing the new. Novelty can be exciting, edifying and exquisite.

Our God is the Creator. He created sex and sexuality. We are made in God's image. We are also creators.

Some novelty is destructive; more than one million Americans went to a swingers club in 2011. Instead of swapping sex partners creative marital monogamy involves consistently growing in ways to make a spouse's life better. Figuring out new ways to bring sexual pleasure and other pleasure to a spouse is a ministry, a responsibility and a loving, beautiful joy.

Solomon's wife enjoyed getting naked in nature with Solomon. She says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 7:11-12 New Living Translation Bible, "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover."

God built our beautiful bodies for love. Spouses, have fun customizing the missionary and downward rear entry. Strip off the No es posible attitude and the bad body image. Rear-entry vaginal sex is not immoral. Do you have a funny sex experiment story to share?

Some in our parents generation were taught and communicated to us that oral sex is depraved, but nothing in the Bible prohibits oral sex. Actually, the Bible encourages it. Sometimes we have taboos that God does not possess. Solomon's Shulammite wife says about Solomon in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit." Of course, oral sex is not just for a wife to give to her husband. A husband and wife can give each other oral sex even at the same time, and have simultaneous orgasms!

Orgasms outside of sexual intercourse can be had in a variety of ways. Some say they can think themselves into orgasms. If you need touch, try creating a love tunnel for your husband's penis with your breasts, hands and/or thighs.

Spouses, learn each other. Some people need more privacy than others for marital lovemaking. Some need less privacy. In the movie Dances With Wolves the wife of the Sioux holy man is on top making delicious while family and friends are sleeping in the same room!

Play games like "Hide and Go Freak," Manos Arriba (Hands Up) or invent your own game.

Men may think more about sex than women generally. Women have the potential to have more orgasms in a lovemaking session than men generally. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior reports that the more sexual positions a woman engages in with a man during a lovemaking session the greater the potential for orgasms. Many women love to shop and possess a wide variety of clothes, shoes, accessories and other items. Like we like variety in our shopping, we like variety in our sexual relationship. A husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband at various angles creates different sensations. What is your favorite sexual position? How many of the 500-plus positions have you tried?

Sexual fantasies about our spouse can be used to enhance a couple's sexual life. Talk to God to stop fantasies about people other than our spouse.

Tender and talented marital lovemaking includes more than oral sex or a husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband. Solomon and his wife enjoyed each others sex within a good relationship with God, self and each other. Intimacy is:

Intentional,
Nurturing,
Talking,
Integration,
Mating,
Adoration,
Compassion,
Yearning.

'"Women, this might surprise you, but even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleasured. It might seem like it's all about him, but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he'll end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unloved. Most of us men want to be our wives' heroes," says Dr. Kevin Leman in his book, Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.

Bible-living, Christian spouses shouldn't have a bad sex life. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in his "Letter from Birmingham Jail," "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." God commands us to figure out how to love people. Galatians 5:14 New Living Translation Bible says, "For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”" What are some surprising things you had to learn to love your spouse?

For the most part, believers are suppose to give, receive and feel love like Donna Summer sang in her song, "I Feel Love." If your relationships aren't so good, and you are not feeling love, then sin is present and needs to brought before God to be forgiven and stopped.

While God designed partner sex for married couples only, God designed both spouses and singles to celebrate their sexuality. Inner beauty is holy, and so is outer beauty. Solomon says to his loved one in Song of Solomon 1:10 New Living Translation Bible, "How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels."

In what ways do you celebrate your sexuality?

Love Without Limit

"I absolutely love, love my life. Every year seems to get better for me," said International Bible Teacher Francis Chan in a speech at Liberty University encouraging believers to cultivate an intimate relationship with God that they share with both believers and non-believers in their every day, ordinary lives.

Chan's message is in agreement with Gospel Singer Kim Burrell's song "Sweeter." Burrell sings, "Every day is sweeter, sweeter than the day before, learning how to love you more . . . . The more I get to know ya', know ya', find out that you're so good for me . . . . You're good on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday . . . . Every day makes me want to add another day to my week cause you're so sweet.

God's sweet is too good to keep to ourselves. 1 Juan 3:16 Dios Habla Hoy Biblia dice, "Conocemos lo que es el amor porque Jesucristo dio su vida por nosotros; así también, nosotros debemos dar la vida por nuestros hermanos." 1 John 3:16 Contemporary English Version Bible says, "We know what love is because Jesus gave his life for us. That’s why we must give our lives for each other."

Some people falsely think that love has a limit. When Hollywood Actor Lauren Bacall discovered she was pregnant, she excitedly told her husband, Hollywood Actor, Humphrey Bogart. Bogart cried. "What's wrong?," she inquired. Bogart responded, "I'm happy, but I'm also very sad." Bogart said his joy was mixed with sadness, "Because once you have a child, I'll never be as important to you as I am now."

While some spouses do neglect their spouses when children are added to the family, God didn't design His love inside of believers to express itself this way. Marital love takes priority over parental love while simultaneously, extravagantly loving spouse and children.

Our children are important, but we don't cleave to them. One day they will form families of their own or branch out into single adulthood. Genesis 2:24-25 Amplified Bible says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence." Genesis 2:23-25 the Message Bible says, "The Man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone,flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.”Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame."

Sometimes we close our hearts when God wants to increase our capacity to love Him, ourselves and other people. In addition to developing vibrant relationships with our children, having children is supposed to increase the love between husband and wife. Godly love is a multiplier. Division is of the devil.

Jesus Christ is not arrogant, but He is certainly confident. When Christ added apostles and other disciples to His life, Christ was not diminished as a person, neither were His original relationships diminished by adding new ones.

God seeks to make us like Him. We have corrupt ideas about companionship. Reading, studying, meditating on God's Word, the Bible, and talking to God about His Bible is a primary way that God teaches us to love Him, ourselves and other people. Second Corinthians 3:16-18 the Message Bible says, "Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him."

We want to be loved by the people we share a relationship, and we will often say and do things to indicate how we want to be loved. Some times our loved ones miss the message. An Egyptian saying for this type of miscommunication is, "A thousand raps at the door, but no salute or invitation from within."

