How to Catch and Keep Friends

As raindrops were pouring from a pale, grey sky earlier this week, I was pouring over the book of Romans chapter 12 for tips to catch and keep friends. My readings got me to thinking and praying broadly about the subject.

Welcoming and living in a wide variety of relationships are not optional for believers. Chantal Sicile-Kira categorizes relationships in her article, "The Transition To Adulthood: Planning Ahead," for the magazine, Autism File, that is applicable to all people. She describes four circles of relationships:

1) The Circle of Intimacy includes those with whom we share our secrets, dreams and values. These are our best friends and are usually family members, but can and should also include others. We know and share a lot about what is going on in each others lives, our thoughts and feelings.We feel safe enough in these relationships to support each other spiritually and emotionally. Jesus encouraged intimate relationships beyond biology. Mark 3:33-35 New Living Translation Bible says, "Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he looked at those around him and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

2) The Circle of Friendship includes friends or relatives whom we see for occasional social activities, such as for a movie or to eat a meal, but who are not our closest friends. The Bible records that Epaphras and Paul shared some time in jail and time spreading the Gospel, but not with the intensity and intimacy of the relationship between Timothy and Paul.

3) The Circle of Participation includes people who we participate with in our life, such as on the job, business or ministry, our place of worship, schools, sports teams, social clubs and other organizations. This circle contains people who may eventually be in the Circle of Friendship or even the Circle of Intimacy. We can socialize with members of our church, other churches and other groups. Luke 9:49-50 New Living Translation Bible says, "John said to Jesus, “Master, we saw someone using your name to cast out demons, but we told him to stop because he isn’t in our group.” But Jesus said, “Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you.”"

4) The Circle of Exchange includes people who are paid to be in our lives, such as medical professionals, teachers, counselors, governmental officials, sales associates, auto mechanics, etc. These people can also be cultivated to move into the Circle of Participation, Circle of Friendship and even the Circle of Intimacy. Everyone is a potential friend/disciple. Matthew 28:18-20 the Message Bible says, "Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.""

The circles of exchange and participation are casual relationships. The circle of friendship are comfortable relationships with people who are not involved in the intimate details of our lives. The circle of intimacy contains our confidants.

We can have more than one confidant. While David had Jonathan, Jesus had Peter, James and John.

We can also have multiple same-sex and opposite-sex relationships in the circles of exchange, participation, friendship and intimacy. Many don't have a problem with same-sex friends, but some stumble over the idea of opposite-sex friends especially for married couples. God made the human race female and male. Living in the Holy-Ghost fruit of self-control we can have casual, close and appropriate relationships with both the opposite sex and the same sex. The Apostle Paul had many friendships with women such as Priscilla, Lydia, and Phoebe to name a few. He also had friendships with men.

Having only same-sex friends cripples us. God made us male and female not just for marriage. We learn and are made better people gaining balance and appreciation of difference being raised by a mother and a father. Then we branch out from the family into non-familial relationships where we are designed to continue to grow in balance and appreciation of difference. The Prophetess and Judge Deborah was instrumental to developing the courage, confidence and combat skill of Barak.

Of course some opposite-sex friends are great for dating. First-date conversation should be about God and each other. Yet many people talk too much about former relationships while trying to start a new relationship. "When a woman dwells too long on the topic of her ex-boyfriend, a man feels discouraged. If it was a recent breakup, a man can understand that an ex-boyfriend is on her mind. He will also know that she is not ready for a relationship with him. He will worry that she will always compare him to the ex-boyfriend. He will think, There is no possible way I can compete with this guy. He probably shared some great times with her. When a man feels too discouraged, he loses interest. If she boasts about how handsome or rich or smart her ex is, her date will feel annoyed. She's boasting, she's insecure, he'll think. Don't think that being the object of some other guy's desire will make you more valuable in this man's eyes. He may just see that you are trying desperately to impress him. He'll see your insecurity. When women catalogue their ex-boyfriend's faults, inevitably men think about her shortcomings, not the ex-boyfriend's. When she says, "He cheated on me; I don't know why I stayed with him," he thinks, She's a pushover. When she says, "I didn't really care about him, but I stayed with him out of pity," he thinks, She's a martyr. When a woman picks on her ex-boyfriend, a man will take it as a warning: If I stick around, she'll do that to me someday," says Bradley Gerstman, Esquire, Christopher Pizzo, CPA and Rich Seldes, MD, in their book What Men Want.

Here's some tips plucked primarily from Romans chapter 12 on catching and keeping friends.

1) Accept people without arrogance. Pride refuses to mature and to forgive saying,  "I'm perfect." Humility embraces our unique God-given design along with personal growth and repentance. We all make multiple mistakes throughout life.

African American R&B singer Anita Baker sings in her song "I Apologize," "Lord you should have heard the way he shouted and the way that I screamed . . . I apologize . . .  Because I know I was wrong."

Admitting our wrongs is a sober judgment of ourselves and is loving ourselves and others. When we do someone wrong trying to gloss over it doesn't clean up the mess but often causes it to spread.

In admitting our wrongs we are not rejecting who we are. We are trying to improve. Self-improvement is relationship improvement. God accepts us and works to change us into the fullest likeness of His good self. God gives us His strength to consistently admit our wrongs without losing a positive view of ourselves. Even though believers do some awful things, God thinks we are awesome. God never loses hope in the victory of good over evil. The Apostle Paul wrote most of the New Testament even though before he became an apostle he was a serial killer going around seeking Christians to put in jail and to have sentenced to death.

2) Extensively, enthusiastically, excellently use the special gifts God has given us to build relationships. I had a friend who said his gift was encouragement. However, I ended the relationship because his encouragement was not authentic. We were communicating by email often twice daily, but he never was willing to talk by telephone or meet in person. What was he hiding that was inhibiting him from drawing closer to me? What type of spirit was behind his behavior? His emails seemed to embrace me in warmth, but they never led to the intimacy of spontaneous conversation and in-person engagement. John 6:63 Amplified Bible says, "It is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life-giver]; the flesh conveys no benefit whatever [there is no profit in it]. The words (truths) that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life."

