Lasting Love

True love comes with faithfulness. Matthew 19:9 Amplified Bible says, "I say to you: whoever dismisses (repudiates, divorces) his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Christian Actors Denzel and Pauletta Washington wed in 1983, and this year are celebrating 30 years of marriage. Denzel Washington says, "We live in a time--and it's not for me to judge anyone--when people give up too easily. It's a disposable society; get another [spouse]. I was talking to this guy when [we had been] married 23 years who said, 'Man, I've been married three times, and it still don't add up to 23 years!' Well, you got to work at it;" Pauletta Washington says, "For me, the 'love' in the love story is how you come through the trials. The passion, the lust--that's easy. The love story is how you come out in love after hardship" ("Staying Power," Ebony, August 2013, Shirley Henderson.)

A proverb from Ethiopia and Kenya says, "Hasty marriages bring hasty divorces." Marriage is for a lifetime, so why not take considerable time to get to know your future spouse before marrying? Pauletta and Denzel Washington dated for six years before they wed.

No matter how long or short you are together before marriage live a life of complete trust in God. God has a unique plan for each person.

Luke 11:4 New Living Translation Bible says we can ask God, "and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation." If you are divorced, had sex outside of marriage or committed some other sin, receive God's forgiveness, forgive yourself, forgive others and stop sinning.

The Chinese invented the kite. God wants His creyentes (believers) to live higher lives, not lives weighed down with sin or anything that hinders us from living the best life God set up for us before He created the earth. International Bible Minister Joyce Meyer had a divorce, but today she is enjoying a marriage with Dave Meyer that has lasted more than 40 years.

What are some other lasting love stories? Write to:
Michele F. Jackson
P. O. Box 2106
Woodbridge, Virginia 22195

Follow Michele F. Jackson on http://www.Twitter.com/Michelelove30.

Beautiful Sexuality and Brutal Sexuality

If you sin, don't compound sins. If you have sex outside of marriage and a baby is conceived, don't automatically marry. Being unequally yoked in a relationship is more than counsel for creyentes (believers) not to marry unbelievers; it is also counsel for creyentes to marry creyentes of similar spiritual maturity.

For example, say a parent praises God for having a child, but refuses to pay for the child to eat, have clothes, shelter etc. and/or refuses to develop a relationship with the child. Matthew 18:15 Amplified Bible says, "If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two others, so that every word may be confirmed and upheld by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he pays no attention to them [refusing to listen and obey], tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a pagan and a tax collector."

If someone isn't faithful with one child, is it sensible to expect that she or he will be faithful in marriage and with other children?

In America one can be so unfaithful to an unborn baby boy or baby girl as to have legal permission to kill the child. In China they take it further and make it compulsory. Ma Jian writes in the May 22, 2013 The New York Times "China's Brutal One-Child Policy," "Village family-planning officers vigilantly chart the menstrual cycle and pelvic-exam results of every woman of childbearing age in their area. If a woman gets pregnant without permission and is unable to pay the often exorbitant fine for violating the policy, she risks being subjected to a forced abortion.

According to Chinese Health Ministry data released in March, 336 million abortions and 222 million sterilizations have been carried out since 1971. (Though the one-child policy was introduced in 1979, other, less-stringent family planning policies were in place before it.) ...

Almost every one of the pregnant women I spoke to had suffered a mandatory abortion. One woman told me how, when she was eight months pregnant with an illegal second child and was unable to pay the 20,000 yuan fine (about $3,200), family planning officers dragged her to the local clinic, bound her to a surgical table and injected a lethal drug into her abdomen.

For two days she writhed on the table, her hands and feet still bound with rope, waiting for her body to eject the murdered baby. In the final stage of labor, a male doctor yanked the dead fetus out by the foot, then dropped it into a garbage can. She had no money for a cab. She had to hobble home, blood dripping down her legs and staining her white sandals red."

God created sexuality. Sexuality is beautiful when expressed according to God's Biblical design. What a wonder for spouses to engage in full body exploration coupled with Japanese love licks (oral sex) and marital intercourse with the husband entering his wife from the side while she has a leg over her husband.

When people try to redesign God's design for sexuality, sexuality becomes brutal. Abortionists in China, in America in any place are not nice people. Watch this video about abortionist LeRoy Carhart describing his work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIlYXmG287g.

We cannot develop beautiful relationships by killing unborn boys and unborn girls and misusing sexuality. The personal has a public dimension. Christian Minister and Civil Rights Activist Martin Luther King, Jr., said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Former Mexican President Benito Juarez said, "The respect for the rights of others is peace."

Marital Sexual Show And Tell

Ethiopia is sometimes called the land of eternal spring. Even though Ethiopia has the hottest place on earth most of the country has springtime temperatures throughout the year. Springtime is the beginning of new life. Each one of us starts out life in the winter of a propensity to do wrong. Everyone needs the spring of a new life. By receiving God the Son Jesus Christ as your Savior from sin and the Lord of your life, you also receive a new life. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Amplified Bible says, "Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!"