Sometimes we miss the plea for love because we expect other people to be like us. Yet no two people, even twins and other multiples, are the same. Like we study God in the Bible, and talk to Him about what He has to say, we have to study people and talk with them about what they have to say. Then empowered by the Holy Ghost, give love the way it can be received.

Novel Sex

Trying new things can be good. Solomon's Shulammite wife strove to try new types of lovemaking with Solomon. Together they enjoyed the old ways of mating while embracing the new. Novelty can be exciting, edifying and exquisite.

Our God is the Creator. He created sex and sexuality. We are made in God's image. We are also creators.

Some novelty is destructive; more than one million Americans went to a swingers club in 2011. Instead of swapping sex partners creative marital monogamy involves consistently growing in ways to make a spouse's life better. Figuring out new ways to bring sexual pleasure and other pleasure to a spouse is a ministry, a responsibility and a loving, beautiful joy.

Solomon's wife enjoyed getting naked in nature with Solomon. She says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 7:11-12 New Living Translation Bible, "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover."

God built our beautiful bodies for love. Spouses, have fun customizing the missionary and downward rear entry. Strip off the No es posible attitude and the bad body image. Rear-entry vaginal sex is not immoral. Experiment with many of the hundreds of sexual positions and sensual sensations.

Some in our parents generation were taught and communicated to us that oral sex is depraved, but nothing in the Bible prohibits oral sex. Actually, the Bible encourages it. Sometimes we have taboos that God does not possess. Solomon's Shulammite wife says about Solomon in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit." Of course, oral sex is not just for a wife to give to her husband. A husband and wife can give each other oral sex even at the same time! They may even have simultaneous orgasms by licking, kissing, sucking, touching each others penis and vagina lying side by side.

Orgasms outside of sexual intercourse can be had in a variety of ways. Some say they can think themselves into orgasms. If you need touch, try creating a love tunnel for your husband's penis with your breasts, hands and/or thighs.

The Bible doesn't seem to say anything for or against anal sex. Anal sex seems to fall in the category of using the wise mind of Christ. Anal play seems fine, but anal penetration is it really safe and sanitary? Please leave an on-line comment about anal sex from a Biblical perspective.

With over 500 ways to have vaginal intercourse a marital couple might never get around to the anal-sex issue. Also many will not even come close to trying 500 sexual positions, and that's okay. A great marital sex life is not based on using multiple sexual positions.

Spouses, learn each other. Some people need more privacy than others for marital lovemaking. Some need less privacy. In the movie Dances With Wolves the wife of the Sioux holy man is on top making delicious while family and friends are sleeping in the same room!

Play games like "Hide and Go Freak," Manos Arriba (Hands Up) or invent your own game.

Men may think more about sex than women generally, but women have the potential to have more orgasms in a lovemaking session than men generally. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior reports that the more sexual positions a woman engages in with a man during a lovemaking session the greater the potential for orgasms. Many women love to shop and possess a wide variety of clothes, shoes, accessories and other items. Like we like variety in our shopping, we like variety in our sexual relationship. A husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband at various angles creates different sensations. Please leave an on-line comment about your favorite sexual positions.

Sexual fantasies about our spouse can be used to enhance a couple's sexual life. Talk to God to stop fantasies about people other than our spouse.

Tender and talented marital lovemaking includes more than oral sex or a husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband. Solomon and his wife enjoyed each others full body. Intimacy is:
Intentional,
Nurturing,
Talking,
Integration,
Mating,
Adoration,
Compassion,
Yearning.

'"Women, this might surprise you, but even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you even more than he wants to be pleasured. It might seem like it's all about him, but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that, for any reason, he'll end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unloved. Most of us men want to be our wives' heroes," says Dr. Kevin Leman in his book, Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.

Bible-living, Christian spouses shouldn't have a bad sex life. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King, Jr., wrote in his "Letter from Birmingham Jail," "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." God commands us to figure out how to love people. Galatians 5:14 New Living Translation Bible says, "For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”" Please leave a comment if your spouse likes to be loved in a way that is different from the way you like to be loved.

For the most part, believers are suppose to give, receive and feel love like Donna Summer sang in her song, "I Feel Love." If your relationships aren't so good, and you are not feeling love, then sin is present and needs to brought before God to be forgiven and stopped.

While God designed partner sex for married couples only, God designed both spouses and singles to celebrate their sexuality. Inner beauty is holy, and so is looking good on the outside. Sex and sexuality are a celebration of life. God is Life. Solomon says to his loved one in Song of Solomon 1:10 New Living Translation Bible, "How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels."

Please leave an on-line comment sharing novel, Biblical, beautiful ways to express sex and sexuality.

How to Catch and Keep Friends

As raindrops were pouring from a pale, grey sky earlier this week, I was pouring over the book of Romans chapter 12 for tips to catch and keep friends. My readings got me to thinking and praying broadly about the subject.

Welcoming and living in a wide variety of relationships are not optional for believers. Chantal Sicile-Kira categorizes relationships in her article, "The Transition To Adulthood: Planning Ahead," for the magazine, Autism File, that is applicable to all people. She describes four circles of relationships:

1) The Circle of Intimacy includes those with whom we share our secrets, dreams and values. These are our best friends and are usually family members, but can and should also include others. We know and share a lot about what is going on in each others lives, our thoughts and feelings.We feel safe enough in these relationships to support each other spiritually and emotionally. Jesus encouraged intimate relationships beyond biology. Mark 3:33-35 New Living Translation Bible says, "Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he looked at those around him and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

2) The Circle of Friendship includes friends or relatives whom we see for occasional social activities, such as for a movie or to eat a meal, but who are not our closest friends. The Bible records that Epaphras and Paul shared some time in jail and time spreading the Gospel, but not with the intensity and intimacy of the relationship between Timothy and Paul.

3) The Circle of Participation includes people who we participate with in our life, such as on the job, business or ministry, our place of worship, schools, sports teams, social clubs and other organizations. This circle contains people who may eventually be in the Circle of Friendship or even the Circle of Intimacy. We can socialize with members of our church, other churches and other groups. Luke 9:49-50 New Living Translation Bible says, "John said to Jesus, “Master, we saw someone using your name to cast out demons, but we told him to stop because he isn’t in our group.” But Jesus said, “Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you.”"