3) Cultivate a diverse number of friends of the same sex, opposite sex, same gifts, different gifts, multiple races and relationships in all four circles. The Apostle Paul participated in all types of relationships. Timothy, Titus, Priscilla, Aquila and Barnabas are some members in Paul's Circle of Intimacy. The Apostles Peter and James and Lydia are some members in Paul's Circle of Friendship. Governor Sergius Paulus, Publius, the head of the island of Malta, and his father are some members in Paul's Circle of Participation. Acts 28:8 Amplified Bible says, "And it happened that the father of Publius was sick in bed with recurring attacks of fever and dysentery; and Paul went to see him, and after praying and laying his hands on him, he healed him." Governor Felix, Drusilla, the wife of Governor Felix, King Agrippa, Bernice, the wife of King Agrippa, and Governor Gallio of Achaia province are some members in Paul's Circle of Exchange.

Paul had relationships with men and women, Jews, Greeks and people of other races, believers and nonbelievers. Paul was not a snob, sexist or racist. Paul welcomed everyone while reserving his circle of intimacy for believers which is not discrimination but the wisdom of being closest with people of the same faith and purpose in life. If we try to have intimacy with enemies, then we risk destroying people. Jesus Christ says in Mark 3:25 Amplified Bible, "And if a house is divided (split into factions and rebelling) against itself, that house will not be able to last." Bishop Derek Grier of Grace Church in Dumfries, Virginia, said in the mid-morning 1/13/2013 sermon, "The devil comes in the form of division;" "He comes with strife to destroy unity." Dr. Grier said the devil wants to destroy unity because unity removes limitations; we can do so much more together than by ourselves. He also said that unity amplifies and multiplies.

We like Paul are called to nurture and expand the four circles of relationships, to have relationships with the same sex, the opposite sex, different races and to have a diversity of relationships with people of all types. The Apostle Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians 11:1 New Living Translation Bible, "And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ."

4) Love people authentically. Love is friendly, intentional, consistent and Holy-Ghost empowered to commit through thick and thin times. Romans 12:10 Amplified Bible says, "Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another." Friendliness helps form, maintain and grow relationships. Neither Christ nor Paul displayed a "Do not disturb me" attitude toward people. Nor did they confuse Jewish culture with Biblical revelation. Christ and Paul tried to connect with the widest possible range of people. 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 the Message Bible says, "Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists; the defeated, the demoralized--whoever, I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ--but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!"

Sometimes we are not honoring people in our relationships because we are jealous and/or envious of them. People will admit to some sins, but jealousy and envy are not the usual ones. Yet they are common ones among siblings, friends, colleagues and other relationships. Cherish and celebrate our gifts and the gifts of others without comparison or covetousness. We are all essential. Romans 12:4-6 the Message Bible says, "In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't."

African Americans Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King are long-time best friends. Both are in communications, but Oprah is single, never married, mother of a deceased child while Gayle is divorced with two, healthy children. Oprah was raised in poverty. Gayle spent her elementary school years in Ankara, Turkey, with vacations in Paris, Rome and Greece and maid service.

Oprah, the first African-American female billionaire, says she and Gayle, who is a co-anchor of CBS This Morning and an editor-at-large for O, The Oprah Magazine, have overcome jealousy and envy in their more than 30-year friendship by being continually supportive of each other and spending copious amounts of time and attention on their friendship. Oprah bought a full-time nanny for Gayle to help her with her children, Kirby and Will, who are less than one year apart in age. Oprah sees money as a tool that can help others, but if that is all someone wants and expects from the relationships, then they are not really a friend. Money is a relationship-building tool. Luke 16:9 Amplified Bible says, "And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings)." Gayle says she views Oprah's and the success of those around her as something that also makes her better. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 New Living Translation Bible says, "So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." We grow together or tear each other apart together.

Some have a false sense of loyalty avoiding participation in other Christian ministries or other relationships. While we should give more time and attention to our marriage and other relationships in our circle of intimacy than our relationship with our dentist and other relationships in our circle of exchange, that doesn't excuse us to focus on our marriage to the exclusion of all other relationships. Showing authentic love comes with spending time and attention on a variety of relationships. Jesus was confidants with Peter, James and John. He also socialized with casual acquaintances like the Samaritan woman who had five-husbands, a current live-in lover and probably a blended household of no-telling how many children..

5) Serve God through serving people. Friends help friends in a wide variety of ways. A story talks about a man taken out of the earth realm and into a trip of hell and heaven. The angels showed him a room in hell with a group of hungry people trying to eat dinner. They never did eat because the spoons they were using were longer than their arms and no one helped them to overcome the obstacle. Then the angels showed him a room in heaven. The man was shocked to see a similar scene of hungry people trying to eat dinner with spoons longer than their arms. Yet they had happy faces and were enjoying their meal because they helped each other overcome the obstacle.

It's natural to serve self. It's spiritual to serve self and others. Routinely examine our behavior asking, "Who does this serve?"

6) Pursue hospitality. Welcome strangers and friends. Seek to make strangers friends and friends closer friends. Creativity can cultivate relationships. In the early 1400s the ruler of the East African port city Malinda sent a personal envoy with a giraffe as a present to the Ming dynasty emperor in China. The giraffe was a big hit. Maybe you can't make a splash by bringing a giraffe, but you can put together a backyard barbeque with a special theme for the families of your children's friends and others, or you can do something else with simple flair.

God meant for believers to do the spectacular in our individual way. Jesus Christ says in John 14:12 Amplified Bible, "I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father."