Nigeria's constitution says part of the duty of a citizen is to "make positive and useful contributions to the advancement, progress and well-being of the community where he resides." Wherever creyentes (believers) live, we have a new life to do likewise. Having and doing are not always the same thing.

Some children rarely see their parents kiss, hug and display other signs of affection, friendship and marital sexual relations.   

Most parents want their children who are called to marriage to have a good marriage. Yet some parents are not modeling a good marriage. A Chinese proverb says, "Binding your feet to prevent your own progress." A lack of married parental sexual show and tell allows someone else to show and tell children what sexual relations should be.

It's spiritual adultery not to have a loving, joyful, passionate marriage. Hebrews 13:4 Amplified Bible says, "Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous."

Sometimes people allow their marriages to become mediocre because they put too much energy into economic pursuits. Actor Denzel Washington has been married to Pauletta Washington for more than 30 years. The Washingtons are Christians. Denzel Washington says, "Acting is just a way of making a living, the family is life."

Sexuality, Spirituality and Faithfulness

Our sexuality and our spirituality are connected. Our sexuality is made in the image of the most spiritual being in the universe. Genesis 1:27 Complete Jewish Bible says, "So God created humankind in his own image; in the image of God he created him: male and female he created them."

Spirituality and sexuality are not meant to be separated in God's design. One of God's qualities is faithfulness. Faithfulness is spiritual and sexual for both singles and married people.

Denzel and Pauletta Washington are faithful Christians. They have also been faithfully married to each other for more than 30 years and have parented four children. Denzel Washington says, "Acting is just a way of making a living, the family is life."

God designed spouses to be friends because He is our friend. Good friends seek to make each other better. A good friend does not want to betray us. Joyce Meyer and Dave Meyer have been married for more than 40 years. Joyce says in her teaching "Faithfulness" that neither she nor Dave have been sexually unfaithful to each other throughout their marriage.

A Tsonga African proverb says, "A beautiful person will not be perfect." A faithful Christian will not always be perfectly faithful. A spiritually mature Christian will be habitually faithful.

Life circumstances will arise that test our sexual faithfulness in various ways. In many cultures people are taught to prefer man-on-top sexual intercourse and also taught that something is wild and wicked with a preference for woman-on-top sexual intercourse. Some people teach that Deborah's leadership of the Israelites is inherently inferior because she is a woman! The masculinity of Lappidoth, Deborah's husband, has been questioned. So has the femininity of Deborah.

Some people are afraid of sexuality. China has a one-child policy where boys and girls are routinely killed through forced abortions and people are routinely, involuntarily sterilized. Since the implementation of China's one-child policy more than 330 million people have lost their lives through abortion; that's more people than the combined total number of people in the United States of America and Australia. Those who attempt to defy the one-child policy are severely penalized. Chen Guangcheng and Yuan Weijing are a married couple who suffered house arrest and torture for years because Guangcheng, a blind, self-taught lawyer, brought a 2005 class-action lawsuit against forced abortions and forced sterilizations. The U.S. negotiated a deal with China to get him out of China. However, the Chen family is still being persecuted. Guangcheng's nephew, Chen Kegui, is in jail and is being denied medical treatment for appendicitis. Freedom Now, a human rights group, has written an April 29, 2013, letter to the United Nation's Special Rapporteur on Torture seeking to get Kegui to a hospital and out of jail. 

What do you do when a spouse becomes severely sick, imprisoned or something else that hinders and even prevents sexual relations, other contact and conversation? Some commit adultery, the faithful draw closer to God and godly people. Naghmeh Abedini has been separated from her husband, Pastor Saeed Abedini for 224 days. Through http://www.savesaeed.org she wrote him the following letter for his May 7th birthday:

"My dearest friend and soul mate Saeed,

As you turn 33 today, I am reminded of the previous years that we have celebrated this very special day together. Our house was always so full of joy and laughter as we rejoiced the day that you were born.

Yet today, there is a deep piercing pain in my heart knowing that you will spend your birthday in solitary confinement, constrained to a small room, not knowing when it is day or night. Under constant torture and abuse by radicals who are trying to break you and have you deny your faith in Jesus.

With tightness in my throat, pain in my heart, and tears streaming down my face...so very weak, I promise to stand strong in the strength of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ fighting with every strength of my being until you are united to our family again.

I will be a voice, where you are being silenced. I will be hands and feet where you are being bound and in chains. That the whole world would know, that the whole world would hear that Jesus is Lord.

We are so proud of you. Hang in there. Hold on tight to Jesus. You have many brothers and sisters praying for you and standing with you.