4) The Circle of Exchange includes people who are paid to be in our lives, such as medical professionals, teachers, counselors, governmental officials, sales associates, auto mechanics, etc. These people can also be cultivated to move into the Circle of Participation, Circle of Friendship and even the Circle of Intimacy. Everyone is a potential friend/disciple. Matthew 28:18-20 the Message Bible says, "Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.""

The circles of exchange and participation are casual relationships. The circle of friendship are comfortable relationships with people who are not involved in the intimate details of our lives. The circle of intimacy contains our confidants.

We can have more than one confidant. While David had Jonathan, Jesus had Peter, James and John.

We can also have multiple same-sex and opposite-sex relationships in the circles of exchange, participation, friendship and intimacy. Many don't have a problem with same-sex friends, but some stumble over the idea of opposite-sex friends especially for married couples. God made the human race female and male. Living in the Holy-Ghost fruit of self-control we can have casual, close and appropriate relationships with both the opposite sex and the same sex. The Apostle Paul had many friendships with women such as Priscilla, Lydia, and Phoebe to name a few. He also had friendships with men.

Having only same-sex friends cripples us. God made us male and female not just for marriage. We learn and are made better people gaining balance and appreciation of difference being raised by a mother and a father. Then we branch out from the family into non-familial relationships where we are designed to continue to grow in balance and appreciation of difference. The Prophetess and Judge Deborah was instrumental to developing the courage, confidence and combat skill of Barak.

Of course some opposite-sex friends are great for dating. First-date conversation should be about God and each other. Yet many people talk too much about former relationships while trying to start a new relationship. "When a woman dwells too long on the topic of her ex-boyfriend, a man feels discouraged. If it was a recent breakup, a man can understand that an ex-boyfriend is on her mind. He will also know that she is not ready for a relationship with him. He will worry that she will always compare him to the ex-boyfriend. He will think, There is no possible way I can compete with this guy. He probably shared some great times with her. When a man feels too discouraged, he loses interest. If she boasts about how handsome or rich or smart her ex is, her date will feel annoyed. She's boasting, she's insecure, he'll think. Don't think that being the object of some other guy's desire will make you more valuable in this man's eyes. He may just see that you are trying desperately to impress him. He'll see your insecurity. When women catalogue their ex-boyfriend's faults, inevitably men think about her shortcomings, not the ex-boyfriend's. When she says, "He cheated on me; I don't know why I stayed with him," he thinks, She's a pushover. When she says, "I didn't really care about him, but I stayed with him out of pity," he thinks, She's a martyr. When a woman picks on her ex-boyfriend, a man will take it as a warning: If I stick around, she'll do that to me someday," says Bradley Gerstman, Esquire, Christopher Pizzo, CPA and Rich Seldes, MD, in their book What Men Want.

Here's some tips plucked primarily from Romans chapter 12 on catching and keeping friends.

1) Accept people without arrogance. Pride refuses to mature and to forgive saying,  "I'm perfect." Humility embraces our unique God-given design along with personal growth and repentance. We all make multiple mistakes throughout life.

African American R&B singer Anita Baker sings in her song "I Apologize," "Lord you should have heard the way he shouted and the way that I screamed . . . I apologize . . .  Because I know I was wrong."

Admitting our wrongs is a sober judgment of ourselves and is loving ourselves and others. When we do someone wrong trying to gloss over it doesn't clean up the mess but often causes it to spread.

In admitting our wrongs we are not rejecting who we are. We are trying to improve. Self-improvement is relationship improvement. God accepts us and works to change us into the fullest likeness of His good self. God gives us His strength to consistently admit our wrongs without losing a positive view of ourselves. Even though believers do some awful things, God thinks we are awesome. God never loses hope in the victory of good over evil. The Apostle Paul wrote most of the New Testament even though before he became an apostle he was a serial killer going around seeking Christians to put in jail and to have sentenced to death.

2) Extensively, enthusiastically, excellently use the special gifts God has given us to build relationships. I had a friend who said his gift was encouragement. However, I ended the relationship because his encouragement was not authentic. We were communicating by email often twice daily, but he never was willing to talk by telephone or meet in person. What was he hiding that was inhibiting him from drawing closer to me? What type of spirit was behind his behavior? His emails seemed to embrace me in warmth, but they never led to the intimacy of spontaneous conversation and in-person engagement. John 6:63 Amplified Bible says, "It is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life-giver]; the flesh conveys no benefit whatever [there is no profit in it]. The words (truths) that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life."

3) Cultivate a diverse number of friends of the same sex, opposite sex, same gifts, different gifts, multiple races and relationships in all four circles. The Apostle Paul participated in all types of relationships. Timothy, Titus, Priscilla, Aquila and Barnabas are some members in Paul's Circle of Intimacy. The Apostles Peter and James and Lydia are some members in Paul's Circle of Friendship. Governor Sergius Paulus, Publius, the head of the island of Malta, and his father are some members in Paul's Circle of Participation. Acts 28:8 Amplified Bible says, "And it happened that the father of Publius was sick in bed with recurring attacks of fever and dysentery; and Paul went to see him, and after praying and laying his hands on him, he healed him." Governor Felix, Drusilla, the wife of Governor Felix, King Agrippa, Bernice, the wife of King Agrippa, and Governor Gallio of Achaia province are some members in Paul's Circle of Exchange.

Paul had relationships with men and women, Jews, Greeks and people of other races, believers and nonbelievers. Paul was not a snob, sexist or racist. Paul welcomed everyone while reserving his circle of intimacy for believers which is not discrimination but the wisdom of being closest with people of the same faith and purpose in life. If we try to have intimacy with enemies, then we risk destroying people. Jesus Christ says in Mark 3:25 Amplified Bible, "And if a house is divided (split into factions and rebelling) against itself, that house will not be able to last." Bishop Derek Grier of Grace Church in Dumfries, Virginia, said in the mid-morning 1/13/2013 sermon, "The devil comes in the form of division;" "He comes with strife to destroy unity." Dr. Grier said the devil wants to destroy unity because unity removes limitations; we can do so much more together than by ourselves. He also said that unity amplifies and multiplies.