People who are one-dimensional and/or refuse to try novel ways make it difficult for people to stay in relationship with them and to attract new relationships in the circles of friendship and intimacy.

Some spouses drain the life out of their marriage and other relationships by allowing themselves to become dull. Meanwhile plenty of singles and married people excel at exceeding people's expectations. The immoral ones are waiting to suck in spouses in dull marriages and dull singles looking for excitement. Proverbs 5:3 Amplified Bible says, "For the lips of a loose woman drip honey as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil."

Pleasure is not sinful nor is using honey to catch and keep friends. Motives make a difference in determining the difference between good and evil. Christian, African American Jazz singer Carla Cook sings in "It's All About Love," "You can catch more flies with honey." God is pleasure. Yes, your eyes are not tricking you; you read that right. God is pleasure. David writes in Psalm 16:11 Amplified Bible, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

Some are bubbly with great ideas about how to attract people, but they rarely follow through. “The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs,” says Vance Havner. God is more than a dreamer; He's a doer and likes doers. If you want to catch and keep relationships, chase people. Hebrews 11:6 Amplified Bible says, "But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out]."

Sometimes we bomb in our efforts to catch and keep people. Don't worry. Cooperate with God to learn and to correct the error of our ways. Proverbs 24:16 Amplified Bible says, "For a righteous man falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked are overthrown by calamity."

7) Be sensitive to and live in the emotions and actions needed for the situation. Romans 12:15 New Living Translation Bible says, "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."

My son, Rafael, has lots of energy and is full of joy. He likes to bounce on his bed and in the chair he sits on amidst our balcony garden. Rafael recently got a new mattress because his old one had a crater in it due to his bouncing on his bed. I would like to preserve his enthusiasm and our finances, so I put a chair like the one in our garden in his bedroom and explained that he can bounce on that instead of his bed.

8) Turn enemies into friends. Abraham Lincoln said, "I do not like that man. I must get to know him better."

Watch out that self doesn't become our enemy. One of the top strategies of Satan is to manipulate people to get us to turn on our self. Joseph Cotten tells Ingrid Bergman in the movie Gaslight, "You're not going out of your mind. You're slowly and systematically being driven out of your mind."

Insanity is ineffective thinking. One way Satan tries to manipulate people is through anger. Feeling anger is not a sin for it can be a signal of being mistreated. Holding onto anger is where sin enters. Holding onto anger accompanies losing control of our thoughts and emotions. When God's goodness doesn't control us, then the evil of sin does. Sin is a slave master. Peace is power. As believers we have the mind of God the Son Jesus Christ and can use it to slay Satan by refusing to stay upset.

Peace is not passive. In the 1900s Mahatma Gandhi was mad that the British were denying independence to the people of India and monopolizing many Indian industries. Gandhi developed satyagraha which is civil disobedience through peaceful pushing for truth. Gandhi's methods were used by Martin Luther King Jr. to peacefully push civil rights for Africans Americans and others in the United States. Many who were enemies to the ideas of Gandhi and King initially were won over by their peaceful protest.  

Please share your experiences catching and keeping friends by leaving an on-line comment, tweeting with me via my Twitter.com name "Michelelove30" and Google's G+. Abraham Lincoln says, "The better part of one's life consists of his friendships." 

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Fearless Sex

God designed spousal lovemaking to be un-self-conscious, unintimidated, fun and an essential part of forming a strong marital bond. Yet fearful sex is a big problem today among Christians and non-Christians despite the counsel of 2 Timothy 1:7 Amplified Bible: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."

In Song of Solomon neither Solomon nor his Shulammite wife express a fear of marital lovemaking. They do not express a fear of dry vaginas, limp penises, premature ejaculation, the possibility of a bad or disappointing sexual experience, body inadequacy, looking bad, comparisons to other sexual experiences or new sexual experiences. Solomon's and his wife's conversation about fruit and gardens is abrir la puerta (opening the door) to the idea that marital lovemaking is making delicious. They have stripped off all of the reproach of Egypt (slavery to sin) an upbringing that taught sex is nasty and shameful.

Martial sex is holy and righteous. Dr. Ken Leman writes in his book Sheet Music Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, "If he's imagining what another woman (besides his wife) looks like naked, or how good she'd be in bed, then yes, he's polluting his mind. But if he's imagining how good it would feel to rub massage oil all over his wife later that night while on his way to giving her a body-to-body massage, he's being as pure as an inner-city mission worker serving a bowl of soup to the homeless. Who is the giver of all good gifts? God. Sex is a gift from God and a commandment from God. When God tells us to be "fruitful and multiply," he's not talking about apples and cloning. He's talking about having sexual intercourse and giving birth to babies."

Fear focuses us in on our self and our limits instead of focusing on giving a joyful experience to our lover. Believers are givers. Instead of habitually saying and doing, "No, no, no" to new, adventurous, imaginative marital sex, why not habitually say and do, "Oui, oui, oui?"

Fear focuses in on a negative and irrational mindset. Being naked and close with someone is a very vulnerable position easily squashed by a lover who points out areas of our body where we need to lose weight or describes them in unflattering ways. Confidence is encouraged by a lover who expresses craving instead of cringing to taste, touch, look, smell and hear a favorable response to making delicious. Instead of worrying about the size of your behind for downward rear entry why not think my husband is getting a glorious view of curves as he enters your vaginal portal to paradise? Many men prefer buttocks over breasts, and many women are not concerned with the size of their lover's penis. God made our bodies fearfully and wonderfully. Think of sex sweat as the dew of love and arousal scents as the aroma of love. Neither Solomon nor his wife criticize their own body or their spouse's body. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:7 New Living Translation Bible, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way."  The wife says to Solomon in Song of Solomon 1:16 New Living Translation Bible, "You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! . . ." What words could you use to specifically describe your spouse's spectacular body?