Love
Naghmeh"

Be faithful like Naghmeh Abedini and continue to write to Pastor Saeed Abedini and to sign the petition at http://www.savesaeed.org to help free Pastor Abedini from Evin prison in Tehran, Iran.

God the Son Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us even while we were His enemies, and He never abandons His creyentes (believers). His creyentes are His spouse. He is a faithful Husband for eternity to singles and married people.

George Washington Carver was a single man who never married. He was faithful and showed his love for God and people through relationships and service through his work as an educator, scientist and speaker. He refused to leave his work at the Tuskegee Institute in Alabama. Carver said, "My work is a great publicity asset for the school and for my race." (George Washington Carver by John Perry.)

God refuses to give up on creyentes when we die, divorce, engage in same-sex relations, living together and other sexual relationships outside of marriage. God's faithfulness is stronger than death and sin. The faithful diligently seek love no matter life circumstances. Booker Taliaferro Washington was born an African American slave who became a Christian, a speaker, an author, an educator and a leader. He also married twice and both wives died. Washington's desire for love did not die. He married a third time. Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela also married two times before his marriage to his current sweetheart, Graca Machel, who he married on his 80th birthday. It is possible to have same-sex attraction and not engage in same-sex sexual relationships. Christopher Yuan, a professor at Moody Bible Institute, speaker and author, says, "I left homosexuality because I found something better, and His name is Jesus." 

What Would You Do For Love?

A Kaonde African proverb says, "Husband and wife must be loyal to each other." Wife, Ellen Craft, and husband, William Craft, were reliable to make their relationship work with the benefits of freedom. Ellen was also so fair-skinned that she could pass for white even though she was of mixed European and African ancestry. William was of African ancestry. They were both slaves. Ellen cut her hair and posed as a white man traveling with her black slave. Traveling in this manner the married couple escaped slavery in Georgia and went to freedom in England.

True love inspires great actions. Romans 5:8 Amplified Bible says, "But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us." 1 John 4:11 Complete Jewish Bible says, "Beloved friends, if this is how God loved us, we likewise ought to love one another."

"... In the Bible we are all considered brothers and sisters despite our race, color or nationality," wrote Pastor Saeed Abedini in a letter to his wife, Naghmeh Abedini. Pastor Abedini was setting up an orphanage and Christian house churches in Iran when Iranian authorities put him under house arrest in July 2012 separating him from his wife and their two children. In September 2012 they arrested him. In January 2013 Iranian authorities sentenced him to an eight-year prison sentence for threatening Iran's national security. The US State Department, US Secretary of State John Kerry and the European Union have all called for Pastor Saeed Abedini's release, and over 573,000 people worldwide from over 180 countries have signed a petition lending him support. A campaign to write letters to him for his May 7th birthday and to sign the petition is being coordinated at http://www.savesaeed.org.

Everyone can thank God for having a birthday to celebrate. God is author of  life, but not of discrimination. Acts 10:34 Amplified Bible says, "And Peter opened his mouth and said: Most certainly and thoroughly I now perceive and understand that God shows no partiality and is no respecter of persons." Please call Governor Mary Fallin at (405-521-2342) to ask her to sign into law HB 1403 The Nondiscrimination in Treatment Act of Oklahoma which protects the elderly, seriously ill and disabled by preventing medical providers from denying individuals life-saving treatment based on their quality of life.

Discrimination is deadly for the young too. Since China's one-child policy was implemented in the 1970s more than 336 million babies have been killed by abortion;that's more Chinese baby boys and baby girls have lost their lives to abortion than the combined total population of the United States of America and Australia; in America since Roe v. Wade legalized abortion 55 million babies have been killed.

When righteousness reigns, God is pleased. It's easier to receive a right relationship with God and people in free and open societies. China is not such a society.

One person trying to open up China and to eliminate forced abortions and forced sterilizations is Chen Guangcheng. Guangcheng is the husband of Yuan Weijing and the father of a girl and a boy. He became internationally known for filing a 2005 law suit against a local government for forced abortions and forced sterilizations practiced as part of China’s one-child policy.

Guangcheng's lawsuit was rejected, and he was placed under house arrest in Shandong, China, with guards surrounding his house, his cell phone service cut off, access to the Internet blocked and bright lights shinning on his house at night. His wife and daughter were living with him under house arrest. This family was prevented from meeting their wider family, including Chen Guangcheng's and Yuan Weijing's son, who lived elsewhere with an aunt.

Tejas is the name the Spanish gave to the area that became the US state of Texas. The Spanish chose the name based on a Native American word for "friend."

Guangcheng, who became blind as a result of a childhood illness and now wears dark sunglasses, had friends help him to escape from house arrest in April 2012. He Peirong is a key member of a group of activists who organize support for Guangcheng in China. He Peirong drove Guangcheng to the US embassy in Beijing. Were they traveling in a Corolla, the best-selling car of all time produced by the Japanese company Toyota?