We like Paul are called to nurture and expand the four circles of relationships, to have relationships with the same sex, the opposite sex, different races and to have a diversity of relationships with people of all types. The Apostle Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians 11:1 New Living Translation Bible, "And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ."

4) Love people authentically. Love is friendly, intentional, consistent and Holy-Ghost empowered to commit through thick and thin times. Romans 12:10 Amplified Bible says, "Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another." Friendliness helps form, maintain and grow relationships. Neither Christ nor Paul displayed a "Do not disturb me" attitude toward people. Nor did they confuse Jewish culture with Biblical revelation. Christ and Paul tried to connect with the widest possible range of people. 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 the Message Bible says, "Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists; the defeated, the demoralized--whoever, I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ--but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!"

Sometimes we are not honoring people in our relationships because we are jealous and/or envious of them. People will admit to some sins, but jealousy and envy are not the usual ones. Yet they are common ones among siblings, friends, colleagues and other relationships. Cherish and celebrate our gifts and the gifts of others without comparison or covetousness. We are all essential. Romans 12:4-6 the Message Bible says, "In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't."

African Americans Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King are long-time best friends. Both are in communications, but Oprah is single, never married, mother of a deceased child while Gayle is divorced with two, healthy children. Oprah was raised in poverty. Gayle spent her elementary school years in Ankara, Turkey, with vacations in Paris, Rome and Greece and maid service.

Oprah, the first African-American female billionaire, says she and Gayle, who is a co-anchor of CBS This Morning and an editor-at-large for O, The Oprah Magazine, have overcome jealousy and envy in their more than 30-year friendship by being continually supportive of each other and spending copious amounts of time and attention on their friendship. Oprah bought a full-time nanny for Gayle to help her with her children, Kirby and Will, who are less than one year apart in age. Oprah sees money as a tool that can help others, but if that is all someone wants and expects from the relationships, then they are not really a friend. Money is a relationship-building tool. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." Gayle says she views Oprah's and the success of those around her as something that also makes her better. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 New Living Translation Bible says, "So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." We grow together or tear each other apart together.

Some have a false sense of loyalty avoiding participation in other Christian ministries or other relationships. While we should give more time and attention to our marriage and other relationships in our circle of intimacy than our relationship with our dentist and other relationships in our circle of exchange, that doesn't excuse us to focus on our marriage to the exclusion of all other relationships. Showing authentic love comes with spending time and attention on a variety of relationships. Jesus was confidants with Peter, James and John. He also socialized with casual acquaintances like the Samaritan woman who had five-husbands, a current live-in lover and probably a blended household of no-telling how many children..

5) Serve God through serving people. Friends help friends in a wide variety of ways. A story talks about a man taken out of the earth realm and into a trip of hell and heaven. The angels showed him a room in hell with a group of hungry people trying to eat dinner. They never did eat because the spoons they were using were longer than their arms and no one helped them to overcome the obstacle. Then the angels showed him a room in heaven. The man was shocked to see a similar scene of hungry people trying to eat dinner with spoons longer than their arms. Yet they had happy faces and were enjoying their meal because they helped each other overcome the obstacle.

It's natural to serve self. It's spiritual to serve self and others. Routinely examine our behavior asking, "Who does this serve?"

6) Pursue hospitality. Welcome strangers and friends. Seek to make strangers friends and friends closer friends. Creativity can cultivate relationships. In the early 1400s the ruler of the East African port city Malinda sent a personal envoy with a giraffe as a present to the Ming dynasty emperor in China. The giraffe was a big hit. Maybe you can't make a splash by bringing a giraffe, but you can put together a backyard barbeque with a special theme for the families of your children's friends and others, or you can do something else with simple flair.

God meant for believers to do the spectacular in our individual way. Jesus Christ says in John 14:12 Amplified Bible, "I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father."

People who are one-dimensional and/or refuse to try novel ways make it difficult for people to stay in relationship with them and to attract new relationships in the circles of friendship and intimacy.

Some spouses drain the life out of their marriage and other relationships by allowing themselves to become dull. Meanwhile plenty of singles and married people excel at exceeding people's expectations. The immoral ones are waiting to suck in spouses in dull marriages and dull singles looking for excitement. Proverbs 5:3 Amplified Bible says, "For the lips of a loose woman drip honey as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil."

Pleasure is not sinful nor is using honey to catch and keep friends. Motives make a difference in determining the difference between good and evil. Christian, African American Jazz singer Carla Cook sings in "It's All About Love," "You can catch more flies with honey." God is pleasure. Yes, your eyes are not tricking you; you read that right. God is pleasure. David writes in Psalm 16:11 Amplified Bible, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

Some are bubbly with great ideas about how to attract people, but they rarely follow through. “The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs,” says Vance Havner. God is more than a dreamer; He's a doer and likes doers. If you want to catch and keep relationships, chase people. Hebrews 11:6 Amplified Bible says, "But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out]."

Sometimes we bomb in our efforts to catch and keep people. Don't worry. Cooperate with God to learn and to correct the error of our ways. Proverbs 24:16 Amplified Bible says, "For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked are overthrown by calamity."

7) Be sensitive to and live in the emotions and actions needed for the situation. Romans 12:15 New Living Translation Bible says, "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."

My son, Rafael, has lots of energy and is full of joy. He likes to bounce on his bed and in the chair he sits on amidst our balcony garden. Rafael recently got a new mattress because his old one had a crater in it due to his bouncing on his bed. I would like to preserve his enthusiasm and our finances, so I put a chair like the one in our garden in his bedroom and explained that he can bounce on that instead of his bed.

8) Turn enemies into friends. Abraham Lincoln said, "I do not like that man. I must get to know him better."

Watch out that self doesn't become our enemy. One of the top strategies of Satan is to manipulate people to get us to turn on our self. Joseph Cotten tells Ingrid Bergman in the movie Gaslight, "You're not going out of your mind. You're slowly and systematically being driven out of your mind."

