Second-Class Christian Citizens?

Are non-virgins second-class Christian citizens compared to virgins? No! Someone who has had one or more sexual partners is not a second-class Christian or a second-best marriage partner.

While a virgin has not sinned in having sexual relations with another human being, a virgin has sinned in some ways. Virgins and non-virgins have sinned in multiple ways. Romans 3:10 Amplified Bible says, "As it is written, None is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one." The solution to a lack of righteousness is offered to virgins and non-virgins in Romans 6:23 Amplified Bible which says, "For the wages which sin pays is death, but the [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord."

When considering someone to marry we don't want to disqualify a person based on being a virgin or non-virgin. What is much more important is marrying a person who has received an eternal relationship with God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. While many are concerned about the chronological age of a spouse, what is more important is to be and to marry someone spiritually mature; someone whose relationship with God is deep like the earth's deepest lakes of Lake Tanganyika in Africa and Lake Baikal in Siberia, Russia; someone who constantly chases God, and is consequently constantly improving.

A person can be a virgin or non-virgin and still be spiritually immature. A good marriage is the fellowship of two spiritually mature Christians who are continuously cooperating with God to change into His likeness.

Many people receive Christ, but refuse to grow in their relationship with Christ, themselves and other people. The Bible gives us the blueprint for living. Joshua 1:8 Amplified Bible says, "This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success." Some people want to succeed, but they are not willing to do what it takes to succeed. Brian Tracy writes in his book, No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline 21 Ways to Achieve Lasting Happiness and Success, "One of the most important requirements for success, once you have decided what it is that you want, is the quality of willingness. Successful people are willing to pay the price, whatever it is and for as long as it takes, until they achieve the results they desire. Everyone wants to be successful . . . . But most people are not willing to pay the price. Occasionally, they may be wiling to pay part of the price, but they are not willing to pay the whole price. They always hold back. They always have some excuse or rationalization for not disciplining themselves to do everything that they need to do to achieve their goals."

Being a virgin before marriage may indicate that a person has some love of God. John 14:15 Amplified Bible says, "If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands." Virgins have been obedient to one aspect of Exodus 20:14 the Message Bible which requires us to practice, "No adultery."

A non-virgin may also love God irregardless of having sex outside of marriage once or thousands of times. Some non-virgins have sinned sexually, received the forgiveness, transformation and love of God and have been walking in beautiful, Biblical, sexual balance for a while.

God does not consider virgins more spiritual or worthy or better people than non-virgins. God offers His love to everyone. God inspired the Apostle Paul to say in Galatians 3:28 New Living Translation Bible, "There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus."

In some parts of the globe a woman can be killed if she is not a virgin before marriage. Hymenoplasty surgery to attempt to restore a broken hymen is routinely performed in parts of the world, such as Muslim countries and other places. In Japan hymenoplasty is called "virginity rebirth." Jesus Christ does not require hymenoplasty and other mutilation of our bodies to be holy.

If you are a non-virgin who has sought the forgiveness, transformation and love of God to empower you to celebrate single sexuality and to celebrate sexual relations inside of marriage, but find yourself struggling with your self-worth, shame, fear, guilt or something else, keep on asking God to help you to fully receive His love. God views us as individual, priceless treasures. He wants us to have the same view of ourselves as He has of us.

If you are a virgin who looks down on non-virgins, repent of being judgmental, condemning, haughty and self-righteous like many of the religious leaders during the time of Jesus Christ's earthly ministry. Jesus Christ tells a story in Luke 18:10-14 Amplified Bible which says, "Two men went up into the temple [enclosure] to pray, the one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee took his stand ostentatiously and began to pray thus before and with himself: God, I thank You that I am not like the rest of men--extortioners (robbers), swindlers [unrighteous in heart and life], adulterers--or even like this tax collector here. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I gain. But the tax collector, [merely] standing at a distance, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but kept striking his breast, saying, O God, be favorable (be gracious, be merciful) to me, the especially wicked sinner that I am! I tell you, this man went down to his home justified (forgiven and made upright and in right standing with God), rather than the other man; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."

If you are a virgin envying a non-virgin, repent. Never envy sinful behavior. Sin hurts multiple people in multiple ways whether we see the pain or not.

Most people are not virgins when the marry. However, 73 percent of non-virgins say sex inside of marriage is better than sex outside of marriage. 