Fast sex can be hot, but sometimes it's fear and a lack of self-control. Slowing down and savoring the experience is often better particularly for wives. No sense of rushing exists in Song of Solomon. These lovers seem to have all the time in the world to please each other.

Spouses, enjoy the whole experience of lovemaking in its many varieties of expression. No matter how much friction an orgasm doesn't always result from marital making delicious, and this can be wonderful too. Sex is more than an orgasm. Solomon says to his wife in Song of Solomon 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. . ." His wife says in Song of Solomon 2:3 New Living Translation Bible, "Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit."

If you are having partner sex and not married, being afraid is logical because you are sharing the most intimate part of you with someone who isn't committed to you. Singles, celebrate your body with God your Ishi (Husband). Gospel group Trinitee sings in their song "My Body," about sex outside of marriage, "I want to please my God . . . My body is the Lord's temple . . . What part of no don't you understand?"

Please share an on-line comment about making marital delicious and/or celebrating single sexuality.

Thoughts About Abortion

It boggles the mind that some in the women's movement and pro-choice movement are against abortion clinics being required to meet hospital standards. Most abortions are surgeries. Don't we women deserve sound and safe healthcare?

Of course abortion isn't healthcare. It's the killing of a human being. With neonatal technology and other science it has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that from the time egg and sperm unite and beyond human life exists. Also babies who have survived abortion are now testifying as adults about appreciation of God's gift of life. Forty-seven years ago the mother of Gospel singer Fred Hammond went to an abortion clinic and had a dilatation and curettage abortion. D&C abortion entails having the cervix dilated or stretched to permit the insertion of a loop shaped steel knife. The body of the baby is cut into pieces and removed and the placenta is scraped off the uterine wall. Hammond's mom left the abortion clinic being informed that she would have a miscarriage at home and should return to the clinic with the contents in a bag. While she had bleeding, she didn't have a miscarriage. So she went back to the abortion clinic. As she was in the clinic preparing to have the abortion, God moved on her spirit, and she left. Her son, Fred Hammond, told The Donnie McClurkin Show, "Here's why I don't have time to play church. At the end of the day when I was supposed to be discarded, and the tools came in to kill me, and the tools came in to crush my head . . . The Lord took His hand, pushed in there, and pushed me back out of the way, and they thought they got me. But at the end of the day God had a plan for a broken situation . . . God hid me."

The tools of abortionist Abu Hayat sliced off the arm of baby Ana Rosa Rodriquez, but Ana and her mom, Rosa, who was in her third-trimester of pregnancy, managed to survive the abortion. Hayat, whose medical license was revoked in 1991, also refused to complete an abortion on Marie Moise when Moise was unable to come up with more money for the abortion.

Sadly, more than one million babies are not hidden and loose their lives to abortion annually in the United States. Fewer than one percent of these abortions are done following rape, incest or to protect the physical health of the mother.

Abortion is dangerous and harmful to both mother and child. Tonya Reaves, a 24-year-old African-American woman, died July 20, 2012, on the operating table of a Chicago, Illinois, Planned Parenthood as a result of an abortion-induced hemorrhage reported a local CBS television station.

African-American women have three and a half times more abortions than white women. Not heart disease, not cancer, not diabetes, but abortion is the number one killer of black Americans.What are the abortion statistics for Latino Americans and Asian Americans?

Having a child is a chance for immortality since we humans reproduce generation after generation. Yet abortion is common. One in three American women of all races will have an abortion by the age of 45.

Many women are asking abortionists to kill their babies for temporary reasons. Many women say they are having abortions because they currently cannot afford children, and/or they currently have a male partner who does not support bringing their child to birth.

Prenatal ultrasound allows us to see the fetus inside the womb, and see they are human and shaped like humans with arms, legs, heads, etc at eight weeks (2 months) of life. 90 percent of abortions occur in the first three months of pregnancy.

Science has forced some pro-choice people to now admit that abortion ends human life. Frances Kissling, a long-time pro-choice advocate and former president of Catholics for Choice, told Time Magazine in the January 14, 2013, article "What Choice? Abortion-rights activists won an epic victory in Roe v. Wade. They've been losing ever since," "When people hear us say abortion is just another medical procedure, they react with shock . . . Abortion is not like having your tooth pulled or having your appendix out. It involves the termination of an early form of human life. That deserves some gravitas."

Thank you Kissling for your honesty. It's about time the women's movement and the pro-choice movement clearly articulated that abortion ends human life and should not be confused with true contraception which prevents human life from starting.

God is the author of life. David says about God in Psalm 139:13 Amplified Bible, "For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb."

American culture having exposure to the Bible and science shouldn't be clinging to the pro-choice position. This resistance to the truth is reminiscent of 1 Timothy 4:1 Amplified Bible which says, "But the [Holy] Spirit distinctly and expressly declares that in latter times some will turn away from the faith, giving attention to deluding and seducing spirits and doctrines that demons teach."

One of the things demons teach is deception. The deception of abortion is global. While it is illegal to have a sex-selection abortion in India, it is also easy to obtain one and a widespread practice of the poor class, middle class and upper class. Today the number of girls to boys is at the most lopsided it's ever been in 50 years with only 914 girls being born for every 1,000 boys being born, and sex-selection abortion plays a huge part in these figures. Naomi Zacharias, director of Wellspring International, says in the Wellspring International blog entry titled, "What Is Beautiful?" on 4/17/2012, "A tragic issue that has significantly impacted several countries in East Asia and is growing in North America, sex-selective abortion is chosen by parents with a preference for a son, who choose to abort their baby when a sonogram reveals the mother to be carrying a daughter. India alone is said to have 20-30 million “missing women,” and predictions estimate that by the year 2020, China will have 40 million unmarried men, a number equal to the entire population of young men in America. As direct result, crime rates, bride trafficking, sexual violence, and even female suicide rates are all rising."