Insanity is ineffective thinking. One way Satan tries to manipulate people is through anger. Feeling anger is not a sin for it can be a signal of being mistreated. Holding onto anger is where sin enters. Holding onto anger accompanies losing control of our thoughts and emotions. When God's goodness doesn't control us, then the evil of sin does. Sin is a slave master. Peace is power. As believers we have the mind of God the Son Jesus Christ and can use it to slay Satan by refusing to stay upset.

Peace is not passive. In the 1900s Mahatma Gandhi was mad that the British were denying independence to the people of India and monopolizing many Indian industries. Gandhi developed satyagraha which is civil disobedience through peaceful pushing for truth. Gandhi's methods were used by Martin Luther King Jr. to peacefully push civil rights for Africans Americans and others in the United States. Many who were enemies to the ideas of Gandhi and King initially were won over by their peaceful protest.  

Please share your experiences catching and keeping friends by leaving an on-line comment, tweeting with me via my Twitter.com name "Michelelove30" and Google's G+. Abraham Lincoln says, "The better part of one's life consists of his friendships." 

View my complete profile

Enter Your Email Address to Follow My Blog

Fearless Sex

God designed spousal lovemaking to be un-self-conscious, unintimidated, fun and an essential part of forming a strong marital bond. Yet fearful sex is a big problem today among Christians and non-Christians despite the counsel of 2 Timothy 1:7 Amplified Bible: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."

In Song of Solomon neither Solomon nor his Shulammite wife express a fear of marital lovemaking. They do not express a fear of dry vaginas, limp penises, premature ejaculation, the possibility of a bad or disappointing sexual experience, body inadequacy, looking bad, comparisons to other sexual experiences or new sexual experiences. Solomon's and his wife's conversation about fruit and gardens is abrir la puerta (opening the door) to the idea that marital lovemaking is making delicious. They have stripped off all of the reproach of Egypt (slavery to sin) an upbringing that taught sex is nasty and shameful.

Martial sex is holy and righteous. Dr. Ken Leman writes in his book Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, "If he's imagining what another woman (besides his wife) looks like naked, or how good she'd be in bed, then yes, he's polluting his mind. But if he's imagining how good it would feel to rub massage oil all over his wife later that night while on his way to giving her a body-to-body massage, he's being as pure as an inner-city mission worker serving a bowl of soup to the homeless. Who is the giver of all good gifts? God. Sex is a gift from God and a commandment from God. When God tells us to be "fruitful and multiply," he's not talking about apples and cloning. He's talking about having sexual intercourse and giving birth to babies."

Fear focuses us in on our self and our limits instead of focusing on giving a joyful experience to our lover. Believers are givers. Instead of habitually saying and doing, "No, no, no" to new, adventurous, imaginative marital sex, why not habitually say and do, "Oui, oui, oui?"

Fear focuses in on a negative and irrational mindset. Being naked and close with someone is a very vulnerable position easily squashed by a lover who points out areas of our body where we need to lose weight or describes them in unflattering ways. Confidence is encouraged by a lover who expresses craving instead of cringing to taste, touch, look, smell and hear a favorable response to making delicious. Instead of worrying about the size of your behind for downward rear entry why not think my husband is getting a glorious view of curves as he enters your vaginal portal to paradise? Many men prefer buttocks over breasts, and many women are not concerned with the size of their lover's penis. God made our bodies fearfully and wonderfully. Think of sex sweat as the dew of love and arousal scents as the aroma of love. Neither Solomon nor his wife criticize their own body or their spouse's body. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:7 New Living Translation Bible, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way."  The wife says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 1:16 New Living Translation Bible, "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! . . ." What words could you use to specifically describe your spouse's spectacular body?

Fast sex can be hot, but sometimes it's fear and a lack of self-control. Slowing down and savoring the experience is often better particularly for wives. No sense of rushing exists in Song of Solomon. These lovers seem to have all the time in the world to please each other.

Spouses, enjoy the whole experience of lovemaking in its many varieties of expression. No matter how much friction an orgasm doesn't always result from marital making delicious, and this can be wonderful too. Sex is more than an orgasm. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. . ." His wife says in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit."

If you are having partner sex and not married, being afraid is logical because you are sharing the most intimate part of you with someone who isn't committed to you. Singles, celebrate your body with God your Ishi (Husband). Gospel group Trinitee sings in their song "My Body," about sex outside of marriage, "I want to please my God . . . My body is the Lord's temple . . . What part of no don't you understand?"

Please share an on-line comment about making marital delicious and/or celebrating single sexuality.

Some Things to Pray

What are some things to pray for? Jesus says in Matthew 21:22 New International Version Bible, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." In John 17 Jesus prayed that He will be revealed to believers. God has to give life to our spirit in order for us to recognize who Jesus is. We can pray that Jesus will be revealed to people.

Unity is also something good to pray for. Psalm 133:4 New King James Version Bible says, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." Unity makes it easier to accomplish our purpose in life because we are cooperating with each other.

Living in unity does not mean that we are all the same. Pray to know your God-given purpose. This way we will fulfill all that He has called us to fulfill.

Don't try to fulfill purpose without consulting God. By ourselves we go into areas that are not productive.

When we live in purpose we also live with truth. We can pray for truth to be revealed. Truth may seem to be revealed by facts, but this is not always the case. Truth has a dimension that is both spiritual and natural. For example, in the natural the Apostle Paul had a thorn in his flesh, some type of problem in his life. In the Spirit of God, God turned the weakness this thorn caused into strength.

We can pray for intimacy with God. Jesus notes in John 17 that He is so close to God the Father that He is one with God the Father. Jesus is the manifestation of God that we can see. He had a physical body in His earthly ministry 2,000 years ago. Even before Mary was pregnant with baby Jesus, Jesus had a body. For example, in the Old Testament Jesus was the commander of the Lord's army in Joshua 5 that Joshua worshiped.

We can pray that God will not lead us into temptation. Temptation can bring out weakness that does not lead to giving honor to God. Avoid temptation. It can be enticing. Some can be passed, but not all.

We can pray for protection. Our ultimate enemy is the devil and his demons who have been around a lot longer than we have. God can take care of problems we have no idea about. For example, we live in a world where there is enough food for everyone, but political obstacles stand in the way. Respect authority. Pray for governmental leaders. May leaders let go of pre-destined failure and embrace win-win solutions today and every day. Anything is possible.