A deal was worked out between China and the United States; now Guangcheng, a self-taught lawyer who also helped the disabled win public benefits and aided farmers fighting illegal land seizures, lives in New York with his wife, Yuan Weijing, and their two children.

On April 9, 2013, he testified before a subcommittee of the U.S. House Committee On Foreign Affairs about his family's and other people's persecution in China and other ongoing human rights abuses in China. Guangcheng gave Congress a list of 130,000 Chinese officials involved in forced abortions and forced sterilizations.

Wherever evil exists, so do fear tactics. 2 Timothy 1:7 Amplified Bible says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."

What are some ways love is winning over fear?

Want More Confidants?

A good investment of time, talent and energy is to cultivate confidants. Paul and Timothy were confidants. Paul writes in Philippians 2:20-22 Amplified Bible, "For I have no one like him [no one of so kindred a spirit] who will be so genuinely interested in your welfare and devoted to your interests. For the others all seek [to advance] their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ (the Messiah). But Timothy’s tested worth you know, how as a son with his father he has toiled with me zealously in [serving and helping to advance] the good news (the Gospel)."

When selecting confidants, a good question to ask yourself is, "Who are they trying to pattern their life after?" Everybody is imitating others. According to an African saying, "A person is a person through other persons." Timothy and Paul were patterning their lives after God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. Paul advised others to pattern their lives after him in the ways Paul was following God. The best you is the one who most reflects the God inside you on the outside.

Confidants who are imitating the same kind of people have a better chance of growing together instead of apart.

God says in Isaiah 49:16 Amplified Bible, "Behold, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed a picture of) you on the palm of each of My hands; [O Zion] your walls are continually before Me." God loves believers and has their best interest at heart. Likewise Paul and Timothy love believers have have their best interest at heart.

When the love of God is present and being shared, confidants like Paul and Timothy enthusiastically do on-going, good deeds for each other and other people. Confidants with Christ living on the inside shouldn't have a reason to ask, "What have you done for me lately?"

The Chinese invented the fishing reel. As believers we want to be used by God to catch as many people as possible to bring them into a relationship with God. Not everyone caught can be our confidant. Confidentes son nuestros fieles amigos. (Confidants are our faithful friends.)

If you want more confidants or do not have confidants, ask God why and be willing to accept His answers and act on them according to His will and pleasure. A Kenya Bread for Tomorrow prayer says:
"Deliver Me
From the cowardice that dare not face new truths,
From the laziness that is contented with half truths,
From the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth,
Good Lord deliver me." 

Financial Infidelity

Psalm 18:25 New Living Translation Bible says, "To the faithful you show yourself faithful; to those with integrity you show integrity." We often receive what we give. Many of us desire transparency, trust and true love, but live contrary to our beliefs. Financial infidelity is rampant in marriages because we are not faithful in our management of finances which enables our spouses to be unfaithful. Common transparency and trust sins are failing to discuss and unite around financial values and goals, creating and maintaining an atmosphere of unequal knowledge about all family finances, hiding credit card statements, demanding bank statements for your-eyes-only via email, hiding paychecks, secret spending sprees, failing to appreciate each others money management styles, failing to create and cooperate with a mutually-agreed-upon money management system, etc. Prayer and asking God and ones spouse for forgiveness are a start to fixing financial infidelity.
  
Next empathize to enable understanding of a spouse who may have a different money management style from our own. We are not all motivated by the same things. Some of us are motivated by authority or attention. Others are motivated by acceptance or accuracy. God made us different because He likes diversity. We can learn about God by studying diversity. Cherish the God in your spouse instead of habitual criticizing.

Both men and women need to be well informed about money and financial issues. Some wives sin in leaving all or most of the responsibility for household finances with their husbands. It's a dangerous way to live with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce and age 56 being the average age of widowhood. 

Someone motivated by authority views money as power. They are highly productive, focused and hardworking. They always seem to have a vision. Having vision is godly. Proverbs 29:18 Amplified Bible says, "Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish; but he who keeps the law [of God, which includes that of man]--blessed (happy, fortunate, and enviable) is he." They have clear ideas to manage large budgets and large challenges and take large risks. They have to be careful to remember that personal relationships with people are just as important as the big vision. Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 English Standard Version, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Someone motivated by attention views money as a way to connect with people and to create memories. They are very generous. Generosity is a way to expand the kingdom of God. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." They have to be careful not to overspend and to value savings and investments.

Someone motivated by acceptance desires to live in peace. They want simplicity and balance around money issues not living in the stress of spending more than a family makes. They value getting along with each other and cooperation. Romans 12:18 New Living Translation Bible says, "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." They need to make sure they confront money issues as needed and not pursue peace at any price.