When we have received a lot of the love of God, we are able to give out a lot of the love of God. Having received the love of God, non-virgins will not feel bad about themselves and/or envy virgins; also virgins will not feel superior to non-virgins or envy non-virgins. God takes all of our sins and works them out for His glory and our good. International practical Bible teacher Joyce Meyer was repeatedly raped by her father as a child and as an adolescent. As a young adult she went through a divorce. Later she married Dave Meyer, and later still together they have a Christian ministry potentially impacting 4.5 billion. Luci Swindoll is a single who has an international Christian ministry and writes in her book, I Married Adventure, "It's daring to be curious about the unknown, to dream big dreams, to live outside prescribed boxes, to take risks, and above all, daring to investigate the way we live until we discover the deepest treasured purpose of why we are here."

Whether we are a non-virgin or virgin, if we have received God and are continuously seeking to mature in our relationship with God and people, then celebrate who we are just as we are.

Unstoppable

"Now behold, you will be and will continue to be silent and not able to speak till the day when these things take place, because you have not believed what I told you; but my words are of a kind which will be fulfilled in the appointed and proper time," says Gabriel to Zachariah concerning Zachariah's response to God planning a child for him and his wife recorded in Luke 1:20 Amplified Bible.

When God speaks through His messengers He expects us to be welcoming and working toward manifesting His words not contradicting Him through withdrawal, avoidance, disbelief and rebellion. God has big visions. Zachariah and his wife, Elizabeth, were too old to be having a baby. To God, so what! If God wills it, it will be.

Feeling fear is not a sin. Sin enters when we act in fear toward God and His people. God likes to be chased and cooperated with not avoided and confronted with our attempts to block Him.

One of the wonderful things about some young people is the large capacity to believe the bold and to act on it. In 1967 Marie Sklodowska was born in Warsaw, Poland. Early in life she showed enthusiasm about education and an extraordinary ability to learn. However, her father could not afford to educate her beyond early childhood. Instead of responding to the obstacle with fear, unbelief and fighting to stay down, Marie took a job as a teacher then later as a governess to fund her advanced educational dreams.

We need others to help us develop the gifts God places in us. Marie and her sister, Bronislawa, helped each other. Marie paid for Bronislawa's education with her earnings from her governess job. When Bronislawa completed her studies, Bronislawa paid for Marie to attend university.

Unlike these Polish sisters some people are like fearful, unbelieving, fighting-to-stay-down crabs. Everyone has gifts from God, but some crabs don't work their gifts and would rather spend their time stagnating and sucking others down. When Marie and Bronislawa didn't have much money instead of stagnating and sucking each other down, they suffered to help each other.

Satan loves crabs. They work hard to destroy themselves and others. A fisherman puts bait in a wire cage and lowers the cage into the water. One crab after another after another enters the cage. When the bait is gone, the crabs could climb up out of the cage, but most don't.

If one tries, the other crabs will gang up on it to keep it down. Some people will gang up on us and try to stop us from leaving traps we are in. They aren't going where God calls, and they want to make sure we don't go either. Crabs will repeatedly pull a crab trying to escape off the side of the cage. If the crab is persistent, the others will tear off its claws to keep it from climbing. If it persists further, they will kill it. The cage is eventually hauled in, and all the crabs inside are eaten.

Marie and Bronislawa were not willing to have their educational dreams eaten by a lack of individual resources. Their work together helped both to become scientists.

By 1891 Marie studied at the world-famous Sorbonne in France. She also became the school's first female teacher.

People who overcome fear, unbelief, the crab-staying-down mentality live in and find more love because they are open to and willing to overcome the obstacles that could separate people. Marie married a physics professor in 1895. They devoted their lives to science. In 1903 Marie shared the Nobel Prize in physics with her husband, Pierre Curie, and Henri Becquerel. In 1911 Marie Sklodowska-Curie won a Nobel Prize for chemistry by herself.

Marie is the first person to earn two Nobel Prizes each in sciences. She developed a theory of radioactivity, techniques for isolating radioactive isotopes and discovered the elements polonium and radium. Sklodowska-Curie coined the term "radioactivity." She was one of the first to suggest using radiation to treat cancer. Curie helped usher in the atomic age and revolutionize chemistry, physics and medicine — while fighting deep prejudice against women in the sciences.

Not fear, not unbelief, not poverty, not a crab mindset stopped Marie from manifesting the gifts of God inside her. The love of sister, spouse and self formed a force stronger than the opposition.