Novel Sex

Trying new things can be good. Solomon's Shulammite wife strove to try new types of lovemaking with Solomon. Together they enjoyed the old ways of mating while embracing the new. Novelty can be exciting, edifying and creative.

Our God is the Creator. He created sex and sexuality. We are made in God's image. We are also creators.

Some novelty is destructive; more than one million Americans went to a swingers club in 2011. Instead of swapping sex partners creative marital monogamy involves consistently growing in ways to make a spouse's life better. Figuring out new ways to bring sexual pleasure and other pleasure to a spouse is a ministry, a responsibility and a loving, beautiful joy.

Solomon's wife enjoyed getting naked in nature with Solomon. She says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 7:11-12 New Living Translation Bible, "Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover." God built our beautiful bodies for love. Spouses, have fun customizing the missionary and downward rear entry. Strip off the "No es posible" attitude and the bad body image. Experiment with many of the hundreds of sexual positions.

Of course tender and talented marital lovemaking includes more than a husband going into his wife or a wife mounting her husband. Solomon and his wife enjoyed each others full body. Intimacy is:
Intentional,
Nurturing,
Talking,
Integration,
Mating,
Adoration,
Compassion,
Yearning.

While God designed partner sex for married couples only, God designed both spouses and singles to celebrate their sexuality. Inner beauty is holy, and so is looking good on the outside. Solomon says to his loved one in Song of Solomon 1:10 New Living Translation Bible, "How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck,  enhanced by a string of jewels."

What are some novel, Biblical, beautiful ways to express sex and sexuality?

How to Catch and Keep Friends

As raindrops were pouring from a pale, grey sky earlier this week, I was pouring over the book of Romans chapter 12 for tips to catch and keep friends. My readings got me to thinking and praying broadly about the subject.

Welcoming and living in a wide variety of relationships are not optional for believers. Chantal Sicile-Kira categorizes relationships in her article, "The Transition To Adulthood: Planning Ahead," for the magazine, Autism File, that is applicable to all people. She describes four circles of relationships:

1) The Circle of Intimacy includes those with whom we share our secrets, dreams and values. These are our best friends and are usually family members, but can and should also include others. We know and share a lot about what is going on in each others lives, our thoughts and feelings.We feel safe enough in these relationships to support each other spiritually and emotionally. Jesus encouraged intimate relationships beyond biology. Mark 3:33-35 New Living Translation Bible says, "Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he looked at those around him and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

2) The Circle of Friendship includes friends or relatives whom we see for occasional social activities, such as for a movie or to eat a meal, but who are not our closest friends. The Bible records that Epaphras and Paul shared some time in jail and time spreading the Gospel, but not with the intensity and intimacy of the relationship between Timothy and Paul.

3) The Circle of Participation includes people who we participate with in our life, such as on the job, business or ministry, our place of worship, schools, sports teams, social clubs and other organizations. This circle contains people who may eventually be in the Circle of Friendship or even the Circle of Intimacy. We can socialize with members of our church, other churches and other groups. Luke 9:49-50 New Living Translation Bible says, "John said to Jesus, “Master, we saw someone using your name to cast out demons, but we told him to stop because he isn’t in our group.” But Jesus said, “Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you.”"

4) The Circle of Exchange includes people who are paid to be in our lives, such as medical professionals, teachers, counselors, governmental officials, sales associates, auto mechanics, etc. These people can also be cultivated to move into the Circle of Participation, Circle of Friendship and even the Circle of Intimacy. Everyone is a potential friend/disciple. Matthew 28:18-20 the Message Bible says, "Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.""
The circles of exchange and participation are casual relationships. The circle of friendship are comfortable relationships with people who are not involved in the intimate details of our lives. The circle of intimacy contains our confidants.

We can have more than one confidant. While David had Jonathan, Jesus had Peter, James and John.

We can also have multiple same-sex and opposite-sex relationships in the circles of exchange, participation, friendship and intimacy. Many don't have a problem with same-sex friends, but some stumble over the idea of opposite-sex friends especially for married couples. God made the human race female and male. Living in the Holy-Ghost fruit of self-control we can have casual, close and appropriate relationships with both the opposite sex and the same sex. The Apostle Paul had many friendships with women such as Priscilla, Lydia, and Phoebe to name a few. He also had friendships with men.

Having only same-sex friends cripples us. God made us male and female not just for marriage. We learn and are made better people gaining balance and appreciation of difference being raised by a mother and a father. Then we branch out from the family into non-familial relationships where we are designed to continue to grow in balance and appreciation of difference. The Prophetess and Judge Deborah was instrumental to developing the courage, confidence and combat skill of Barak.


Here's some tips plucked primarily from Romans chapter 12 on catching and keeping friends.

1) Accept people without arrogance. Pride refuses to mature and to forgive saying,  "I'm perfect." Humility embraces our unique God-given design along with personal growth and repentance. We all make multiple mistakes throughout life.

African American R&B singer Anita Baker sings in her song "I Apologize," "Lord you should have heard the way he shouted and the way that I screamed . . . I apologize . . .  Because I know I was wrong."

Admitting our wrongs is a sober judgment of ourselves and is loving ourselves and others. When we do someone wrong trying to gloss over it doesn't clean up the mess but often causes it to spread.

In admitting our wrongs we are not rejecting who we are. We are trying to improve. Self-improvement is relationship improvement. God accepts us and works to change us into the fullest likeness of His good self. God gives us His strength to consistently admit our wrongs without losing a positive view of ourselves. Even though believers do some awful things, God thinks we are awesome. God never loses hope in the victory of good over evil. The Apostle Paul wrote most of the New Testament even though before he became an apostle he was a serial killer going around seeking Christians to put in jail and to have sentenced to death.