Someone motivated by accuracy desires to follow a specific money management system. They are emotionally attached to a budget. If the budget is $100.00 a week for groceries; spending $110.00 will probably cause an argument. They are big on saving, loss prevention, planning, counting their money and assets and minimizing their liabilities. They like to be in the know, and don't like surprises. Proverbs 27:23 Amplified Bible says, "Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and look well to your herds." God is for savings and investments and having more than enough. Psalm 33:7 Amplified Bible says, "He gathers the waters of the sea as in a bottle; He puts the deeps in storage places." Those motivated by accuracy have to be careful as they accumulate more financial resources not to place their security in resources instead of God. They also have to guard against stinginess. While we want to have more than enough, they have to sometimes remember spending and giving are good; money and financial resources are tools to be used for the glory of God in all areas of living. 

After understanding and empathizing with our spouse comes seeking ways to cooperate and collaborate. View differences positively. Lose attitudes of superiority. Mutual respect and participation in money management are vital. God made each one of us unique, so our way of coming together in money management will be unique. Coming together involves:

    praying, 
    forgiving, 
    brainstorming, 
    talking, 
    studying, 
    researching, 
    committing to each other and agreements and 
    meditating on the agreements to live them out daily. 

Sometimes a spouse struggles to forgive a bankruptcy, large gambling debt, huge investment failure, a housing foreclosure, a job or business loss, a lack of job promotion or business growth or some other financial failure. Joyce Meyer writes in her book, Love Out Loud 365 Devotions for Loving God, Loving Yourself, and Loving Others, "Do you hold unforgiveness toward anyone for any reason? If so, it needs to be eliminated from your heart and mind right away because it's keeping you in bondage. You may be thinking, Well, Joyce, that's easy for you to say. You haven't been hurt like I have. That is true, but I have been hurt in life to a very deep degree. I was abused, abandoned, rejected, blamed, lied about, misunderstood, and betrayed by family and friends, and I allowed the enemy to fill my heart with hatred for those who hurt me. But when I began to learn about love, I moved from hatred to bitterness to mild resentment and finally to freedom, which only comes through forgiveness. The Lord graciously brought restitution into my life. God promises to bring justice into our lives and to give us a double reward for our former shame, pain, and unfair treatment (See Isa. 61:7). When we try to bring justice ourselves through vengeful acts, we only prevent God from working on our behalf."

Money challenges are not always the result of negative life experiences. When a spouse retires before age 50, starts a business, inherits a large sum of money and/or property or some other significant, positive, financial experience, the other spouse may experience feelings of jealousy, envy, resentment and/or other negative emotions and attitudes. All emotions and attitudes impact the atmosphere in a marriage. Proverbs 14:30 Amplified Bible says, "A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones." Proverbs 27:4 Amplified Bible says, "Wrath is cruel and anger is an overwhelming flood, but who is able to stand before jealousy?"

Money and other financial issues can be very difficult to discuss. Be sure to rely on the Holy-Spirit-given fruit of self-control and the wisdom of our Christ mind to manage our emotions. Ravi Zacharias counsels in his sermon, "Divided Heart, Divided Home," "But if good advice is to be effective. It should be timed rightly." Converse at times that are convenient for both members of the couple. Lynn Toler says in her book, Making Marriage Work New Rules For An Old Institution, "If you think of communication as the Superman of relationships, Right Now is Kryptonite. Right Now is when the issue first arises. Right Now is when you are mad. Right Now is when the hurt you feel about what he or she has done is felt for the first time. Right Now is good for arguments, catharses, and contention. Right Now is almost never amenable to a conversation."

It also doesn't hurt to create a calming environment for conversation. Perhaps putting on Lonnie Plaxico's Melange jazz album, or one of your favorite albums, or whatever it is that you both enjoy and find edifying for conversation. The little things that show you took the time and effort to know what pleases a person can really communicate love. Dr. Derek Grier writes in his book, 60 Minutes of Wisdom Insight In An Instant, "John Maxwell, an expert on gaining personal influence, states, "People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care." In other words, before you attempt to direct, you must connect."

If financial infidelity has visited our home, living according to Biblical principles will encourage financial infidelity to leave as an unwelcome guest.

10 Ways to Be Irresistible

God is irresistible. Are you? Check yourself against the following 10 irresistible qualities plucked from the Bible book of Colossians where the Apostle Paul pours out praise for God the Son Jesus Christ and encourages us to lean our entire personality on Him.

1) Be a people magnet. It doesn't matter if we are an introvert or an extrovert. Irresistible people connect with other people cultivating the God in believers and introducing Him to others.

We usually first learn to be people magnets by being parented by people magnets. Mother Teresa said, "Try to put in the hearts of your children a love for home. Make them long to be with their families. So much sin could be avoided if our people really loved their homes."