Abortions are forced on women in China. Since 1979, Chinese couples have been limited to one child by law in order to control the country's population. In October 2011, Feng Jianmei, a 22-year-old woman from the small village of Yuping in Zeng Jia Township, Shaanxi province, became pregnant with her second child. On June 2, 2012, while Feng was seven months pregnant with her second child, she was forced to have an abortion. On June 11, Feng's family posted graphic pictures of her aborted child on the Internet. The images soon became a viral phenomenon, sparking controversy within China and drawing international attention to the issue of forced abortions. 

Jazz, R&B and Gospel singer Lizz Wright sings "(I've Got to Use My) Imagination," a remake of a Gladys Knight and the Pips' song, on her Fellowship album. It's a song about being creative in overcoming challenging situations. Why aren't the pro-choice movement and the women's movement expanding beyond birth control and abortion to teach women to use their imagination to find solutions to unintended pregnancies that respect and celebrate both the life of the mother and her child?

Please leave an on-line comment sharing your abortion-survival story and/or ways you avoided abortion. Even in the hard cases abortion can be avoided. Rapists can be male or female. Ryan Bomberger, was conceived as one of the consequences of rape. Today he writes and speaks extensively for the pro-life position and along with his wife, Bethany Bomberger, founded and heads the Radiance Foundation which is an educational organization that uses various forms of media, speaking engagements, multi-media presentations and community outreach efforts to illuminate the intrinsic value each person possesses and to educate audiences about pressing societal issues and how they impact the understanding of God-given Purpose. Evangelist and author Joyce Meyer suffered incest through her childhood and adolescence. She bolted from her parents house at 18 years of age believing that would free her from the incest, but found that God had to take her through more than 15 years of spiritual and mental healing that she periodically shares about with her broadcast audience of more than 4.5 billion people reaching two-thirds of the world. Jayne Jones could have had a life-of-the-mother abortion since, her son, Billy, was growing outside her uterus threatening both his and her lives, but she choose to continue her pregnancy. At this time science is not usually sophisticated enough to preserve both the life of the mother and child when an ectopic pregnancy occurs. Most ectopic pregnancies occur when new human life grows in mom's too-small fallopian tubes instead of her uterus/womb creating a life-threatening situation for mom and child. Two percent of ectopic pregnancies occur outside the fallopian tubes. The U.S. National Institutes of Health estimate an ectopic pregnancy can occur in 1 in every 40 to 1 in every 100 pregnancies. Usually, the child is miscarried naturally. However, cases like Jayne and Billy's exist. Jayne and Billy's story has a happy outcome. Billy was born through a special surgery called a laparotomy on April 19, 2008, weighing 2lb 2oz and breathing on his own at 28 weeks gestation. Perhaps we are at the point where there is no such thing as life-of-the-mother abortions, i.e., artificially-induced surgical or chemical abortions to protect the physical health of the mother. In most ectopic pregnancies when the baby dies, a naturally-occurring miscarriage has taken place. Sometimes fertility treatments result in more human lives than a couple desires. Gladys Flores and Jose Abel del Cid went through fertility treatment expecting one or two children. Instead five were conceived. Some people will abort some of the multiple babies. But this couple did not even though the Salvadoran quintuplets were given little chance of survival when they were born prematurely on January 19, 1995, at San Salvador’s Maternity Hospital after a 32-week pregnancy. Today Thelma Estefanie, Irvin Norberto, Cristian Israel, Edwin Oswaldo and Milton Oliver del Cid Flores are healthy 18-year-olds contemplating futures in college.

Sex is Good, Very Good

God created the heavens and the earth in six days, and said all of creation is good, very good. So I know that sleep is good, and science is saying that adults need six to eight hours of sleep nightly.

But I have to confess I wish someone would invent a pill that would replace the need for sleep. I can relate to Virginia Woolf when she says, "Sleep, that deplorable curtailment of the joy of life."

I don't like to miss anything; I want to maximize everything. My mother says I was always like this from birth. I had to see everything; to avoid crying don't lay Michele down; prop her up in a way that she's able to access a panoramic view.

Side story here -- don't just let your baby cry on and on; she's trying to tell you to fix a problem

As a child my mom says she had the worst time getting me to go to sleep.

Ugly isn't Holy
Now as an adult I'm currently trying to lose some body fat from my 5 feet 6 inch small-boned 8 frame. I'm smaller than Marilyn Monroe who was a size 12 or 16 depending on the source. I can imagine some of you now thinking something like, "Seek inner beauty." That I possess and am becoming more inwardly beautiful daily because God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost live on the inside and is showing up on the outside in increasing measure. I live by Ephesians 5:10 New Living Translation Bible which says, "Carefully determine what pleases the Lord."

Did you also know cultivating outer beauty is a Christian virtue? Ugly isn't holy! A man says to his woman in Song of Songs 7:1-7 New Living Translation Bible, "How beautiful are your sandaled feet, o queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman. Your navel is perfectly formed like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle. Your neck is as beautiful as an ivory tower. Your eyes are like the sparkling pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is as fine as the tower of Lebanon overlooking Damascus. Your head is as majestic as Mount Carmel, and the sheen of your hair radiates royalty. The king is held captive by its tresses. Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights! You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit."

Sleep has many benefits one of which is it can help me to be "slender like a palm tree." In June 2011 the New England Journal of Medicine published an article which reported that researchers at Harvard University completed a 20-year study conducted in four-year intervals of measuring the weight of 120,877 men and women who were not obese and did not have chronic diseases. These researchers discovered that adults who slept nightly in the six-to-eight-hours-of-nightly-sleep range gained fewer pounds than those whose sleep patterns varied outside the six-to-eight hours of nightly sleep.