2) Extensively, enthusiastically, excellently use the special gifts God has given us to build relationships. I had a friend who said his gift was encouragement. However, I ended the relationship because his encouragement was not authentic. We were communicating by email often twice daily, but he never was willing to talk by telephone or meet in person. What was he hiding that was inhibiting him from drawing closer to me? What type of spirit was behind his behavior? His emails seemed to embrace me in warmth, but they never led to the intimacy of spontaneous conversation and in-person engagement. John 6:63 Amplified Bible says, "It is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life-giver]; the flesh conveys no benefit whatever [there is no profit in it]. The words (truths) that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life."

3) Cultivate a diverse number of friends of the same sex, opposite sex, same gifts, different gifts, multiple races and relationships in all four circles. The Apostle Paul participated in all types of relationships. Timothy, Titus, Priscilla, Aquila and Barnabas are some members in Paul's Circle of Intimacy. The Apostles Peter and James and Lydia are some members in Paul's Circle of Friendship. Governor Sergius Paulus, Publius, the head of the island of Malta, and his father are some members in Paul's Circle of Participation. Acts 28:8 Amplified Bible says, "And it happened that the father of Publius was sick in bed with recurring attacks of fever and dysentery; and Paul went to see him, and after praying and laying his hands on him, he healed him." Governor Felix, Drusilla, the wife of Governor Felix, King Agrippa, Bernice, the wife of King Agrippa, and Governor Gallio of Achaia province are some members in Paul's Circle of Exchange.

Paul had relationships with men and women, Jews, Greeks and people of other races, believers and nonbelievers. Paul was not a snob, sexist or racist. Paul welcomed everyone while reserving his circle of intimacy for believers which is not discrimination but the wisdom of being closest with people of the same faith and purpose in life. If we try to have intimacy with enemies, then we risk destroying people. Jesus Christ says in Mark 3:25 Amplified Bible, "And if a house is divided (split into factions and rebelling) against itself, that house will not be able to last." Bishop Derek Grier of Grace Church in Dumfries, Virginia, said in the mid-morning 1/1/2013 sermon, "The devil comes in the form of division;" "He comes with strife to destroy unity." Dr. Grier said the devil wants to destroy unity because unity removes limitations; we can do some much more together than by ourselves. He also said that unity amplifies and multiplies.

We like Paul are called to nurture and expand the four circles of relationships, to have relationships with the same sex, the opposite sex, different races and to have a diversity of relationships with people of all types. The Apostle Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians 11:1 New Living Translation Bible, "And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ."

4) Love people authentically. Love is friendly, intentional, consistent and Holy-Ghost empowered to commit through thick and thin times. Romans 12:10 Amplified Bible says, "Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another." Friendliness helps form, maintain and grow relationships. Neither Christ nor Paul displayed a "Do not disturb me" attitude toward people. Nor did they confuse Jewish culture with Biblical revelation. Christ and Paul tried to connect with the widest possible range of people. 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 the Message Bible says, "Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists; the defeated, the demoralized--whoever, I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ--but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!"

Sometimes we are not honoring people in our relationships because we are jealous and/or envious of them. People will admit to some sins, but jealousy and envy are not the usual ones. Yet they are common ones among siblings, friends, colleagues and other relationships. Cherish and celebrate our gifts and the gifts of others without comparison or covetousness. We are all essential. Romans 12:4-6 the Message Bible says, "In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't."

African Americans Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King are long-time best friends. Both are in communications, but Oprah is single, never married, mother of a deceased child while Gayle is divorced with two, healthy children. Oprah was raised in poverty. Gayle spent her elementary school years in Ankara, Turkey, with vacations in Paris, Rome and Greece and maid service.

Oprah, the first African-American female billionaire, says she and Gayle, who is a co-anchor of CBS This Morning and an editor-at-large for O, The Oprah Magazine, have overcome jealousy and envy in their more than 30-year friendship by being continually supportive of each other and spending copious amounts of time and attention on their friendship. Oprah bought a full-time nanny for Gayle to help her with her children, Kirby and Will, who are less than one year apart in age. Oprah sees money as a tool that can help others, but if that is all someone wants and expects from the relationships, then they are not really a friend. Money is a relationship-building tool. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." Gayle says she views Oprah's and the success of those around her as something that also makes her better. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 New Living Translation Bible says, "So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." We grow together or tear each other apart together.

Some have a false sense of loyalty avoiding participation in other Christian ministries or other relationships. While we should give more time and attention to our marriage and other relationships in our circle of intimacy than our relationship with our dentist and other relationships in our circle of exchange, that doesn't excuse us to focus on our marriage to the exclusion of all other relationships. Showing authentic love comes with spending time and attention on a variety of relationships. Jesus was confidants with Peter, James and John. He also socialized with casual acquaintances like the Samaritan woman who had five-husbands, a current live-in lover and probably a blended household of no-telling how many children..

5) Serve God through serving people. Friends help friends in a wide variety of ways. A story talks about a man taken out of the earth realm and into a trip of hell and heaven. The angels showed him a room in hell with a group of hungry people trying to eat dinner. They never did eat because the spoons they were using were longer than their arms and no one helped them to overcome the obstacle. Then the angels showed him a room in heaven. The man was shocked to see a similar scene of hungry people trying to eat dinner with spoons longer than their arms. Yet they had happy faces and were enjoying their meal because they helped each other overcome the obstacle.

It's natural to serve self. It's spiritual to serve self and others. Routinely examine our behavior asking, "Who does this serve?"

6) Pursue hospitality. Welcome strangers and friends. Seek to make strangers friends and friends closer friends. Creativity can cultivate relationships. In the early 1400s the ruler of the East African port city Malinda sent a personal envoy with a giraffe as a present to the Ming dynasty emperor in China. The giraffe was a big hit. Maybe you can't make a splash by bringing a giraffe, but you can put together a backyard barbeque with a special theme for the families of your children's friends and others, or you can do something else with simple flair.

God meant for believers to do the spectacular in our individual way. Jesus Christ says in John 14:12 Amplified Bible, "I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father."

People who are one-dimensional and/or refuse to try novel ways make it difficult for people to stay in relationship with them and to attract new relationships in the circles of friendship and intimacy.

Some spouses drain the life out of their marriage and other relationships by allowing themselves to become dull. Meanwhile plenty of singles and married people excel at exceeding people's expectations. The immoral ones are waiting to suck in spouses in dull marriages and dull singles looking for excitement. Proverbs 5:3 Amplified Bible says, "For the lips of a loose woman drip honey as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil."