Love is not natural. Christ in us gives us the strength to make the choices to love hour by hour and day by day. He teaches us to cultivate an inner life focused on finding detailed and varied ways to please God and people.

God designed for children to come out of the love of God and spouse. A marriage to God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost and to each other produced the Palmer siblings, one of whom is named Keke. African American Keke Palmer, who starred in the movie Akeelah and the Bee, says that her parents introduced her to God and helped her to form a good relationship with God that extended to loving herself and other people.

Pampering ourselves, our marriage, family and friendships with time and attention need not be about spoiling people but rather serving everyone to be their best and to live their best possible life.

Spending little time and attention on our relationships guarantees disconnection and if not corrected often leads to dissolution.

2) Cultivate confidence in Christ in all areas of life. Emotional and other types of instability and insecurity are areas where our understanding and belief in God are weak. Sometimes we may feel, "I'm not loveable;" "I'm unworthy;" and other soul destroying ways. Our feelings are often a product of our self-talk or in response to the way someone is treating us.

God loves us and forgives us of all our sins and all the sins of others. No Biblical reason exists not to love ourselves and other people. When we feel unlovable, unworthy or some other unappreciative way, it's because of sin. Talk to God about it. Get it straightened out. Problems don't go away on their own. They have to be dealt with.

If we are not receiving the love of God, then where love hasn't reached, it cannot be given out. We are designed by God to give out love in overflowing abundance. Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 the Message Bible, "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."

God wants us to be clear about loving Him, ourselves and others. Ephesians 5:17 Amplified Bible says, "Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is." Vague people do not live in victory. They are not using time effectively. "El vago trabaja doble." ("The vague works double.")

The vague are susceptible to soaking in the beliefs and attitudes of others instead of being wielded by God to sway others with the love and goodness of God. The vague are nothing like Viktor Frankl. Adolph Hitler's Gestapo arrested this 26-year-old Jewish psychiatrist in Vienna, Austria, and forced him into a concentration camp. Month in and month out without the end in sight, Frankly worked under the huge smokestacks that belched out black carbon monoxide from the incinerators where his father, mother, sister and wife had been cremated. Each day Frankl hoped for a few slivers of carrots or peas in the daily bowl of soup. Nevertheless, the extreme Eastern European cold couldn't stop Frankl from getting up an hour earlier than usual to wrap his feet and legs in scrap burlap and wire to protect them from frostbite. When Frankl was called for inquisition, he stood naked in the center of a white light while men in shiny boots hour after hour assailed him with questions and accusations trying to break him down with every accusing lie they could think of. Already they had taken his wife, his family, his writing, his clothes, his wedding ring and everything else of material value. But in the midst of this barrage of questions, God flashed an idea across Frankl's mind: "They have taken from me everything I have--except the power to choose my own attitude."

As believers not even the Gestapo should be able to persuade us to adopt evil attitudes because we have a powerful resource living on the inside. 1 John 4:4 Amplified Bible says, "Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world."

3) Refuse to be a slave to impulses. Conduct a careful, orderly, thoughtful way of life that examines impulses against the teachings in the Bible and chooses that which is in line with the Word.

Leaning on God is not passivity. God conquered the chaos and created the Garden of Eden. Believers are conquerors like God. We make small choices all throughout the day, day after day, that will eventually produce positive, purposeful plants of truth and other things that are good or weeds of wickedness. Few infidelities start one day out of the blue. Most infidelities are the creeping vines of complacency that overgrew a previously cultivated garden of love.

Some experience infidelity as anticipation and exhilaration from the secrecy, the forbidden sex, the idea that someone really gets us and is willing and eager to fulfill our fantasies. Meanwhile all the potency of sexuality and other sensuality was available in the marriage if we had aggressively and consistently cultivated the time and attention necessary to have a strong, sublime marriage. To know someone and to be known by someone deeply is a spiritual, mental and physical endeavor that does not happen by accident and without a great deal of prayer and practice. When we say, "I do," it doesn't mean, "I'm done working on making sure our relationship stays well watered and wonderful."

Some of the simplest things start great relationships and help them to keep going well. George Foreman, a Christian minister, husband, father of 10 children, African American, entrepreneur and championship boxer, says, in his sermon "The Power of a Smile," "All of us can get up out of that bed every day and make this world a better place by just smiling . . . . We all can be nice."

Mary Landis and Judson Landis write in their book Building a Successful Marriage, "The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness." Researchers from the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project recently released the latest “State of Our Unions” report. The December 11, 2012, issue of The New York Times Magazine says the National Marriage Project examined the role of generosity in the marriages of 2,870 men and women, and "Generosity was defined as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly” — like simply making them coffee in the morning — and researchers quizzed men and women on how often they behaved generously toward their partners. How often did they express affection? How willing were they to forgive? The responses went right to the core of their unions. Men and women with the highest scores on the generosity scale were far more likely to report that they were “very happy” in their marriages. The benefits of generosity were particularly pronounced among couples with children. Among the parents who posted above-average scores for marital generosity, about 50 percent reported being “very happy” together. Among those with lower generosity scores, only about 14 percent claimed to be “very happy."