And the best love of all is receiving the love of God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost. With God we have all the love and everything else good we need to make our lives work and to share with others. God's love protects us from and propels us in spite of crabs. Black South African Jonathan Butler sings in "Falling In Love With Jesus" from his album Falling In Love With Jesus Best of Worship, "In His arms I feel protected. In His arms never disconnected. . . . There's no place I'd . . .  rather . . . be."  

Like A Virgin

God counsels us to practice no sex before or outside of marriage and to practice frequent, fun, fantastic, fulfilling sex inside of marriage.

If we have had sex outside of marriage, we are no longer virgins. Duh! But we cannot be like virgins ever again; we've been changed forever. Like a virgin is a lie. It's either a person is a virgin or a person is not a virgin.

Also, once one has sex, one never forgets. Even if it's uneventful, it's still unforgettable. Sex is something special.

If we've had sex outside of marriage and ask God for forgiveness, He's already granted it to us and was just waiting for us to ask. Now we need to receive the forgiveness. Receiving includes when flashbacks to sex come to the mind, sending them back to the sea of forgetfulness. God gave us minds that have to be managed. We may not be able to stop the thoughts that enter our minds, but we can choose to either continue to think on them or to think on something else. The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:8 Amplified Bible, "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]."

When God has forgiven us of sex outside of marriage, and we have forgiven ourselves, we should be able to enjoy uninhibited marital sex if marriage is God's plan for our life. We should be able to enjoy marital sex free of the negativity of guilt or unflattering comparison. Really why not ask God to give you a husband or wife that is a better lover than all your previous lovers?

If your husband or wife has committed adultery and repented, at some point you are going to have to choose not to nurse the wound in order to have a vibrant marriage post-adultery. If you are still talking about how much the adultery hurt 15 years after the fact, then you are just as big a sinner as your husband. God commands us to forgive and move forward. Stop allowing your feelings to control your obedience to the Word of God.

Why not give your spouse such wonderful sex that she/he is not willing to have sex with people who would share their body with someone willing to suck out their life for free in sex outside of marriage? God purchased us at the highest price. Why would you sell yourself to Satan for free?

If you want to taste it, are you willing to put a ring on it?

Numbers 23:19 Amplified Bible says, "God is not a man, that He should tell or act a lie, neither the son of man, that He should feel repentance or compunction [for what He has promised]. Has He said and shall He not do it? Or has He spoken and shall He not make it good?" What God says is good. God says in Exodus 20:14 New Living Translation Bible, "You must not commit adultery." So God says celibacy is good for singles, and sex is only for one husband and one wife.

I am 45 and have been exercising since I was a teenager. I don't enjoy it. I do it because it is good for my health.

Although some women enjoy exercise for a surprising reason. Human sexuality researchers at Indiana University discovered that about a quarter of the 530 women they interviewed had climaxed while working on their abdominal muscles, riding a bike or lifting weights. This has never happened to me. Please leave an on-line comment if it has happened to you or someone you know.

Celibacy is good for the health of singles. Some people enjoy celibacy. I don't. I look forward to marital sex. I can relate to Jill Scott's song "Celibacy Blues," but I cannot relate to the solution of sex outside of marriage. I am single, and practice celibacy day in and day out, year after year because God says so.

I sometimes sing Hezekiah Walker & LFC's song "Grateful" from the album 20/85 The Experience when I think of all the mess God delivered me from when I was living the lifestyle of sex outside of marriage. When I look back no matter how good the orgasms the overall relationships sucked or at best were unsatisfying. When we defy God, disappointment is often the result. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could be a sexual predator stringing men along with the false hope of marriage when all I really want is his sex. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin. If it had not been for the Lord on my side I could have been sleeping in my grave a victim of AIDS. I'm eternally grateful to God for His grace in getting me out of sexual sin.

God created us unique. What is good for one person may not be good for another person.

When celibacy is not mutual and confined to brief periods of prayer for married couples, celibacy is harmful for married couples. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 New Living Translation Bible, "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Many married couples are not being sexually obedient to the Word of God. The March 22, 2011, issue of The New York Times newspaper reported that the March 2011 issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy said that researchers surveyed 3,240 men and 3,304 women who were married, living with a partner or in a relationship, asking them about their satisfaction with their sex lives. A majority of men (54 percent) and nearly as many women (42 percent) said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex. For most men, the complaint was that they weren’t having sex often enough. Among women who were unhappy about the frequency of their sex lives, two-thirds said they weren’t having enough sex. Among the respondents, 73 percent were married, and 60 percent had been with their spouse or partner for 10 years or more. Men ages 35 to 44 who had been with a woman for six years or longer were the most likely to be unhappy with how often they had sex.