Sexual Frustration
"It's always too early to quit." -- Norman Vincent Peale

My mom says as a child I asked a lot of questions. I wasn't always satisfied with the answers adults gave especially on subjects that made them uncomfortable. As a three-year-old I was frustrated that my maternal grandmother wouldn't answer my questions about "butts." Yes, three years old is not too young to talk to our children about sex. We are created by God as sexual beings. Jenny Walsh of La Trobe University and author of a sex guide published through the Australian Research Center on Sex, Health and Society, encourages parents to talk to our children ages two through 17 often about sex; it doesn't encourage them to engage in sex, but ensures a good education. A good sexual education includes and is not limited to labeling body parts with accurate, respectful terminology, such as "penis" and "vagina" when engaging in every-day-life activities, such as, toilet training. Also always celebrate the physical body created by God as opposed to creating a sense of sin and shame about the physical body.

Later on as a third or fourth grader I still had questions about sex. I talked with my mom. She would only tell me about female menstrual cycles and reproduction. What I really wanted know was how to have sex, but mom wouldn't go there saying I was too young for this information and needed to wait until marriage time.

Tina, who is my younger sister, I and other girlfriends enjoyed playing with the dolls Ken and Barbie. I had thoughts like, "Surely Ken and Barbie are suppose to do more than just kiss?" So I came up with a solution.

Conspiring with Tina, one night we hid under our parents' bed. Fortunately, for my parents, they caught my sister and I before any action transpired!

In the police-like interrogation of the two "criminals" my mother didn't even grill my sister for hatching this plan, she zeroed in on the visionary.

If I didn't know then that sleep was good, very good, at least I knew sex was.

Touch Me Like This Knowing and Being Known

The Apostle Paul knew God and himself. He refused to allow fear, shame or something else to block him from being willing to be known expansively by God, Timothy and other friends and to know them. True friends know us and know us in triumphs, tragedies and life in between these extremes and still love us, and we do likewise if we are a true friend. The Apostle Paul writes in 2 Timothy 3:10-11 New Living Translation Bible, "But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured. You know all about how I was persecuted in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra--but the Lord rescued me from all of it."

Paul and Timothy went from town to town sharing the God in them with other people. Powerful preaching is a life well lived through flourishing relationships with God and people. Intimacy with God is inextricable from intimacy with people. We can't touch lives without touching people. 1 John 4:20-21 New Living Translation Bible says, "If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."

The relationship between the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy was characterized by both individuals being, interacting, touching each other through qualities of dependability, cooperation, validation, appreciation, trustworthiness, forgiveness, loving care, courage and other positive qualities. To be known we have to be willing to experience together the time and work needed to learn each other and to learn how to best get along. 

Intimacy is not spontaneous or effortless. Our culture has a love/hate attitude toward work and effort. Effort and work need not be evil or unpleasant. Chasing our lover or loved one is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. God enjoys chasing us and wants us to chase Him and His people.

Timothy wasn't always living near Paul physically, but he was consistently with Paul spiritually and mentally. Timothy remained calm, cool and steady. Timothy was dependable. Demas was not. The circumstances of life did not sever the God-given mission in Paul's and Timothy's life or their relationship, but the circumstances of life did sever the God-given mission in Demas' life and his relationship with Paul. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:10 New Living Translation Bible, "Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. . ." When we don't know how to enjoy the things of the world without worshiping them, the things of the world will suck out the love of God and of people, and send us on a life mission contrary to the will of God.

Pastor Joel Osteen writes "Get-Happy Secrets" in the magazine Woman's Day: "We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you." Paul and Timothy could have been jealous of each other since they were both leading ministers. Instead they chose to have a loving father/son relationship. We can choose to have a loving relationship with spouse, friends and others.

Having a father/son relationship is not about age but is about daily living practices. Father/son relationships may be biological and/or spiritual. Instead of criticizing Timothy Paul validates and encourages Timothy to develop more of the qualities of God inside of him. Our loved ones soak up our validation and encouragement of them. Paul describes Timothy as his beloved child who was birthed from a legacy of godly faith. Paul does not criticize Timothy as a fearful wimp.

Are you critical of people? Criticism attempts to change people through attacking them. John Gottman, Ph.D., in his book What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal Secrets From the LOVE LAB gives the following examples of criticism and an encouraging approach, 

"Criticism: "You said you'd clean up, but there are still crumbs on the table. You never do what you say you will." (Words like always and never imply the other has a personality flaw.) Gentle Start -up:"There are still crumbs on the table. I need them to be cleaned up." 

Criticism: "I told you we have to be there by seven. Are you just being deliberately slow?" Gentle Start-up: "Come on, we're late. I need us to walk out the door right now." 

Criticism: "You were supposed to get the diet iced tea. You're too self-centered to remember what I asked for." Gentle Start-up: "Oh, I asked you to get diet iced tea, not regular."
We are all created by God to hunger and thirst after love expressed in various expansive ways. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up the Holy Ghost on the inside to boldly confront and seek change in the ungodliness on the outside. We need to hear others say things about us that reflect affirmation of our good qualities. Mother Teresa who ministered in the midst of extreme poverty says, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody. . .is a much greater hunger. . . than the person who has nothing to eat."
Many people around us may not care about us, but someone always cares about us. My Twitter friend Steve Bretzke passed on the quote: "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." Please share a quote with me through Twitter. My Twitter name is "Michelelove30."

Focusing on the negative in people is natural like dwelling on when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. Focusing on the sweetness in people is spiritual like meditating on when people tell us we are a song in their hearts or some other celebration of us. If we want God to flow through people, then we call out the God inside or invite Him to come inside instead of being negative which will call out selfishness and other Satanic qualities. 