Marriage can be happy and absorbing if we cultivate our garden of love. Absorbing love, unswerving loyalty need not be complex. Sharing and connecting can be simple. Meet after work and walk and talk a couple of miles in the shopping areas followed by more conversation over a meal. Some couples run or exercise together. Some couples study the Bible together. Talk and find some ways that are enjoyable for both spouses to fellowship frequently that is fun and fosters faithfulness.

Mastering the impulse to do nothing in a relationship makes us irresistible; trying shows caring.

4) Increasingly become immovable in Christ. Stubborn can be bad or good. Being immovable in Christ is not bad stubbornness but a committed, continual surrendering of sins like selfishness and ungodly fear to change what needs to be changed. Our consistent change into Christ-likeness is irresistible. If we are cooperating with God, the person we were when we first met God, will evolve into someone more like Christ.

While we will not be perfect in this earthly life, we can be thankful for where we have come from, were we are at and where we are going. Thanksgiving is irresistible. It's wonderful to be wanted and willing to improve. Contentment is not static.

5) Think, talk and act in compassionate truth. Living in the truth requires courage. A survey found that 80 percent of Americans believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Yet another study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control found that about 85 percent of women and 91 percent of men have engaged in premarital sex.

Often when we contradict our value system, the body reacts with actual physical and/or emotional pain. Some get headaches, others nausea, some a bad stomach. Some succumb to various addictions. Some experience the slipping away of self-esteem. Some experience some other type of harm.

Our bodies are interconnected. When we do good and when we sin, it affects spirit, intellect, emotions and physical body.

We are also interconnected with other people. "Dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres." (Tell me with whom you associate, and I'll tell you who you are.")

Unified belief and behavior is irresistible. Many hate hypocrisy. Also not many admire marriages that last fewer than 12 months, but many do admire long-term unions like the nearly 30 year marriage of Hollywood celebrities and Christians Denzel and Pauletta Washington.

6) Stop allowing negative stuff to stick to you. All our sins have been forgiven. God wiped the slate clean, so we can wipe it clean too. Colossians 2:13-15 New Living Translation Bible says, "You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross."

To meditate on what's wrong with you or bad circumstances is foolish nonsense that will fail to endear us to others. Constant complaining is irritating and enables the decline and even destruction of relationships. Proverbs 17:9 Amplified Bible says, " He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends."

When bad things happen cooperate with God to get over them quickly and to learn how not to go there again!

Unflappable is irresistible. Living in self-pity and/or getting stuck in situations God had empowered you to get out off sucks the life out of relationships.

7) Celebrate special events symbolizing love while recognizing they are not the substance of love. Weddings are wonderful, but the real wonder is a long-term, loving marriage. When scanning magazines available at mainstream news stands, magazines dedicated to weddings far outweigh those dedicated to marriage. Our culture often does not conform to Christ.

Also God made each person unique. Why do we tend to try to make everyone the same? Red and black are among my favorite colors. I remember sharing that I would consider a wedding dress in these colors. That really set off some peoples alarms!

Maybe I should have been born Chinese? Red (hong) is the color of fire. Red symbolizes success, happiness and good luck. Red is the color of celebration at birthdays and weddings. Black (hei) is the color of water. It symbolized heaven.  

Celebrate the symbols while concentrating on the substance. Many of us want to be married, but studies show many are not willing to carefully select marriage partners, do the work to be an ideal partner and continuously nurture and grow our marriages. Approximately 75 percent of us marry once. Twenty percent marry twice, and five percent will marry three or more times. Also many people do not wait at least three years after their divorce to heal from the dissolution of their marriage before entering another relationship in a state of brokenness.

Keep hope alive. Just because we have never been married or divorced once, twice or more times does not mean that God doesn't have a good marriage in mind for us. Nelson Mandela married his sweetheart and third wife, Graca Machel, on his 80th birthday.

A lot goes into a marriage. One thing that seems to vanish over time is compliments. Sincere, specific compliments shared throughout the day are irresistible. Tell your wife that you delight in the moles sprinkled on her cheeks, neck and breasts; the peaks and valleys of her curves; the marvelous way she fends off sibling rivalry; the superior way she keeps money from seeping out of the household budget; or whatever things are special and specific to your spouse. The more you appreciate her uniqueness, the more aroused she gets; the more she shares sublime sex with you. Husbands love compliments too that appreciate their qualities of character and accomplishment. Many men are plagued by insecurities. The biggest erogenous zone is the mind.