Maybe married couples are not having more sex because they are not taking the time to empathize with their spouse. ". . . men tend to compartmentalise, feeling that stressful aspects of life can be parked mentally and separated from sexual activity. Women need good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her lover treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, rude tones, hurtful words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, feel enthusiastic and be passionate during sex," says Dr Rajan B Bhonsle in the January 18, 2013, article "7 Must-know sex secrets" in The Times of India newspaper.

Lucy Sanna and Kathy Miller-Vejtasa write in their book, How to Romance the Woman You Love - The Way She Wants You To!, that women responded to a survey asking, "If he were more romantic, I would be more inclined to . . .", "
1. "Be excited to be with him"
2."Keep myself looking attractive"
3. "Find out what he wants; try to help him fulfill his needs"
4. "Stay with him rather than find a new partner"
5. "Be in a good mood around him"
6. "Attend to his sexual needs."

Dr. Douglas Rosenau writes in his book, A Celebration of Sex:
"1. Budget in and spend a certain amount of money each month on your sex life, such as lingerie, new sheets, and nights or weekends away together.
2. Every now and then wear a sexy piece of lingerie all day and allow its unusual feel to remind you of sex constantly.
3. Don't wear any underwear to a social gathering, and tell your husband on the way out the door. You will drive him crazy while you keep aroused.
4. Plan a sexual surprise at least once a month in which you try to blindside your husband in an arousing sexual way.
5. Keep a mental note, and regardless of fatigue or low interest, initiate sex at least once a week.
6. Have fun with your husband's visual arousal, and flaunt your nude body at unusual times just to enjoy his reactions.
7. Take a bubble bath and indulge in other sensual delights at the end of a tiring day--it's a great aphrodisiac and tunes you in to your body.
8. Create romantic sexual fantasies about your love life while driving in the car, and share them with your mate at the end of your day.
9. Use a special perfume that you have associated in your mind with making love, and wear it on the evening or the day you anticipate sexual activity.
10. Practice Kegel exercises."

Conversely, maybe many singles are having sex because they are not allowing the Holy Spirit to lead their lives. The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:16 Amplified Bible, "But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God)."

It doesn't matter how extremely evil we have been in the past, singles in the present can be successfully celibate. While attending dental school, Christopher Yuan began living as a homosexual engaging in multiple, daily, anonymous sexual encounters and doing illegal drugs. After being expelled from dental school, Yuan was imprisoned for drug dealing and discovered that he was HIV positive. But God had other plans for Yuan's life. Yuan graduated from Moody Bible Institute in 2005, in 2007 he graduated from Wheaton College Graduate School with a Master of Arts in Biblical Exegesis. Yuan is currently pursuing a doctorate of ministry at Bethel Seminary, teaching at Moody Bible Institute and speaking about homosexuality and the ex-gay lifestyle across four continents around the world.

Instead of like a virgin be spiritually mature like Jesus Christ.

Robbing God and Our Family

"So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a bottle of water and gave them to Hagar, putting them on her shoulders, and he sent her and the youth away. And she wandered on [aimlessly] and lost her way in the wilderness of Beersheba." -- Genesis 21:14 Amplified Bible
 
While God desired for Ishmael and Hagar to move away from Isaac, Sarah and Abraham, and Isaac to receive Abraham's inheritance, God didn't say that Abraham had to send Ishmael and Hagar away in poverty. Abraham was financially rich but not rich in sharing in some of his relationships with women and children.

Ishmael is bone of Abraham's bone, flesh of his flesh, and Abraham was in a long-term, sexual relationship with Hagar, yet all Abraham gives them to live off is some bread and a bottle of water! If he told them he loved them, his actions contradicted his words.

The love of God can be shown through the use of money. Luke 16:9 New Living Translation Bible says, "Here's the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your earthly possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home."

What Martin Luther King, Jr., said in his sermon entitled "Paul's Letter to American Christians" could be said to Abraham and to many fathers and mothers today. He said, "I am afraid that many among you are more concerned about making a living than making a life. . . . God never intended for one group of people to live in superfluous inordinate wealth, while others live in abject deadening poverty. God intends for all of his children to have the basic necessities of life, and he has left in this universe "enough and to spare" for that purpose. So I call upon you to bridge the gulf between abject poverty and superfluous wealth."