Paul didn't call Timothy a coward. Calling our loved ones names does nothing to help our loved one or help our relationship with our loved ones. Paul encouraged Timothy to conquer fear. He described how Timothy came from faith and has a bold God living on the inside eager to show up on the outside in greater measure. Paul knew that his friend and spiritual child needed to aggressively seek to walk in the boldness and courage of God to live the life God called him to live.

Love, relationships and life require boldness and courage. A friend of mine shared with me a quote from the movie The Princes Diaries: "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement of something more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all. Now we're traveling a road between what we are and what we can be. The key is to allow ourselves to take the journey." We won't try to learn, to grow, to take the journey in love, relationships and life without the courage to confront and to seek God to change our sin nature, the sin nature of others and external obstacles.

Paul is appreciative of Timothy and expresses his gratitude extensively. Take the time to list the good qualities in our spouse and friends. Then go out of our way to talk about and show appreciation of these qualities. Find multiple creative ways to magnify these qualities in them. 

I enjoy looking at and interacting with my garden. My son, Rafael, likes to sit in our garden. Looking at green for as brief as two seconds stimulates creativity. Researchers from the University of Munich, Germany, discovered that people who take a brief look at the color green as opposed to other colors like white, red, gray or blue before taking an online creativity test score 20 percent higher on creativity tests. Study author Stephanie Lichtenfeld, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Munich says our brains associate the color green with growth and development, and simply thinking about growth spurs our desire for self-improvement and mastering tasks. Encourage our spouse, friends and others to enjoy gardening or their interests; it will encourage them to be more creative in loving themselves, us, and others.

God designed us uniquely and marvelously, but we are not flawless. Some of us have unrealistic expectations of our spouse and friends. Each one of us, even people like the Apostle Paul and Pastor/Evangelist Timothy, hurt people some times. Minister Mark hurt Paul when he did not complete a mission trip with Paul. Let go of disappointment, anger, grudges, etc. Forgiveness is needed to start, maintain and build relationships. Paul practiced forgiveness. He separated from Mark because Mark was going a different direction in God. Later Paul sought to reunite with Mark. Successful reunions require forgiveness, welcoming people into our lives and affirming their good qualities. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:11 New Living Translation Bible, "Bring Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry. . ." 

Both Paul and Timothy are self-aware without being selfish. We don't need to forget about ourselves; we need to keep ourselves in proper focus. Paul and Timothy know how to love God and themselves and are thus able to love others. They understand that their masculinity as individuals and as a father/son couple is expressed through living Biblical principles.

Masculinity and femininity have a lot in common. Women and men are more like each other than they are like any of the animals or other living creatures. Women and men can both be dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring etc. These qualities are all parts of love. Love is the foundation of friendships and sexuality. God created male and female to love and to be and do good.

Singles can be sexy without engaging in sexual acts. Married people are designed to take sexiness into sexual acts. If we don't want to have frequent, fun, fulling sex, don't get married. A 43-year-old man in Munich, Germany, had consensual sex with a woman four years his senior. When she wanted more, and he was exhausted, he called the police on her. Some spouses like this man want to call the police on their spouse with a higher sex drive.

Sexual turn on: dependable, cooperative, validating, appreciative, trustworthy, forgiving, courageous, caring people. Sexual turn off: erratic, rigid, harsh, demeaning, slick, timid, unforgiving, self-absorbed.

Solomon's wife says to her husband in Song of Solomon 5:16 New Living Translation Bible, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend."

Sweet French kissing and other lovemaking starts with friendliness. Good lovers are our best friends.

Good sublime touching starts with good sublime talking and interacting outside of the banquet of potential bliss in sexual acts. It's rarely satisfying to have sex with those we don't like; those who don't make us feel good; those who we don't really have a good relationship with; those lacking good character. Who dreams of getting naked with, exploring, experimenting, engaging in mouth congress with and licking, sucking, caressing the breasts, pectorals, butt, thighs, belly, face, neck, arms, back, feet, hands and other body parts of someone who routinely calls us a coward, or communicates we are incompetent or has little positive to say about us? Sexiness makes us feel big not small. Why take the time and effort to develop the butt, pelvis, thigh, abdominal and other muscles to have the strength and stamina for athletic, adventurous, orgasmic and/or long-lasting sex in five sexual positions or even more than 500 sexual positions with someone who doesn't consider us a priceless treasure? Sexiness makes us want to try almost anything for a good lover. Who wants to cover, to thrust into, or to grind with someone who is habitually nasty, easily irritated, hurts our feelings, is insolent and/or just thinking about him or her immediately bad memories pop up in our minds? Sexiness causes self-consciousness to flee and welcomes sharing.

Touch us with the multiple qualities of love in multiple ways, at multiple times in multiple places. Our spirit, mind and physical bodies are interconnected. Sometimes when I tell my son, Rafael, that he cannot have something he enjoys like coffee, he will scratch his penis. Rejection and all behavior impacts our sexuality and relationships with God, self and others. Some erectile limpness and lack of vaginal lubrication and tightness is not a medical problem but a lifestyle and relationship problem.

May spouses be conduits for God providing sexual healing as powerful as the touch of God flowing through Paul. May all of us be conduits for God's healing touch. Acts 19:11-12 New Living Translation Bible says, "God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."

 

Some Haters Make the Best Lovers

Sometimes those haters of God who are forgiven much, love much. A woman who committed many sins, hating God and people, later washed Jesus Christ's feet with her tears and hair. Jesus says about her in Luke 7:47 New Living Translation Bible, "I tell you, her sins--and they are many--have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love."

Killing people, or any other sin, does not disqualify one from receiving the forgiveness of God, an eternal relationship with Him and being changed to love much. Before he was the Apostle Paul in love with God traveling the world to share God, Paul was Saul the serial murderer threatening to track down as many Christians as he could to take them to jail and to have them sentenced to death. Likewise before he was a mediator and interpreter named Paulo de Santa Fe for missionary Francis Xavier sharing God with the Japanese, Japanese Anjiro murdered a person and fled Japan. After God changed him and began the love affair between Himself and Anjiro turned Paulo de Santa Fe, Paulo de Santa Fe and Francis Xavier in the middle 1500s entered Japan and were among the first Christian missionaries to the Japanese.