When we aren't saying things that build up our spouse, we are tearing down our marriage. Few people want to have sex with a spouse who does not woo them with wonderful words and ways. A sexless marriage is often a loveless marriage outside the bedroom.

8) Be open-minded to novel ways of living the truth. God desires us to be easily pliable to His touch changing whatever needs to be changed or even eliminated. This means that we may be trying a lot of things before we find the right fit. Continual self-improvement is irresistible.

Christian and Chinese American Cookie Lee was disappointed that her mom's 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. employment caused her to miss a lot of events in Lee's childhood. Lee wanted to be in the workforce and still have plentiful time together as a family. So for seven years before she had children she turned a hobby into a one-woman, part-time jewelry-making business while working a full-time job. After seven years she was making enough in her business to quit her daytime job. To have a family that she could spend plenty of time with while growing her business, she hired sales consultants to start their own businesses under her's.

Some good, Bible-study questions to ask are: "How does this relate to my reality?" "Are my beliefs really in agreement with the Bible?"

Lee did a lot of prayer, research and asking questions to make her dream of being there for her family a lot work out while prospering in her jewelry-making business.

Some are against women in jobs, businesses and/or ministries and try to put guilt trips on women so engaged. However, in the Bible Priscilla was a tent maker and had a church in her home with her husband, Aquila. Lydia was a business woman selling fabrics dyed in purple. Rachel was a shepherdess. Deborah was a prophetess and judge. Esther was a queen.

God placed some novel things in you that He designed to be developed for the good and enjoyment of yourself and others. God is for pleasure. David says about God is Psalm 16:11 Amplified Bible, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

The novel inspires people to pursue us. John, the husband of Cookie Lee, pursued her by joining her business creating more time together and more money.

9) Excel in helping and pleasing people within Biblical boundaries. Those who do the minimum hurt people. Believers are extravagant lovers.

An African chief invited the men of his tribe to a feast. The chief provided all the food and asked that the men of the tribe bring a jug of wine. One man of the tribe named Ali wanted to go, but he didn't have wine. His wife suggested that he buy the wine noting that it wasn't expensive. Ali responded, "How foolish to spend money when there is a way to go free! It won't hurt to add one jug of water to the pot of wine." When the day of the feast arrived Ali and the other men of the tribe poured his jug into a large pot. After all the guests arrived the chief commanded the servants to fill everyone's glass. Suddenly a cry arose from the crowd lamenting the taste of water instead of wine. Not only Ali but others too had decided to do the minimum by bringing water instead of wine.

Becoming absorbed in a clean, creatively decorated house and abandoning cuddling and creative entertainment with our spouse is a way some wives do the minimum. Some husbands do the minimum by thinking, talking and acting out the attitude, "My job is number one in my life."

10) Live more for we than me. We want others to make sacrifices that show they want us.

In the Bollywood film Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara Imran is a character who found out a year ago the father who raised him is not his biological father. As a part of a bachelor, road trip with two friends through Spain, Imran decides to visit his biological father. While smoking a cigarette his biological father, Salman, explains that he abandoned Imran and his mother before Imran's birth because at age 25 he did not want the responsibility of fatherhood; his soul was and still is only fed by his art and world traveling. Salman thinks that me is better than we, but even he has to cover up his pain through a nicotine addiction. God didn't create us for selfishness. He created us to serve.

Irresistible people find ways to weave together responsibilities and dreams.

Greek Australian Christine Caine was active in Christian singles ministry. Many told her that marriage and kids would slow her down. However, she and her husband, Nick and daughters, Sophia and Catherine, travel the globe sharing Jesus Christ with others and have ministries, like Equip and Empower, that help others plant churches and fight human trafficking among other things. The devil is a liar: marriage and family are fun and fulfilling, not boring and/or oppresive.

Sometimes people embrace the lies of the devil due to ignorance and inconsideration. John Tillotson, a Christian leader of the 1600s, said, “Ignorance and inconsideration are the two great causes of the ruin of mankind.” Avoid ignorance and inconsideration by cooperating with God to learn how to solve problems by incorporating people with passion, and then doing it.

Sonya Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, told Jane E. Brody for the artice "That Loving Feeling Takes a Lot of Work" in the New York Times newspaper on January 14, 2013, that she encourages each marriage partner to ask himself or herself each morning, “What can I do for five minutes today to make my partner’s life better?”

Making we more important than me nurtures marital love and sex. Enjoy marital sex; it's holy and righteous! We is designed to be wonderfully irresistible. It's spiritual and logical that a popular sexual position is called the "missionary." If you are married, try a twist on the missionary where the husband kneels and straddles his wife's leg while she’s lying on her left side. From here, she should bend her right leg around the right side of his waist—allowing full access to her vagina, her clitoris, her other body parts and the possibility of one or more orgasms.

In what ways are you irresistible? Please leave an irresistible on-line comment at the bottom of this article.