The Bible supports what Martin Luther King, Jr., said. 1 Timothy 6:17-19 Amplified Bible says, "As for the rich in this world, charge them not to be proud and arrogant and contemptuous of others, nor to set their hopes on uncertain riches, but on God, Who richly and ceaselessly provides us with everything for [our] enjoyment. [Charge them] to do good, to be rich in good works, to be liberal and generous of heart, ready to share [with others], In this way laying up for themselves [the riches that endure forever as] a good foundation for the future, so that they may grasp that which is life indeed."

Some men became financially rich because they delegated extensive parental responsibilities to the mother(s) of their children. Don't be fooled time and money are connected. It takes time to earn money. It takes time to parent. More of Abraham's time was spent earning money while more of Sarah's and Hagar's time was spent parenting and maintaining a home. Abraham worked animals for money while Sarah and Hagar worked to parent and to maintain their home being financially supported by Abraham. Abraham was involved in the parenting of Isaac, but when Abraham sent Hagar and Ishmael away with only bread and a bottle of water Abraham failed to provide for Ishmael and Hagar. Perhaps he falsely believed that he was right to pass off his responsibility to God, government and/or others. Abraham's failure has an immediate and life-long impact on Ishmael and Hagar. Hagar wandered around, lost her way and both her and Ishmael experienced starvation.

Hagar had repeatedly for a long time opened her body to Abraham. I wonder if the experience with Abraham left such high levels of bitterness, fear, unforgiveness, anger, pain, humiliation and resentment in Hagar that she never married. Sexual relationships outside of marriage are part of our model and training for marriage. Abraham through one of his servants chooses a wife for Isaac, but Hagar chooses a wife for Ishmael. The Bible makes no mention of a husband for Hagar.

Many single parents today have gone through child support enforcement because a parent failed to provide financially. In spite of these failures, most singles will marry. Nine out of ten people get married. Half of all American marriages end in divorce. Many divorces are in part caused because one former spouse was the primary breadwinner while the other primarily raised their children; the breadwinner felt that the childcare person should earn more money while the childcare person felt that the breadwinner should parent more; and they both began to engage in selfish behaviors aimed at punishing each other for not doing what he or she wanted instead of trying to learn about and appreciate each other and each other's work. When we don't feed off of each others goodness, we are opening the door to feeding off each others badness. For example, say a husband is the primary breadwinner and the wife is the primary parent, and the husband decides to withhold finances from his wife who in turn withholds sex from her husband. A husband is not to treat a wife as a child to be held to a "budget" with reporting of receipts for all expenditures to him while he is exempt from the budget and receipt reporting and has attempted to implement these practices that are not mutally agreed to. A wife is not to withhold sex from her husband without mutual consent for sex is a fundamental part of a marriage. God designed sublime sex to be about giving to and receiving from each spouse without strings attached. When we are mistreated, we tend to respond with mistreatment.

When sex becomes a bargaining piece to gain proper money or something else, instead of the sublime sex God designed for marriage, prostitution is introduced into a marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:15 New Living Translation Bible says, "Don't you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!" A man who withholds finances from his wife enables her to become a prostitute (sex for money deal) and has introduced adultery into his marriage. Eventually, through a divorce she could take a large sum of his money and all the while cause his carnal nature to squench the Holy Spirit on his inside. Proverbs 6:26 Amplified Bible says, "For on account of a harlot a man is brought to a piece of bread, and the adulteress stalks and snares [as with a hook] the precious life [of a man]."

Perhaps spouses are having difficulty understanding the Bible because that which is understood is not being fully lived blocking further growth. We grow in our relationship and understanding of God by living in His ways. We cannot be intimate and evil. By allowing and agressively causing love to shrivel up, our hearts are exposed and unprotected. Proverbs 4:23 Amplified Bible says, "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."

A husband is supposed to be like Jesus Christ. A husband has to live the Word of God in order to have authority. Jesus Christ lived the Word, and consequently had authority. Mark 1:22 Amplified Bible says, "And they were completely astonished at His teaching, for He was teaching as One Who possessed authority, and not as the scribes."