A bad beginning does not have to lead to a bad ending. No matter what we have done, the love of God can reach us and change us. Instead of eternal hate and death; we may live in eternal, overflowing, lavish love and life.

Keep on praying to God to reveal His love and person to people who are slaves to sin. Talking to God is not in vain. God may take a long time to answer believers' requests from our perspective, but He is not deaf, dumb or disabled to affirmatively answer at the right time. 1 John 5:14-15 Amplified Bible says, "And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. And if (since) we [positively] know that He listens to us in whatever we ask, we also know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted us as our present possessions] the requests made of Him."

God does not always call the "good" people to be His messengers. That hater on the wrong path today, one tomorrow may be God's appointed messenger of love to many like the Apostle Paul, Paulo de Santa Fe, the woman who anointed Jesus' feet  with her tears and hair or one of Jesus' other lovers who started out as haters.  It's even possible for the gang rapists of 23-year-old, physiotherapy student, Nirbhaya, in south Delhi, India, on December 16, 2012, who caused her death on December 30, 2012, to repent of their sins and to receive an eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. May India, which has 1.2 billion people, undergo a godly transformation of is view and treatment of women. Cada veinte minutos se comete una violación en la India. Every twenty minutes a violation/rape has occurred in India, according to the census of crimes of the ministry of the interior of New Delhi, India.

Yes, former rapists and murderers will be married to God in heaven for all eternity. "And every human being is precious," says Desmond Mpilo Tutu, South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop who came to public prominence in the 1980s as an anti-apartheid advocate. The Apostle Paul says in 1 Timothy 2:4 Amplified Bible that God, ". . . wishes all men to be saved and [increasingly] to perceive and recognize and discern and know precisely and correctly the [divine] Truth."

Please share testimonies of haters turned into lovers. SEND ME A MESSAGE.

Woo 'Em

God loves to woo us and others constantly. The Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion and Public Life study in 230 countries as reported in the January 8, 2013, issue of the newspaper USA Today found that Christians make up 32 percent of the world's religions followed by 23 percent of Muslims, 16 percent of unaffiliated, 15 percent of Hindus, seven percent of Buddhists and another seven percent of Jews and other faiths.

God and believers have been loving and living Matthew 28:18-20 Amplified Bible which says, "Jesus approached and, breaking the silence, said to them, All authority (all power of rule) in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Go then and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Teaching them to observe everything that I have commanded you, and behold, I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion), to the [very] close and consummation of the age. Amen (so let it be)."

Pastor and author Francis Chan says about making disciples in his article "A Time to Make Disciples" in the January/February 2013 issue of Relevant Magazine, "Realistically, the task will require a life-time of devotion to studying the Scriptures and investing in people around us. Neither of these things is easy, nor can they be checked off a list. We are never really "done." We continually devote ourselves to studying the Scriptures so that we can learn with ever-greater depth and clarity what God wants us to know, practice and pass on. We continually invest in the people around us, teaching them and walking with them through life's joys and trials."

Making disciples is starting and stretching relationships by investing in people qualities like the love and the truth of God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. Ephesians 4:15 Amplified Bible says, "Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)."

What a tall order! Don't feel up to it? No worries mate. God's got your back. Philippians 2:13 Amplified Bible says, "[Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight." God lives inside of believers, and He passionately desires and is able to love people through us the way they need to be loved. Trust God. Don't listen to the terror tactics of Satan trying to convince us love doesn't work or is too much trouble.

Today we have so many ways to communicate love, truth and the other goodness of God not only in person but also through cellular telephones, email, Skype, instant messages, text, mail and other modes of communication. Be creative and consistent in cultivating loving communication. It's impressive that Christianity is the world's number one religion, but still billions are not lovers of Christ and the billions who are lovers of Christ need to be nurtured to new levels of overflowing with the character of God for all eternity.

An eternity doesn't mean that God has called us to love beyond our limits. Sometimes we need to say "no" to say "yes" to the best disciplining. Our first relationship is with God, then our spouse and ourselves, then our children, then other family and then others. If you talk to God and find that a business colleague has priority over God, spouse or family, ask God for forgiveness and transformation. God is willing, able and faithful to fix it.

Some of us don't like differences and change and tend to just develop relationships with family not wanting to do anything like African-American Jarena Lee who in the 19century in one year traveled 2,325 miles on foot to preach 127 sermons. She also became the first woman approved to preach in the African Methodist Episcopal Church which is the first black-controlled Christian denomination in the United States of America. Neither Lee nor Jesus limited themselves to biological relationships, so neither should we. Imitate God. Stretch out. Ask God to prune out criticism and judgement from your heart. Someone beautiful is waiting to be shared. Embrace a diversity of people instead of noxious, needless, negativity. Cooperate with God to lose the "No es posible" attitude. Romans 15:7 Amplified Bible says, "Welcome and receive [to your hearts] one another, then, even as Christ has welcomed and received you, for the glory of God."

Biblical disciplining contains much common sense that can be corroborated in scientific research. Proverbs 25:2 the Message Bible says, "God delights in concealing things; scientists delight in discovering things." John Gottman, Ph.D., has a Love Lab at the University of Washington where he conducts counseling and research on couples. Dr. Gottman writes in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that friendship between partners is critical. Friendship is desirable in marriage and other disciplining efforts. All relationships are disciplining opportunities.

Ask God today to cause you to not act distant and difficult but rather overflowing with the love of God and all the goodness of God that lays the foundation for new love and nurtures old love. A new friend/disciple and an old one will appreciate and thank you for eternity.