Pleasure is not sinful nor is using honey to catch and keep friends. Motives make a difference in determining the difference between good and evil. Christian, African American Jazz singer Carla Cook sings in "It's All About Love," "You can catch more flies with honey." God is pleasure. Yes, your eyes are not tricking you; you read that right. God is pleasure. David writes in Psalm 16:11 Amplified Bible, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

Some are bubbly with great ideas about how to attract people, but they rarely follow through. “The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs,” says Vance Havner. God is more than a dreamer; He's a doer and likes doers. If you want to catch and keep relationships, chase people. Hebrews 11:6 Amplified Bible says, "But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out]."

Sometimes we bomb in our efforts to catch and keep people. Don't worry. Cooperate with God to learn and to correct the error of our ways. Proverbs 24:16 Amplified Bible says, "For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked are overthrown by calamity."

7) Be sensitive to and live in the emotions and actions needed for the situation. Romans 12:15 New Living Translation Bible says, "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."

My son, Rafael, has lots of energy and is full of joy. He likes to bounce on his bed and in the chair he sits on amidst our balcony garden. Rafael recently got a new mattress because his old one had a crater in it due to his bouncing on his bed. I would like to preserve his enthusiasm and our finances, so I put a chair like the one in our garden in his bedroom and explained that he can bounce on that instead of his bed.

8) Turn enemies into friends. Abraham Lincoln said, "I do not like that man. I must get to know him better."

Watch out that self doesn't become our enemy. One of the top strategies of Satan is to manipulate people to get us to turn on our self. Joseph Cotten tells Ingrid Bergman in the movie Gaslight, "You're not going out of your mind. You're slowly and systematically being driven out of your mind."

Insanity is ineffective thinking. One way Satan tries to manipulate people is through anger. Feeling anger is not a sin for it can be a signal of being mistreated. Holding onto anger is where sin enters. Holding onto anger accompanies losing control of our thoughts and emotions. When God's goodness doesn't control us, then the evil of sin does. Sin is a slave master. Peace is power. As believers we have the mind of God the Son Jesus Christ and can use it to slay Satan by refusing to stay upset.

Peace is not passive. In the 1900s Mahatma Gandhi was mad that the British were denying independence to the people of India and monopolizing many Indian industries. Gandhi developed satyagraha which is civil disobedience through peaceful pushing for truth. Gandhi's methods were used by Martin Luther King Jr. to peacefully push civil rights for Africans Americans and others in the United States. Many who were enemies to the ideas of Gandhi and King initially were won over by their peaceful protest.  

Please share your experiences catching and keeping friends by leaving an on-line comment, tweeting with me via my Twitter.com name "Michelelove30" and Google's G+. Abraham Lincoln says, "The better part of one's life consists of his friendships." 

How Gross Can Be Good

Often we think of bowel production as gross, but it is really good because God created it. Where would we be if we could not rid our bodies of bowel movements?

Sometimes bowel movements are called "waste." Yet beauty products like mascara and lipstick may contain bat guano, which is bat bowel movements!

One of the top sexual fantasies is to make love in plain view of a large mirror or multiple mirrors. Sounds gross to some, but God gave us eyes and made these along with the rest of our bodies both of which God says are good.

Why not consider different, creative ways of lovemaking? Perhaps our spouses would enjoy a full moon with finding a way to combine privacy, open curtains and sessions of fiery lovemaking. Or spouses may go the bathroom; turn down the lights; light up the scented candles; turn up the music; lock the door; relax as no one is likely to disturb us during steamy sex. Or what can we think of and act out to express ecstatic lovemaking with our spouses? The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior reports that the more sexual positions a woman engages in with a man during a lovemaking session the greater the potential for orgasms. A spouse who asks us to try something new in sex is not necessarily influenced by Satan. The inspiration may be from God! God the Son Jesus Christ says in John 10:10 Amplified Bible, "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows.)"

We only live this earthly life once. Live it well. When was the last time we praised and worshiped God for bowel movements and for creative lovemaking? If we have received God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost, God has already given us permission to enjoy this life with Him and with people in eager anticipation of life with Him and with His people in heaven. Hebrews 9:27-28 New Living Translation Bible says, "And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment, so also Christ died once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him."

When we don't treat our sexuality and all of our body well we are disrespecting our Maker;  we are not recognizing God for the genius He is; we are calling God a liar for He said that all He created was good, very good. Why not say and act out the belief that bowel production is good and not gross; creative marital lovemaking is good and not nasty or sinful? Perhaps a vacation is needed to spark some new marital creativity? -- sex under a natural waterfall, sex in a field of daisies, sex at a bed-and-breakfast, sex in a hotel skyscraper overlooking a city, sex etc.

Some ways to enjoy the good in what might be falsely considered gross, nasty and/or sinful are:

• Receive the love of God.
• Give the love of God to ourselves and our spouse.
• While living by Biblical principles is liberating, refuse to live rigidly by a set of human-made rules.
• Seek to aggressively see the benefit in all of God and God's creation.
• Be continuously willing to try new things. Keep the good. Turkish-American Mehmet Cengiz Oz, MD, MBA, surgeon, writer, television and radio personality, among other things says in "My Best Life Lesson" for Woman's Day magazine, "Life is a balance between change and constancy."
• Learn to empathize with others who are not like us. Distinguish between style and substance. Some things are not sins, but style issues.
• Learn about as many ways of doing things as possible.
• While it is true that believers will receive new bodies in the heavenly life, Jesus Christ also nourished His earthly body, and counsels us to love others as we love ourselves. Shed all thinking contrary to the truth that God designed our bodies for good not evil.
• Think frequently in a garden of thought patterns that cultivate, cherish and celebrate sexuality and marital sex. Weed out those thoughts that don't cultivate, cherish and celebrate sexuality and marital sex.

Talk With God Throughout Today: God, You are a Genius and a Lover. Help me to see Your good, creativity, joy, love, brilliance in things that I think are gross.

Please leave a comment sharing something that is a foretaste of heaven that may be in disguise.