Adultery isn't just sexual; it's also spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical and financial. For example, maybe your heart belongs to your job or your business or your education instead of your spouse? Or maybe your heart belongs to raising your children and is closed off to your spouse? Some spouses try to keep their spouse ignorant of the true financial condition of the family and/or keep them short of finances as a way to control them. The nervous system controls our body. Each thought, emotion and action result from nervous system direction. Some spouses try to replace God as the nervous system of the marriage resulting often in multiple bad behaviors some of which are financial abuse, intimidation and behaviors designed to instill fear, shame and/or lust in someone else. Being physically present in a house but emotionally unavailable brings fear, anxiety and worry to family because Biblical love is shown through good behavior. Meanwhile some spouses seize their children like property that can only be managed by him or her. Some parents treat the other parent not as an equal parent but as help. Adultery is pervasive inside many marriages sucking the life out of these marriages. Bad behavior is not birthed or nurtured in isolation. Proverbs 6:32 Amplified Bible says, "But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks heart and understanding (moral principle and prudence); he who does it is destroying his own life."

Bad behavior no matter how small or large always impacts more than one person negatively for a long time. Maybe if Abraham had sent Ishmael and Hagar away with a superabundance of goods and goodwill and continued to offer these throughout their lives, not only would Ishmael, Hagar, Abraham, Sarah and Isaac be blessed, but probably the conflicts we are having in the Middle East today would be substancially fewer because we often repeat generation after generation the behavior of our parents.

When we help those who are less fortunate than ourselves, we also help ourselves. God chastised Sodom and Gomorrah for overcompution of food while others were eating inadequately and even starving. Ezekiel 16:49 Amplified Bible says, "Behold, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: pride, overabundance of food, prosperous ease, and idleness were hers and her daughters'; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."

God enabled some to become wealthy for their necessities and enjoyments and the necessities and enjoyment of others. When we don't share, we are being selfish, and we are stealing. Stealing is short-sighted. Selfishness is short-sighted. We cannot sin with impunity. We are to pursue love, truth and justice for all. God's people are kings and queens. Abraham is a king. A mother counsels her son, Lemuel, who is a king in Proverbs 31 about how kings are to behave. Proverbs 31:7-8 New Living Translation Bible says, "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice."

When we rob God and our family we are robbing our earthly and eternal legacy. Long after our careers and money are gone the way we treated our family will be passed on generation after generation.

Stop generational selfishness and stealing today, and nurture generational abundance. Proverbs 1:23 Amplified Bible says, "If you will turn (repent) and give heed to my reproof, behold, I [Wisdom] will pour out my spirit upon you, I will make my words known to you."

Withholding Sex

". . . When Elkanah slept with Hannah, the Lord remembered her plea" -- 1 Samuel 1:19 New Living Translation Bible

God doesn't correct every bad behavior in our earthly life. When Elkanah was having sex with his wife, Hannah, he was also having sex with his wife, Peninnah. Elkanah was in adultery because he was having sex with two women instead of one. God doesn't even say a word about adultery to Elkanah, Hannah or Peninnah that's recorded in the Bible.

Why? While God shares a lot of His thinking with us, He doesn't always in this earthly life tell us why He chooses to do things in a certain way.

Could anything be worse than one's husband having regular sex with another woman or man? It seems logical for a wife to withhold sex in this situation, but what is logical to human beings is not always logical or morally correct according to God. Withholding sex without God inspiring both husband and wife to do so is sin.

While Peninnah torments Hannah for not conceiving children, the Bible does not record Hannah, Peninnah and Elkannah trying to stop or control each others sexuality. They leave that up to God.

Stop using sex as a bargaining piece to obtain something. If you are married, except for illness that makes sex impossible or for brief periods of abstaining from sex for spiritual reasons, having regular sex inside of marriage is nonnegotiable. God created sex for bonding between husband and wife. Genesis 2:24-25 Amplified Bible says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence." Dr. Iris Delgado of Crowned with Purpose ministry has been married for more than 40 years, is a grandmother and says, "When I say, mother's be vigilant, I mean just that. . . . Do not enable your husband to be tempted by your negligence at home, especially if weeks and months go by and there's no sex life between you."

Following the Bible way of frequent sex between a husband and a wife is a part of a happy, healthy, holy marriage. Biblical sex is holy, high praise and worship of God. Sex also releases chemicals that cause ecstasy. Being in the presence of God is ecstasy. The Joy of the Lord is our stength. Studies show that men who have sex five times weekly reduce their chance of prostate cancer. 

Is there a link between sexless marriage, shame and cancer? Proverbs 12:4 Amplified Bible says, "A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." Proverbs 12:4 The Message says, "A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones."

Sex is sacred and secular. Secure and happy spouses give and receive 100 percent of oneself to the other one spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically, sexually and financially. Since God lives inside of Christians when husband and wife are having sex, they are also sharing God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Spirit with each other as they are through other, multiple ways and words daily.

God inside of us was meant to be shared. A lack of emotional nakedness or any other type of nakedness between spouses causes shame.

Sin and shame go together because God designed us to do good. When we do wrong we are designed to experience shame. One spouse may falsely believe that he or she is holy by withholding sex that the other spouse desires to give and receive. "You must come to see that it is possible for a man to be self-centered in his self-denial and self-righteous in his self-sacrifice. He may be generous in order to feed his ego and pious in order to feed his pride. Man has the tragic capacity to relegate a heightening virtue to a tragic vice. Without love benevolence becomes egotism, and martyrdom becomes spiritual pride," says Martin Luther King, Jr.

Because Biblical love and sex are united when husband and wife have sex neither should be doing things to make someone feel less than a human being. Ecstatic, enthusiatic, expressive, excellent lovemaking between husband and wife is a part of the enjoyable, abundant life Jesus Christ died and rose from the dead in three days to give us. Satan doesn't want us to have fun and fulfillment in sex because he wants us to do things that are fatal to happiness. Happiness is from God. Harm is from Satan.

A spouse who chooses to withhold sex without the consent of the other spouse is cooperating with Satan to bring destruction and death into his or her marriage.

For example, say a wife is angry and hurt by the behavior of her husband and chooses to withhold sex until the husband meets her demands to stop, start and/or modify certain behaviors, and her husband does not agree to stop, start and/or modify certain behaviors. Her husband could respond by masterbating excessively and become addicted to excessive masterbation and even pornography. Pornography is a $57 billion-a-year, global industry worth more than major league football, baseball and basketball combined. Pornography continuously seeks out new customers. If pornography doesn't gain a foothold in his life, the husband may respond to his spouse who refuses to have sex as a form of punishment with some other bad behavior like excessive involvement in employment, church, friendships or something else. Even good things can be bad when they are out of balance or out of timing.

It is difficult but not impossible to choose Jesus' narrow way in conflicts. Sometimes someone says or does something that seems wrong, but it is not. My son, Rafael Damani Fowler, has autism. When he uses the toilet to defecate, he squats on the toilet. I never stopped him or insisted that he use the toilet the Western way of sitting on it to defecate because I am so happy that he uses the toilet. A lack of toilet use exists among some persons with autism. I always thought that he did this because he was intellectually disabled. However, his toilet technique is not an intellectual disability but an intellectual ability. The natural and instinctive way to use the toilet is to squat! Africa, Asia and many places use squat toilets. By squatting the capacity of our abodmens are reduced making it easier to expel poop. Rafael has a flat stomach and often horse-sized bowel movements.

Presume competence with all people to help with trying to understand another person's perspective and to resolve conflicts. Someone else's perspective may actually be better than ours, and if not, the other person, will feel comfortable with us and more open to change because we are treating him or her as intelligent and worth respecting and loving. Aim to please people in a godly way; one result is that they may want to please you. Humilated people or people hurt in some other way are more likely to be a hinderance to and even hurt back the person who hurt them.

When having conflict because one feels evil is being done against him or her, the proper response is Romans 12:21 New Living Translation Bible which says, "Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good."

If someone is doing bad, we are not to do bad also. Come up higher and keep on doing increasing goodness. Your goodness in the midst of someone's badness is a witness for Christ. Jesus Christ says in John 13:34-35 New Living Translation Bible, "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

Goodness is also a witness to our spouses and other people.

Sexless, married couples prove to the world that they are servants of Satan or at the very least strongly under his influence.

Instead of expressing frustration about not getting "my way" through engaging in fights, arguments, punitive behavior, calling people bad names, belittling comments, degrading actions, etc., when someone believes something false, present the Truth. Then let go and let God reveal the Truth. We can't change people. That's God's job.

It takes 30 days to form a new habit. So if will probably take 30 days or longer to see the works of the Truth in a life particularly if a long history of bad behavior exists. "Honesty impels me to admit that such a stand will require willingness to suffer and sacrifice. So don't despair if you are condemned and persecuted for righteousness' sake. Whenever you take a stand for truth and justice, you are liable to scorn," says Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Nevertheless, the beauty of love and sex will shine.

Sexuality is a foretaste of  God in heaven.

Dreamboats Can Come from Places We Consider Down-And-Dirty

". . . Can anything good come out of Nazareth? Philip replied, Come and see!" -- John 1:46 Amplified Bible

When Nathanael asked Philip this question, Nazareth had such a bad reputation that it seemed no good person could come from there. Likewise some said don't go to Moab, because good people and good things did not come out of Moab. These places had a reputation for being down-and-dirty, yet some dreamboats -- Jesus Christ and Ruth -- came out of Nazareth and Moab.

Neither Jesus Christ nor Ruth were defined by their environments. Jesus and Ruth had their priorities in proper order. God was number one in both Jesus' life and Ruth's life.

Ruth's relationship with God and herself was secure enough that she was not defined by her biological family. When they were false worshipers, she had been given the grace of God to become and remain a true worshiper. Ruth left her family in Moab and journeyed to Israel to form a new family.

Ruth knew how to have good relationships with God, self and others. Ruth had an awesome relationship with herself. When Ruth made up her mind, others couldn't change it. Naomi tried to get Ruth to stay in the wrong place, but Ruth knew to move on from Moab to Israel.

Ruth loved herself without narcissism. She cultivated an awesome relationship with Naomi. Her good choices in relationships created opportunities for even more awesome relationships like her relationship with Boaz. The women of Ruth's community had such a high opinion of Ruth that they said Ruth was better to Naomi than seven sons.

Receiving a good name from ones community is a good thing. Proverbs 22:1 English Standard Version Bible counsels, "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold." 

A good name is not just for Jesus Christ and Ruth. Multiple people can have one. "If you don’t see the value of community it’s difficult for you to win," said Sonia Sotomayor during a colloquium with journalist Maria Hinojosa at the El Barrio Museum in Harlem, where she spoke about her autobiography My Beloved World. Sotomayor, 58, made history in 2009 when she was nominated by U.S. President Barack Obama to be the first Latino justice on the high court. She is of a Puerto Rican descent and grew up in modest means in Bronx, New York.

When someone like Jesus Christ or Ruth appears in our life, live out the attitude, "Come and see!" A gift will be waiting for us to open up and enjoy. The apostles enjoyed the Messiah. Naomi enjoyed being a grandmother to Ruth's son, Obed. Boaz enjoyed being a husband to Ruth. The women of Ruth's community enjoyed having her as a member.

Jesus Christ and Ruth stood out. They were different and divine. Jesus Christ is the Messiah. His people are joint-heirs with Jesus.

Perhaps you have met someone from a place like Nazareth or Moab? May you be wise enough not to dismiss or discriminate against him or her because he or she may be from a place with a reputation for being down-and-dirty.

Actually, all believers come from a down-and-dirty place of spiritual death; then one day God resurrected His people into an eternal relationship with Him. God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost (1 X 1 X 1 = 1) keeps on working with us to bring out more of the God inside.

Father God in the Precious Name of My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ empowered by the Holy Ghost, help us to recognize discrimination in ourselves. Empower us to love those who are different from us. Dreamboats can come out of down-and-dirty places.

True Self, Child-of-God Self

". . . But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves . . . " -- John 1:9-13 The Message.
 
As teenagers we all are discovering our identity. At age 15 when Constance Baker Motley was discovering her identity, she was told to get off a public beach in Connecticut because she was black.

Instead of internalizing the shame, God caused Motley to develop her true self, her child-of-God self. God used this experience to make Motley aware of the inequality in America among blacks and whites. Instead of accepting the status quo of discrimination, Motley decided to be a mover and shaker for justice. She sought to gain knowledge about the black struggle for equality in America not only from this experience but also through her family and her Episcopalian church.

Motley went on to extinguish much of Jim Crow, racism and sexism. She became a key member of the team that won the civil rights case Brown v. School Board of Topeka, Kansas et al in 1954. The US Supreme Court decided this case by doing away with "separate but equal" education for blacks and others and declared segregated schooling unconstitutional. It was Motley who drafted the original complaint which was successfully argued by Thurgood Marshall.

As counsel for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), Motley won nine out of 10 civil rights cases she litigated before the US Supreme Court and was one of Martin Luther King Jr.'s chief legal advisers.

Motley was also the first black woman to become a US federal judge. She was the first black woman to be elected to the New York state senate. Motley was the first woman of any race to become president of one of the five boroughs that make up New York City, in her case Manhattan.

Seek God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Ghost, the three that are only one, for your true self, your child-of-God self. Society is suffering. We need everyone to be their true self, their child-of-God self to bring the kingdom of God from heaven to earth. Talk to God.

Father God in the Precious Name of My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Empowered by the Holy Ghost, in all ways change me into my true self, my child-of-God self. Prevent fear, shame and any bad behavior from stopping me from being all that you created me to be.